Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Danica will Kick Your Ass

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 27, 2008

The most determined march Danica Patrick made during this past Sunday’s Indy500 was on foot, down pit road to confront Ryan Briscoe.

It was, unsuccessful. Just like her race.

Danica Patrick has one big ass set of brass balls or it’s that time of the month for her. Last month Danica improved her record to a blistering 1-49 by winning her first IndyCar Series in Japan. One week later she ran over a crew-man setting womanhood back about oh fifty years or so.

On Lap 171 of 200 she pulled the Andretti Green Racing No. 7 into the pits for service, leaving nine seconds later with four tires and fuel. Moments after pulling out and continuing down pit road, she made contact with Team Penske’s Briscoe, exiting after his service. Briscoe’s right-rear tire made contact with Patrick’s left-rear, snapping her suspension and sending her out of the race in 22nd place.

“I was just going down pit lane and as people pull out of their pit boxes and you’re on the outside lane, they have to wait until they can blend in,” Patrick said. “From what I could tell, it was pretty obvious what happened. What are you going to do?”

“It confirmed my thoughts. We were both out there trying to win the Indy 500 today, and when it’s time to go, we have to go,” said Briscoe, who finished 23rd. “But from what I can see, there was still plenty of room on the right side for her to get around and there are people pointing fingers, but that’s not the way we are.”

“We both have a brake pedal in our cars, and from what I can tell, there was still plenty of room for her to get around me. I was trying to get around [Dan] Wheldon [in the stall ahead], and I was staying in the middle lane. I got ran up in the back, and it’s a shame.”

After the contact, Patrick pulled to a stop at the end of the pit lane, visibly pissed-off. She was pushed back to her pit, where she got out and purposefully started walking like a tele-tubby down the lane, yanked off her gloves and looked ready for a second collision with Briscoe – this time between her fist and his face. An Indy Racing League security officer intercepted her and guided her over the pit wall before any confrontation.

“Probably best I didn’t get down there anyway,” Patrick said.

On Pole Day, Patrick held the provisional pole early but was passed as the qualifying order continued and she eventually settled into fifth. Yet she never ventured out for another qualifying attempt, saying there was nothing more in her Dallara-Honda.

“It’s not from a lack of trying, given enough time we would have figured it out, but how long is that time — was it one more run, was it another day? What was it going to be?” she said then. “I think it was pretty apparent through the speeds that Penske and Ganassi found something that worked and found something that made their cars really fast, and we didn’t.”

“The unfortunate thing is we worked our butts off this month,” Patrick said. “We were creeping forward slowly, but surely.”

The week after, Patrick was featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated for the second time in her career, and in a story she talked about discovering just months earlier that her 2005 car had more fuel left than she thought she had during the race. She was told to run a fuel-conservation strategy at the end of that 500, falling short in a race won by Wheldon.

Not going for the win that day, she said in the story, was the biggest regret of her life and that she would have gone for it had she known about the extra fuel.

Her team owner at the time, Bobby Rahal, took exception in Saturday’s editions of the Indianapolis Star.

“The inference is that we prevented her from winning, which is … completely insulting,” Rahal said. “As [then-engineer Ray Leto] will tell you, there was a lot of discussion about where we were on fuel and what was the risk. Ultimately, my decision was made [to conserve] based on the fact that if we had pitted [for fuel], we were going to finish 13th. If we had run out on the last lap, we would have finished 13th.”

Did Patrick want to say something to Briscoe?

“We will see if he can find me first,”

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

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3 Responses to “Danica will Kick Your Ass”

  1. MoonDog said

    In the video Andretti said Briscoe “nailed her in the left rear.” Think about that for a moment.

  2. zigzag said

    Danica would whip Briscoe’s pansy ass.

  3. […] Danica will Kick Your Ass […]

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