Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

New at being a Magic fan? There’s help for you

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 4, 2009

Of course the city of Orlando is excited about the NBA Finals that start tonight and the Orlando Sentinel understands this. Plus they also understand that a few weeks ago many in Orlando didn’t care one bit about the hometown Magic. Thus they have created a bandwagon’s guide to the Magic and the NBA Finals. 

True fans are usually upset about bandwagon jumping fans that are suddenly Magic experts and can breakdown the match-ups between the teams. These bandwagon’s will flood the lines of local sports talk shows knowing full well that they didn’t give a rat’s ass until the team was able to win two playoff games in a row. 

The Orlando Sentinel has created a “guide for new fans” in hopes to manufacture canned enthusiasm about the Magic and they also hope that if the national media approaches a new fan on the street for an interview, these new Magic fans don’t embarrass themselves and the city by saying something stupid like “Shaq will finally get a championship for the Magic!” 

Here’s some sample questions from the “getting to know your basketball team” Q&A: (Coincidentally, this doubles as the NBA’s referee entrance exam.) 

• Why is there a 24-second clock over the basketball hoop?

• What does “in the paint” mean?

• The announcer shouts something about scoring off the dribble. What does “off the dribble” mean?

• You may have noticed a number of NBA players have their heads adorned with headbands (no matter how dorky they look). None of the Orlando Magic players wears them. Is that by choice?

• I thought goal tending was a position in soccer. It’s not?

• Is a technical foul really technical?

• What’s the deal with the one sleeve worn by some players? 

Actually, the last question is really valid because I’m not sure of the answer to that one. 

Missing: 

• Hey, wasn’t that short, white shooting guard exponentially more famous three years ago? 

• Can my wife come to the game if she has Legionnaires disease? 

• Didn’t that coach once star opposite Marilyn Chambers before her untimely death? 

 • Where can I charge my Rascal during the game? 

• Hey, you guys want to come to a timeshare presentation? No pressure. Zero obligation. Whaddya say? 

• Is food at the concession stand cheaper before 4 pm?

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One Response to “New at being a Magic fan? There’s help for you”

  1. Cynthia said

    I can’t wait til tonight!! Go Lakers

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