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Check out the big brain on Michael Vick…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 6, 2009

There are things in this world that are guaranteed which can not be denied. For example, there will always be death and taxes, the sun will always rise and I will always hate the music of Nickelback no matter how much Holly likes them. There’s also one other thing in this life that is guaranteed and that is Michael Vick is an idiot. 

Last Friday Vick was bitch-slapped in a bankruptcy court. A Virginia judge rejected Vick’s complete and utter moronic bankruptcy plan. Apparently the judge didn’t think it was such a great idea for a convicted felon/ex-athlete, who is up to ears in debt, to claim he needs two houses and four cars. Hilarity did not ensue after this request. 

Reading over Lester Munson’s analysis of Michael Vick’s rejected bankruptcy plan, I can’t help but to wonder just how conscience-stricken the former Falcons QB and dog-fighting financer is. 

At one point during the bankruptcy hearing, Vick actually claimed he was “on lockdown” 23 hours a day, which is a complete lie since minimum-security Federal prisons have no lockdown. 

It was also revealed that Vick removed $150,000 illegally from a defined benefit pension fund, something Vick had already said he knows to be a no-no. Vick claims that he spent all the monies he obtained from Nike via endorsement deals, on life insurance on himself and his mother. I have a feeling that upon hearing this, Marcus probably sighed with relief because that means he will probably not be murdered for cash since no one really likes him anyway. 

So far Vick has spent a staggering $3.7 million for his crackerjack legal and accounting team. The judge pointed out to Vick’s team of legal eagles that he spending about $13,000 a day in litigation. Which I’m sure if this was pointed out privately by someone else would have caused high-fives between the attorneys. 

Maybe it’s time that Vick hires new help or go to Plan B which is where Marcus robs people at fast food joints in order to pay off Michael’s debts after he scrapes together enough money for a bus pass for his getaway first. 

Remember when Marcus said he was “taking his game to the next level” after he was kicked off the Hokies? I take that to mean that he only robs Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s now.

Posted in bad newz kennels, Bankruptcy, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Herpes, marcus vick, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Atlanta residents hide your pups. I have Bad Newz, your protocol son might be arriving anytime now

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 27, 2009

You might remember that back in December of 2008 I reported about how America’s favorite dog killing QB, Michael Vick, was getting set to be released to a halfway house. Well, there was a little problem with that idea; the halfway house in question apparently had no room to house Vick. So, being the ever brilliant public servants that they are, officials have decided to send Vick home as in Atlanta to old house.

Vick will be required to wear an ever fashionable electronic monitoring device (I’m hoping for a Shock Collar or an Invisible Fence Collar) and not leave the premises. Of course there is the chance that Vick won’t have a home too go to, which would really make thing interesting.

I wonder if Vick knows that he has been secretly replaced by a non name-brand ACC quarterback.

Vick’s official parole date is this coming July which means he start training for the 2009 season however the Falcons have been trying to trade him since Feb. 12, but not team is stupid enough to want him. Only a team with fans who are a bunch of crazy assholes would go for Vick. Wait, Favre just retired, right?

I, for one, think Cincinnati is a great destination for him. That way, when he comes to Cleveland, half of the Dawg Pound will have nooses on their necks, which would make any bore-fest between Cleveland and Cincinnati somewhat entertaining.

Pity the XFL didn’t last. Think the UFL might grab him a la Doug Flutie?

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, dog fighting, Michael Vick, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Get Your Popcorn Ready & Have Your Parents Keep a Bail Bondsman on Standby

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 18, 2008

TO’s newest BFF.

Kids it’s time for the Terrill Owens football camp. Owens will be hosting his third Youth Football Camp at Duncanville High School in Dallas, Texas, July 9-10 and he’s bringing in some special guests. So special you parents might want to have a bail bondsman there “just in case.”

“I am very excited for the third season of my youth football summer camp,” Owens said in a statement. “The camp is committed to teaching kids how to improve their football skills and increase their knowledge of the game. I’d also like them to understand that their activities off the field are just as important as scoring a touchdown. In past years, everyone has learned a lot and they’ve had a great time. I’m looking forward to another fun year.”

