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Archive for the ‘Bammers’ Category

I blame the ass whooping Utah was putting on Bama when this happened

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 13, 2009

Is that Teddy Bear kidding with the "Rold Tied" on its shirt?

Apparently Billy Bob Bammer is MIA ever since the Tide embarrassed the entire SEC with their lose to Utah, since I’m partly blaming Utah for Billy Bob’s disappearance I suppose I could blame them for the latest Bama fan brawl.

“Hartford Police Chief Ben Berry said 52-year-old Timothy Fowler had held an Alabama football party on Friday and a fight broke out during a card game. Berry said Fowler apparently swung a flashlight at another man, who then punched Fowler’s face in the front yard. Berry said alcohol may have been a factor.”

Classic Alabamian… bringing a flashlight to a fistfight.

I love how they say that alcohol “may” have been a factor…I guess you could say stupidity could have been a factor as well.

My grandma always used to say “The more Bama fans murdering each other the better. Also fuck Florida.” She was a little on violent/senile side.

Alabama, making Ohio look good since 1819!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Crime & Punishment, SEC Football, Utah Utes | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Alabama Crimson Tide All-America Andre Smith has been suspended from the Sugar Bowl

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on December 29, 2008

sabionk4

WTF is Saban doing? You just don’t go and suspend an All-American left tackle like Andre Smith for violating “team rules.” He won the Outland trophy for God’s sake!

“The University of Alabama, the team and the football program are more important than any individual player,” Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban said in a statement Monday. “Every one on our team depends on each other to be responsible, to make good choices and decisions relative to their actions.”

Wait…we win the freaking Fulmer Cup for having the most off season’s arrests and now you want to play Mr. Disciplinarian? We need him Saban.

Now Smith is a perfect fit to go to Detroit with the 1st overall pick…he seemed too good for them until now!

Thanks Saban…its bad enough we got beat by jort loving Gators and now this.

“Our priority and focus as a team is to play the best football game of the season in this Sugar Bowl, and to support our players to overcome any adversity this unfortunate situation has created,” Saban said.

He better not be opening his own Jimmy Johns franchise. I own that shit in Bama! RTR!

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, bad calls, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Discipline, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Bama Fans make the Best Prostitutes (If you equate best to skanky)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 19, 2008

Police in Montgomery, Alabama took down a prostitution ring yesterday that netted 7 sluts and 3 white trash pimps. Good job!

While looking through the mug shots picture 8 really stands out. It’s name is Leslie Parker and it’s obvious she’s a Bama fan! RTR!

She’s just trying to get paid by any means necessary… one might call her behavior “Saban-esque”. She may only charge a dollar but she feels like a millionaire. RTR!

alabama-pros

Rammer Jammer, Skank goes to the Slammer

She looks like the looks like the bastard child of Jeremy Shockey and Molly Ringwald. Let me guess. You take her home to your wife/girlfriend and your better half automatically feels better about herself…right?

The jerseys are actually a form of “prostitution code”. For example, the Johns are supposed to sport something from the University of South Carolina.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Crime & Punishment, Hookers, SEC, Skank | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Welcome to the FAIL room bitches!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on December 16, 2008

holy-saban

That’s right! I is back! I’ve been silent this whole season while Saint Saban the Behr reincarnated racks up victory after victory. The reason for my silence is mainly because I’ve been doing a stretch in the state pen or as my fellow Bama boosters like to say: scouting for new football recruits. RTR!

First let’s talk about my bestest friend in the world Mr. James Fail, a fellow Bama booster. After all the millions of hard earned dollars that was earned through moonshine and cock-fighting that Mr. Fail has given to the BUSDGP (Buy us some damn good players) fund, Bama has officially named the visitors locker room “The Fail Room.” RTR! I also call my bedroom the fail room but for other reasons.

Strangely enough, another donor’s donation resulted in the renaming of Saban’s office. The Donor’s name is James J. HolyShitThat’sALotOfMoneyI’llTakeTheJob… Jr.

Hopefully someday I’ll get that outhouse in the west end zone named after me. Also this is coming just after Mississippi State renamed its stadium “LOL Field.”

Now on to the evil plan Auburn has that concerns assassinating Saint Saban.  Everyone knows this plan won’t work…but it almost did. Reports are flooding in that Saban’s ribs are sore from laughing at the fact that Gene Chizik has hired as the Auburn coach. RTR!

