Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for February, 2008

Another Reason as to why Duke & ESPN Sucks

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 29, 2008

Duke sucks because they’re Duke, that’s a given. However now Duke really sucks because their mascot can’t surf. Smokey can surf ask anyone.



I’m surprised Mike Patrick didn’t go on a 10-minute diatribe about how the Duke mascot is SO much better than all the other mascots, and that when he comes back he’ll be twice as strong as before under the guidance of Coach K. We all know Dick Vitale would have.

In a related note, Coach K said in his weekly radio show that the Duke Blue Devil has been fan surfing for the past 3 weeks with that sprained knee, but unlike “other” schools, he doesn’t like to make those injuries public.

Posted in Coach K, Duke Blue Devils, dumbass, ESPN, Evil Empire | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

For the Cubs it’s been 100 Years Since a World Championship

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 29, 2008

If there’s one thing I hate more than the Yankees, it’s the Cubs faithful. Not all of them just the ones who spout off every year how this year will be the year. So to all those Cubs fans who might fit into that category, this post is for you.

Have a great day all. 🙂

Posted in Chicago Cubs, MLB, steroids | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Michael Vick Supports Illegal Immigration

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 28, 2008

Michael Vick, the anti-hero for old and young alike, apparently doesn’t like prison as much as some thought. According to they spoke with a friend who has a friend, who is the mechanic of some dude that is the garbage man whose relative is currently incarcerated with Mike Vick in Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary – in the same cell block.

And that person claims:

“Michael Vick is not in [administrative segregation] – he’s right there with the rest of the inmates. A few [inmates] stepped to him when he first got there but everything is cool now … My [family member] says that he’s paying a Mexican gang to keep him safe.”

OK I admit I was wrong because I figured the Mexican Mafia would be pissed about him adopting their heritage, sue me. (Except for LawVol cause he would win) One thing is certain Vick getting better protection now than when he played for the Falcons.

With any luck we’ll see Clemens join him soon and at the rate the arrests are piling up in Knoxville…”The Longest Yard 2: Reality is a MoFo Bitch” will be coming soon to DVD everywhere.

Posted in classless, conVick, court tv, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Only Thing Worse Than ESPN TV Programming

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 28, 2008

I know, it’s a catchy title. Usually, I leave criticizing ESPN for other blogsites such as The Big Lead or Awful Announcing, but a network that I once could not live without has become the network that I cannot stand to watch. I would rather sit down with the misses and watch marathons of Extreme Makeover and Dancing With the Stars than sit through another segment of the (insert name here) heads at ESPN. At times, I would still rather mute the lovely Erin Andrews than listen to her ask an uncomfortable Kelvin Sampson about his job status, knowing that he can’t answer anything in the middle of an investigation. Why would she ask such questions??? Because her corporate bosses tell her to. While stuck in an office building the past few days with nothing but a radio and crappy internet access, I was forced to endure the impossible. It was during this time that I realized that there is something even worse than ESPN TV…

When was the last time any of you listened to ESPN Radio??? My God, the crap that comes out of one radio station is unbelievable. Let’s start off with Pussboy and Steroid (Mike & Mike). The past few days I was subjected to Eric Kuselias, who in the pillowfight between which one is worse between Pussboy and Kusey, there is no definitive winner. Why these two are still on the air I have no idea, except maybe to give soccer moms something to listen to so that their husbands seem more manly.

Then we go to everyone’s favorite douchebag, Colin Cowherd. I won’t spend too much time on him, because anyone who goes on any number of blogs will tell you without question Cowherd the one guy at ESPN that no one can exactly figure out why he has a job. I will say this: never have I seen a guy who really has done squat professionally be so much of an arrogant ass. He always is quick to bring up ratings, yet when noon eastern hits, his ratings drop. Why??? Jim Rome is on, and yes Rome is a love him or hate him guy, but at least he can make fun of himself every once in a while.

Next we have the slot formerly occupied by Dan Patrick but is now taken up by Mike Tirico and his band of merry men. I understand that Tirico has been with the company for a while, but it’s bad enough that I am subjected to him for Monday Night Football (I had at one point last season muted the broadcast in favor of Westwood One’s coverage with the silky smooth and back biting Marv Albert). He is also doing the occasional NBA game. Now he is on the radio. You know the saying of “Jack of All Trades, Master of None”??? That ought to be tattooed onto Tirico’s bald spot.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Cal, ESPN, Evil Empire, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Rips Media, University of California berkeley | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

RIP Myron Cope

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 27, 2008

Myron Cope, longtime voice of the Pittsburgh Steelers, passed away this morning. I am not a Steelers fan, but if you ever saw a Pittsburgh Steelers game from 1975 and on, you will see his lasting impact on the franchise, the Terrible Towel. The concept of the Terrible Towel has since been copied by other sports franchises over the years, and Cope was so quirky of a broadcaster that he made Steeler football games great to listen to.

When I made a trip to Pittsburgh a few years ago, I was at a sports bar during a Steelers-Ravens game and the TV’s were on mute. They were playing the radio broadcast and this bar had maybe 200 Steeler fans in it. It only took 5 minutes of listening to Cope’s voice and I was hooked. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette wrote a nice obit to him. Cope will be missed…

Posted in NFL, NFL Football, Pitt Panters, Pitt Panthers, Pittsburgh Steelers | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

One Blowhard Down, A LOT More To Go

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 27, 2008

Yesterday, Sean Salisbury was fired from ESPN (golf clap). Earlier, the network announced that former Vikings receiver (who was screwed out of the Hall of Fame) Cris Carter would become an analyst for the network. While the move was shocking, both by the timing and the fact that someone woke up the head honchos at ESPN, Salisbury was just one of the numerous examples of what is wrong with the network. Over the years, there has been more Entertainment over Sports in the network’s culture. I will give my opinions a little bit later on about who else needs to go, but I would like to touch on the statement released on Salisbury’s departure. The statement reads:

“I have grown as much as I can at ESPN and decided to expand my horizons. I have created a brand and it’s time to expand into other opportunities in TV, radio, Internet, publishing, movies and public speaking, among others. My resume speaks for itself as a football analyst, and I believe I can talk all sports with the best of them.”

