Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

But did they force him to yell “Thank you sir, may I have another?”

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 14, 2009

For the most part high schools are clueless as to what they want in life other than getting laid. I was clueless and chances are you were clueless as well. So when a high school football player quits his team and decides to come back what should the punishment be? Would you have him write a 400 word paper on the reasons he left and why he wants to come back or make him explain to his former teammates why he wants to return while profusely apologizing and allow them to take a vote on the matter? In a worst case scenario allow him to return but make him responsible for collecting all the dirty jock-straps to be laundered. Personally if I was the coach I would choose all of the above.

One high school in Texas does things a little different. Instead of reasonable solutions to this problem they rather make the student drop his pants for a brutal paddling.

In order to return to his team, a Lincoln High School (Dallas) varsity football player had to endure being struck on buttocks and lower back 21 times with a canoe paddle by seven different coaches. The brilliance of this punishment was conceived by head football coach, Jerry Sands, who is now on paid administrative leave.

At least they abandoned their original idea of using a trolling motor, and thank god he didn’t try to quit the baseball team!

“Lincoln coach Tyson Garner, who witnessed the paddling, stated in an affidavit that Sands gave the student about four licks before the board cracked at the base. Garner said another coach mended the board with athletic tape and gave the student five quick licks that were milder than the first four, seemingly to try to conclude the punishment.

But Sands “proceeded to continue the licks,” according to Garner. After the paddling, some witnesses heard Sands say, “What happens in the room stays in this room,” according to the report.”

jasper2I have a bit of a problem with the use of the term “licks” when it comes to what these guys were doing to that guy’s ass.

I believe that Lincoln High School might be the only high school in Texas with a canoe team.

The principle of Lincoln High School, Earl Jones, at first saw nothing wrong with this punishment and only gave the coaching staff a verbal reprimand, however I’m sure he is changing his tune now that he was given a 20-day suspension and reassigned to another campus. Apparently the Dallas School District is taking its cues from the Catholic Church playbook.

In most other states, paddling the (assumed) bare buttocks of an under aged boy would bring a felony sex crime charge.

In Texas, not so much.

You never see this on Friday Night Lights.


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