Nice try Auburn but it didn’t work.

Speaking of Auburn I see the services of former offensive line coach Hugh Nail are not wanted in college football. Hugh has taken a job with a trucking company. RTR good buddy! I’ll stop by later today and exchange some crystal meth for a hooker.

Congrats to Urban Meyer’s daughter, Nicki on receiving a scholarship from Ga. Tech. Here’s a piece from the Rivals write-up:

“Always being the new kid, Nicki often was asked to switch positions to fill whatever holes were left open.”

Well…alrighty then…

RTR Bitches!

Posted in Auburn, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Fail, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Football, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

This season is lost though it’s not over: The Tennessee/Alabama Grade book

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the above photo is clearly a copy of War & Peace. Quite honestly that is also what best describes this season. The fans are at war with the coach and Fulmer is constantly trying to bring peace.

The Phreaky Phil-Osophy show goes on and on and on while the status of the Tennessee Football program goes down.

A lot of Tennessee fans had a “gut feeling” about this game. That feeling turned out to be a mirage of hope. This team is bad, no make that dreadful.

No matter how this rest of this season plays out Tennessee will not beat a major rival. This was the first time Tennessee has lost consecutive games to Bama in the Fulmer era. It’s another clear sign that it’s time for a coaching change.

“I’m obviously very disappointed,” said Fulmer. “We’re in a battle from top to bottom, whether it’s recruiting or whatever. But I’m more concerned about our team right now.”

Alabama beat up Tennessee for the same reason Florida did: both teams have better play makers on both sides of the ball. The VOLS didn’t even get a first down until the 13:42 mark in the 2nd quarter.

Tennessee is just 6-14 against ranked teams over the last four years and a stunning 1-9 at home against the Top 10 this decade.

If a storied NFL team like the Cowboys can cut ties with a coach that gave them 2 Super Bowl victories and 5 appearances, then surely Tennessee can cut ties with Fulmer. Bring in some fresh blood and reawaken this program.

Of course Phil continues with saying the right things.

“All I know,” Fulmer said, “is we’ll keep working to get it fixed.”

Where have I heard that before?

Let’s look at these weeks grades and see just what needs fixing.

QUARTERBACK C+

Stephens still has not turned the ball over since he took the job from Crapton Crompton. He was 16 of 28 for 137 yards. However he made some questionable throws and missed some open wide receivers.

RUNNING BACKS D

36 rushing yards. Pathetic. Absolutely no explosive runs. I do credit Hardesty for making a first down due to second effort

RECEIVERS D

Clearly Gerald Jones was missed and fears of seeing Chavis in drag allowed Eric Berry only one opportunity on offense. Taylor and Stocker each had drops. I’m not going to blame Taylor for the offensive pass interference penalty though, that was total BS.

OFFENSIVE LINE F

Though this group got a good push in short yardage situations, they also had two penalties at critical times.

DEFENSIVE LINE C+

Robert Ayers continues to shine. The game score could have turned out different if Dan Williams didn’t suffer an injury.

LINEBACKERS C-

Even though Rico McCoy had 13 tackles he often knocked on his ass and they were so far down field that it didn’t make much of a difference. Ellix Wilson had nine stops as well.

SECONDARY A-

Eric Berry had 11 tackles and laid the wood on several Bama players. DeAngelo Willingham was picked on by Bama forcing man-to-man coverage to stop the run.

SPECIAL TEAMS C

LaMarcus Thompson forced fumble on a Bama punt that was recovered by Rogan at the five yard line. Colquitt had a productive night though he shanked a punt that was costly. Lincoln Logs missed a 51 yard field goal, but I’m not going to blame him for that because that’s clearly out of his range, but he should have made that 43 yard attempt.

COACHING F/A

The A is for the defense. Considering they received zero help from the offense they deserve it. Offensively Clawson called a boring and horrid game. When the VOLS needed big plays the calls were not made.

OVERALL F

Though the defense was solid and the special teams were productive, the offense is awful and laughable. The penalties that the offensive committed during opportunistic situations took points off the board.

A look ahead:

South Carolina is next week and believe it or not I think Tennessee should win this game. South Carolina’s run game is actually worse than ours. Stephens has an advantage due to the fact he protects the ball by not throwing interceptions and not fumbling. This should be a low scoring affair. Both defenses are equally good but I believe our secondary is considerably better.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Eric Berry, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The War that is known as the 3rd Saturday in October

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 24, 2008

 

Most experts say that fans take sports and cheering for their favorite teams to seriously. In most cases I tend to agree with them. However those experts have never experienced the Third Saturday in October either. They do not know the joy or exhilaration of seeing the Tennessee Volunteers or the Alabama Crimson Tide take the field right before kickoff. Those experts have never felt the excitement in the air that is buzzing around when the teams line up.

This game is much more than a simple competition between two border state rival schools. This game is about passion, heart, pride & respect! And nothing means more than to these two teams than respect.

For Phil Fulmer this year’s game is about his legacy and his coaching career at Tennessee. For Nick Saban this year’s game is about a possible BCS birth and the chance to play for the national championship.

It’s hard to say who has the most to lose in this game. If Tennessee loses then Fulmer is most likely out as the head coach & if Saban loses then people will still question the hire by Alabama and people will point to this lose with an “I told ya so” attitude.

It is also equally hard to say who has the most to gain by a victory. If Tennessee wins then Fulmer will most likely keep his job as the head coach whether he wins out or not. A win would also propel the VOLS into a brighter national light. The number seven recruiting class that Fulmer is currently building could jump to number one. If Alabama wins then Saban brings Alabama to an 8-0 record and a possible number one ranking. The road to the BCS National Championship becomes ever so closer. And of course Saban could reel in yet another top rated recruiting class.

For the fans this game is an oxymoron of painful orgasmic joy. They live and die on every play, every called timeout & every injury. Both fan bases are smart enough to know that one can throw out the win/loss records for these two schools when they play. That fact alone makes rivalry games like this so intense.

Throw out what the experts say about sports and the seriousness of being a fan. They have never witnessed college gridiron gladiators battle each other like these two teams. If you look into the fans eyes on this holy day you will see both love & hate. Love for their favorite team and hate for the opposing team.

The Sunday following the game (or Monday for some fans) as the players and fans alike are recovering from their injuries or walking on air, the realization should set in that this is simply a game. However the fact that their memory will either joyously or painfully remind them of the final score and then reality actually sets in.

This is not a game. This is war that is fought only once a year and victors of that year’s war savor every moment of it for many times over in their heads. I’ve always said a good Alabama team is a beaten Alabama team.

Ladies and Gentlemen this is not a game: THIS IS THE BATTLE KNOWN AS THE THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER!!!!!!

GO VOLS! Beat Bama!!!

Now let’s review some past Bama farks.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Big Orange, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Big Orange Roundtable Alabama Week Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 22, 2008

That’s right folks it’s Alabama week and one can not have an Alabama week with the Big Orange Roundtable now can we? Taking a cue from the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober, both Billy Bob Bammer and I will be answering the questions this week.

With out further a due let’s go to the roundtable!!! (Never mind the smell it’s Bama related)

Both teams at some point or another have been described as an Evil Empire.  If your team is the Death Star, what is its planet-destroying weapon?

Thomas the Terrible: Simple Eric Berry. He is the crusher of the dreams for the QB’s and hits like hell, just ask Knowshon Moreno. He has already accumulated 5 interceptions this season and leads the county in interceptions as well.

He is a lock for all-American and possibly defensive player of the year in the SEC, unless the ref that tackled Stephen Garcia steals it. Not to mention he is also a tackling machine.

Billy Bob Bammer: Shoot that there is a easy one. Our boosters. You see our boosters pay the players more than what they might receive in the NFL. How the hell you think we get such good players in the first place?

The one thing a young man needs to worry when coming to Bama is football. You say you have a test in painting by numbers? Our boosters will gladly take that test for you.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Beat Bama, boosters, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, fire philip fulmer, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, GBO, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Alabama has been stripped of the Logan Young National Recruiting Championship

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 29, 2008

Credit LWS for this awesome pic.

Credit LWS for this awesome pic.

Since it appears that Billy Bob Bammer has hijacked this blog as of late, I guess I should mention Bama’s fall from recruiting grace.

It seems that Rivals has revised its 2008 recruiting rankings based on who actually made it to their campus of choice. With Bama losing several four-star athletes such as Kerry Murphy because he was to stupid to qualify academically and players, Melvin Ray and Destin Hood, who both decided to play professional Baseball instead of receiving bags of cash, can only mean one thing:

Bama falls to Number 2.

On the surface it isn’t much, just a number that really doesn’t mean it will translate to wins after all Coach 0 proved that. However losing the coveted Logan Young National Recruiting Championship to Notre Dame of all schools, right before playing a talented team such as Clemson has to be devastating to the ego of Satan Saban the Behr Reincarnated.

I’m sure Billy Bob Bammer is suicidal at this point.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bammers, Bear is Dead, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, SEC, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Billy Bob Bammer 1 The Rogue Cop of West Columbia 0

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 29, 2008

It seems that tricking the Rogue Cop of West Columbia is easier than I thought. Since he announced the news that he was looking for me I’ve been covering my tracks purdy good. RTR!

The latest twist is he thinks he broke into my house and seized some meth-making equipment but it wasn’t my house it was my cousin’s house, Berry Bob Bammer. RTR

This is my place go compare it to that dump Berry lives in. RTR (Sorry Berry)

See I own several Jimmy Johns franchises in and around the T-Town Ghetto area so I quit dealing with meth…errr I mean I’m a legit business man. However Berry unfortunately thinks he can make meth more marketable. He has even talked of opening a Mike Price strip club.

See what people like the Rogue Cop doesn’t understand is those big time Bama boosters like me are protected by the spirit of the Behr. RTR!

As you can see from the photo below we’re presently building an alter to the Behr and for that added realism effect, the hat was doused with copious amounts of bourbon. RTR! The hat would have been bigger, but Phil Fulmer secretly conspired with the NCAA to force the manufacturer to keep it at 550 pounds.

I'm protected by the spirit of the Behr. RTR!

I hear Auburn’s doing the same thing only with a giant Massengale Bottle in honor of Tuberville. RTR! There’s also a rumor floating around that Auburn has recruited the “Super Best Friends” to construct and animate a giant Bo Jackson to break in and steal our giant Behr Bryant alter, but don’t worry we’ll be ready for them. RTR!

Anywho back to Rogue Cop…see we’re protected from all forms of justice. Logan Young didn’t become a martyr for nuffin! Now there is a splinter group that call themselves Sabantologist…they might be AS protected as I am but they are protected because Saban is the Behr reincarnated! RTR!

Better luck next time Rogue Cop I’m Atlanter bound to watch the Tide score 300 points against Clemson.

RTR Bitches!

Posted in ACC Football, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Clemson Tigers, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, Roll Tide, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m a wanted man!! I ain’t skeered

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on August 28, 2008

 

Clemson fans are in awe of us. RTR!

Clemson fans are in awe of us. RTR!

Well folks it seems the Rogue Cop of West Columbia is hunting me down what he doesn’t understand is unlike our football players I’m too smart for the cops!

This pillar of justice claims to have seen me trying to steal an ATM gather funds legally for the Logan Young Memorial fund and commit a blatant act of vandalism beautify the place with RTR’s & I pray to the Behr.

What the Rogue Cop doesn’t realize is Bama Boosters like me own the police except for the 11 of them that arrested our boys of course. But they were underpaid rookies so they’ll learn. I know some of you reading are thinking that’s police corruption. One mans police corruption is another mans way to supplement his income. RTR!

I dare the Rogue cop to come to T-Town. I is a master of disguise & I’ll send one of my girls to entice him. Maybe Bertha (photo seen below) she’ll know how to throw him of the scent. RTR!

Yall dont be wacking off to her too much you might do bald. Ever notice how Saban has thinning hair?

Yall don't be whacking off to her too much you might do bald. Ever notice how Saban has thinning hair?

Of course the Rogue cop is a Clemson which is the real reason he wants to put me in the slammer, because with out me in the nose bleed section in seats that I had to sell my blood for Bama wouldn’t win!

All I gotta do is say the Behr’s prayer to keep me safe:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the 12 championships the NCAA will allow Bama to keep

If I die or get arrested before I wake

I pray the Behr and Logon Young will receive my soul & my Bama bangs to take. RTR!

Besides the Rogue cop will have his hands full with USC football players before to long.

RTR Bitches!

Clemsons new uniforms

West Columbia police trainee uniform

Posted in ACC Football, Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Clemson Tigers, SEC, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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