Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Jelena Dokic’s father is one crazy guy…in the very literal sense

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 14, 2009

Back in 2006 the father of tennis star, Jelena Dokic, actually threatened to nuke Sydney because his daughter rather live there in the sun and surf than live in the Balkans. What father hasn’t felt like dropping a nuclear bomb on his child at one time or another? Sure, there’s going to be a certain amount of collateral damage. But you’re the parent. Be strong. 

Now three years later, Damic Dokic has calmed down considerably and only wants to take out one Australian: Clare Birgin, the Australian ambassador to Serbia. 

The reasoning behind this is simple. It appears Papa Dokic is upset because an Australian magazine published an interview with Jelena, where she discussed the mental and physically abuse that her father subjected her to as young tennis prodigy. Before he turns into a one man killing machine he requests that these allegations be retracted even though at the same time he states that what Jelena says is true. And you thought Coach 0 was crazy…sheesh. Successful athletes like Jelena Dokic make me wish my parents beat me harder. 

“There is no child that was not beaten by parents – same with Jelena” 

He went on to tell Vecernje Novosti, another Serb newspaper: 

“If I was ever a little bit more aggressive towards Jelena, it was for her sake.” 

Nothing says I love you because you’re my child and I want you to succeed in tennis like breaking a few fingers and leaving some bruises. With a childhood like that I am amazed that I haven’t dated her yet. 

“I expect that after my threat the local police will react, arrest me and confiscate my weapons,” he said. “But that would only increase the danger for the ambassador.” 

I’m pretty sure in Serbia you can buy a grenade launcher with expired Marlboro Miles. 

That’s the spirit Damic I’m glad to see you’re making progress by only threatening one person instead of millions. By the way Jennifer Capriati’s father sees your physical abuse and raises you some possible sexual abuse and mental torture.

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