Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Archive for October, 2008

Broken Plays the Halloween edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

Broken plays are a collection of stories and links I wanted to write about it but could not find the time to do so.

Check out what the guys over at the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober are doing on All Hallow’s Eve SEC Style.

Scot Pollard posing with a fan showing off his Boston Celtic championship ring. God knows what would have the Celtics done if it wasn’t for the three whole minutes that Pollard played in the series against the Lakers. He reminds me of a balding Latino version of Morrissey.

Speaking of the Celtics, apparently ESPN doesn’t like Bill Walker. Here is a screen grab of Bill Walker’s profile page on ESPN’s site. Unfortunately for them it has that comment about him being a dick under local news in bold letters for all to see. It’s since been corrected.

Mike Hartline is a little upset about being benched as the starting QB for Kentucky.

“I’m disappointed. It stinks …You don’t ever expect to win the starting job and then lose it because the guys around you aren’t performing the way they should … The worst part about it, to me, is there was nothing that I could have done to get better on the practice field to change that decision. We’re not productive at other places. We’ve got to do something.”

College athletes need to learn two words: no comment. How hard is that? It’s not like they’re going to get fined for not talking to the media.

Let’s all take a moment to admire Colt McCoy’s girlfriend. She is the one on the left.

John Daly gets picked up at Hooters around 2:17 AM…gee I wonder why. Long John is straight thuggin’ with the popped collar orange jump suit. Then again he looks the same as he does when he steps up to the 1st Tee.

Here is yet another hilarious video Texas A&M video via the Aggie Report.

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Posted in Boston Celtics, drunk, John Daly, Kentucky Wildcats, Texas A&M | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Is it the end of the Fulmer era or the beginning of a new one?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 31, 2008

As this football season lumbers painfully on for Tennessee fans let’s not forget it must be painful for Coach Fulmer as well. He has been associated with the University of Tennessee in some shape or fashion for the last 34 years.

For many fans all they know is Fulmer. While nothing has been officially announced the majority of the big orange nation knows a change is coming.

In this uncertain and dark economic time I would hate for anyone to lose their job. After some brainstorming I believe I have solution that will cure both the problems of firing Fulmer and choosing a presidential candidate.

It’s time to:

ELECT FULMER AS PRESIDENT


It’s a win-win solution for everyone and what five star football stud could say no to the president of the United States when he comes recruiting for Tennessee?

Let’s look at the issues:

The Economy

  • A pro-growth, pro-jobs strategy to get our economy back on track by working like heck.

Energy

  • Our nation’s future security and prosperity depends on the next President working like heck that will break our nation’s strategic dependence on foreign sources of energy and will ensure our economic prosperity by meeting tomorrow’s demands for a clean portfolio.

National Security

  • The most sacred responsibility vested in a president – the commander in chief – is to work like heck “preserve and protect” American citizens.

Immigration

  • Fulmer will work like heck to secure the borders of Alabama (America’s own third world country) and deport all Alabamians back to their country while rescuing the poor trapped Americans that might be behind enemy lines.

Fighting Crime

  • Unless they play for Tennessee, Fulmer will work like heck to put them behind bars.

It’s time to wake up America and elect a leader that can endure the criticism of a fickle SEC fan base for 14 years.

VOTE FOR FULMER BEFORE YOU VOTE AGAINST HIM!

Posted in Big Orange, Election 08, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

When (sports) parents go over the top

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 30, 2008

This posting will be a semi-funny/semi-serious posting. I’m going to look at three very different situations of when parents of athletes or if the parent is an athlete, go really over the top.

The first case is Tye Burke

Tye is an above average soccer dad. His daughter plays soccer so being a good dad he attends all the games. He also is teaching his little one how to treat other people with respect and keeping your cool. That is if you consider pointing a loaded gun at the head of the soccer coach’s husband respectful and keeping cool.

Investigators tell NewsChannel 11 that Burke got into a fight with the female coach of his child’s soccer team. The soccer association tells us the children playing at the time were between seven and eight years old. Apparently, the coach’s husband tried to stop Burke from yelling at his wife, and that’s when the two men got into an argument in the stands. The police report states that the victim pushed Burke, and then Burke pulled a handgun and pointed it at the victim’s head. Police say an off-duty prison guard tackled Burke, and got the gun away from him.

Just because you have a permit to carry a concealed weapon doesn’t mean you take it to a child’s soccer game. Only in Texas would a parent show up being heavily armed. Maybe he is just trying to compensate for being too much of a wimp to let his kid play youth football.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in BYU, Chicago Bears, classless, Isiah Thomas, NBA, New York Knicks, suicide attempt, zeke | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Charles Barkley makes fun of Isiah Thomas and his suicide attempt

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 29, 2008

The round mound of rebound and potential 2014 gubernatorial nominee for the state of Alabama, Sir Charles Barkley, beat me to the punch in making fun of the suicide attempt of Isiah Thomas. Damn my work schedule.