The camp is $195 per child and is open to children between the ages of seven and 17. Never mind the fact that Owens recently signed a four-year deal with the Cowboys worth $34 million making him one of the highest paid receivers in the league, so go in daddy’s wallet and steal borrow a credit card. (Don’t forget about the special 3 digit security code on the back.)

Guest number one will be former world record holder in the 100-meter dash, Maurice Greene. Who had this to say:

“All sports are turning to one thing – speed, running fast is all about the technique of how to do it. I have to look at the kids to see what they’re doing wrong.”

Greene might bring his buddy Mexican discus thrower Angel Guillermo Heredia. Greene paid Heredia $10,000, which Heredia claimed was in payment for performance enhancing drugs. Greene admitted meeting Heredia and making the payment, but claimed it was common for him to pay for “stuff” for other members of his training group,

With these two together you will be able to run faster and bulk up quickly. However TO & his “guests” are not responsible for any ball shrinkage that might occur.

Guest number two is Michael Irvin who will offer advice on how to avoid the mistakes he made like how not to get caught with cocaine or get how not to get caught with inflicting a two-inch cut like what was in the neck of Dallas guard Everett McIver while some team members were getting haircuts.

TO & his “guest” are not responsible for future arrests or getting fired from a job at ESPN.

Guest number three is none other than Adam “Pac Man” Jones. Of course you’ll be able to learn how to make rain, slap “scrippers”, vandalize nightclubs and withhold information from the police concerning small things like a shooting that might leave a bouncer paralyzed.

Hopefully more guests like Tank Johnson can come. Tank can show you how to build an illegal arsenal weapons.

If enough kids sign up maybe there can be a petting zoo provided by Bad Newz Kennels and a boat rides sponsored by Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinnie.

So get your popcorn ready and better make sure you have air-tight alibis.

Posted in bad newz kennels, Bail Bondsman, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Fred Smoot, Michael Irvin, Pacman Jones, T.O., Terrell Owens | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

This Is Why The Grizzlies Suck!!!

Posted by Joel on February 1, 2008

Ok, so I am a Grizzlies fan. I am proud to be a fan of my home town team. Memphis has been the “Susan Lucci” of pro sports cities for a long time, so when the Grizzlies moved in 2001, I was hooked instantly. The franchise has had some success since moving, making the playoffs twice. But when the team has been bad, it’s been horrible. I would hope those of you still reading this post (if you didn’t move on after reading this was a post about a sorry NBA franchise) would allow me to vent. After all, Thomas created this blog to show “how ALL sports teams suck”…

Today, the Grizzlies traded star forward Pau Gasol to the Los Angeles Lakers for (drumroll please) center Kwame Brown, guard Javaris Crittenton, guard Aaron McKie, the rights to Pau’s younger brother Marc, and first round picks in the 2008 and 2010 draft. According to reports, the Grizzlies traded an unhappy star while in his prime and got cap relief in the process.

Let me translate what the Grizzlies got in return: the poster child of broken confidence and draft busts (Brown), another guard that they did not need (Crittenton), a guard who is old and on the inactive list (McKie), Gasol’s younger brother (who couldn’t even do squat against private school competition while going to school in Memphis), and 2 draft picks with a franchise that has been more miss than hit when it comes to draft picks. What the hell??? The Grizz might as well have just asked the Lakers for some bags of rice with all the magic beans they just got from LA. The team has been shopping Gasol for a while now and was rumored to go to the Bulls for a few actually good players (Gordon, Deng) but the best we could get back was Kwame Brown??? I think Woody Paige would have been a better fit for the team’s up tempo style, plus he is just as much of a stiff as Kwame Brown.

This is a franchise that doesn’t know what the hell they are doing right now. It is at best no more of an unmitigated disaster than post WWII Dresden. The team plays in a brand new arena with decent sight lines, you can get a $5 ticket to watch a game, and yet the team struggles to draw 10,000. When did the team become the Atlanta Hawks???

So what now??? I say they trade guard Mike Miller, build around Rudy Gay and Mike Conley and go from there. I am calling for owner Mike Heisley to sell the franchise to someone locally who will give a damn about the team. The team cannot relocate because of a city-franchise agreement, so sell to FedEx Founder/CEO Fred Smith, rename the team the Express or something related to package delivery, and call it a day. Or they could name the team the Bullets, since there’s millions of those flying around the city (though the Wizards may have an issue with that). The point being is that crap rolls downhill, and even though I said in the About the Wirters section that there are 547 Grizzlies fans worldwide, at this rate by this season’s end there will be 329. I will still be one, if only because my blood pressure is already high enough, so what the hell would a few more points matter???