He has created a brand??? Wow. I understand that QB’s have to have some confidence and bravado, but created a brand??? I mean, Deion Sanders created a Hot Dog machine that maybe sold 50 units. If that’s creating a brand, Salisbury should be broke in 3 weeks.

Next thing, he says that he is going to go into Internet (read: he’s gonna start a wordpress blog), publishing (I think Go Dog Go has already been written), TV and movies (Sean and His Little Friend), and public speaking (nothing will get America’s youth not to pick up a crack pipe like a concussed, loudmouthed, Grey Cup winning but career backup QB). You know, I actually do see a future for him: I think Head On can use a new spokesperson. I know I need some aspirin or a shot of Jack Daniel’s after listening to him give verbal blowjobs to Tom Brady for minutes at a time.

OK, so Sean Salisbury is now officially off of the Budweiser Hot Seat. Let’s see who else ESPN can get rid of:

Sean Salisbury

Skip Bayless

Mike & Mike

Doug Gottlieb

Colin Cowherd

Amy Lawrence

Chris Berman

Stuart Scott

Lee Corso

Kirk Herbstreit

John Kruk

Merril Hoge

Emmitt Smith

Emmitt Smith’s Gigantic Ego

Mike Tirico (Thanks Zigzag)

*Please cover your ears for the cacophony of Skip Bayless v. Sean Salisbury clip

Posted in ESPN, Evil Empire | Tagged: , | 3 Comments »

Terry Tate Takes a Vacation

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 27, 2008

I’m running extremely late this morning. So I’m taking a vacation day from writing anything however I did find another Terry Tate video for your enjoyment. 🙂

Posted in Terry Tate | Leave a Comment »

There’s More To This Big 10 Team Than Wheat & Crappy Football

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 26, 2008

Well now that I have a chance to write, after travelling for the job, missing the game of the year because I was on a plane (UT v. Memphis), and being depressed about losing to a talented Tennessee basketball team, I get to now focus my attention to college football players and programs out of control. I know, you’re probably thinking Alabama, Tennessee, Florida, South Carolina, Florida State, or even Penn State. But just as quietly as they have sucked the last couple of years on the field, this Big 10 team has proven that even they are not too slow for the police blotter off of the field…


The University of Iowa Hawkeyes have had 14 player arrests in the past calendar year. This hawk has been flying off of the radar, just like their past football season. The latest arrest happened this past week, as WR James Cleveland and backup QB Arvell Nelson was arrested. Cleveland was busted for, get this, 21 pills of oxycodone and 24 doses of cardisoprodol, a drug to relax muscles. The drugs had no label and no prescription. Nelson was arrested because he had weed (aka Gainesville’s finest or Knoxville Recruiting Tool) sitting on his desk in plain view. I wonder if Nelson is an Ag-Science Major…

Well the school has had players arrested for the following: several drunken driving arrests, credit card fraud (also known as the Gottlieb), taking DVD’s from Wal-Mart (hopefully not the $1 bin DVD’s), sexual assault, and the ever popular failure to appear. Wow. Jai Eugene over at Losers With Socks wrote about the trend of Alabama having “16”, but give these guys a little time and they should beat that record easily. Fulmer Cup my ass.

I guess instead of having pink locker rooms at Kinnick Stadium, they might paint the dorm rooms pink…


This is NOT a Photoshop btw…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, bad drivers, Bammers, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, bongs, boosters, cheaters, College Football, Crime & Punishment, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, Florida Gators, football, Football Poll, Iowa Hawkeyes, stupid, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | 1 Comment »

The Many Talents of Tennessee B-ball Player Jordan Howell

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 26, 2008

Sing on brother.

Posted in Go Vols, SEC Basketball, Tennessee Volunteers | Leave a Comment »

Meet the Newest Addition to the Volunteer Coaching Staff

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 26, 2008

Phil Fulmer has made another addition to his staff. Meet Kevin VanDerzee he is the former University of Richmond director of football operations. He has been hired as Tennessee’s director of high school relations.

I’m not sure what the position entails but I’m positive it’s a waste of time really important. In fact I think some other positions need to be added to the football staff such as police ride-a-long coordinator, executive pimp, freshman babysitter & den mother.

VanDerzee, 30, served two seasons as Richmond’s director of football operations under Dave Clawson.

“It’s a great opportunity for me and something I didn’t forsee happening,” VanDerzee said. “Dave (Calwson) took this job and we were in scramble mode at Richmond, and to be honest had put together a pretty good recruiting class. We were just getting settled when the phone call came that this might be an opportunity and it happened quick.”

VanDerzee originally from Ravena, N.Y. has been director of football operations at Central Connecticut State, defensive ends coach at Albany, was gameday operations director for the Wilmington (N.C.) Sharks baseball team and was twice an intern in the NFL’s New York Giants’ player personnel department.

Let me reference this coaching position for you. You remember the kid in grade school who was put in charge of the class while the teacher had to talk to someone in the hallway and would report anyone who was bad, that is the exact description of this job. Oh and on Saturdays he gets to carry Phil’s headphones.

Posted in fulmer sucks, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »