Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

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Let’s not forget about the other scandal Memphis faces

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 2, 2009

memgolf

Ok now that we know about Derrick Rose supposedly having someone else take his SAT test for him let’s focus on the other part of the University of Memphis scandal, namely the women’s golf team.

Did any non-Memphis fans even know the school had a female golf team? Did any Memphis fans even care? And how many of you have read the book Best Friends?

In the litany of violations that the NCAA sent to the University of Memphis president, there are several that were supposedly commented by former golf coach Jenny Bruun. She is accused of providing “multiple extra benefits valued at approximately $3,115.70 to women’s golf student-athletes,” as well as “impermissible recruiting inducements valued at approximately $70,” that’s just lovely.

Here are some examples:

• “In December [redacted], Bruun provided [redacted] a Christmas gift that included a sweater, Starbucks coffee mugs and a Starbucks gift card. The sweater had an approximate value of $75, the mugs had an approximate value of $30 and the gift card had a value of $25.”

• “In December [redacted], Bruun provided a Christmas gift to [redacted] that included a season series of the television show ‘The West Wing’ on DVD and a wooden tea box and tea bag set. The gifts had an approximate value of $75.”

• “In December [redacted], Bruun provided [redacted] a Christmas gift that included a belt, a book entitled ‘Best Friends,’ a book entitled ‘A Wedding in December’ and a wall hanging. The gifts had an approximate value of $56.96.”

• “Between April and August [redacted] and before [redacted] initially enrolled at the institution, Bruun provided [redacted] a good luck gift, flowers, the movie ‘Miracle’ on DVD and a picture of a bible verse. The gifts had an approximate value of $70.”

A tea bag set? No. No, I can’t. It’s too easy and oh, the West Wing. I can practically taste the sanctimony. Assorted gifts from a women’s golf coach and no wrap around Oakleys? Shocking, just shocking.

Wow, the NCAA can track down the cost of a sweater but yet they fail to do anything about the Reggie Bush situation at Southern Cal. And they also fail to tell us which Bible verse was on the picture. Also can the Bible verse be considered a violation of separation of church and state?

This all seems vaguely familiar to that scene in “Blue Chips” where Nick Nolte’s character gave Anfernee Hardaway’s character a holiday gift basket from Harry & David.

Also:

“In November [redacted], Bruun permitted [redacted] stay at her residence at no cost for approximately two nights after [redacted] apartment was burglarized. The lodging had an approximate value of $160.”

Ok, that’s just being nit picky there.

If you’re a NCAA female golf coach, and insist on giving gifts to your players, just go with a little cunnilingus. It’s from the heart, always appreciated, and leaves no evidence*.

*Besides cold sores.

NCAA notice of allegations (PDF) Commercial Appeal

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