Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Posts Tagged ‘Tebow’

This Gator football player is probably the dumbest of the bunch to date

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 18, 2009

Coming out of high school Carl Johnson was a five star rated recruit who was the No. 6 offensive line prospect in the class of 2005 by Rivals.com, and played a key role in the Gators’ 2008 national championship.. His football career at the University of Florida is the rise. As a sophomore this past season he appeared in all 14 games and started in eight of those games at the left guard position. Now like a lot of past Gators before him Johnson gets to see the inside of a jail cell and this is under rather alarming circumstances.

Somehow the Gator mafia suppressed the fact that Johnson was served a temporary injunction on Feb. 9 for protection against sexual violence from the mainstream media. However since some Gators are plainly stupid, the Gator mafia can not keep the fact that around one week later Johnson has already violated that order got to know a Gainesville jail cell intimately.

On Monday, February 16, Johnson in all his glorious Gator gangsta self knowingly decided to sit across the UF campus bus aisle against the woman (at least I hope it’s a woman) who filed for the protection order. And then to make matters worse he had four chances to exit the bus but didn’t until the woman exited the bus.

Yes Urban you certainly are recruiting and signing the top 1% of 1% in the country. The top 1% of criminals and top 1% of dumb asses or in Johnson’s case both. Next thing you know, Gator players will be shooting AK 47’s and using a dead woman’s credit card. Oh wait that’s already happened. 

Of course while all this was going on, Meyer has been “out of the country”, I’m betting he is in Thailand with Teabag Timmy.

Posted in 1%, Crime & Punishment, dumbass, Florida Gators, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Tebow, Thailand | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

College Football Week 12 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 16, 2008

minnisotagirls

Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.

Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.

Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?

Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.

Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.

chompFlorida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.

I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.

Does anyone really want to win the ACC?

Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.

Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.

Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?

Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.

Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.

It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.

Washington is still winless go figure.

Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.

LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.

Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Houston Cougars, jorts, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pac 10 football, Ron Zook, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, Uga, Univeristy of Troy, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Washington Huskies, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 10 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 2, 2008

Thank God there’s more chaos in the polls this week and here is a newsflash: Tennessee sucks really sucks. I’ll have a complete write up on their game tomorrow after I review the tape today.

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez will be home this holiday season because for the first time in 33 years the Michigan Wolverines will not be bowling. The last time that happened it was 1975.

Look for West Virginia to be ranked later today.

Central Michigan gets an upset victory over Indiana. Don’t worry Hoosier fans you have basketball season to look forward to. Oh wait no you don’t.

I feel your pain fan Wisconsin fans.

Minnesota gets upset by that smart Big 11 10 team known as Northwestern.

Miami is a dangerous team to play just ask Virginia.

Houston Nutt continues to impress as Ole Miss defeated Auburn.

Kansas opened a can of whip ass on K-State.

Arkansas gets an upset victory over Tulsa.

Way to go Pitt, you’re still relevant.

Miss State you’re not relevant.

Cal gets the upset win verses Oregon.

Georgia Tech continues to win.

Florida took revenge for the last year’s loss again Georgia & set themselves up to make a run.

It was the last game of Texas’s gauntlet but Texas Tech spoiled the party and remains undefeated. Now will Oklahoma be ranked above Texas Tech? That really wouldn’t be fair would it since they just defeated the team that handed Oklahoma their only loss of the season. This is why we need a playoff structure.

Duke was so close but yet so far away yesterday.

North Texas…what a week…12 players fail drug tests and yet they still managed a victory yesterday.

Oh my God Syracuse actually won a game yesterday.

Don’t look now but Oregon State is almost bowl eligible.

Utah continues it’s reign as a BCS buster.

Clemson wins a HUGE win against Boston College.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Cal, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, drugs, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Houston Nutt, Indiana Hoosiers, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Kentucky Wildcats, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Pitt Panthers, SEC Football, Tebow, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, University of California berkeley, upsets, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Warren Sapp has some choice words for Urban Meyer (Don’t we all?)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 11, 2008

Yesterday America’s favorite jort wearing, Heisman trophy winning, midget porn watching and Godliest College QB, Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow, stated to the Orlando Sentinel that he gets upset when someone comments on the debauchery of Meyer’s choice to kick a field goal  with 25 seconds even though the game was over about five minutes prior to that.

