Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Ashton Kutcher has no Butterfly Effect on the Football Field

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 10, 2008

Ashton Kutcher’s has good life, I won’t deny that. I’ll even admit he was halfway entertaining on That 70′ Show. Then for some reason he decided making shitty movies like Dude, Where’s My Car?, The Butterfly Effect & What Happens in Vegas.

Kutcher is married to former hottie Demi Moore. I say former because she was about 20 years ago before she was married to Bruce Willis. Who would want Bruce Willis’s seconds anyway?

One would think that being married to Moore and staring in shitty movies like those that I have mention above & of course let’s not forget his other TV show Pink’d, would impress the hell out of some spoiled high school football players at North Hollywood’s Harvard-Westlake School. Well think again.

According to Star magazine, Kutcher isn’t exactly popular or even liked.

Coach of the year? Not quite. Ashton Kutcher has been having a ball as assistant coach to North Hollywood‘s Harvard-Westlake School freshman footballers. But the feeling isn’t mutual.

“The kids want him gone,” says an insider. “They think he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and can’t stand his tough-guy attitude.”

Out of the huddle, the kids mock their famous coach and have even given him a special nickname: Ashton Doucher!

They settled on Ashton Doucher after their first choice, Asshat McDickface, was widely rejected as being juvenile and immature.

In other words, he’s exactly like every freshman football assistant coach, none of whom knows anything about football and likes to scream at 14-year-olds to cover up their insecurity about being shitty at their job/life.

Of course every once in a while, 14 yr old kids have a flash of wisdom far beyond their years, this could leave Kutcher asking the question: Dude, Where’s my Career? There is no word yet that Kutcher is asking the players for pain killers…yet.

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