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Breaking down the 2009 Tennessee recruiting class

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 6, 2009

helmet

Well signing day has come and gone and of course most Tennessee fans are happy with this years results given that King Kiffin®  had a limited time getting them. Plus this class is ranked considerably ranked higher than last years.

With this class being ranked so much higher I found it more difficult to make fun of analyze them properly,  but I’ll give a try.

Since last year’s breakdown was such a success I’m here to breakdown this year’s recruiting class. Hopefully I’ll find another gem like Carson Anderson who is currently writing the “The Tao of Fat & Stupid Phil Fulmer” as I type.

askew1

Jerod Askew ****

Position:  Middle Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Virginia Tech
  • West Virginia
  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Maryland
  • Michigan
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Toughness
  • Hitting ability
  • 4.7 GPA
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • 4.7 GPA. He studies too much when he should be learning the playbook and breaking laws
  • Size

Prediction:

This is one that Saban wanted and the Bama nation (of trailers) is not happy to lose this one. He will apply that lofty GPA to graduate early, cure cancer, develop time traveling wormholes & prank call Saban every chance he gets. This will all be completed as he sits on the bench because he proved he was indeed smarter than the entire coaching put together.

edwards

Mike Edwards ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Cincinnati
  • Illinois
  • Indiana
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota

Strengths:

  • Great cover skills
  • Not afraid of contact

Weaknesses:

  • Wears funny looking hats

Prediction:

Will most likely lose an ear due to forgetting to take out the earring while he is being beaten down for wearing that funny hat.

gordon

Eric Gordon ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Alabama
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Natural athletic ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Dazed look on his face

Prediction:

There’s a reason as to why he face looks so dazed… Here’s a hint…he is clueless as to who Phelps is because if he knew…. Let’s leave it at that.

green1

James Green ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • Ole Miss
  • NC State
  • Ohio State
  • South Carolina
  • Syracuse

Strengths:

  • Great hands
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Speed
  • Looks like he can’t grow a full mustache

Prediction:

He will most likely injure his upper lip attempting to shave the mystery mustache over and over again. It’s a mystery because no one else can see it! ZING!

jackson

Janzen Jackson *****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas A&M
  • Alabama
  • LSU

Strengths:

  • Body Control
  • Burst out of breaks
  • Tackling ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs

Weaknesses:

  • Backpedal quickness
  • Coverage awareness
  • First name is to similar to cheesy designer Jantzen who makes the worse freaking backpacks ever!!!
  • Boy-band good looks
  • Rumored to have a huge crush on Latoya Jackson

Prediction:

Will most like start his own boy-band called the “U of Tees” and record a mega-hit titled I wish I was the one who knocked up Candice Parker. Eventually the money from that one hit will run out and become the next Ryan Seacrest.

jeffery

Arthur Jeffrey ****

Position: Defensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • F$U
  • Georgia
  • South Florida

Strengths:

  • Athleticism
  • Body control and balance
  • Size
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Looks mean

Weaknesses:

  • Strength
  • Technique

Prediction:

Will become the bodyguard for the “U of Tees”.

king

Greg King ***

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Arkansas
  • Auburn
  • Miami (FL)
  • Oklahoma State
  • Texas Tech

Strengths:

  • Looks mean
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Hitting ability
  • Size
  • Speed

Weaknesses:

  • Discipline
  • Tackling Technique

Prediction:

15-30 give or take time off for good behavior

thornton

Nigel Mitchell-Thornton ***

Position: Inside Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Wake Forest
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • Maryland
  • Miss. State
  • Nebraska
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma State
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Aggressiveness
  • Athleticism
  • Size
  • 3.4 GPA
  • 1320 SAT

Weaknesses:

  • Foot quickness
  • Pass coverage Skills
  • 1320 SAT. It’s obvious all his life has been football and books so it’s likely he’s still a virgin.
  • Smugness

