Let’s Go Dolphins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have never asked for much in life, just the essentials. Things like, food, water, clothing, shelter, TV, MacBook, iPod, a sucky Notre Dame team, and cold beer are just the necessities that I have required. You know, the basics. Well there is one thing that I have craved more than a new 60″ HDTV for the past 20 years, and that is a winless NFL team. Jim Rome and I am sure countless others agree with me.Here is where the Miami Dolphins come into play. This team has a lot of advantages over other teams. The city itself, great weather (except for the occasional hurricane), beautiful stadium which is going through a $300 million facelift (fitting with some Miami residents that go through tummy tucks and Botox, right Ricky Martin???), an owner that stays out of the offices way, and probably the hottest cheerleaders in the league.

I am not here to analyze why the Dolphins are currently sitting at 0-10. There are some things that can be blamed, whether it is coaching, an aging defense, an offense that looks no better than Atari Football, and injuries. On the contrary, I am here to root on the Dolphins. One looks at their remaining schedule, and there’s not really a game there that you would say that will win: at Pittsburgh, Jets at home, at Buffalo, Baltimore at home, at New England, and at home against the Bengals. For most teams, there would be some winnable games here, but not these Dolphins. This current Dolphins team has now become MY Dolphins team. The irony here is that not only is this the same franchise that can currently say that they are the only team that went undefeated in a season (1972), but that also this can be the only team to go 0-16 (1976 the Bucs went 0-14). Let’s not forget that Darth Bellicheck and his minions in New England are on a seek and destroy mission and at this point, definitely looks like the best football team that I have personally seen. The Patriots might, and should not lose a game this year.

So everyone root for the Dolphins to go 0-16. C’mon Dolphins, show us your dorsal fin and bottle nose!!! Borrow Kyle Wright from the U and put him in at QB. Keep running bubble screens and reverses (to quote Warren Sapp “I have seen a high school team run more base plays on offense). Keep getting old Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor. Still be the loud mouth underachiever that you are Joey Porter (wait, let me not say that. I don’t wanna end up on the floor like Levi Brown). Jason Allen (Tennessee), continue to be the 1^st RD bust that you are. You just got Ricky Williams back off suspension. Get the blunt out of his hand and put a football on his feet. Let him run and kick, kinda like George Blanda. Do it up Gameday ’98 like and put Ricky in at QB. Coach Cam, think of it. Use Ricky all over the field, just like you did when you were the head coach at Indiana.

You can do it. I have all the faith in the world in you. I am on the bandwagon, and I don’t plan on getting off until you decide to show some pride and win. Why, at this point, would you show any pride and effort??? You haven’t done it all year. I am not a Photoshop expert, but if I could, I would replace the helmet on the Dolphin’s head with a bag. Do it up “Aint’s” style. Miami Dolphins, make this guy’s dream come true…