Joel’s Crappy Weekend
Posted by Joel on December 17, 2008
-Kid wakes up at 6:30 am, thus killing any dreams of having a lazy Saturday morning. A feeling suddenly comes over me, telling me that today will not be a good day for the home team.
-I almost lose my little girl at the park around 10:30 am. I now feel like a “Father of the Year” candidate. I took my eye off of her for 5.8 seconds to answer my cell phone & she was gone. Luckily, she walked over to the mounted cop’s horse. Instantly, I was relieved and told her not to give the horse candy. We didn’t want to end up like Kenny from Half Baked.
-Watch the Memphis Tigers give the game away to Georgetown in OT. They need a point guard in the worst way.
-Kentucky beat Indiana, thus killing my sweet Billy Clyde/Hoosiers I had thought about. Bastards.
-Got into it with the better half. Guys, always remember that women, although beautiful creatures, are mean and vicious when they choose to be. After arguing, it was couch duty for me. Life sucks.
-I found out Candace Parker married that monkey looking Duke boy, thus killing my dream of me and Candace…wait,I am already doing couch duty. Let me shut up.
-Wake up wondering if this will be a continuation of a crappy weekend or something better. Of course, when I say woke up, I mean at 4:30 am. I did couch duty, remember??? I was awaken to the pastoral stylings of Joel Osteen. Though he shares my name, we don’t see eye to eye on all things God (warning: The rest of this bullet point will be theological in nature. Those practicing Judaism, Islam, Scientology, or Paganism in general, please feel free to skip to the next bullet point). Joel Osteen is nothing more, in my opinion, than a self-help guru. He is all style and show, but no substance. I have heard him speak on several occasions and he may have used one actual Bible verse. He wouldn’t know scripture if he clicked here and here.
-6:30 am, my daughter wakes up again. I get her to walk on my back. The couch isn’t as broken in as I remembered.
-After going to a 9:00 am meeting, which probably was a waste of time, I am excited about seeing the Titans destroy the Texans as usual. Then I remembered that I drank all the beer the night before I hit the couch. Uh oh…
-The Texans are leading the Titans, beating them handily. The Lady Vols are losing to the Longhorns or Heifers or whatever they call Texas’ women’s team.
-Holding off on a beer run and hoping things would fix themselves the way they should be, the Titans lose to the Texans and the Lady Vols lose to the Fat Cows of Texas. Now I am gonna hear it from all of my co-workers and friends here in Houston.
-Tried to talk to my lovely better half & she isn’t hearing it. Great, now I have done it. Every kiss begins with Kay right??? 😦 Just remember that honesty is best, no matter how small the problem is.
-Cowboys beat the Giants and no one shot themselves or OD’d on pain pills. Damn shame.
-11:00 pm and I am no longer on couch duty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the floor in the bedroom isn’t as comfortable as it used to be…
It could be worse: How does it feel to be an Auburn fan right now???
Chris Rock on Love