Prediction

Great another smart one. Nigel will most likely realize that Wake Forest is the place for three star players. There he will realize that he studied so hard instead of dating because he’s gay. This will cause him to promptly flunk out of Wake Forest and settle with some special boy. All the while that smug look will not leave his face.

myles

Darren Myles ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky
  • LSU
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame

Strengths:

  • Closing speed
  • Coverage Awareness
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis

Weaknesses:

  • Recover Ability
  • Gives the thumbs up
  • Smiles

Prediction:

It quickly becomes aware to Darren and those around him, that he just to darn happy to be a SEC football player. Ladies and gentlemen meet the manger of the “U of Tees”. Pssttt Darren give everyone the thumbs up sign.

nelson

Robert Nelson ***

Position: Inside linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • West Virginia
  • Miss State
  • NC State
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Attacks the line of scrimmage with reckless abandonment
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Coverage Skills

Prediction:

You might be asking yourself “Does he look high in that photo?” and the answer is YES! Robert will major in agriculture and develop a potent new pot plant and become famously rich from one customer alone, Michael Phelps.

oliver

Nyshier Oliver ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Boston College
  • Georgia
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame
  • Penn State
  • Strengths:
  • Toughness
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Looks mean and is mean

Weaknesses:

  • I’m very frightened of this person so please don’t ask me.

Prediction:

Coming from the mean streets of New Jersey there are two things Oliver knows: football and pimpology. Oliver will be the meanest pimp in orange the world has ever seen. Does Nyshier have to choke a Bama fan?

Glamour Shots!

Glamour Shots!

Kevin Revis ***

Position: Offensive Guard

Other schools that offered:

  • Vandy
  • Wake Forest
  • Auburn
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • ACT score of 28
  • Body Control and balance
  • Feet
  • Quickness of the ball
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Pass protection
  • Looks incredibility gay in photos
  • Wannbe boy-band good looks

Prediction:

Kevin will fall into a deep depression after being rejected for the fifth member position of the “U of Tees” and will start drinking heavily. He will later be known as the “American Idol Mauler” for beating up and molesting Janzen Jackson during a taping in the last season of the show.

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Nu’keese Richardson ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Miami (FL)
  • Michigan
  • South Carolina
  • So Cal.

Strengths:

  • Speed, speed and more speed
  • Explosiveness
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Once he publicly wore a Florida hat.

Prediction:

I hope he has blocking skills because…oh wait sorry I forget Fulmer was no longer the coach. After a much publicized comment King Kiffin® made about Meyer allegedly cheating to gain the services of Nu’keese, he goes on to have a wonderful career at some other school because he transfers out of Tennessee due to Florida scoring 80 on Tennessee. Way to go Kiffin…

rogers

Zach Rogers ***

Position: Wide receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Vandy
  • Alabama
  • Auburn
  • Colorado
  • North Carolina
  • Duke
  • South Carolina
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Relative of Austin Rogers
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Big Ears
  • Mr. Potato Head lips
  • Has that “Please punch me” look about him.

Prediction:

Zach will eclipse every receiving record that Austin Rogers set, which isn’t saying a lot. However he will also become to stand-in lip model for Steve Tyler’s life story as told by the Oxygen network.

Marlon Walls ****

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Ole Miss
  • Miami (FL)
  • Virginia Tech

Strengths:

  • Fools people by making them think he’s high all the time

Weakness:

  • He really is high all time.

Prediction:

He will be kicked off the team in his junior year for drug use. He’ll then go to some small school get an internship to the publication “High Times”. Twenty years later he’ll be the editor.

schofield

JerQuari Schofield ****

Position: Offensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Size
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Resembles what Gary Coleman would look like if he grew

Prediction:

Like most offensive tackles we will never hear from him again until he allows a sack.

sykes

Rae Sykes

Position: Strongside Defensive End

Other schools that offered:

  • Juco Transfer

Strengths:

  • None that I could find

Weaknesses:

  • See strengths

Prediction:

Sykes was part of the 2007 signing class. He was ranked as the #14 DE in the nation by Rivals that year. Is it me or does he look like a cocky smartass? I have a feeling he will remind Vol fans of another Juco transfer named Kenny O’Neil.

teague

Marsalis Teague ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Michigan
  • Ole Miss

Strengths:

  • Elusive
  • Playmaker
  • Speed
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Route running

Prediction:

This is another one that King Kiffin stole from Meyer.  Since Tennessee isn’t sponsored by Under Armor that means Teague will not get to wear that idiotic headgear. As a result Teague will transfer to another school that is sponsored by Under Armor, Hawaii.

williams

Toney Williams ****

Position: Fullback

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky

Strengths:

  • Instincts
  • Power
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Smiles
  • Change of direction
  • Cutback ability

Prediction:

Will transfer to Georgia Tech after he realizes that Tennessee doesn’t really have the kind of running backs he wants to block for, the kind that actually like smiling.

Posted in College Football, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised…But It Will Be On Sale

Posted by Joel on November 11, 2008

It is good to be back in God’s country, Tennessee. I am in Nashville for a conference (coincidentally, the same week as the Country Music Awards, Carrie Underwood in particular). Everything is so familiar: great food spots, Jack Daniel’s and related products readily available, LP Field sparkling bright along the banks of the Cumberland River, the history of Jefferson Street. Even driving here from Houston, the leg of I-40 between Memphis & Nashville is absolutely amazing this time of year, with the trees bright with fall colors as you start going up the hills into town. This is something that I do not get to see at my Houston location due to its four seasons: Cool, Warm, Hot, and Hot As Hell.

i40tnexit137_01

So as I go to visit Rivergate Mall just right outside Nashville, I saw something disturbing. I saw a 25% sign on Volunteer merchandise. Hats, rugs, Christmas ornaments, shirts, even dog dishes with Smokey’s face and orange & white checkerboard on the side. Now I should say that Sports Seasons, the store that I saw this, is notorious for hard to find sports apparel and at ridiculously high prices. When they have a sale, the prices are usually where either they should have been at first, or the competition has caught up with their chain and now they need to drop the price and advertise as a “sale”. They did not allow people to take pics inside the store, but clearance items were even 25% off the lowest marked price. Guess which coach had a whole table full of things with his name and/or likeness on it??? While I was there, I ran into a Bammer that said to me “Don’t worry. We have these things happen every few years since Bear died. In a couple of years after Saban leaves we will do the same to him too”. That made me feel a little better, I guess.

As I went through the mall, Champs, Foot Locker, and other stores all had Vol merchandise on sale. Basketball season is coming up and Vol merchandise is on sale everywhere??? Is this going on throughout the state??? As I was thinking about it, maybe this is because retail sales are in the toilet everywhere and they are using the Vols as a ploy to get people to buy $149.99 LenDale White jerseys while they are shopping. But that is spin, and if I am gonna spin things that way then I am no better than a member of the Red Elephant Club.

It could be worse though. Anything with Vince Young’s name, face, or jersey # has been on clearance for months according to the assistant manager, and they still haven’t sold much of it…

vince-young

Posted in College Football, Go Vols, LenDale White, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Memory Of Fulmer

Posted by Joel on November 3, 2008

So Fulmer is gone. Wow. This is the breakup that you knew would happen, but when it does happen you are still shocked. Watching the press conference, I saw a man with a fire and passion still for Tennessee football, but was also sad that his time was gone. Seeing him tear up was touching, although a $6 million buyout along with his legendary status in the state & Vol fans nationwide will dry his tears.

s_fulmer_i

I wanna travel back in time and share a memory that I had of Coach Fulmer. I went to Knoxville in the spring of 1997. I had a childhood friend that was getting scholarship offers from a ton of schools, including Tennessee. Since I was in college in Nashville, I agreed to meet my friend in Knoxville. You know, like I really needed an excuse to go to Knoxville. Anyway, we go there with his mom and stepdad & tour the campus then meet with the football staff. After catching a shuttle to Neyland, we meet some of the players there along with Coach Fulmer.

A lot has been said about his weight. I can’t think of another coach that has been photoshopped with love (and hatred) than Coach Fulmer. With that said, meeting him I could see that he generally doesn’t skip a meal with plenty of carbs and sugar. In other words, he’s a big guy. But when meeting him, he was gentle. I can remember Fulmer telling my buddy & I to meet him in the tunnel, along with some of the other recruits. I can remember him giving us a pep talk then telling us “Will you give your all for Tennessee today?!?!” Of course we said yes and ran out of the tunnel like we were about to line up. He made me feel like I was actually a player, even though I was far from it.

A few years later, I visited my friend & two of his linemen buddies in their apartment. They had to go to study hall on Sunday & as we get on campus, we see Fulmer pull up. After speaking, he tells me that someone on his staff needs to be fired to have a skinny runt on his team. I shoot back that they recruited me so I could be his personal Krispy Kreme guy. He laughs, puts his massive hands on my shoulder, and says “Well if that is the case, your hands are empty & you’re fired”. He was a good sport about things.

Whatever happens, I will always remember Coach Fulmer for a lot of things, but these are my two favorite memories of the man. Work like heck.

Big John Henderson is scary…

Posted in College Football, football, Fulmer, Go Vols, NCAA, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols, vols | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 9 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 26, 2008

It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.

There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.

UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.

Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.

Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.

Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.

Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.

The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.

Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.

The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?

Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.

Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.

Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.

Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.

The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)

Trends started at Rutgers…

1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)

For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.

Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.

Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.

Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!

JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.

Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2.  They could become ranked this week.

Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, College Football, David Cutcliffe, Dirty Sanchez, Duke, Duke Blue Devils, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hokies, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Les Miles, Louisville Cardinals, LSU Tigers, mark richt, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, Rutgers, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Uconn, Uga, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Cavaliers, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

It Could Be Worse…At Least We Aren’t…

Posted by Joel on September 30, 2008

Obviously, this year’s edition of Volunteer has officially gone down the crapper. Visiting any number of Volunteer blogs will do nothing more than depress you. Well I am here to cheer up fans of Rocky Top. Even though the days of acutally competing with Top 10 teams and being considered the upper crust of the SEC are gone, and Fulmer’s coaching career have gone down quicker than a 50 cent stripper on 2 for 1 night, things could be worse. The hard working folks at Losers With Socks asked a very intriguing question, “What is worse than the Tennessee Offense?”  Well that got me to thinking, what if Tennessee football was meant to suck??? Since I am a glass is half full type of person, and we here at YMSWWC consider ourselves “Solutions Oriented”, I have decided to cheer up the fans by saying that it could be worse…at least we aren’t…

I cannot tell if these guys are entering the practice field stadium for the next loss or leaving because they wanna hit the internet and read about the next 8 year old that Billy Clyde just signed. See, the school thinks football is that sport that gets in the way of basketball. So let us examine some of the “fine points” of Kentucky football, and Wildcat fans, you should be ashamed.

  • They can’t get Ashley Judd to show up there. Who could blame her.
  • When Bear Bryant coached there, he was smoking Lucky Strikes & had no houndstooth.
  • You had to get Jeff Sagarin & his iMac to declare you National Champions in 1950 (before integration).
  • Your cheerleading squad has won more titles than you, a fact your school proudly declares on your website.
  • You keep asking at games “When are they gonna put up basketball goals”
  • You have only gone to 12 bowl games in history.
  • Hal Mumme brought offense and probation with him.
  • Can’t beat Tennessee.
  • George Blanda is the last All-Pro your school has produced.
  • Tim Couch.

