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Archive for the ‘Ass Whipping’ Category

Disturbing image Friday: The Burger King Beat Down

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 29, 2009

Yes I realize this has nothing to do with sports however it’s too funny not to share. This Burger King in Miami takes the competition against McDonalds very seriously. This Burger King location also wins some style points for the bang up frame job as well. 

Jack (in the Box) can still kick both their behinds with one bulging bicep tied behind his back. Do something about it!

Posted in Ass Whipping, Burger King, WTF | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

The Coach is fired, Diane Sawyer approves but Dallas Academy…you still got your butts whipped

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 27, 2009

Dear graphics department of ABC News: if your goal was to make me feel even more pity for the girls of Dallas Academy. Well then, mission still not accomplished.

And the fallout over the 100-0 ass beating continues….apparently The Covenant School believes Jesus would be a little more merciful. Micah Grimes, or Grimey as I like to call him, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity and loss his gainful employment at the same time.

This past Thursday apparently officials from The Covenant School went the Dallas Academy to apologize. They apologized for having a superior team which beat the hammered the Dallas Academy to a resounding final score of 100-0

I asked the simple question: What would Jesus do? And I got a lot of good replies which is unusual since other than a select few are usually to intimidated are so awe struck by my awesomeness to open your pie holes.

The Covenant School also published an apology on their website:

The Covenant School, its board and administrators, regrets the incident of January 13 and the outcome of the game with the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team. It is shameful and an embarrassment that this happened.  This clearly does not reflect a Christ-like and honorable approach to competition. We humbly apologize for our actions and seek the forgiveness of Dallas Academy, TAPPS and our community.  The school and its representatives in no way support or condone the running up of a score against any team in any sport for any reason.  The school’s board members, Head of School Kyle Queal and Athletic Director Brice Helton have acted to ensure that such an unfortunate incident can never happen again.

Covenant school officials have met with and personally apologized to Dallas Academy Headmaster Jim Richardson and Athletic Director Jeremy Civello and wish to extend their highest praise to each member of the Dallas Academy Varsity Girls Basketball team for their strength, composure and fortitude in a game in which they clearly emerged the winner.  Accordingly, The Covenant School has contacted TAPPS and is submitting a formal request to forfeit the game recognizing that a victory without honor is a great loss.

Well this didn’t set to well with Coach Grimey who posted the following on his own web site:

In response to the statement posted on The Covenant School Website, I respectfully disagree with the apology, especially the notion that the Covenant School girls basketball team should feel “embarrassed” or “ashamed”. We played the game as it was meant to be played and would not intentionally run up the score on any opponent. Although a wide-margin victory is never evidence of compassion, my girls played with honor and integrity and showed respect to Dallas Academy. We honor God, ourselves, and our families when we step on the court to compete. I do not wish to forfeit the game. What kind of example does it set for our children? Do we really want to punish Covenant School girls?  Does forfeiting really help Dallas Academy girls?  We experienced a blowout almost 4 years ago and it was painful, but it made us who we are today. I believe in the lessons that sports teach us.  Competition builds character, and teaches us to value selflessness, hard work, and perseverance.  As a coach, I have instilled in my girls these values. So if I lose my job over these statements, I will walk away with my integrity.

Well Coach Grimey’s response to the apology has prompted The Covenant School to can Coach Grimey. But hey he still has his integrity.

Meanwhile at the Dallas Academy batcave…the eight girl team of 100-0 losers gets to meet Diane Sawyer and was on Good Morning American yesterday plus they are now the media’s new loveable losers. That’s right Chicago Cubs…you have been replaced…losers.

Dallas Academy girls, portrayed as lovable losers on the court but winners in life for their attitude after the loss, have been showered with praise nationally. They’ve were on ABC and CBS network morning shows on Saturday and are scheduled to make a repeat appearance on ABC’s Good Morning America on Monday as well as their Today show debut.”

