Jonathan Lee Riches Will Be My Bitch When It’s All Said & Done.

That’s right he has met his match. Jonathan Lee Riches who has in the past attempted to sue George W. Bush, survivors of the Holocaust, Pizza Hut, Three Mile Island, Paris Hilton, Dennis Hopper, Mount Rushmore, the Ming Dynasty, Mein Kampf, “Various Buddhist Monks”, Medieval Times, The Da Vinci Code, and the planet Pluto, just to name a few, is about to be taken to court by me. When I heard that he filed a lawsuit against Michael Vick for $63 quintillion I thought to myself “Hey I was going to do that!”.

“Riches — who has developed an Internet cult following for his propensity to file strange lawsuits naming multiple diverse defendants — claims that Vick stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to “use the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

In the complaint, Riches scrawls that “Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.”

If he wins the lawsuit, Riches says he wants the $63 quintillion delivered in gold and silver to the front gate of the Williamsburg Federal Correctional Facility in South Carolina, where he is housed as he serves a conviction for wire fraud.”

Son a bitch, those are my thoughts and he stole them. But how? How did this simpleton know I was going to sue Vick and even worse he knew the basis of my lawsuit. Well, it obvious that he had help. So not only am I going to drag him in front of Judge Judy, I’ve also filed a lawsuit against the one who was most involved in helping him.

Stu Scott: Scott, though the power of his occult driven lazy eye, read my mind, and still does today. Scott graduated from UNC in 1987 with a bachelor of arts in speech communication. Following graduation he worked as a reporter at a small South Carolina television station for six years. That’s where he met and befriended Mr. Riches. The 2 have been BFF’s since then. Scott simply honed in his devil eye to the state I reside in, read the minds of lessor people till he came across my thoughts. Immediately sensing my genius, that is only rivaled by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, contacted Mr. Riches with my plan. The rest shall we say is history. But I shall have the last laugh Booya bitch.

There are “others” out there conspiring against me as well, and those shall feel the wrath of Judge Judy as well. Actually they might not be “conspiring”, but they irk me so they deserve to be sued.

Lou’ser Holtz because every time I attempt to watch “The Beverly Hillbillies”, I start yelling at my TV because he resembles Granny from the show, instead of enjoying Ellie Mae. So his existence has hampered me from enjoying television. Plus I’m hoping ESPN will fire him and bring back Trev Alberts.

Brady Quinn because he’s to stupid to realize that not only did he drop in the draft, he held out expecting top 10 draft pay, and he’s still 3rd string. Also I’m sick of seeing his abs on every freaking magazine, if he wanted to do soft-core porn he should have signed a deal with Cinemax.

HBO for allowing the Sopranos to end and for taking Deadwood & Rome off the air.

Brett Favre he cried like teenage girl after realizing she lost her virginity while she was passed out at an Eminem concert over his “retirement”, only to change his blasted mind again. Brett you were great, keyword being WERE, it’s time to retire.

Finally, Pacman Jones only because I’m really jumping on the sue Pacman Jones bandwagon.