Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Nothing says father and son bonding like getting drunk and letting the kid drive

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 17, 2009

I was going get on my soapbox about the poor parenting skills of Phoenix Suns’ guard Jason Richard and his desire to go slightly over the speed limit while his 3-year-old son was not properly buckled in. After all he was clocked for going 90 in a 35 MPH zone but I changed my mind. 

I have a better story to tell involving poor parenting skills instead. Take two soccer coaches, an eight-year-old, a van and a bottle of whiskey shake and stir and you have Disney’s newest straight to DVD release. 

Mark A. Belanger, 34, of Sarasota, was arrested on February 8th for allowing his son to drive the family van which almost hit two Toronto FC coaches who were walking nearby.

“Belanger told police he was “feeling woozy and didn’t want to drive.” He also told them he let his child drive “because he wanted to have a bonding moment with his son.” The two pedestrians nearly hit by the child driver are coaches with a Major League Soccer club team, Toronto FC. The team has been in the area for about a week in a training camp.

Witnesses said the boy crashed the van into a tree, shattering the driver’s side rear window, after the two coaches got out of the way. The boy then crashed a second time into a tree, damaging the car’s radiator, the police report said.

When police arrived, Belanger fell to the ground after he dropped his wallet. When he fell, he slammed his face on the pavement, leaving a gash on the bridge of his nose. The boy told police his father took “liquid medicine in order to feel better.” He pointed to an empty bottle of Canadian whiskey in the vehicle.”

Not fair! My mother would not allow me to drive when she got sauced until I was eleven-years-old. Man kids have got made these days. This officially makes the 8 year old the best driver in Florida. Also Belanger should’ve taken his kid to a whorehouse. That’s how you bond with your son.

This is the problem with today’s children. They grew up on Grand Theft Auto, so he crashed into a tree. I grew up on Mario Kart; I would have shot the tree with a red shell and kept it moving.

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2 Responses to “Nothing says father and son bonding like getting drunk and letting the kid drive”

  1. Joel said

    “I grew up on Mario Kart; I would have shot the tree with a red shell and kept it moving.”

    He should have just used the lightning bolts & shrunk the tree…

  2. ghettophilosopher said

    No words. I am getting all choked up.

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