So what are the lessons here? I mean this team got beaten soundly…and even cancelled the rest of their league games because of it. However since they have proven that they’re not very good at basketball they get to meet people like Diane Sawyer and get doted on as if they have special powers. The coach of the winning team gets fired for NOT telling his team to try their best.

I realize that this is a time when every kid gets a trophy or star for “trying” but what lessons have the Dallas Academy kids really learned? To fire The Covenant School coach is a serious overreaction in my humble opinion.

Is it possible that the way the story has been blown out of proportion the real reason why Coach Grimey was let go? After all about 3 years ago The Covenant School girl’s team lost a game by the score of 82-6; this really isn’t that much different.

If this guy got fired, Bob Stoops should probably be strapped to a rocket and sent into space and the truly remarkable thing is that Isiah Thomas is not involved someway in this fiasco.

Thus is the state of the “everyone is a winner” culture. It makes me sick. Why is there such a departure from winners and losers? This is teaching kids that they are entitled to something even when there performance is lacking. I realize that one team far outmatched the other, but that should be a lesson to the losing team that there are times in life when someone else is better. If you aren’t learning you aren’t living.

Despite all of this adulation, the team will face some form of punishment when they are inevitably handed an ESPY previously awarded to Jason McElwaine.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Dallas Academy, fired, Micah Grimes, The Covenant School, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

This season is lost though it’s not over: The Tennessee/Alabama Grade book

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the above photo is clearly a copy of War & Peace. Quite honestly that is also what best describes this season. The fans are at war with the coach and Fulmer is constantly trying to bring peace.

The Phreaky Phil-Osophy show goes on and on and on while the status of the Tennessee Football program goes down.

A lot of Tennessee fans had a “gut feeling” about this game. That feeling turned out to be a mirage of hope. This team is bad, no make that dreadful.

No matter how this rest of this season plays out Tennessee will not beat a major rival. This was the first time Tennessee has lost consecutive games to Bama in the Fulmer era. It’s another clear sign that it’s time for a coaching change.

“I’m obviously very disappointed,” said Fulmer. “We’re in a battle from top to bottom, whether it’s recruiting or whatever. But I’m more concerned about our team right now.”

Alabama beat up Tennessee for the same reason Florida did: both teams have better play makers on both sides of the ball. The VOLS didn’t even get a first down until the 13:42 mark in the 2nd quarter.

Tennessee is just 6-14 against ranked teams over the last four years and a stunning 1-9 at home against the Top 10 this decade.

If a storied NFL team like the Cowboys can cut ties with a coach that gave them 2 Super Bowl victories and 5 appearances, then surely Tennessee can cut ties with Fulmer. Bring in some fresh blood and reawaken this program.

Of course Phil continues with saying the right things.

“All I know,” Fulmer said, “is we’ll keep working to get it fixed.”

Where have I heard that before?

Let’s look at these weeks grades and see just what needs fixing.

QUARTERBACK C+

Stephens still has not turned the ball over since he took the job from Crapton Crompton. He was 16 of 28 for 137 yards. However he made some questionable throws and missed some open wide receivers.

RUNNING BACKS D

36 rushing yards. Pathetic. Absolutely no explosive runs. I do credit Hardesty for making a first down due to second effort

RECEIVERS D

Clearly Gerald Jones was missed and fears of seeing Chavis in drag allowed Eric Berry only one opportunity on offense. Taylor and Stocker each had drops. I’m not going to blame Taylor for the offensive pass interference penalty though, that was total BS.

OFFENSIVE LINE F

Though this group got a good push in short yardage situations, they also had two penalties at critical times.

DEFENSIVE LINE C+

Robert Ayers continues to shine. The game score could have turned out different if Dan Williams didn’t suffer an injury.

LINEBACKERS C-

Even though Rico McCoy had 13 tackles he often knocked on his ass and they were so far down field that it didn’t make much of a difference. Ellix Wilson had nine stops as well.

