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Archive for the ‘Adolph Rupp’ Category

What a shocker. Calipari tricks everyone and says the grass isn’t greener in Kentucky after all!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 1, 2009

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In a shocking turn of events it appears that John Calipari is not headed to Kentucky after all. Apparently ESPN who has popularized erroneous reporting in the past strikes again! However Calipari is indeed leaving Memphis but instead of selling his soul to Kentucky he has elected to save his soul by coaching the Nu Delt Society at Bob Jones University.

Bob Jones University (BJU) is a private, Protestant fundamentalist, liberal arts university in Greenville, South Carolina. It is the largest private liberal arts university in South Carolina and has a reputation for being one of the most conservative of religious schools in the United States.

Strict rules govern student life at BJU.  Some of these are based directly on the University’s interpretation of the Bible. For instance, rules include the requirement that freshman and sophomore resident hall students sign out before leaving campus and that all resident hall students abide by curfew. Students are forbidden to go to movie theaters or listen to contemporary popular music.  Men are required to wear ties and conservative hairstyles, and facial hair is prohibited. Women are expected to dress modestly and wear knee-length dresses to class and religious services.

The specifics of the BJU contract is unknown at this time however it’s doubtful that it will match the Kentucky contract that was believed to be the richest in college basketball. Sources close to the situation believe that L.A. Law (1993-94) character Jane Halliday, played by Alexandra Powers, who was a graduate of Bob Jones University was the turning point in Calipari’s decision.

Even though that Bob Jones Jr. once said that Catholicism was:

“Not another Christian denomination. It is a satanic counterfeit, an ecclesiastic tyranny over the souls of men….It is the old harlot of the book of the Revelation-‘the Mother of Harlots.'”

He seems ecstatic to have made this monumental hire.

Despite their perceived differences, Pitino has little doubt Calipari will be a great fit at BJU.

“He’s done a great job at UMass. He’s done a great job at Memphis and he would have done a great job at Kentucky but the Phi Beta society at BJU better watch their watch ass cause he’s bringing the pain to them next season,” Pitino said Tuesday.

This most recent move leaves both Memphis and Kentucky scrambling for coaches. It’s believed that Memphis will make a run at famed NBA player and ex-Knicks coach Isiah Thomas and while Kentucky is believed to be making plans to resurrect the body of Adolph Rupp.

Kentucky AD, Mitch Barnhart was quoted as saying:

“Enough with the tomfoolery! Bring out the Rupp!”

ESPN 100 top recruit Xavier Henry isn’t going to Memphis now that Calipari is going to BJU. He has reopened his recruitment but a source close to him said:

“He might go to BJU. He likes God and shit.”

Either which way let’s hope this works out for everyone in the end. Happy April Fools Day!

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Posted in Adolph Rupp, Isiah Thomas, John Calipari, Kentucky Wildcats, Memphis Tigers, Rick Pitino, SEC Basketball | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

A Peek Inside of Billy Clyde’s World

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 17, 2008

Inside the Kentucky Wildcat Locker Room After Friday’s Loss To VMI

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Wow!!! You fucktards really did it now. I cannot believe it. You are not about to embarrass me again. Wait, too late. You guys are really a group of fine individuals. 2 years in a row. I go to Sew Fine Tailors on Euclid Avenue & tell them to hook me up with the finest suit they have, so ol’ Billy Clyde can look sharp as a tack on opening night, and this is how you sissy merries repay me??? Jeremy, bring me my special Gardner-Webb flask…

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(Billy Clyde takes a swig)

You 22 mother fuckers are making me the fucking laughingstock of college basketball. You hear that??? That is ol’ Billy Donovon laughing his ass off. He turned down this job because their wasn’t enough hair gel in this barren wasteland of a state to last a year. He’s got his own personal Soul Glo guy just to style his hair. But not ol’ Billy Clyde. I don’t need gallons of Royal Crown Pomade in my contract. All I need is some of that Kentucky bourbon and some hot poon. Glynn, show these boys the action I got lined up after I leave here. Where’s that fancy iPhone??? Pass it around the locker room and show these sorry ass losers what they almost ruined for Billy Clyde.

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This here is Becky. She is a Miller Lite girl. Now I don’t waste time on beer because it gets in the way. Now you boys might think ol’ Billy Clyde would be in hog heaven, with a hot piece of tail & massive quantities of beer. But that is why you boys are losers. You don’t think. See, ol’ Billy Clyde is warming up.

(Takes 3 more huge swigs out of G-W gas can flask)

Billy Clyde wants it all. That white suit wearing asshole in Louisville is laughing his ass off at ol’ Billy Clyde. I want it all. That piss ant is getting all the glory in this state. I want one of those fancy banners in the rooftops too, so I can use it as a blanket when I am bedding trim in my off time. Tracy, I need 3 tonight.

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Damn Tracy, times must be hard. The economy is in the tank but I get a 4, 7, and 5??? I thought this was Lexington, not Morgantown??? What about the douchebag guys in the background??? Oh well. Bring them too. First time for everything, like you dipshits losing to a 6 win team. See boys, this is how ol’ Billy Clyde is rolling tonight, since you just ruined my season. Thanks. Career high my ass. There’s a reason I left College Station. That cow town had 3 hot chicks, and all of them were horrible in bed. If you are ever driving through Texas & wanna find College Station, let ol’ Billy Clyde tell you how to find it. You will know you are getting close when you start seeing the sheep back ass up to the fences.

Well, you sorry sacks of shit are excused. I will deal with you tomorrow after I give this poon some of Big Billy Clyde. Towelboy, I am taking some towels home. Gonna need that flask too.

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adolph Rupp, Billy Clyde, Billy Donovan, Billy Gillispie, College Basketball, Condoms, Dead Drunk, Douche Bag, drunk, DUI, gardner webb, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Texas A&M, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Good Lord Wildcat Fans, Cool Your Jets

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 29, 2008

When I wrote this article, I knew it would get a reaction. NEVER did I think it would get this type of reaction, although similar posts about Kentucky basketball have gotten much more traffic than anything else. With that said, instead of responding to every comment, I will post this and let the chips fall where they may…

Regarding my name and avatar, my real name is Joel. I chose to post under my own name because I am my own person. I understand why someone would want to have a different username, but not me. Nothing worng with it in my opinion, but that is how I roll. I chose to use The Pyramid Arena in Memphis because I am a proud native Memphian. I am also proud to be from the great state of Tennessee. Even though I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville (after deciding not to attend Columbia University, Brown University, Morehouse college, or the University of North Carolina, all offering academic scholarships while I was in high school), I still support all things Volunteer and all things regarding Memphis Tiger basketball. Equally, on this site, I have personally made fun of both. Examples of me making fun of Tiger basketball can be found here, here, and here. I do live and die Memphis Tiger basketball, despite the recent heartbreak of the title game and lack of national titles (unlike Kentucky). A few of my favorite posts of satire of Tennessee can be found here, here, and here. There have been other things that we have touched upon, including West Virginia football, Alabama, and the Miami Dolphins during their “run” to futility. Check out the “April Fool’s Day” page .The original and still current mantra of this blog is “A Sports Blog On Why ALL Teams Suck”. It just so happened that I did one on Kentucky, and things went bat shit. Of course, I was hoping people to understand sarcasm but I guess I expected too much.

First off, I do actually work during the day and I am not around a computer until I get home. So if you are pissy about anything I have written, cool it until later in the evening. I am not some snot nosed college kid or an unemployed bum watching Judge Judy and ESPN First Take all day.

Second, the only mistake I made (I feel) is making the title “Wanna be an NBA Player???” It was intended to sarcastically point out that Kentucky hasn’t had an NBA lottery player in a long time and a first round player drafted in a few years. That is a fact, as confirmed by John Clay of the Lexington Herald Ledger (he even called my work crude. I feel honored). But some of you Kentucky fans pointed out how Rajon Rondo just won an NBA championship with Boston and Tayshaun Prince has just been named to the Olympic team. Kudos. The fact of the matter is that Rondo was on a great team and while point guard is an important position, Paul Pierce handled the ball more than any other Celtic during the title run. Thomas the Terrible could have run point guard and the Celtics were still going to win it all. As for Prince, while he has been a valued member of the Pistons, there is no way I would have picked him over Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudamire, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or even Paul Pierce. I am not the only one of this opinion.