As for what to do with the Pau Gasol jersey that I bought a few years ago (caught it on sale from Marshall’s when the NBA switched from Reebok to adidas apparel), I do have a solution, because we are a solutions-oriented blog:

p2010090.jpg p2010091.jpg

*Disclaimer: My dog Jake were harmed in any way for the making of this post. This is not Bad Newz Kennels in VA and am not in any way, shape, or form connected with Michael “Ookie” Vick, his child molesting little brother Marcus, or any other dog fighting members of the Vick family…

Posted in armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, bad calls, bad newz kennels, basketball, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, crazy, dumbass, ESPN, Grizzlies, Hawks, Internet Rumors, Kobe, Lakers, NBA, satire, scandal, stupid, team spirit, trader | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel on January 29, 2008

dontdrop.jpg

Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Vick’s First Letter From Prison.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 11, 2007

Dear Moms,

Yo I know this being a hard time for you and all but dis shit ain‘t no walk in the motherfucking park either. I mean there’s no maids, ho’s or butlers. I gots to pee in front of everyone. Marcus and Pops never told me about this shit.

I met some dudes from the something called the Mexican Mafia, they be pissed at me for picking Ron Mexico as my alias. A lot of homies seem cool and shit they even gave me a nickname of Black Paris. Something about another rich bitch in jail except I’m black.Da man be being out to get me fo awhile and now he has.

Fuck dat cracker ass judge not letting me change into a five grand suit making me wear prison jumpsuit. I gots to look fly. And then he all talking about I made false statements to da feds and I wasn’t keeping it real wit him about my smoke habit. I don’t be deserving no 23 months for killing some dogs, some of those dogs deserved it and shit. And then he be saying I’m getting 3 years closely monitored probation afterwards. I guess I’ll make the best of it.

Yo dad be right about one thing yo, you can get some good shit in here. It’s high as fuck though! Thank God I’m still rich. Speaking of money Mom, I can’t be supporting you, Marcus and Pop and be paying protection money to. Think about how much the chronic will be once I’m transfered to the big house in 6 weeks. You just going to have to go back to working in a gas station with pops. Marcus I’m not sure what he be doing now.My cellmate is named Rocco and for 5 g’s a week he said he’ll protect me. When I ask from who he said from himself. He said won’t ass rape me 23 times, one for every month as long as I keep paying and shit. He also said to look up his big brother, Cletus at the fed pin. He said I can’t miss him he’s the leader of some gang called the Aryan Brotherhood. He said they might let me join so don’t be shy about asking. Other than the shakedown and cuddling wit me, he alright.

Moms I gots to go. But please do me one favor, try to sneak some metal hidden under one of your fat rolls, Rocco said he will teach me how to shank. Try to make all the court appearances concerning those law suits that are against me. There’s 3 onces of Mexican gold hash in the “waterbottle” give that to Marcus as a Christmas present.I love you moms, soon I’ll be free and I’m sure Mr. Goodell and Mr. Blank will allow me to play again. I’ll keep in shape with all the weights that here and constant running from the Crips.

PS Slap Marcus for me and tell him you still loves me more.

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, bongs, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Goodell, guilty, marcus vick, Marijuana, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Prison for Vick, satire | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Michael Vick Must Have a Burning Desire too go to Prison or he’s an Idiot.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 27, 2007

In this the latest chapter of Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick’s screwed up life, we find Vick curled into fetal position sobbing while on the phone with Marcus the loser little brother. The date is Sept. 12th
Michael: (sobs) Yo Marcus I can’t….can’t go on man.

Marcus: Yo big bro what are talking about what I think you’re talking about?

Michael: Yeah little not as talented as me brother…it’s time I end it. (breaks down crying Hysterically)

Marcus: Oh snap that means I’m going to the favorite son!

Michael: (Blows nose) Wha…what the fuck are you talking about?

Marcus: Well ain’t going to…you know off yourself? I mean you’re crying and all

Michael: I’m chopping onions I had to fire my chef. I was talking about ripping into this sweet herb I picked up in Miami.

Marcus: Oh snap I got ya. Light the shit up! Go Michael Go Michael. Toke toke toke

Michael: (sound of bong being hit) This is some good stuff. Man I wish you was here to enjoy this with me.

Marcus: Really?

Michael: No. (Laughes)

Marcus: Asshole I hope you get drug tested.

Michael: The man has already fucked with me enough they won’t do that.

Marcus: Well, I hope you get ass raped in prison then & mom loves me more (hangs up)

Apparently Michael was wrong because guess what, that’s right Vick failed a drug test. I wonder if Marcus tipped his pretrial services officer about that.

“Michael Vick is now likely one misstep from jail.

The disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback tested positive for marijuana earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing in federal court on a dogfighting charge that already jeopardizes his freedom and career.

Now, he’s incurred the ire of the judge who could sentence him to up to five years in prison in the dogfighting case. On the day of Vick’s guilty plea, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson warned that he wouldn’t be amused by any additional trouble.

Hudson, who will sentence Vick on Dec. 10, on Wednesday ordered him confined to his Virginia home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. with electronic monitoring. He also must submit to random drug testing.

If Vick fails another drug test, he likely will wind up like co-defendant Quanis Phillips — incarcerated since his Aug. 17 plea hearing. Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and random drug testing requirements.”

Quick someone call Vick and tempt him. It would be rather funny to see Vick take to express tour to prison. Great way to show you have “changed your ways” Michael, I see you “really learned your lesson”. I see where the actual notes that you used to make your apology went for over ten grand on E-bay, thus proving there’s a douche-bag moron born every minute.

“Vick’s positive urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.

Because Vick violated the conditions of his release, Hudson could take that into consideration during sentencing, said Linda Malone, a criminal procedure expert and Marshall-Wythe Foundation professor of law at the College of William and Mary.

“Every judge considers pretty seriously if they feel that the defendant has flaunted the conditions for release,” she said.

“It’s certainly not a smart thing to do.”

Especially not when his behavior is being watched so closely, not only by the court that allowed him to remain free, but by the public whose forgiveness he’s seeking.”

I have feeling that 18 month sentence that Vick is banking on just got extended and he’s to stupid to realize it.

“In Atlanta, Vick’s one-time teammates tried to distances themselves from his latest troubles.

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” linebacker Keith Brooking said at the Falcons’ suburban practice facility. “We’re 0-3. We’re trying to get a win.”

Safety Lawyer Milloy agreed.

“I just want to play ball,” he said. “I’m so tired of talking about everything else, stuff we can’t control that has nothing to do with us.”

Finally someone from the Falcons organization that has the intestinal fortitude to be honest about this situation.

“The former Virginia Tech star was placed under pretrial release supervision by U.S. Magistrate Dennis Dohnal in July. The restrictions included refraining from use or unlawful possession of narcotic drugs or other controlled substances.

The random drug testing ordered Wednesday could include urine testing, the wearing of a sweat patch, a remote alcohol testing system or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing. Hudson’s order also requires Vick to participate in inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate. Vick must pay for the treatment.

Vick’s lead attorney, Billy Martin, also is representing Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty in an airport sex sting. During a press conference about Craig, Martin was asked to comment on Vick. He deflected the question, saying only, “I’m sure that in the future we’ll have something to say regarding Mr. Vick, but not now.”

Whoa Billy you basically have two losing cases on your hands. Now if you was to also take the latest OJ case will you get a set of steak knives from the American Bar Association? Vick should be lucky I’m not his pretrial officer, I would deem it appropriate for him to attend every 12 step program I could find. I would also deem it appropriate to have Vick get kicked in the nuts by every PETA member I could find as well.

In January, Vick was cleared by police of any wrongdoing after his water bottle was seized by security at Miami International Airport. Police said it smelled of marijuana and had a hidden compartment that contained a “small amount of dark particulate.”

Lab tests found no evidence of drugs, and Vick explained that he used the secret compartment to carry jewelry.

Jewelry doesn’t leave a dark particulate behind, unless Vick brought the jewelry from QVC. That may be the case, a birthday present of Marcus. The sad thing is Vick could probably get better weed in prison, ask any Florida Gator they could tell you that. I can’t wait to see what Michael does next as he draws ever closer to earning the douche-bag of decade award. Anyone hear from Marcus lately?

So I profess on this day 9/27/07.

TtT

Posted in Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, conVick, dog fighting, drugs, Goodell, guilty, Herban Meyer, marcus vick, Michael Vick, NFL, pitbull, pot, Prison for Vick, PTI, Sports | 6 Comments »

Michael “Ron Mexico” Vick Indicted With State Charges & Is Being Sued By Bank

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 26, 2007

Good news everyone today you get a two for one posting on the adventures of Michael Ookie Vick the dog killing NFL QB. As if facing federal charges weren’t bad enough, Surry County Commonwealth’s Attorney Gerald G. Poindexter had Vick & the three S.H.I.T.s (Superheros in Training) were indicted on state charges on Tuesday. Boy Mama Vick is already mad about her meal ticket son facing federal charges this might send her to beat Marcus, the “loser little brother”, out of general purpose.

“Michael Vick and three co-defendants were indicted by a grand jury Tuesday on state charges related to a dogfighting ring operated on Vick’s Virginia property.

Vick, who already pleaded guilty in federal court to a dogfighting conspiracy charge and is awaiting sentencing Dec. 10, was indicted on one count of beating or killing or causing dogs to fight other dogs and one count of engaging in or promoting dogfighting. Each count is a felony, punishable by up to five years in prison.

The grand jury declined to indict the Atlanta Falcons quarterback and two co-defendants on eight counts of killing or causing to be killed a companion animal, which would have exposed them to as many as 40 years in prison if convicted.

Surry County Commonwealth’s Attorney Gerald G. Poindexter asked that the four be arraigned Oct. 3 and requested that each be released on a $50,000 personal recognizance bond. None of the defendants nor their lawyers were in court.”

“We are disappointed that these charges were filed in Surry County since it is the same conduct covered by the federal indictment for which Mr. Vick has already accepted full responsibility” and pleaded guilty, Billy Martin, one of Vick’s attorneys, said in a statement.

Martin said Vick’s legal team would examine the charges “to ensure that he is not held accountable for the same conduct twice.”

Whether or not these most current charges stick remains to be seen though, I personally hope they do. The bond is joke though, the S.H.I.T.s couldn’t afford clothes from Goodwill much less that. Good call Poindexter!!! :) I’m not an attorney, but I play one on this blog, so what I think Vick’s attorneys are failing to realize is he pleaded guilty to federal charges not state charges. I also play a brain surgeon, political pundit, the entire cast of the Broadway production of Les Miserables, Trent Reznor & the Marlboro man on this blog.

“Laura Taylor with the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Eastern District of Virginia said the office would have no comment.

The charges are the first leveled against Vick in the county where he built a home on 15 acres that was the base of the dogfighting operation.

The grand jury — made up of two black men, two black women and two white women — met for more than three hours.

“These are serious charges, and we can assure you that this grand jury was not driven by racial prejudice, their affection or lack of affection for professional athletes, or the influence of animal rights activists and the attendant publicity,” Sheriff Harold Brown and Poindexter said in a joint statement.

Poindexter said he was not disappointed that the grand jury rejected eight additional charges of killing dogs.

“I’m just glad to get this to the position where it is now and one day in the not too distant future, we will be rid of these cases,” he said.”

Nice statements however I question why the search warrant wasn’t executed in a timely manner. Both the sheriffs department and Attorney Generals office had a responsibility to the residents of Virgina which they both failed at miserably, and that’s the reason the feds swooped in a took this case from them to begin with.

Lately things aren’t going exactly as planned for Vick, this is quite evident. Not only is he facing both state and federal charges, he’s also being sued by some Canadian bank for more money than what me or you can only dream to make. Oh Boo Hoo…I say sue for more and take it to Judge Judy…she’s the bomb yo!

“Royal Bank of Canada has sued suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for more than $2.3 million.

The bank argued that his guilty plea to federal dogfighting charges and the resulting impact on his career have prevented him from repaying a loan.Vick borrowed $2.5 million in January with plans to use the money for real estate investments, Royal Bank of Canada said in the lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Newport News on Thursday.

The loan’s terms specify that any employment change negatively impacting Vick’s income constitutes a default on the loan, according to the lawsuit.

Last month, Vick pleaded guilty to bankrolling a dogfighting ring at a property he owned in Surry County, near his hometown of Newport News.

“The criminal charges, and resulting impact on the Defendant’s employment … materially affect his ability to repay the Term Note,” the bank said in the lawsuit.

The bank is demanding $2,313,694.37, plus $499 in interest per day, starting Sept. 19, as well as attorney’s fees.

Vick’s attorneys did not immediately return phone messages Tuesday.”

Why in the hell would Vick need to borrow money? He had a contract of what 100 million? God only knows what he made in endorsements, and yet he borrows money. What a dumbass. Real estate investments my ass, he was probably setting up more dogfighting locations, buying lots and lot of herb and paying Marcus to shave his balls. Can someone let me borrow $2,313,694.37? I promise to make monthly installments of fifty dollars until it’s paid off, I’m good for it, trust me. ;)

So I profess on this day 9/26/07.

TtT

Posted in Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, conVick, court tv, dog fighting, guilty, Liar, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, ookie, pitbull, Prison for Vick, Sports, Vick, Vick Plea | Leave a Comment »

Va. Prosecutor Plans to Indict Michael Ookie Vick on Slew of Super Secret Double Probation Charges.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 25, 2007

It’s almost been a month since I’ve written about everyone’s favorite dog killing scum bucket Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick, but fortunately for me and bored bloggers everywhere, there’s new ConVick news today. It seems that the same prosecutor, who failed to make sure a search warrant was served before the feds swooped in and took the case over, has decided to charge Vick with dogfighting and plans to present “a host of super secret double probation bills of indictment” against conVick Ookie tomorrow. Sweetness!!!!

“The prosecutor in the rural county where Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has admitted to bankrolling a dogfighting operation plans to present “a host of bills of indictment” regarding the case to a grand jury on Tuesday.

“Yes, I’m presenting matters to the grand jury that involve dogfighting at 1915 Moonlight Road,” Surry County Commonwealth’s Attorney Gerald G. Poindexter told The Associated Press in a telephone interview Monday night.

Moonlight Road is the address of the two story home on 15 acres that has been host to the operation known as “Bad Newz Kennels” since 2001, and where dogs have been trained, executed and fought.

“Most of the matters that I’m presenting have already been admitted in sworn statements authored by the defendants in the federal proceedings,” Poindexter said.

He couldn’t detail the exact indictments he will pursue, but said the local investigation and the federal investigation largely focused on different crimes.”

No details? What the hell else was going on there? I want to know damnit! I hate super secret double probation charges. If this means more jail time for conVick then count me it. After all he’s an admitted dog killer.

“The killing of dogs is one of those statutory prohibitions. Dogfighting is a crime, the mistreatment of animals is a crime, so you could take your pick, or take them all,” Poindexter said before cutting the conversation short. “I don’t have anything else to say about it. I’m through with it. Hopefully it’s coming to an end.”

Vick, who faces up to five years in prison, also has been indefinitely suspended without pay by the NFL and been dropped by all his major sponsors, including Nike.The local charges, and a conviction, could spell an end to any hope he has of resuming his NFL career after serving a likely federal prison term. An animal cruelty charge in Virginia is punishable by up to five years in prison, and he admitted in his written plea to helping kill six to eight pit bulls days before the first raid.

That alone could expose him to as many as 40 years in prison.”

Sweet 40 years. I’m sure Marcus is down some darken alley laughing his ass off right now. Anyone heard anything out of him lately? Didn’t think so. If conVick gets a cool 40 years I hope he makes “The Longest Yard” reality TV show with eventually OJ and Pacman. OJ would fuck the both of them up, if he has a shank that is. Sounds like conVick might be working on to avoid the dreaded prison gang rape sack. Couldn’t happen to a better person, other than OJ.

So I profess on this day 9/25/07.

TtT

Posted in Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, conVick, court tv, dog fighting, guilty, Liar, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, NFL Football, OJ, Pacman, pitbull, Prison for Vick, Sports, Vick, Vick Plea | Leave a Comment »

 
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