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What a shocker. Calipari tricks everyone and says the grass isn’t greener in Kentucky after all!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 1, 2009

calipari

In a shocking turn of events it appears that John Calipari is not headed to Kentucky after all. Apparently ESPN who has popularized erroneous reporting in the past strikes again! However Calipari is indeed leaving Memphis but instead of selling his soul to Kentucky he has elected to save his soul by coaching the Nu Delt Society at Bob Jones University.

Bob Jones University (BJU) is a private, Protestant fundamentalist, liberal arts university in Greenville, South Carolina. It is the largest private liberal arts university in South Carolina and has a reputation for being one of the most conservative of religious schools in the United States.

Strict rules govern student life at BJU.  Some of these are based directly on the University’s interpretation of the Bible. For instance, rules include the requirement that freshman and sophomore resident hall students sign out before leaving campus and that all resident hall students abide by curfew. Students are forbidden to go to movie theaters or listen to contemporary popular music.  Men are required to wear ties and conservative hairstyles, and facial hair is prohibited. Women are expected to dress modestly and wear knee-length dresses to class and religious services.

The specifics of the BJU contract is unknown at this time however it’s doubtful that it will match the Kentucky contract that was believed to be the richest in college basketball. Sources close to the situation believe that L.A. Law (1993-94) character Jane Halliday, played by Alexandra Powers, who was a graduate of Bob Jones University was the turning point in Calipari’s decision.

Even though that Bob Jones Jr. once said that Catholicism was:

“Not another Christian denomination. It is a satanic counterfeit, an ecclesiastic tyranny over the souls of men….It is the old harlot of the book of the Revelation-‘the Mother of Harlots.'”

He seems ecstatic to have made this monumental hire.

Despite their perceived differences, Pitino has little doubt Calipari will be a great fit at BJU.

“He’s done a great job at UMass. He’s done a great job at Memphis and he would have done a great job at Kentucky but the Phi Beta society at BJU better watch their watch ass cause he’s bringing the pain to them next season,” Pitino said Tuesday.

This most recent move leaves both Memphis and Kentucky scrambling for coaches. It’s believed that Memphis will make a run at famed NBA player and ex-Knicks coach Isiah Thomas and while Kentucky is believed to be making plans to resurrect the body of Adolph Rupp.

Kentucky AD, Mitch Barnhart was quoted as saying:

“Enough with the tomfoolery! Bring out the Rupp!”

ESPN 100 top recruit Xavier Henry isn’t going to Memphis now that Calipari is going to BJU. He has reopened his recruitment but a source close to him said:

“He might go to BJU. He likes God and shit.”

Either which way let’s hope this works out for everyone in the end. Happy April Fools Day!

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3 Responses to “What a shocker. Calipari tricks everyone and says the grass isn’t greener in Kentucky after all!”

  1. matt said

    This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

  2. […] What a shocker. Calipari tricks everyone and says the grass isn’t greener in Kentucky after all! […]

  3. Joel said

    Bravo Thomas. I would have never thought of Bob Jones University…

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