Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

The Japanese honor Dice-K with heated toilets

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 5, 2009

When the Boston Red Sox acquired Dice-K from the Seibu Lions they paid $51.1 million. If you’re wondering how they spent the money, well that’s simple: new toilet seats for everyone. 

Dice-K is still considered a God among the fans of the Lions. When he was a Lion the home field, Seibu Dome, was a bad shape. However since the team received such a large windfall of cash from the Red Sox they have turned a stadium that was falling apart into a new bright and shiny home field that is now tops in the Japanese league. They have installed the county’s largest video scoreboard, new turf for the field, upgraded the player’s lounges, new outfield fence, more seats and they gave gloves and uniforms to children. Just like the Shanghai Lions of the Chinese league, except the children make the uniforms and gloves for free. 

But the crème de la crème of the windfall is state-of-the-art restrooms, which are more spacious with floor to ceiling doors and heats toilet seats. 

“In Japanese custom, it is very important, the toilets,” Takahashi said during a recent tour of the stadium, which opened in 1979. “If you are comfortable in the toilets, then everything is comfortable.” 

Whereas the old facilities were dingy concrete latrines, state-of-the-art urinals line the men’s rooms along with high-tech hand dryers built into the bright blue and white tile – the team colors. But the main attractions are the new toilets with TotTo’s Warmlet seats in stalls with floor-to-ceiling doors. 

Each stall in the women’s bathrooms holds a Toto Washlet, a toilet and bidet in one unit. These $1,500 fixtures provide a luxurious experience for fans, who may spend their time in the restrooms contemplating the full extent of Matsuzaka’s legacy with the Lions.” 

The team says these high tech toilets are a tribute to Dice-K. To make Kenshin Kawakami feel at home the Braves turned a utility closet into a bukkake room. 

I, for one, cannot wait for college football season, and resuming the ongoing mockery of Lee Corso.

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