“I’ll have Coach Meyer’s back on anything. To say something like that about Coach Meyer isn’t true at all,” Tebow said after Monday’s practice. “If you want to talk about him, you should definitely talk about a lot of other coaches before Coach Meyer. You can talk about running the score up, I don’t care. They are paid to stop us; [offensive coordinator Dan] Mullen is paid to score. They don’t do that, oh well. But you don’t have to talk about Coach Meyer as a person and getting into recruits and all that stuff. That’s not necessary.”

“What did Coach Meyer do besides recruit good guys, try to keep guys out of jail, doing the right thing, try to work guys into being better people on the field and off the field?” Tebow said. “[He] never says anything bad about anybody, always tries to do the right thing, tries to take young boys and make them into men. We play with character, strength and honor on the field and off. I don’t think you usually see many cheap shots or anything wrong that we do. Yeah, we’re going to try to score through the whole game. That’s our job. We like playing football.”

Yes there is so much honor firing an AK-47 “to scare someone” like Ronnie Wilson did and then allowed back on the team.  (The link provides the actual 911 call)

I’m sure Jamar Hornsby is honorable after all he used a dead woman’s credit card.

Jarvis Moss & Marcus Thomas both failed multiple drugs tests.

Dee Webb, Andre Caldwell and Reggie Lewis had a $60,000 SUV stockpiled with improperly registered AK’s and guns… and they decided to shoot at apartment windows for shit and giggles.

Yes those are all honorable people under the Meyer regime.

For some reason Warren Sapp disagrees in fact he had some choice words for Meyer and his field goal team.

Ex-Canes star Warren Sapp, on a Showtime conference call Tuesday for Inside the NFL, called UF coach Urban Meyer ”a classless dirtbag” for kicking a field goal late in Florida‘s 26-3 win against UM. ”But it’s coming back in a big way” when the teams meet in 2013, he said.

This is why I think Florida and Miami should play every year. Not only will it eliminate threats made about games that are five years in the future but when you 50 people arrested & 121 people ejected there is defiantly some bad blood there.

Posted in ACC Football, Florida Gators, jorts, Miami hurricanes, mullets, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tebow, Urban Meyer, Warren Sapp | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Tim “Teabag” Tebow Goes to Thailand too Touch Children

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 11, 2008

Try saying that three times really fast. Apparently that’s a real baby. There are other photos of the adorable baby on the website South Asia Rocks. Timmy was there late last month. You know what also happened late last month? Timmy’s name being dropped by the defendant during a trial of a pornographic website operator.

There are also terrorist within South Asia. I just felt the need to drop that factoid on you.

Posted in Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, SEC Football, South Asia, Tebow, Terrorist, Thailand | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

My Sports Superstitions

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 24, 2007

With the my beloved Red Sox in the world series this year, I’m willing to freely admit I have sports superstitions that I regularly follow. I believe it’s scientific proof that superstition rituals work, just your superstition ritual has to greater than the superstition ritual of a fan on the opposing team. If your team is defeated 2 years in a row year, then it’s time to step your ritual.

I’ll break mine down by team and situation.

Red Sox vs. The (suck ass) Yankees: To ensure a victory for my Red Sox I like to find the direst, whiniest & most disgusting homeless person and throw unopened jars of baby food at them. If it isn’t Gerber then it ain’t shit.

Red Sox In The World Series: I throw a brick at every moron I find wearing a Nickelback t-shirt. I actually do that year around for good measure.


Pic courtesy of Outer-MonVOLia

Tennessee vs. Florida: I haven’t nailed this one down yet. Next year I believe if I fire a AK-47 at an impound lot at approximately at 4:30 AM while chanting “Tebo only scored 890 on the SAT” then that should do the trick.

Tennessee vs. Georgia: Right before each game I call my Ex to remind her of how much her mother resembles Uga. She moved and for awhile I couldn’t reach her, but damn that restraining order, for the past 2 years I’ve found her.

Tennessee vs. Alabama: For awhile it was reading from the memoirs of Mike DuBose, but now I’m stepping it up to text book burning.


Pic courtesy of LWS

Tennessee vs. South Carolina: Don’t have one, never have needed one.

Indy Colts vs. Anyone: Simple place a horses head in the bed of a fan from the opposing team.

That’s all the ones I currently do, but if you have any and would like to share feel free and post a comment. If you would like to try any of these for yourself feel free. I highly suggest throwing a brick at a Nickelback fan because I really really really hate that damn band.

So I profess on this day 10/24/07.

TtT

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Bama Sucks, Boston Redsox, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, Indy Colts, Major League Baseball, MLB, new york yankees, NFL, nickelback sucks, Peyton Manning, satire, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

 
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