West Virginia: One Big Clusterf**k (Part 2)

I promise that I don’t have an obsession with West Virginia. But, at this point, West Virginia is like Barry Bonds and I am like Pedro Gomez. Terrell Owens to my Ed Werder. F bombs to my Lisa Lampanelli.

Thanks to a comment by Ray, I now have yet another sub-plot to the whole “Our coach left us and we are in pain…whine whine whine”… According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Heather Bresch, daughter of West Virginia Gov. Joe “I don’t know what the state’s school is doing” Manchin, has not officially earned her MBA. Bresch was recently named COO of Mylan, Inc. on October 2, 2007, which was co-founded by Milan Puskar, whom I referenced in Part 1 of the endless Clusterf**k series on West Virginia. Puskar is a powerful booster at WVU and one of those who says that “Everything is fine in the Mountaineer Athletic Dept.” (even though the sky is falling).

Bresch has listed on the company bio as holding an MBA from WVU, as well as her bachelor’s. I am not sure who may have tipped the paper off, but according to school records, and interviewing those who would have been in her graduating class, she never completed her degree. In fact, she was 22 credit hours short of the required 48. As a matter of fact, her degree, according by a letter dated for October 22, 2007, was awarded retroactively. The letter was signed by the College of Business & Economics Dean R. Stephen Sears. Oh, did I mention that the dean’s $210k salary is endowed by Milan Puskar??? Remember, Bresch became COO of Mr. Puskar’s company on October 2, 2007. Coincidence??? The rabbit hole goes a little bit deeper, because Bresch is a high school classmate of school president Mike Garrison, who was also a lobbyist for, yup, you guessed it, Mylan, Inc. Bresch has refused to release her transcripts, although at this point, I wouldn’t believe them anyway. I am no academic, but I’m sure any 4 or 5 letter organization’s that certify and accredit university’s would like investigate this mess, and if they do, WVU is screwed…

Meanwhile, the $chool’s football team has a game to play. Mighty Oklahoma, who probably would have cleaned house anyway, now awaits college football’s “Team Turmoil”. They are trying their damnest to focus on the game, but their pee pee still hurts from the “choke job” against Pitt and their coach leaving them. “We don’t expect anybody to feel sorry for us. That’s just the nature of this game,” said West Virginia safety Ryan Mundy. “Nothing is forever. We would have liked coach Rod to stay here, but we realize there is a different side to this and there are other assets that we just don’t know about.” OK Mundy, you’re a member of that “vaunted” 3-3-5 defense that couldn’t stop a Dave Wannstedt coached team and his steady diet of 10-Yard Fight running plays. I wouldn’t count on you to exactly provide insight into the team’s psyche. So let’s go to Bill Stewart, acting head coach until the Mountaineers finally hire someone:

“That I give you, my bond. I can assure you these guys will play their hardest,” Stewart said. “We do have some bullets in our gun. We may not have any land to our left or any land to our right and water behind us, but this is not going to be the [doomed Crimean War] charge of the light brigade.” Wow, a historical reference. You know, this guy sounds like a crusty old guy who could kick you in the ass and pat you on the back at the same time, while telling you stories about the 1964 barn dance when he nailed Suzy Parker in a stack of hay. I kinda like this guy. Well Oklahoma, if you need a few plays to beat the Mountaineers, download a copy of this …

Damn I really do feel like Pedro Gomez, without all of the hair product. Not satisfied with the candidates that are Terry “Ass Grabbin” Bowden and Doc “Hi I’m Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC” Holiday, ESPN is reporting that Butch Jones, former assistant with the Mountaineers and current coach at Central Michigan, is getting a 2nd interview. Wow. Is this school so desperate for a coach that they go to Directional School Michigan??? This is West Virginia…