Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

The Big Orange Roundtable Alabama Week Edition

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 22, 2008

That’s right folks it’s Alabama week and one can not have an Alabama week with the Big Orange Roundtable now can we? Taking a cue from the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober, both Billy Bob Bammer and I will be answering the questions this week.

With out further a due let’s go to the roundtable!!! (Never mind the smell it’s Bama related)

Both teams at some point or another have been described as an Evil Empire.  If your team is the Death Star, what is its planet-destroying weapon?

Thomas the Terrible: Simple Eric Berry. He is the crusher of the dreams for the QB’s and hits like hell, just ask Knowshon Moreno. He has already accumulated 5 interceptions this season and leads the county in interceptions as well.

He is a lock for all-American and possibly defensive player of the year in the SEC, unless the ref that tackled Stephen Garcia steals it. Not to mention he is also a tackling machine.

Billy Bob Bammer: Shoot that there is a easy one. Our boosters. You see our boosters pay the players more than what they might receive in the NFL. How the hell you think we get such good players in the first place?

The one thing a young man needs to worry when coming to Bama is football. You say you have a test in painting by numbers? Our boosters will gladly take that test for you.

What is its two meter wide exhaust port?

Thomas the Terrible: Simple again it’s out offensive coordinator. The bottom line is that he sucks. Everything in the offensive game has gone downhill since his arrival.

Billy Bob Bammer: I would say it’s Nick Saban. That’s right I said it. He gets that fast lead and then doesn’t make adjustments at halftime. Instead he is thinking about how purdy he feels while wearing women’s undergarments. And then boom the other team has done caught up to us.

I would say fire him but hell we’re number 2 in the country.

Everyone is looking forward to Eric Berry vs. Julio Jones.  What is the next matchup you’ll be keying on in this game?

Thomas the Terrible: Our defense as a whole verses John “Sarah Jessica” Parker Wilson. He hasn’t faced a secondary like ours yet and I’m interested in seeing of he gets rattled back there.

Billy Bob Bammer: The match up I’m looking forward to seeing is our fans looking for the outhouses.I know that they have to be there somewhere. It seems like every SEC school always hides the outhouses when Bama is in town. It’s a damn conspiracy. Below is my house notice my fancy extra large outhouse. Quit hiding the outhouses damn it!

RTR!!! I live here. Come by any time-- Billy Bob Bammer

RTR!!! I live here. Come by any time-- Billy Bob Bammer

The Tide and Vols will scrap it out under the lights at Neyland.  Do you like this arrangement and does the later kickoff time provide an advantage to either team?

Thomas the Terrible: This is a rivalry game so you might as well throw anything like out of the window. However the time Alabama was undefeated and playing the VOLS at night was in 96. Alabama was 7-0 coming into Neyland. They were dealt their first loss. This happened to a night game as well.

Billy Bob Bammer: I give this advantage to the VOLS. Most of the Bama fan base is out possum hurting in dusk rolls around.

Since the Tide had a bye week and the Vols didn’t bother to play that weekend either (zing!) we’re going to say this is the Third Saturday in October just to justify the name of one of the greatest rivalries in college football.  In three thousand words or less, turn over the kettles of white-hot liquid hate upon thine enemy.

Thomas the Terrible: I hate Alabama but not necessarily Bama fans. After all how can you hate the fans of Bama knowing they were serenaded with “Rocky Top” by the Minnesota band after losing a 3rd-tier bowl game?

Instead I pity them. I feel bad for them after being Croomed twice in a row, I pity the fact that a former head coach realized that the ugliest stripper in Pensacola was prettier than the Alabama coaching job.

They are victims of a conspiracy 15 years in the making involving Phillip Fulmer, the NCAA, the FBI and Osama Bin Laden.

It’s sad knowing that Notre Dame takes pride in saying “well, at least we’re not as bad as Alabama” & knowing that a Big Least coach turned down a job offer.

I feel for their fans that proudly display toilet paper rolls and empty detergent boxes when the whole world can see that they don’t know how to use either.

In fact the reason Tennessee beat Northern Illinois this year was because they ruined Bama’s homecoming game one year.

It’s hard being a Bama fan especially since they got caught cheating while still on probation.

Of course I find it odd that people from Alabama call people from Tennessee hicks, since Tennessee can support three professional teams and Alabama can’t support one.

This holiday season if you are going to give to charity please remember America’s own little third world county that is known as Alabama.

Billy Bob Bammer: I pity Tennessee fans with their knowledge of fancy stuff like deodorant. Who has time for that? And they always complain about property taxes. Learn to squat like a Bama fan!

They always want to fire their coach but can’t throw bricks through the coach’s window after a 10 win season like we can. Rtr!

I hate their indoor plumbing and their “necessities” like toothbrushes and unspoiled food. Rtr!

I hate how they dress all preppy and always make fun of Bama fans that are wearing denim jean jackets. Oh I hear the snide comments…let me tell you one thing like Bama rising again…the Levis jean jacket shall rise also. RTR Bitches!

You know you're wanting the jacket! RTR!

You know you're wanting the jacket! RTR

Remember to stop by all the sites of the roundtable and check their answers out as well.

6 Responses to “The Big Orange Roundtable Alabama Week Edition”

  1. That sure is a fine jacket there Billy Bob. Missed you at the REC breakfast before the Ole Miss game.

    We need to score us some tickets to Miami for January. But we must keep coach in witness protection that week. That Dan LeBatard is out for his hide.

  2. […] YMSWWC […]

  3. […] Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain […]

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  5. ghostofneyland said

    I was at the Alabama-Minnesota game, and it was music to my ears. Heck, I even joined in.

    The Gophers at least did have Marion Barber III and Laurence Maroney.

  6. fill bred said


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