The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way Volume One: Spurrier Disciplinarian Aficionado
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 28, 2008
The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way is new section in which we try to delve into the mind of Steve God Spurrier to see what he is thinking, how to handle certain situations and the cause & effect of dumb ass mistakes.
On 8/25/08 God Spurrier shocked the Gamecock faithful by announcing that Taylor Rank will get the starting nod over senior Mike Davis at tailback in USC’s season-opener against North Carolina State.
Spurrier stated his reasoning for starting Rank over Davis was:
“Taylor’s had a little bit better preseason practice,” Spurrier said following Monday afternoon’s practice. “He had a good summer going to workouts and Mike did too. Mike will be in early though.”
The Head Ball (Sac) Coach went on to say that Rank is “ready to play, he’s performed well, taken care of the ball, knows what to do. He’s a good solid back, but Mike will be in there pretty early.”
Still this left many of the Gamecock perplexed and soon there was panic in the streets as the Rogue Cop of West Columbia and his SWAT team had to turn the water hose on Gamecock fans. Coupled with military grade tear gas and Milkor MGL-140 grenade launchers thankfully quelled that riot.
Well thankfully to some crack digging and good sources we now know the reason why Spurrier chose Rank over Davis.
Sunday was a scorcher here and I’m sure Davis was hot from after doing whatever Gamecock football players do when they don’t have practice. (Think in the lines of committing felonies.)
Davis was dazed, confused and extremely thirsty. He shouts out “Anyone got 2 dollars so I can get me a Gatorade?” All he heard was silence…silence!!!
Davis decided to do what any self-respecting Gamecock would do and break into a fridge that was in the team’s weight room and steal get him some damn Gatorade! Go Cocks!!!
Davis using his manly man yet parched force, showed that refrigerator who the boss was! After the damage was discovered God Spurrier quickly thought of ways to punish the culprit. Surely when the star QB to be can key a professor’s car and rack up three arrests in a 15 month period and not get booted off the team then how could he justify booting this perp off?
Spurrier asked his team of malevolent angels who the hell did this…but all were silent just like the responses to Davis’s cries for 2 dollars were silent the day before.
Spurrier is crafty though and he decided to check the camera footage and low and behold there was Mike Davis assaulting and possible molesting that poor innocent refrigerator door.
Quickly the ball coach had to think. So instead of following university protocol by reporting this act of vandalism to the USC Campus Po Po, he has another idea instead.
He will make Davis pay for the damages through money Davis may or may not (wink wink nudge nudge) receive from the Blake Mitchell Fan Club. To top it all off Davis will not get to start against NC State.
Meaning he will most likely sit out the first offensive play of the game, after all God Spurrier stressed yesterday that Davis “should be in the game pretty early (Thursday) night.”
That my friends is truly being a Disciplinarian Aficionado. Go Cocks!!
On the next OB(Sac)C Garnet Way learn why God Spurrier considers John Daly a “very close & special” friend.
The OB(Sac)C Garnet Way has been brought to you by Sho’nuff Bail Bonds the official bail bonding company of Gamecocks everywhere.