Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

About the Writers

Thomas The Terrible

Well what do you want to know? Damn you nosy bastards OK here’s the deal. I’m 36, I’m an Êv¡£ Genius, I’m a sarcasm specialist, single, employed, Taurus, I drive an Acura, I have a tattoo, I consider Heath candy bars a separate food group, I’m located in the 3rd layer of hell known as Columbia, SC., and a die hard Tennessee fan!! I like other teams as well such as The Detroit Pistons, Colts, Steelers, Boston Red Sox & whoever is playing Alabama at that particular moment etc etc.

I like honesty, writing, reading, watching a good flick, playing Texas Hold’em or Seven Card Stud, winter time the colder the better & mountain biking.

I try to keep an open mind to most forms of music. I can listen to Nine Inch Nails, AFI, Tori Amos, older Billy Joel, The Dead Kennedys & The Beatles in one sitting.

I dislike McDonalds, Wal-Mart, The Big East, the bands Creed & Nickelback, people who abuse animals and/or children, people with mullets (most of the Florida & Alabama fans worldwide have mullets), people who TyPe LiKe ThIS, Coach Steve God Spurrier, myspace & overweight people who wear spandex!


I was serious about hating myspace…damn it.

Some of my most memorable quotes are:

“A fat girl does not get thinner on AOL. “

“If I was the dad of one of the spelling bee contestants that was exited early I would ask them to spell f-a-i-l-u-r-e.”

“I personally blame Trent Reznor for crappy angst bands like Limp Bizkit, Stabbing Westward & Linkin Park”

I’m also the most non-southern southerner you shall ever meet. I hate NASCAR, despise country music, I don’t drink sweet tea, I’m one of few that realize the Civil War is over, I refuse to use to word “y’all” and finally if I hear one more person say “git-r-done” I’ll scream until I give myself an aneurysm.


Me before putting on the costume to help one of my favorite charities Zig the Pig.

Joel

My priorities changed on June 11, 2007. This is my daughter, Alana Giselle. We have nicknamed her GiGi. This pic was taken after one of her fussy nights. She thought she would outlast me. I won (barely)…

I am the ying to the yang of Thomas. I want to thank him for giving me the opportunity to contribute to his site. Make no mistake, this is HIS site. I am but a very small piece…

I was born and raised in Memphis, TN (Orange Mound & Whitehaven). By nature I am a Volunteer, but I do root for the University of Memphis basketball team. I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville, TN. Our most famous alum was some lady named Oprah Winfrey…

I have had a lot of friends to play both football and basketball for UT, and I almost went for undergrad and law school, but Nashville was a little closer to home. Plus I played trumpet in the school’s “Aristocrat of Bands”. Best. Band. In. The. Land.

Fast forward to today, and I am stuck in Houston, TX. Thanks to the internet, I keep up with a lot of friends all over the place. Hopefully some of those friends will comment on this site.

All sports teams suck in one way or another, but the most annoying fan bases that I have encountered are Alabama and Texas A&M. Don’t get me wrong: every team has yahoos. But the yahoos at ‘Bama and A&M make them more unbearable than most. Hard to believe the Bear coached at both…

I do embrace myspace (unlike Thomas), drive only Japanese cars, I LOVE McDonald’s and the kangaroo meat that composes their burgers (didn’t think it was real beef did you???), Wal-Mart is great, and at least the Big East gives us great basketball (the football does suck). I also enjoy the hell out of “To Catch A Predator”. I only wish they would use Coach Jackie Sherrill to castrate the pervs after they leave the house (allegedly). My iPod and iTunes is filled with everything from John Coltrane to Johnny Cash, from System of a Down to 2Pac.

I dislike puss rock bands (Matchbox 20, Good Charlotte), the new crap that is supposed to be rap/hip hop (and I quote “Crank Dat Soulja Boy” is what’s “hot” in the streets), Fox News, CNN, Stuart Scott, old people who wear shorts with tennis shoes and black socks, and jackassedness in general.

Favorite Teams:

Tennessee Vols

Memphis Tigers (men’s basketball only)

Memphis Grizzlies (there’s only 547 fans now. Someone died a few weeks ago)

Atlanta Braves

Tennessee Titans

Anything else, feel free to email me. Or better yet, post a comment.

Billy Bob Bammer

Yee Haw…I love that show I own the DVD collection. I learned myself how to read by age 15 and I finally learned how to write at the University of Bama when I was a 4th year freshman. I love my mom/sister, slim jims and indoor plumbing. These two Vol fans have allowed us to write for their site. For bastards in orange they’re good people. Here’s my pic below. rtr!!!


People say I resemble Lord Saban!! I knows they’re just fooling with me

The Moderator

The moderator isn’t a writer or a SEC fan in general. The moderator is a chick that went to UNC. The moderator was suckered into this position by one of the writers. The moderator’s picture is somewhere on this site in post, but you will have to look for it. 😉

Ghettophilosopher

Ok about me. I enjoyed going on YMSWWC to read the blogs and basically act a fool. Upon seeing  that the guys were open to having other folks join them, I was all over that bad boy.
I am based in Los Angeles and I am tired of us West Coast fans getting hell for having a life outside of sports. Like somehow I am less of a fan because I have good weather or the beach as another option. Please. We are as diehard as any other part of the country and I am going to prove that. Although stadium seats do cost more.
All teams suck but the Lakers, UCLA athletics and Providence basketball suck less. Yes, I am a Providence fan too. No, it makes absolutely no sense. It’s just one of those things.
I like to make people think and will get them riled up at times just to prove a point. I can’t stand USC football and I don’t think the SEC is all that but all in time. Thanks to the guys on here for letting me share their space. Its their world, I am just here to enjoy it just like the next guy. Oh and for the record, my mom did not sleep with Wilt Chamberlain.

34 Responses to “About the Writers”

  1. OMAR said

    No way. Columbia? I’ll be there for the Gators-N-Cocks football spectacular on 11/10/07

    Maybe we can get together and throw down a few beers? Just don’t pick a place with a strict dress code. I’ll try to be respectable and wear a shirt with a collar, but there’s nothing I can do about the jorts. That’s all I own.

  2. LOL if the place has a dress code then I won’t go to it. Except for work. Are you going to be in town just for the 10th or Friday or Sunday afterwards as well?

  3. OMAR said

    I have two tickets to the game (Section 17) and a friend that’s driving me up to Columbia. No other plans have been made.

  4. Big Orange Amy said

    If you’re a Pistons fan, then you’re my new best friend. We’ll have to tawk!

  5. I love Detroit I still have my Back to Back Bad Boys Pistons hat from the 80’s.

  6. Big Orange Amy said

    Oh man, I don’t even know where mine is … probably at my parent’s house in Tennessee somewhere. Love those Bad Boys!

  7. I still say Oregon State should play South Carolina…..

  8. “I still say Oregon State should play South Carolina…..”

    Then with them losing to Clemson this weekend they’ll 6-7…sweet deal. Good call.

  9. zigzag said

    TTT: Having lived in Memphis for 25 years, (1952-1977) something tells me you were not raised in Orange Mound.

    On another subject, it takes the most masochistic bastard in the world to be a Head Coach in the SEC. Of course they make zillions but why inflict yourself with the pain doled out by the dipshit fan base you find at every school? I saw Ole Miss play Arkansas in 1938 and have heard the bitching ever since. When the Rebels lost to LSU in 1959 you would not believe the griping about Saint John Vaught’s being too conservative trying to sit on three points and losing when the defense could not tackle Billy Cannon. When they beat Alabama at Oxford in 2003 I heard a guy say “Cutcliffe better get a defense or his ass will be gone”. Guess he was right. Fans are never satisfied. Look at Saban, that honeymoon was over on November 3 at about 7 P M. Then three Saturdays later there were Bama fans who would have hung him if they could have found him.

  10. Joel said

    Acutally, Zigzag, I was the one raised in Orange Mound. I am part of the Jackson clan, which resided on Bruce St., near the intersection of Park & Airways. 2 of my aunts still live on that street, and except for a few of us, all are Melrose grads (I myself went to Central).

    I do agree you need balls the size of grapefruits and an ego bigger than any A-list celeb to coach in the SEC. For some teams like Florida, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, and LSU, you should expect to be dominant in football year after year. if you’re Vandy, you stick to baseball and women’s basketball, although they consistently have halfway decent men’s basketball teams. Kentucky thrives on men’s basketball and their fine cheerleader, Ashley Judd. Then there are the delusional programs like Ole Miss. I have heard similar stories about Rebel fans over the years and coaches like Vaught. I guess they think the school’s football program should be a top 20 program, when really they are a top 60 program right now, and that is at best. The reason I say even that high is because of resources and facilities, plus when you have “The Grove”, that tailgate party sure beats the Dead Zone that is tailgating at The Fairgrounds for University of Memphis games…

  11. Joel said

    Also Zigzag, for some reason, I don’t think TTT is from Orange Mound either. I don’t think he fits the “demographic” 😉

  12. How come I feel I’m now the victim of racially profiling?

  13. zigzag said

    Joel & TTT: My bad, wrong guy. By the way, In 1956 I lived close to the Fairgrounds near Airways and Parkway.