SECONDARY A-

Eric Berry had 11 tackles and laid the wood on several Bama players. DeAngelo Willingham was picked on by Bama forcing man-to-man coverage to stop the run.

SPECIAL TEAMS C

LaMarcus Thompson forced fumble on a Bama punt that was recovered by Rogan at the five yard line. Colquitt had a productive night though he shanked a punt that was costly. Lincoln Logs missed a 51 yard field goal, but I’m not going to blame him for that because that’s clearly out of his range, but he should have made that 43 yard attempt.

COACHING F/A

The A is for the defense. Considering they received zero help from the offense they deserve it. Offensively Clawson called a boring and horrid game. When the VOLS needed big plays the calls were not made.

OVERALL F

Though the defense was solid and the special teams were productive, the offense is awful and laughable. The penalties that the offensive committed during opportunistic situations took points off the board.

A look ahead:

South Carolina is next week and believe it or not I think Tennessee should win this game. South Carolina’s run game is actually worse than ours. Stephens has an advantage due to the fact he protects the ball by not throwing interceptions and not fumbling. This should be a low scoring affair. Both defenses are equally good but I believe our secondary is considerably better.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Eric Berry, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Rich Rodriguez…Quitter…

Posted by Joel on July 10, 2008

Rich,

What the hell happened??? A settlement??? Are you kidding me??? What were you thinking??? You were supposed to stick it to the man, and instead you said that you give up.

I know, I know, Michigan forced it. Sure, they are footing the bill (which you created). I know, your new job bailed your maize and blue bottom out of the sizzling flames. It must be nice for Michigan to pull $3 million out of it’s war chest to cover you. Ironic, the new athletic facilities you were bitching and moaning about because they were non-existent, are now about to go full steam ahead thanks to you bolting for Michigan.

So now what??? How could you honestly look a kid in the eye and expect them to keep running gassers when they have nothing left??? You gave up. Some may say good for you leaving West Virginia. That is a question for another time. The issue at hand is that you quit WVU, created nuclear winter on your way out, got your new employer to pay your old employer, and in a few years you will probably leave again for the B.C. Lions of the Canadian Football League.

Honestly, you are no better than Nick Saban, your favorite fellow West Virginian. And like St. Nick, you will be lucky to go to a bowl game this year. Hooray, Michigan fans, the Scratch n’ Sniff.Com Bowl in Butte, Montana await you. And all for the low, low price of $36 million over the next 4 years. On top of it all, you managed to make West Virginia University something that Kinko’s bought MBA degrees couldn’t do. You made them look smart.

Of course, if you had Paul Rhoades, former defensive coordinator of Pitt, as your lawyer, you could have easily stopped the Mountaineers (13-9)…

Posted in Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Bill Stewart, boo birds, boosters, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, dumbass, football, Football Poll, Lloyd Carr, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, Sports, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Leave a Comment »

Here’s A Way To Keep Gas Prices Down

Posted by Joel on July 7, 2008

Everyone is being affected by the high gas prices in our country right now. Our company, like most businesses, is seeing transportation and manufacturing costs rise almost exponentially. The average American is spending more on gas than at any time in our country’s history. Sadly, this trend, according to some analysts, will continue through the end of the year. Currently, Obama and McCain have included plans to help alleviate the energy crisis, and from barbershops to flea markets, everyone has an answer…including me ;-)

Yes, even a pagan such as myself has an answer to the gas crunch…

I would not dare suggest that we start drilling on the hallowed grounds of Notre Dame Stadium. But the Fighting Irish, warming up here last year against Navy (which Navy won), is the solution.

According to the World Almanac, in 1973, the average price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. was 51 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title that year. Every year after, the price of gas went up on average of 3 cents a gallon. In 1977, gas was up to 65 cents a gallon. Notre Dame won the national title again. Gas prices did not rise again until 1979. But in 1980, gas went up into the 1 dollar range (right before the Gerry Faust era). When Lou Holtz delivered the Fighting Irish another title in 1986, gas actually went down to 93 cents, down from 1.20. Consequentially, gas prices experienced huge jumps in 1999 (when they were placed on probation under Bob Davie) and also in 2004 (when Ty Willingham was fired).