Here is the bigger issue though: What is the real reason for the swarm of reaction??? Is it because the fanbase of Kentucky basketball is that fragile??? Or, did the truth really hurt??? Let’s look at these two questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, College Basketball, crazy, Cry Baby, ESPN, Fights, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , | 20 Comments »

Wanna Be An NBA Player??? Here Is NOT Where To Play

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 27, 2008

I finally get some time to put up a post and it just so happens to be right after the 1st round of the NBA Draft . Then something came over me: Our favorite overrated, elitist, ass backwards, and drunken coached team from the SEC didn’t have a player drafted in the 1st round. This makes the second year in a row that a Kentucky player was not drafted in the 1st round, and continues the 11 year streak since a Wildcat player was picked in the lottery.

Oh don’t worry Wildcat fan. I know where to place the blame. It was “10 Loss” Tubby’s fault. He was too busy making sure he ran a clean program, free of racism (unlike the arena named after the “great” Rupp), and made sure that he didn’t hit the Wild Turkey bottle and try to drive home from the bar. He just simply didn’t have time to recruit players who would be developed into NBA talent.

Leave it to Billy Clyde Gilispie to recruit like a mother. He has already scored top 10 talent of all ages. He will take Kentucky back to single digit losses in just a few short years, as soon as his 8th grade recruits start arriving to Lexington. Too bad he said he was gonna stop recruiting young kids. Rumor is that he had planned to recruit Chicago next week while school is out for the summer. R. Kelly was gonna show him where all the hot spots were to get top talent, before Mr. Kelly got some talent of his own. Of course, knowing Billy Clyde’s track record, he’ll be gone quicker than you can say “Nick Saban”. It’s all good anyway, the best coach in the state left you back in the 90’s and now coaches your in-state rival.

So, for all of the Derrick Jasper’s, Scotty Hopson’s, and (insert latest player’s name to leave the Kentucky program here) of the world, things will be ok. You will make it to the NBA Draft Lottery, because you never put on the Wildcat uniform.

Let’s hear Tim Brando spin another year of Kentucky mediocrity…

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, bad drivers, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boosters, cat killer, College Basketball, Cry Baby, Dead Drunk, draft pick, drunk, DUI, ESPN, Evil Empire, Kentucky Wildcats, Liar, Louisville, Louisville Cardinals, NBA, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 110 Comments »

Apparently Adolph Rupp Wouldn’t have Liked Billy Gillespie

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 7, 2008

Sure Bruce Pearl had to share the SEC coach of the year award with Billy “I lost to Gardner Webb, Houston, UAB & San Diego while embarrassing the SEC” Gillespie, we all know that. However the Commonwealth Athletic Club of Kentucky likes Bruce Pearl more and who can blame them?

The Commonwealth Athletic Club of Kentucky named Bruce Pearl it’s coach of the year and presented him with the Adolph Rupp Cup. The Adolph Rupp Cup has been given since 2004, with previous winners including Phil Martelli, Bruce Weber, Roy Williams and Bo Ryan.

Club spokesman Gerry Calvert, a former player for Rupp at Kentucky, had this to say about Bruce Pearl:

“Anybody who knew Coach Rupp well would tell you that Pearl is the kind of coach he would have loved to compete against. He typifies the passion, drive and excellence for which Coach Rupp will always be remembered.”

A source close to the Athletic Club said the reason why Billy Gillespie wasn’t receiving a share of the award even though he share coach of the year honors with Pearl was because they feared Billy would get drunk and piss right in the cup.

UT athletic director Mike Hamilton said he was pleased to hear Pearl was honored.

“Bruce’s honor was well-deserved,” Hamilton said. “A lot of coaches did a good job this year, but for us to have what could be considered our best season ever, with 31 wins, a No. 1 ranking and our first SEC outright title in 41 years, it’s gratifying to see Bruce win the award.”

He then went on to say “suck it Kentucky!”

Posted in Adolph Rupp, Billy Gillispie, Bruce Pearl, Kentucky Wildcats, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »