Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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The halo of Kurt Warner shines brighter than my slightly tarnished and dent one

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 3, 2009

Now that's a haircut you can set your watch to.

Kurt Warner visited San Francisco yesterday and has a physical scheduled for later today. Apparently this isn’t just a ploy to leverage in his contract negotiations with Arizona.

So say he’s visiting San Francisco to destroy it for the sins of its inhabitants, just like in Genesis.

Everyone knows Kurt Warner is the NFL Jesus. His agent, Mark Bartelstein, would like to point out that Warner is on a higher moral plane than you or I and we’re sinners that are doomed to hell in the afterlife. Which I firmly believe is Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

“People assume things are being done to create leverage and that’s not true,” Bartelstein said. “Anyone who knows Kurt Warner knows that’s not the moral plane he operates under. He would never do something to create leverage.”

According to Bartelstein there are some hurt feelings involving the contract negations with the Cardinals that is forcing Warner to San Francisco. He’s seeking a two-year contract for $29 million, and the Cardinals offered $20 million over the two years. Which leaves me to ask the question: WWJD?

Only 20 million for 2 years? What a slap in the face. Just remember Kurt, what would Jesus do? Certainly not accept $625,000 per Sunday.

I’m sure he was disappointed that he had to go through free agency. Getting hassled on the phone by any number of suitors, being offering you eight figures to play football instead of working a real job. A real shame, that is.

For some I do not believe that the city of San Francisco would embrace the Warners’ Christian conservatism, seems like a hotbed of that sort of thinking.

By the way Michael Vick thinks the 49ers courting Warner is just puppy love.

Kurt Warner has found fame and fortune in the NFL but he has NEVER even come close to scoring the crazy, mad MILFs like he did when he was a grocery bagger.

For the record I think Kurt Warner and his story is great however I’m sick of hearing how “holy” he is.


2 Responses to “The halo of Kurt Warner shines brighter than my slightly tarnished and dent one”

  1. Joel said

    “Now that’s a haircut you can set your watch to.”

    Yes Thomas, a Swatch watch, with the banana fragrance on the straps…

  2. Doublek said

    You are going straight to Hell for such sacrilege. Kurt says so in the Bible.

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