Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps
Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009
Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.
It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.
News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.
One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.
“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”
Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.
Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?
“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”
Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.
Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.
Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.
“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”
Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ’em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.
It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.
The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.