    What the thinking fan has to do is decide if he wants to continue supporting a losing program and hope that something good happens once in a while or if he just wants to bitch all the time and drive himself crazy over how he thinks things should be. A good example is Mississippi State. The program there is still pretty sorry and that is going to continue but be assured that the fans are much happier right now than those at Alabama, Tennessee or Florida given that Crooms caught Kentucky and Auburn asleep and and it appeared that Saban had a death wish after LSU.

    Whats going on? Wannstedt was cripping around on crutches before the game, got rid of them and had no limp. I guess it kept the fans from throwing garbage at him prior to the game. Have you ever seen the officials try to control one anymore than that? In the sixties a pro gambler from New Orleans told me that the most lucrative job you could have was being a college football official. I can only assume what he meant.

  14. Joel said

    Zigzag, I completely agree on your point about supporting a losing program. One of my best friends is a Mizzou alum and she is just happy that the team is having a good year. Now of course her and her hubby are a little pissed because they got screwed out of the BCS, but overall they are booking a trip to Dallas. Miss. St. is going to Memphis for the Liberty Bowl, and I am sure the whole place will be filled with the sound of cowbells. Someone needs to tell those fans to make sure they lock their cars before they go to the game and leave no valuables in there…

    As far as the WVU-Pitt game, I don’t think WVU paid the refs enough money. They lost, proving that they still have a ways to go until they make it to the big time. More $$$ would have made the difference…

  15. yojoe said

    TtT – What is your take on Lloyd Carr winning the coach of the year award? What a joke.

    yojoe

  16. Purely a sympathy award.

  17. TrackMom said

    love the title of your Blog>>>” 🙂

  18. yojoe said

    TtT – What is up with your blog? You are kicking up the number of hits you are getting. Congratulations.
    yojoe

  19. Thanks man. I know a paper in Jackson Mississippi has me on their sports page website I believe that’s helping.

  20. Joel said

    Which paper??? The Clarion-Ledger???

  21. http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/sports.php

    Under Dr S’s favorites. We get A LOT of hit from there.

  22. yojoe said

    Way to go. A ligit paper has you listed. Keep up the good posts.

  23. supercynic said

    Thomas the Terrible, that’s funny stuff. And it’s good to know that there’s another Southerner out there who realizes it’s not 1861.

  24. Nice to see another Vols fan on WordPress. Sweet!

  25. yojoe said

    TtT – You, and the rest of the YMSWWC staff, have to be happy with the developments at LSU. This opens up the SEC. (not that it is not always competitive). Perrilloux (who spells a name like this?) was the reason they beat the Vols last year. Best of luck this season. Can’t wait for fall. Also, where is you post about Karl Malone. Way to go, get a 13-year-old girl baby moma when you are in college.
    http://deadspin.com/384616/karl-malones-son-is-no-son-of-his

    yojoe Fight On!

  26. Samantha said

    Thomas… You forgot to mention that you were the inventer of bleh™

    Guess who?

    xoxo

  27. Kim said

    T! Still awesome, I see. I will have to make time to read a little more of this blog.

  28. Rob said

    You live in SC and actually have the balls to make fun of another state? SC has the most backward rednecks I’ve ever seen. Add to that, one of the worst education systems in the US, highest deaths due to drinking and driving, and one of the highest welfare rates…and you’re making fun of the Big East???? You are a total joke and true Southernor…a FUCKING MORON.

    Go to Morgantown and learn how to party cuz they sure as hell dont know how to have fun in SC. BTW, DubV would fucking destroy Tennessee football…the team sucks like their academics. Columbia?! hahahahaha You are a total joke.

  29. “You live in SC and actually have the balls to make fun of another state? SC has the most backward rednecks I’ve ever seen.”

    Then you haven’t been looking in the mirror and I make of everything…I’m just about to get started with you.

    “ Add to that, one of the worst education systems in the US,”

    That’s why they say thank God for West Virginia…besides I went to a private school.

    “highest deaths due to drinking and driving, “

    That’s a blatant lie. California, Texas, Florida (the state you’re in, Boca Raton to be exact), Pennsylvania, Illinois, New York and others all rate higher in this category than South Carolina. South Carolina also has the highest job growth and new business development as well…West Virginia ranks last….learn to do research little man

    http://www.alcoholalert.com/drunk-driving-statistics-2005.html

    “and one of the highest welfare rates…and you’re making fun of the Big East???? You are a total joke and true Southernor…a FUCKING MORON.”

    Funny West Virginia has one of if not the highest poverty rates in the country and one of the highest number of food stamp recipients in the country…do the math. By the way you misspelled “southerner” you idiotic jackass. I make fun of everything including your cute little 8 team conference and your lack of education…which isn’t saying much there.

    “Go to Morgantown and learn how to party cuz they sure as hell dont know how to have fun in SC. BTW, “

    Proper spelling and the use of apostrophes is nice try it…I don’t drink, but I find it ironic you preach about drinking and driving and yet tell me to go party…how stupid are you? Besides South Carolina has a lot more tourism than West Virginia…I wonder why.

    “DubV would fucking destroy Tennessee football…the team sucks like their academics.”

    How many national titles does WVU have again? None? Typical.

    As for as academics go to get into WVU you need a 2.0 GPA, ACT score of 19 and a SAT score of 910.

    http://www.arc.wvu.edu/admissions/urequire_main.html

    But to get into Tennessee you need to be smarter…a lot smarter…you must have failed.

    You need a GPA of 3.0, ACT score ranging from 24-29 and a SAT score of 1090-1270…I bet you feel more pathetic and dumb than normally.

    http://admissions.utk.edu/undergraduate/ut-application-info.pdf

    “hahahahaha You are a total joke.”

    Considering I just busted your ass, I’m betting you’ve heard those very words spoken to you in the past, several times at that.

  30. Clasidog said

    I am a mother of four (Help me God, two are teens). I originally am from Canada but have been in Florida since the stone age (I am just that old!!) I hate sports…only watch baseball when the Blue Jays are in the series (???) I also used to like Florida Gators…just enough to stuff my English Bulldog into a bright orange and blue t-shirt and take him to the stadium the big day of the infamous Florida/Georgia game. (Annoying people is fun..I totally get ya!) I have my own blog and site, it’s purpose is to educate and inform dog owners. Hopefully it will reduce ‘some’ of the ignorance and abuse (well…maybe) I don’t get to have fun with it like ‘Y’ALL’ do (I had to say it!!! ha!.ha!…I too, swore that those words (slang words/southern ebonics) would never leave my mouth and yet…..I am renewing my resolve as of now!!
    A lot of things you make fun of I find myself the target of…and yet it is still hysterically funny. If nothing else I have learned to laugh at myself in my old age (42).
    Oh yeah….I also hate blogs I think in too many cases they are allowing people to ‘go live’ with subject matter that would make their friends (if they had any) decline from accepting their dinner invitations. Even free food is not enough to cause one to endure pictures of their pets in various poses and costume changes and lets not forget the ‘voices’ arrgghhhh!!!
    You guy’s are great… I recently sat in on a radio talk show that is now off the air because the station was sold and went Spanish. (no comment)
    ‘The Greatest Morning Show On The Planet’ 1570 Florida Talks -Seth The Radio Dictator and Prof Scott… You guys remind me greatly of their show. They had to tread very lightly …they were own by a Christian broadcasting station,they pushed it to the limit although….hence no more show!!!

    You are now my new ‘habit’ along with my morning coffee. Unfortunately I may learn about sports in the process (hopefully I can block it out) but I will not hold it against you!!!
    Thanks for a great read!!!
    Michele

  31. “I also used to like Florida Gators…just enough to stuff my English Bulldog into a bright orange and blue t-shirt and take him to the stadium the big day of the infamous Florida/Georgia game. (Annoying people is fun..I totally get ya!)”

    LOL I love it!!

  32. 🙂

  33. Clasidog said

    This for you Thomas….am I allowed to say that you are a sweetie…or is that strictly forbidden?!!
    http://fidosplace.wordpress.com/2008/07/09/michael-vick-update-thanks-ymswwc/

  34. colts18 said

    Hey, I saw that Joel is a Titans fan, and over at WaB Sports Blog we’re doing a co-op NFL mock draft where we’re having each team represented by a different person and conveniently we’re still looking for a Titans rep (and quite a few others as well) so, Joel (and whoever else that thinks they’re interested) we would welcome you guys to look at this link:

    http://classic17.wordpress.com/2009/02/02/mock-draft-plan/

    and also feel free to check out the rest of the site while you’re at it.

    Weller

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