To me it is simple: We should all root for Notre Dame to win the national title this year. Get them a national TV contract. Continue to have high hopes for them, even if it may seem misguided. Give them a schedule that should guarantee some success. Like the great Paul Hornung said, “Get the black athlete”. Above all, someone in the national media, hell, make it two people in the national media, should stomp for them.

Only then the terrorists won’t win…Touchdown Jesus will…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, BCS, big 10, Big East, big ten, big ten football, boo birds, boosters, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, cheaters, College Football, drunk, DUI, football, Football Poll, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Sports, tyrone Willingham, University of Southern Cal | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Good Lord Wildcat Fans, Cool Your Jets

Posted by Joel on June 29, 2008

When I wrote this article, I knew it would get a reaction. NEVER did I think it would get this type of reaction, although similar posts about Kentucky basketball have gotten much more traffic than anything else. With that said, instead of responding to every comment, I will post this and let the chips fall where they may…

Regarding my name and avatar, my real name is Joel. I chose to post under my own name because I am my own person. I understand why someone would want to have a different username, but not me. Nothing worng with it in my opinion, but that is how I roll. I chose to use The Pyramid Arena in Memphis because I am a proud native Memphian. I am also proud to be from the great state of Tennessee. Even though I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville (after deciding not to attend Columbia University, Brown University, Morehouse college, or the University of North Carolina, all offering academic scholarships while I was in high school), I still support all things Volunteer and all things regarding Memphis Tiger basketball. Equally, on this site, I have personally made fun of both. Examples of me making fun of Tiger basketball can be found here, here, and here. I do live and die Memphis Tiger basketball, despite the recent heartbreak of the title game and lack of national titles (unlike Kentucky). A few of my favorite posts of satire of Tennessee can be found here, here, and here. There have been other things that we have touched upon, including West Virginia football, Alabama, and the Miami Dolphins during their “run” to futility. Check out the “April Fool’s Day” page .The original and still current mantra of this blog is “A Sports Blog On Why ALL Teams Suck”. It just so happened that I did one on Kentucky, and things went bat shit. Of course, I was hoping people to understand sarcasm but I guess I expected too much.

First off, I do actually work during the day and I am not around a computer until I get home. So if you are pissy about anything I have written, cool it until later in the evening. I am not some snot nosed college kid or an unemployed bum watching Judge Judy and ESPN First Take all day.

Second, the only mistake I made (I feel) is making the title “Wanna be an NBA Player???” It was intended to sarcastically point out that Kentucky hasn’t had an NBA lottery player in a long time and a first round player drafted in a few years. That is a fact, as confirmed by John Clay of the Lexington Herald Ledger (he even called my work crude. I feel honored). But some of you Kentucky fans pointed out how Rajon Rondo just won an NBA championship with Boston and Tayshaun Prince has just been named to the Olympic team. Kudos. The fact of the matter is that Rondo was on a great team and while point guard is an important position, Paul Pierce handled the ball more than any other Celtic during the title run. Thomas the Terrible could have run point guard and the Celtics were still going to win it all. As for Prince, while he has been a valued member of the Pistons, there is no way I would have picked him over Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudamire, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or even Paul Pierce. I am not the only one of this opinion.