Sir Charles while commenting on the state of the once great Knicks franchise made this remark:

In discussing ways in which the Knicks should be improved this season, Barkley said, “I think they have a better coach. This coach probably won’t try to kill himself.”

Barkley, usually not one to shy from potentially insensitive remarks, seemed to sense his attempt at humor had crossed a line. “That’s my fault,” he said.

Well the odds of attempted suicide go up astronomically with each year when one chooses to coach the Knicks, so I wouldn’t count my Kurt Cobains before they hatch.

In all honesty I don’t believe Barkley meant to make that quip. Charles is now my role model, whether he likes it or not.

I’m betting D’Antoni was watching the presser and slowly put the bottle down and put the pills down and for the first time in a month looked into the mirror and sobbed.

I guess that Charles still needs to figure out the old Tragedy +Time=Comedy equation a little sooner.

Charles for Governor!

Posted in Charles Barkley, dumbass, Isiah Thomas, suicide, TNT | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Well this will certainly leave a mark

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 29, 2008

Did anyone watch the Houston/Marshall game last night? Actually did anyone even know it was on? In the video below you will see how not to break a leg…literally.

Freshman receiver Patrick Edwards for Houston run out of the back of the end zone while going for pass that was overthrown. For some odd reason there are metal carts placed there, which of course is rather odd.

I’m warning you this video is ugly and you’ll cringe. I truly hope Edwards recovers and is able to play again. I’ll make fun of a lot of things, but I won’t make fun of injuries.

Posted in Houston Cougars, Marshall Thundering Herd, That will leave a mark | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Go play for Notre Dame or when I’m released from jail you’ll be sorry

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 29, 2008

Recruiting is the one aspect of college football that probably goes on all year long. It’s not supposed to but let’s not be naïve here, it does.

Imagine for a second that you’re a talented high school player that is receiving offers all the time from big name schools. You would get your mail and see offers from Tennessee, Alabama, USC (the one that wins championships), Miami, Notre Dame, Georgia, a letter from an inmate that is in prison somewhere in California, Penn State & Michigan.

Wait…a letter from a California inmate? What the hell? Is my real father trying to contact me? All joking aside this happened to two such talents in Arizona.

A couple recruits in Arizona – including Devon Kennard, son of former Wolf Pack player Derek Kennard – received multi-page letters from an inmate in the California State Penitentiary system urging them to choose Notre Dame.

I’m a little perturbed that an inmate has the resources to scour sites such as Rivals & Scout to find this info out about high school football players that potentially could go to Notre Dame.

Of course I’m equally as bothered by the fact that someone actually cares that much about Notre Dame. Maybe the prisoner is a Notre Dame alum or a former priest. Either way if I was a high school football player and started receiving letters from some prison inmate, I would be freaked the hell out.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Let’s play who is going to be our next coach!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 28, 2008

Well, it’s come down to this. Super-duper secret sources at Tennessee are saying that more likely than not Philopotamus Fulmer is out as head coach at Tennessee. Which means a search for a new coach must begin.

The 3rd Saturday in Blogtober already has posted a most excellent list of coaching candidates. Because of that it makes this article ever harder to write. So I’m going to something that most of the Tennessee boosters and current football coaching doesn’t do and that is think outside of the box.

The following list took a long time for me to come up with. I spent a whopping 3 minutes of my life on this list. Here are my choices as the next head coach. Let me rephrase that: Here are the choices that are left since the Ghost of Neyland named all the good choices in his article. Have you gone and read his list yet? You should. Do it! Now!

Ronald McDonald

This would be a fine asset for the Tennessee program. He’s great with kids and wacky in a creepy way. The coaching staff he would bring with him would consist of Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, Grimace, Birdie the Early Bird, and The Fry Kids. How sweet is that? Apparently he is also good with the Chinese as well.

This dude

I know nothing about this guy but the sign is funny as hell.

Kenny Rogers

He’s a gambler something which Fulmer isn’t. Plus he makes decent fried chicken.

Yoda

He kicks ass and he could use the force to change the outcome of the games. You know like the way Alabama purchases the refs except without money.

Vince from those annoying Shamwow commercials.

He might not be able to coach but you know he could recruit. I’m willing to bet that someone reading this purchased a Shamwow.

That’s my list take it or leave it. Either way, at this point in the season they could do a better job than the current staff.

Posted in fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Fat, Drunk And Stupid: Welcome to West Virginia

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

Vodpod videos no longer available.

When you’re so wasted that your fellow fans chant “Asshole” at some other guy but you want to be the one being called “Asshole”, you might be fat drunk and stupid. I know the screen is black just press play to see real mountaineer spirit. Warning if you’re at work you might want to turn the volume down. The alcohol he was drinking was meant to be used as fuel for when they set their couch on fire later.

You’re the Great Drunken King, Charlie Brown. It’s clear that the crowd was actually referring to someone else (see the people in the background pointing as they chant?). The troubling thing is, that means there was someone acting like even more of an asshole as this kid!

Posted in Big East, drunk, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

This season is lost though it’s not over: The Tennessee/Alabama Grade book

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 27, 2008

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the above photo is clearly a copy of War & Peace. Quite honestly that is also what best describes this season. The fans are at war with the coach and Fulmer is constantly trying to bring peace.

The Phreaky Phil-Osophy show goes on and on and on while the status of the Tennessee Football program goes down.

A lot of Tennessee fans had a “gut feeling” about this game. That feeling turned out to be a mirage of hope. This team is bad, no make that dreadful.

No matter how this rest of this season plays out Tennessee will not beat a major rival. This was the first time Tennessee has lost consecutive games to Bama in the Fulmer era. It’s another clear sign that it’s time for a coaching change.

“I’m obviously very disappointed,” said Fulmer. “We’re in a battle from top to bottom, whether it’s recruiting or whatever. But I’m more concerned about our team right now.”

Alabama beat up Tennessee for the same reason Florida did: both teams have better play makers on both sides of the ball. The VOLS didn’t even get a first down until the 13:42 mark in the 2nd quarter.

Tennessee is just 6-14 against ranked teams over the last four years and a stunning 1-9 at home against the Top 10 this decade.

If a storied NFL team like the Cowboys can cut ties with a coach that gave them 2 Super Bowl victories and 5 appearances, then surely Tennessee can cut ties with Fulmer. Bring in some fresh blood and reawaken this program.

Of course Phil continues with saying the right things.

“All I know,” Fulmer said, “is we’ll keep working to get it fixed.”

Where have I heard that before?

Let’s look at these weeks grades and see just what needs fixing.

QUARTERBACK C+

Stephens still has not turned the ball over since he took the job from Crapton Crompton. He was 16 of 28 for 137 yards. However he made some questionable throws and missed some open wide receivers.

RUNNING BACKS D

36 rushing yards. Pathetic. Absolutely no explosive runs. I do credit Hardesty for making a first down due to second effort

RECEIVERS D

Clearly Gerald Jones was missed and fears of seeing Chavis in drag allowed Eric Berry only one opportunity on offense. Taylor and Stocker each had drops. I’m not going to blame Taylor for the offensive pass interference penalty though, that was total BS.

OFFENSIVE LINE F

Though this group got a good push in short yardage situations, they also had two penalties at critical times.

DEFENSIVE LINE C+

Robert Ayers continues to shine. The game score could have turned out different if Dan Williams didn’t suffer an injury.

LINEBACKERS C-

Even though Rico McCoy had 13 tackles he often knocked on his ass and they were so far down field that it didn’t make much of a difference. Ellix Wilson had nine stops as well.

SECONDARY A-

Eric Berry had 11 tackles and laid the wood on several Bama players. DeAngelo Willingham was picked on by Bama forcing man-to-man coverage to stop the run.

SPECIAL TEAMS C

LaMarcus Thompson forced fumble on a Bama punt that was recovered by Rogan at the five yard line. Colquitt had a productive night though he shanked a punt that was costly. Lincoln Logs missed a 51 yard field goal, but I’m not going to blame him for that because that’s clearly out of his range, but he should have made that 43 yard attempt.

COACHING F/A

The A is for the defense. Considering they received zero help from the offense they deserve it. Offensively Clawson called a boring and horrid game. When the VOLS needed big plays the calls were not made.

OVERALL F

Though the defense was solid and the special teams were productive, the offense is awful and laughable. The penalties that the offensive committed during opportunistic situations took points off the board.

A look ahead:

South Carolina is next week and believe it or not I think Tennessee should win this game. South Carolina’s run game is actually worse than ours. Stephens has an advantage due to the fact he protects the ball by not throwing interceptions and not fumbling. This should be a low scoring affair. Both defenses are equally good but I believe our secondary is considerably better.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Ass Whipping, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Eric Berry, fire philip fulmer, fulmer sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Nick Saban, Nick Stephens, Phillip Fulmer, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 9 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 26, 2008

It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.

There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.

UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.

Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.

Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.

Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.

Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.

The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.

Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.

The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?

Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.

Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.

Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.

Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.

The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)

Trends started at Rutgers…

1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)

For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.

Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.

Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.

Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!

JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.

Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2.  They could become ranked this week.

Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, College Football, David Cutcliffe, Dirty Sanchez, Duke, Duke Blue Devils, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hokies, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Les Miles, Louisville Cardinals, LSU Tigers, mark richt, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, Rutgers, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Uconn, Uga, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Cavaliers, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »