Goodell to the Patriots: You’re a Bunch of Cheaters…and You’ll Pay

Well, the truth is coming out about the Patriots and their rise to top. As many of you know, Bill Belichick has been identified as a master spy by the NY Jets, and now Roger “The Sheriff” Goodell, has reviewed the video. His determination is that the Patriots are cheaters and assholes. OK, the asshole part is my opinion, but Roger isn’t happy about this. I bet Notre Dame fans are really questioning Charlie Weis now.

“NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has determined that the New England Patriots violated league rules Sunday when they videotaped defensive signals by the New York Jets’ coaches, according to league sources.

Goodell is considering severe sanctions, including the possibility of docking the Patriots “multiple draft picks” because it is the competitive violation in the wake of a stern warning to all teams since he became commissioner, the sources said. The Patriots have been suspected in previous incidents.

The league also was reviewing a possible violation into the number of radio frequencies the Patriots were using during Sunday’s game, sources said. The team did not have a satisfactory explanation when asked about possible irregularities in its communication setup during the game.

Goodell is expected to have a decision no later than Friday but that is not set in stone.”

Somewhere I’m sure the St Louis Rams, Carolina Panthers & the Philadelphia Eagles (minus T.O.) are all wanting the replay they respective Superbowls again. Can you blame them? I can’t. Here’s why, just like no one is exactly sure when the Barry Bonds Juice steroid began, no one is sure when this began. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying take away the Superbowl titles, just put an asterisk by their name in the record books, that would be appropriate.

Now here’s where the fun begins. What punishments will be handed out? Oh sure take away multiple draft picks, I agree with that, but certainly Sheriff Goodell can do much better. Here’s some suggestions.

1. Tom Brady’s second kid out of wedlock has to be named after Goodell.
2. They must re-record the Superbowl Shuffle with Yoko Ono.
3. They must attend a Red Sox game wearing New York Yankees uniforms.
4. Each player and coach must write “I’ll quit being a cheating douche bag” 1000 times.
5. Each coach must try and out stare ESPN’s Stu “Lazy Eye of Death” Scott.
6. The Patriots must not be eligible of playoff contention, no matter what their fucking record is, for 2 years.
7. Tom Brady must stop wearing that smirk of arrogance immediately.
8. Bill Belichick must wear a dunce cap every time he is on the sidelines.
9. Must be extra super nice to Peyton for now on.
10. Must play the Michigan Wolverines and purposely lose, they really need cheering up.

Yeah that works for me. Of course only one of those is conceivable, but not being eligible for playoff contention for 2 years, isn’t that bad. Unless you’re Randy Moss, oh wait he’s hasn’t been in a playoff game for years now…so it’s not like he’ll be missing anything.

So I profess on this day 9/12/07.

tTt