Here is the bigger issue though: What is the real reason for the swarm of reaction??? Is it because the fanbase of Kentucky basketball is that fragile??? Or, did the truth really hurt??? Let’s look at these two questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, College Basketball, crazy, Cry Baby, ESPN, Fights, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , | 20 Comments »

Tuberfield Is Coming

Posted by Joel on April 22, 2008

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, BCS, Bear is Dead, Beat Bama, boo birds, boosters, College Football, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, War Eagle | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

According to Prison Officials Either Arthur Blank or Vick is Lying about Playing Football (I’m Banking on the Latter)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 9, 2008

Just one day after the owner of the Atlanta Falcons Author Blank proclaimed in an interview with the New York Daily News that Vick is playing ball in prison to keep his body in shape, his arm limber and hoping to avoid rapists to pass the time, federal prison officials told the Journal-Constitution that Vick did not arrive at the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary Camp in time to participate in the facility’s football season.

Uh oh someone is fibbing…gee I wonder who it could be. ConVICK’ed felon Michael or billionaire Blank. Hmm…the mind ponders this.

“Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides,” Blank told the Daily News. He was referring to statements dog killer Vick said in letters he wrote to Blank.

When told of Blank’s account of Vick’s football activity at the prison, a spokesman for Leavenworth sounded “incredulous,” according to the Journal-Constitution.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kevin Johnson told the newspaper.

A spokesperson for the U.S. Bureau of Prisons told the Journal-Constitution, however, that Vick might be throwing a football in his free time but he also might be getting gang raped and making license plates to pass the time as well.

Then the spokesperson clarified and said “No wait he’s washing pots and pans so being gang raped is more the sure thing. Either way both are great at passing time. However, Vick is on my federal correctional facility fantasy team.”

I wonder if there is a salary cap involved here

“It’s not unheard of for inmates to toss around a football,” Tracy Billingsley another prison spokesperson told the newspaper. “But there just are no games until the fall.”

I think Billingsley meant to say Vick had not COMPLETED any passes in the prison football league.

She also clarified to the newspaper that the inmates play only flag football at the facility and that tackle football aroused the bitch inmates to much.

Wow, they have a deadline to sign up for football in jail? Do they have free agency in jail too? Are we going to be watching a televised Jail house Flag Football game in the Fall?

Blank, through a spokesperson of his own, declined to be interviewed by the Journal-Constitution.

If Blank could pull some strings to get Vick moved to Nash Correctional Institution, he could be tossing bombs to Rae Carruth. How cool would that be?

By the way, the prison checkers league kicks off in February 2009, and the season will last two weeks. The deadline for sign up was two years ago. They’re totally running out of time to get everything organized and set up.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Atlanta Falcons, conVick, court tv, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Blank Confirms that The Longest Yard Part Two is being made

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 8, 2008

In an interview with the New York Daily News, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank said Vick is playing ball in prison to keep his body in shape, his arm limber his ass is sore and his jaw aches while time passes by.

“Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides,” Blank told the Daily News in Monday’s editions.

Hehehe catch that little innuendo there? “Both sides” Blank cracks me up.

“He’s written me a couple of times,” Blank told the Daily News. “I’ve written him back, he’s stayed in touch.”

Mean Machine! Mean Machine! Get OJ to coach!!

Blank, who signed Vick to a 10-year, $130 million contract in 2004, has been communicating with Vick through letters, which Vick initiated. The quarterback has written that he is making 12 cents an hour washing pots and pans and playing a lot of football and running from rapists.

Making 12 cents an hour doing dishes. Whatever you do……..don’t bet it on the dogs! :) Thank God he’s having so much fun at sleep away camp. We all know he’s gonna make a comeback with the Raiders. (Cause the Raiders owner is clearly crazy)

Memo to Vick: This has been already done by Adam Sandler and Burt Reynolds and it sucked…please don’t make the sequel. Accept your fate and take your ass raping like a man.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Atlanta Falcons, conVick, legal troubles, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty | Leave a Comment »

E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”

Joel,

I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???

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(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

Posted in Ass Whipping, basketball, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boosters, buckeyes, cheaters, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, Crack, crazy, dumbass, ESPN, Florida, Florida Gators, football, Football Poll, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Herban Meyer, Jim Tressel, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, NCAA, Ohio State, ohio state buckeyes, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

 
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