Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Houston Astros: Marketing Geniuses

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 16, 2009


Living in Houston is a different experience from growing up in Memphis. For one thing, Houston is fortunate to have 3 sucky major league sports teams. Growing up in Memphis, there was the then Memphis State Tigers and the Double A Memphis Chicks. Big difference.

One of the things that amazes are the “big league” marketing campaigns that the teams come up with. When I first moved here in 2003, I was expecting glossy, complex slogans that would stick with me and make me wanna shell out $20 for parking, $5 for Cokes, $7 for Cokes in a souvenir cup, $8 for nachos, plus the price of tickets. I would use these marketing campaigns to justify spending $100 in one night. I mean, I could look at that souvenir cup that will fade after the first waash and say to myself, “The memory of spending $7 for a cup & drink that cost the team 30 cents to produce was worth it because I saw The Good Guys play”.

Piss on that. Apparently, the Houston Astros, a Major League Baseball franchise, has released its marketing campaign for the 2009 season. The slogan: Did You Miss Us? Seriously, a team that missed on the playoffs again and features one major league starting pitcher in its rotation tries to get its fanbase fired up, not by signing more starting pitching or bullpen help or by getting a catcher that isn’t scared to swing the bat, but by asking its fans Did You Miss Us? Thank God I am a Braves fan. To their credit, they could always get minor league coach and former Memphis Redbird fan favorite Stubby Clapp to be a coach for the big team. Imagine a bunch of Astros female fans holding signs saying “We Got Clapp” or “I Like my Manager Stubby”.

So after listening a little bit to 1560 The Game, I decided to come up with some slogans that the Astros can use for this year:

*Astros: We Sorry…


*Our Locker Room No Longer Says Whites Only!!!

*Bagwell’s Wife Is No Longer Here! The Kids Are Safe From Botox Monster!


*$10 For A Beer & Minute Maid Park Has No Champagne Room (Yet)

*Got Pitching??? Seriously, We’re Asking.

*Season Tickets Are A Great Stimulus Package.

*Who Needs A Minor League System?

*Going On 2 Years Since We Had A Failed Marriage Proposal

*Who Said Our Mascot Looks Like The Nestle Quik Bunny?


*Tracy “She-Mac” McGrady Doesn’t Play Here.

*Let’s Try To Have More Fans Of The Home Team & Not The Visitors This Year. Damn Transplants.


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