Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

If you’re a student athlete please stop trying to shoplift of Wal-Mart

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 12, 2008

What is it with college athletes and shoplifting from Wal-Mart? Is there some super secret requirement that if you’re in college on an athletic scholarship then you must participate in shoplifting from Wal-Mart?

Seriously…this is the fourth story I’ve written about involving college athletes and shoplifting from Wally World in less than a year’s time.

Story #1 Oklahoma player sent home for having sticky fingers

Story #2 Women’s B-ball player from Oklahoma proves she can cross-dribble and shoplift

Story #3 Eastern Kentucky football player is busted and has that “not-so-fresh” feeling

All of these idiots were caught shoplifting from Wal-Mart. Well it’s time for story #4.

A 20-year-old Binghamton University basketball player named Malik Alvin enters the failed Wal-Mart shoplifting ring of shame.

Alvin was caught by the Wal-Mart rent-a-cop with 36 Trojan Magnum condoms shoved down his pants. How was there any room in his pants for the Magnums if that’s truly what he needed? As he attempted to run he knocked over a 66-year-old female customer which left her with a concussion. Even though the lady might have flopped…guess what Alvin? You also get a simple assault charge for that as well. Douche-bag

Only 36 condoms? Wilt Chamberlain is not impressed!!!!!!!!!!

That 66-year old lady is the best defender he’s faced all year playing for Binghamton.

For the record the school offers free condoms what an idiot, unless he mistakenly thought he was enrolled at Brigham and couldn’t get rubbers for free at the student health center.

Alvin is considered a playground legend from Philly and is a transfer from Chipola College, a community college on Florida’s panhandle between Tallahassee and Pensacola.

To top all of this off, Alvin is a cousin of the late Walter Payton, the famed former Chicago Bears football player who is in the Hall of Fame.

Bottom line is if you can’t get away from Wal-Mart security, maybe athletics just isn’t your thing.


One Response to “If you’re a student athlete please stop trying to shoplift of Wal-Mart”

  1. zigzag said

    It seems if these lads were going to shop lift they would not waste their jail time on Wal-Mart. Doesn’t it make more sense to shop lift at Tiffany’s or maybe Saks or some other high end place? Of course, you might find a sterling silver dildo but no rubbers at either place.

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