So you see, it could be worse Vols. Oh, and don’t worry Kentucky. Midnight Madness is on October 10th, Patrick Patterson is returning, and Ashton “I’m Rick James Bitch” Cobb is no longer on the team. Good times by all…

Oh and I know Kentucky is 4-0 so far, but beating such powerhouses like Middle Tennessee St., Western Kentucky, and Louisville only makes you champions of I-65…

Posted in College Football, Crime & Punishment, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers, Tim Couch | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

The fashion police just keep arresting Idaho football

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 25, 2008

Pooping in the "I" formation

The Idaho Vandals football team opened this season with a 70-0 loss to the Arizona Wildcats. It was the first and last time the team wore their new uniforms that featured pants with the letter “I” sewn right on the pooper-hole area.

Rob Spears, the school’s athletic director, says nobody realized just how the logo placed in the center of the players’ behinds would look before they tried their pants on.

Of course the some fashion police fans complained and the sewn-in University of Idaho logo has since been hastily removed by equipment managers.

“I was disappointed with the look and the appearance,” Spears says. “It’s changed.”

Now the Idaho fashion police are targeting the cheerleaders. They have complained that the outfits were slutty!

“A number of fans were concerned that the uniforms were inappropriate,” said Bruce Pitman, U of I Dean of Students. “To be fair, there were a number of fans who liked them.”

My best guess is more people like the new uniforms than those that opposed them after all considering the team’s record the cheerleader uniforms were very much a bright spot.

The $4200 uniforms were purchased from the squad’s own account, part of which is funded from student fees. The squad has ordered new $2200 uniforms with private money.

Posted in College Football, Fashion Police, Idaho Vandals | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Howdy Doody Has A Doozy Deal

Posted by Joel on September 24, 2008

For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.

So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.

In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.

West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…

Posted in BCS, Big East, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Football, Couch Burning, Crack, NCAA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Resume Watch: After Hurricane Ike Edition

Posted by Joel on September 22, 2008

On a serious note, those less fortunate along the Texas coast can use whatever help you can give. You can donate money to the Red Cross by clicking here. Large amounts of products, such as diapers, toothbrushes, water, etc. can be made by clicking here.

Anyway, it is time for the following coach to update his resume. No, not a certain coach in Knoxville. I am sure plenty of fellow Vols are busy writing his resume for him. I am talking about mi amigo, and possibly the absolute worst hire at a major D-1A program this side of Coach O…

MY good buddy, Bill Stewart. The man who is supposed the lead the Mountaineers to the promise land. The guy who was supposed to lead the Mountaineer program to a national title. The genius that would turn Pat White into the pocket passer that Rodriguez couldn’t develop. The master of all things West By God Virginia.

Hey Thomas, remember all of those many comments from the Mountaineer faithful that came to the site the days leading to the Fiesta Bowl, and when Team Turmoil beat Oklahoma??? Where the hell are they now??? I said back then that the school decided to go with the one night stand instead of the sure thing. And now they sit 1-2. Looking at the remainder of the schedule, I see losses to Auburn and South Florida. I can see a possible upset to Louisville and UConn (man I can’t believe I said that). Howdy Doody.

So, Coach Bill Stewart, you are a nice guy. You are in over your head, but a nice guy. Unfortunately, all of those lonely couches in Morgantown are missing the warm embrace of kerosene and matches. They cannot burn themselves, and with you at the helm, I am afraid that instead of the fall smell that normally encompasses the air in West Virginia won’t be the sweet mix of cotton/polyester blends and pressboard. Instead, it will be the usual scent of coal, sulphur, meth, and depression. And there is no one else to blame but the meddling governor, the outgoing school president, and the inept AD. Country roads…

Posted in Big East, Bill Stewart, boo birds, boosters, coach o, Coach Rich Rodriguez, College Football, Couch Burning, NCAA, Sports, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, WVU | 1 Comment »

Resume Watch Week 2

Posted by Joel on September 8, 2008

Two coaches that should probably schedule moving trucks:

Al Groh: I know that Frank Beamer has owned Virginia forever, so he or Va. Tech fans probably don’t want to see him leave. But for all of the NFL talent that has gone through the halls of Virginia, he really hasn’t done much. I am sure Virginia fans will say that he deserves to still be head coach, the fact remains that a beautiful campus and hot but underrated co-eds will not get the players to run a 3 yard out on 3rd & 18. That is a result of coaching.

USC throttled the Cavs. That is understood. I get that, because USC is about to dismantle Slowhio Statein a few days. But when you have to use a QB who is on probation for alcohol possession and he tells his probation officer THAT HE IS STILL DRINKING & SMOKING WEED just days before the game against mighty (1-AA) Richmond, that is not good. However, knowing that the school will let you smoke weed and drink to your hearts content as long as you can suit up for Saturday will be great for recruiting.Up next is a road trip against the powerhouse UConn.

Tommy West: During his tenure at Memphis, West has guided the Tigers from piss poor to somewhat mediocre. Yes, they have played 2 bowl games in the Superdome (New Orleans Bowls, let us not kid ourselves), but when you let Rice score 29 points in the 4th quarter of a game you had in hand, it is time to get a rack of Interstate ribs before you leave town. Maybe West is learning lessons from the John Chavis Mustang Package.

Not only is it time for West to go, but it is really time for Memphis to assess a few things. Mainly, the basketball is making money hand over fist. The football team has more red ink on its P&L’s than a Rambo movie. If Memphis is going to play football, they cannot treat the program like it is just a time killer until basketball season starts. I can’t ever seeing the football program worth a damn. Marquette and Georgetown do not play D-1A football and they are financially successful as an athletic department. My grandmother used to say it is time to either shit or get off of the pot. For years, the Tiger program has been floating. I say the school needs to flush. Next on the Tigers schedule is Marshall.

Posted in ACC, College Football, Conference USA, Memphis, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, NFL Draft, Sports, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Resume Watch

Posted by Joel on September 5, 2008

I know it is early in the college football landscape, but after this weekend’s orgy of football watching, there were two coaches who stood above the pile of horrible coaching. One of these guys should have been gone last year, and the other one will be gone due to a difficult schedule & young players.

Dave Wannstedt: Some say he should have been gone last year, even with the win against West Virginia. Some say he should not have been hired at all, especially if you look at his “success” with the Chicago Bears & Miami Dolphins. He has shown that he can recruit but cannot coach. Not a good combination, especially in the cream puff heavy Big East. At the very least, with the facilities and boosters that Pitt has, the Panthers should be just behind West Virginia and South Florida. Alas, they are busy pillow fighting with UConn for mediocrity. I would hire him as a defensive coach/recruiting coordinator when he gets fired but nothing more. He should not have gotten this head coaching job in the first place.

Ty Willingham: This one hurts to write. I think Ty Willingham is a good coach who got the shaft at that blasphemous school in South Bend. But he has a young team that got throttled in the second half of Saturday’s game vs. Oregon. Now the Pac-10 is a good conference. Besides USC, you have those tree hugging hippies at Cal, Uncle Phil’s Nike money at Oregon, hot chicks at Arizona St. (to entice recruits), and an up and coming UCLA team. In other words, Willingham can’t be bad. He has a good young QB in Jake Locker, but from what I saw Saturday, they need receivers that can catch more than staph infections. The team is young, and looking at the schedule for the rest of the year, I see 10 losses easily. No way the alums in Seattle go for that.

There are others that I could have put on here like Greg Robinson of Syracuse or Chuck Long of San Diego St. but these were 2 games that I saw glaring needs of regime change.

Posted in BCS, Big East, College Football, Dave Wannstedt, NCAA, Pitt Panthers, Sports, tyrone Willingham, Washington Huskies | Leave a Comment »

 
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