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College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

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Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Hideki Irabu has a funny name but can he drink!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 20, 2008

Hideki Irabu is a former pitcher for the New York Yank’mees and the only pitcher to be publicly referred to as a “fat toad” by George Steinbrenner.

Well he’s in the news again. Not because the Yank’mees signed him to help with their ailing bullpen but because he allegedly assaulting a bartender after drinking 20 mugs of beer.

That’s right 20! Top that all you would be alcoholics.

Irabu, became an unhappy former Yank’mee camper after his credit card was rejected. He “allegedly” pushed the bartender against the wall, pulled his hair and smashed at least nine liquor bottles at a bar in Osaka, western Japan, a police official said on condition of anonymity, citing department policy.

What no crane kick? What’s up with that?

The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette : 50th Anniversary Edition clearly states that one is not allowed to assault the bartender until he or she has:

A.     Taken the keys away from your drunken ass

B.     Actually serve you beer in a glass

C.     Run three separate credit cards with no avail.

It’s clear that Irabu was lawfully in the wrong and apparently lacks proper bar manners as well.

The bartender sustained no injuries. Irabu paid the bill with another credit card.

The police official said Irabu admitted the assault before spewing in the back of their nice clean Po Po car.

Irabu started his career with the Chiba Lotte Marines of Japan’s Pacific League and joined the New York Yankees in 1997 on a four-year, $12.8 million.

He spent six seasons in the majors with the Yankees, Montreal Expos and Texas Rangers before signing with Japan’s Hanshin Tigers in 2003. Irabu had a career major league record of 34-35 with a 5.15 ERA.

He retired in 2005 and currently lives in California.

Posted in alcoholics, drunk, Hideki Irabu, Major League Baseball, MLB, new york yankees, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

South Carolina Trustee says Garcia was targeted by USC campus police. Well I know something about that. =)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 7, 2008

Garica getting ready to be strip searched. Don't ask what he's about to do with the mic.

Eddie Floyd, a surgeon from Florence is one of the longest-serving and most influential members of USC’s board of trustees believes Gamecocks athletes have been targeted by the university’s police force.

“I feel they have overstepped in some areas,” Floyd said Wednesday from his home in Florence. “After talking to some of the people, this is how I feel. And I always say what I feel, good or bad.”

“My feeling is that (targeting athletes) has happened. I’m sure the administration may have a different opinion,” Floyd said. “But certainly that’s what I think.”

Of course Dr. Floyd has no thing such as evidence to back this up but hey he claims he is going on his “gut feelings.”

Since I virtually write about every Gamecock arrest I’ve have only found 2 football players arrested by campus police. One was Garcia & the other was Emanuel Cook. Both admitted they were guilty of the crimes they committed but hey Dr. Floyd believes they are caught in an elaborate trap by the campus police.

Floyd, whose contributions helped pay for the USC football office that bears his name, ain’t snitching out who his sources are but said they were not from the Gamecocks athletics department.

Another longtime trustee disputes Floyd’s claims and thinks the guy is off his rocker.

“I don’t think anyone has targeted (athletes) whatsoever,” said Mike Mungo, the longest-serving trustee in USC history with 36 years on the board. “I think the allegations are totally baseless, and I think I’m as well-informed as anyone at the university.”

Mungo said university officials investigated the claims and found no evidence of a police conspiracy against athletes. Gee imagine that.

“Eddie can say what he want wants to say, but I don’t believe that it’s a fact,” Mungo said.

Floyd first voiced his allegations to GamecockCentral.com, some lame-ass fan site. (I think all sites like this are lame)

Floyd told the site he believes Gamecocks quarterback Stephen Garcia was being watched by campus police in March when he and two teammates were cited for underage drinking outside the East Quad dormitory that houses many USC athletes.

Of course he fails to mention that all parties pleaded guilty.

This is where it gets good.

He also said he knew of an investigator with USC’s police force whose office was decorated with Clemson’s signature Tiger paws.

But Floyd pulled what is known as a “half-Saban” Wednesday, and admitted he knew little about the investigator whom he implied had a pro-Clemson bias. Basically he’s an asshole.

“One of the investigators that had a tiger paw in his office, my understanding is he said it was a joke. I don’t know,” Floyd said. “I haven’t looked at it. I haven’t seen it. But that’s what I heard.”

Funny how bravely he can make those statements to a major (although lame-ass) Gamecock site and yet he has never seen it with his own eyes.

The shocking thing about all of this is he’s right…sorta.

Enter operation:

Let’s nail that hippie freak Garcia!Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in alcoholics, Emanuel Cook, Po Po, Police, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Jimmy Clausen: Notre Dame QB, Drinker and Fashion Faux Pas

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 6, 2008

"Hey, who ordered the Queer Eye makeover?" (chugs two beers) "We're the Party Brigade. We're here to play some drinking games."

The golden child of Notre Dame might be some trouble yet again. Jimmy Clausen the younger brother of 1 ½ (Rick gets the ½) Tennessee QB Gods Casey and Rick, has already had one brush with the law you know for that little “bootlegging” charge last year.

Well, for the second time in a year, Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy Clausen may have to explain his alleged participation in a situation involving alcohol & at least two other teammates might be doing some explaining with him.

See that lovely picture? Why that’s the golden boy participating in something called the ‘Beer Olympics’ or Jimmy is joining the Bloods one or the other.

Notre Dame stated they will investigate possible school code violations after these photos all over the frigging place. They appear to depict Clausen, teammates Brian Smith and James Aldridge and one other individual getting their drink on.

Going 3-9 will drive a person to drinking that I have to believe.

I imagine every drinking party in Notre Dame somehow ends in a “Rudy!” chant.

Don’t Worry Irish fans Notre Dame is already developing a cover story even though there is beer on the table in front of the players, the photos do not show the players actively consuming alcohol.

Nevertheless at least two of the players would not be of legal drinking age: Clausen, who does not turn 21 until Sept. 21, and Smith, who does not reach 21 until 2010. Aldridge turned 21 on July 6.

“The office of Residence Life will investigate possible violations of university policies when it is made aware of them, such as in this case,” Notre Dame school spokesman Dennis Brown said Monday.

“I used bad judgment in being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I’ve learned from my mistake,” Clausen said during his first media appearance after the citation in August 2007.

Well he still hasn’t learned any fashion sense either. Remember when he arrived in a limo at the College Football Hall of Fame, hair immaculately spiked and product-filled, sunglasses on & Bling blinged-up?

He almost made Brady Quinn look straight.

My problem wasn’t that he was drinking but trying to imitate the Ultimate Warrior while wearing a fake satin baseball jacket is pathetic. Since when are fake satin jackets from the 1980’s making a comeback?

MAYBE he can drink, but does he have Tebow’s miraculous healing powers? I think not.

Jimmy Clausen should pause before every decision he needs to make and think “What would Tim Tebow do?” He should then circumcise something.

Has anyone ever set himself up for failure more than Jimmy Clausen? At the HOF press conference, Jimmy flashed his HS championship rings and announced (Paraphrasing) that “he would win another four at Notre Dame.” I’m sure Beano Cook nutted in his bag of Werthers Original, but I couldn’t believe anyone could be that stupid.

Time for the Guardian Angels defense. Matt Leinart sees nothing wrong with this, except the fruity wardrobe.

Posted in alcoholics, Beer, Brady Quinn, Charlie Weis, jimmy clausen, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Hells Yeah!!! The SEC rulez in this Top 20 poll as well!!!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 29, 2008

We all know the SEC generally dominates the football polls this year; well they also dominate the Princeton Review list of top party schools in the country!!!

Let’s break it down peeps.

1. University of Florida. Guns, sweet sticky icky weed & Tebow.

2. University of Mississippi. The Grove, the cheerleaders & Jerrell Powe

3. Penn State University. Joe Pa, a shitload of arrests and the Penn State Paranormal Research Society

4. West Virginia University. Deliverance, igniting couches & Rich Rodriguez

5. Ohio University. At least they can beat tOSU at something

6. Randolph-Macon College. Who the hell is this? Seriously

7. University of Georgia. Uga, the umpteen million personalities Herschel Walker & fans that paint their heads

8. University of Texas. Dope head/actor Matthew Mcconaughey, Bevo & Mac Brown

9. University of California-Santa Barbara. Mascot looks like a psychotic Hamburglar

10. Florida State University The Cowgirls, Bowden & wondering if he will ever retire.

11. University of New Hampshire. Like there is anything better to do there.

12. University of Iowa. Sex scandal, Haden Frye and still sucking at football

13. University of Colorado. Ralphie, Hawkins and see above

14. University of Indiana. Bobby Knight, text messaging fool Sampson & basketball season doesn’t look good next year

15. Tulane University. The green wave due to puke

16. University of Illinois. The Fighter Zookers enough said

17. Arizona State University. Ugly school colors, PAC 10 & Eckerson NCAA sanctions to follow

18. University of Tennessee. GO VOLS! Cumberland Ave. Rocky Top & Smokey!

19. University of Alabama. Cheaters, Dead Behr & Subpoenas

20. Loyola University. The French Quarter and attempting to out drink Tulane.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Arizona State Sundevils, Bama Bangs, Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Bama'zoids, Bammers, Colorado Buffalos, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, Jerrell Powe, ole miss rebels, Rocky Top, SEC, Texas Longhorns, Uga, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

If I was a Fan of the Chicago Cubs I Would Have started drinking at a Young Age as Well

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 13, 2008

Just watch the video. Clearly the kid is drinking his dads’ beer. It obviously isn’t apple juice and it’s possible that the kid is emulating Harry Carry. My question is: Is it an American beer or one of those wussy imports. Either way I still hate the Cubs.

Posted in alcoholics, Chicago Cubs, classless, drunk, Major League Baseball, MLB | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Good Lord Wildcat Fans, Cool Your Jets

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 29, 2008

When I wrote this article, I knew it would get a reaction. NEVER did I think it would get this type of reaction, although similar posts about Kentucky basketball have gotten much more traffic than anything else. With that said, instead of responding to every comment, I will post this and let the chips fall where they may…

Regarding my name and avatar, my real name is Joel. I chose to post under my own name because I am my own person. I understand why someone would want to have a different username, but not me. Nothing worng with it in my opinion, but that is how I roll. I chose to use The Pyramid Arena in Memphis because I am a proud native Memphian. I am also proud to be from the great state of Tennessee. Even though I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville (after deciding not to attend Columbia University, Brown University, Morehouse college, or the University of North Carolina, all offering academic scholarships while I was in high school), I still support all things Volunteer and all things regarding Memphis Tiger basketball. Equally, on this site, I have personally made fun of both. Examples of me making fun of Tiger basketball can be found here, here, and here. I do live and die Memphis Tiger basketball, despite the recent heartbreak of the title game and lack of national titles (unlike Kentucky). A few of my favorite posts of satire of Tennessee can be found here, here, and here. There have been other things that we have touched upon, including West Virginia football, Alabama, and the Miami Dolphins during their “run” to futility. Check out the “April Fool’s Day” page .The original and still current mantra of this blog is “A Sports Blog On Why ALL Teams Suck”. It just so happened that I did one on Kentucky, and things went bat shit. Of course, I was hoping people to understand sarcasm but I guess I expected too much.

First off, I do actually work during the day and I am not around a computer until I get home. So if you are pissy about anything I have written, cool it until later in the evening. I am not some snot nosed college kid or an unemployed bum watching Judge Judy and ESPN First Take all day.

Second, the only mistake I made (I feel) is making the title “Wanna be an NBA Player???” It was intended to sarcastically point out that Kentucky hasn’t had an NBA lottery player in a long time and a first round player drafted in a few years. That is a fact, as confirmed by John Clay of the Lexington Herald Ledger (he even called my work crude. I feel honored). But some of you Kentucky fans pointed out how Rajon Rondo just won an NBA championship with Boston and Tayshaun Prince has just been named to the Olympic team. Kudos. The fact of the matter is that Rondo was on a great team and while point guard is an important position, Paul Pierce handled the ball more than any other Celtic during the title run. Thomas the Terrible could have run point guard and the Celtics were still going to win it all. As for Prince, while he has been a valued member of the Pistons, there is no way I would have picked him over Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudamire, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or even Paul Pierce. I am not the only one of this opinion.

Here is the bigger issue though: What is the real reason for the swarm of reaction??? Is it because the fanbase of Kentucky basketball is that fragile??? Or, did the truth really hurt??? Let’s look at these two questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, College Basketball, crazy, Cry Baby, ESPN, Fights, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , | 20 Comments »

Wanna Be An NBA Player??? Here Is NOT Where To Play

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 27, 2008

I finally get some time to put up a post and it just so happens to be right after the 1st round of the NBA Draft . Then something came over me: Our favorite overrated, elitist, ass backwards, and drunken coached team from the SEC didn’t have a player drafted in the 1st round. This makes the second year in a row that a Kentucky player was not drafted in the 1st round, and continues the 11 year streak since a Wildcat player was picked in the lottery.

Oh don’t worry Wildcat fan. I know where to place the blame. It was “10 Loss” Tubby’s fault. He was too busy making sure he ran a clean program, free of racism (unlike the arena named after the “great” Rupp), and made sure that he didn’t hit the Wild Turkey bottle and try to drive home from the bar. He just simply didn’t have time to recruit players who would be developed into NBA talent.

Leave it to Billy Clyde Gilispie to recruit like a mother. He has already scored top 10 talent of all ages. He will take Kentucky back to single digit losses in just a few short years, as soon as his 8th grade recruits start arriving to Lexington. Too bad he said he was gonna stop recruiting young kids. Rumor is that he had planned to recruit Chicago next week while school is out for the summer. R. Kelly was gonna show him where all the hot spots were to get top talent, before Mr. Kelly got some talent of his own. Of course, knowing Billy Clyde’s track record, he’ll be gone quicker than you can say “Nick Saban”. It’s all good anyway, the best coach in the state left you back in the 90’s and now coaches your in-state rival.

So, for all of the Derrick Jasper’s, Scotty Hopson’s, and (insert latest player’s name to leave the Kentucky program here) of the world, things will be ok. You will make it to the NBA Draft Lottery, because you never put on the Wildcat uniform.

Let’s hear Tim Brando spin another year of Kentucky mediocrity…

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, bad drivers, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boosters, cat killer, College Basketball, Cry Baby, Dead Drunk, draft pick, drunk, DUI, ESPN, Evil Empire, Kentucky Wildcats, Liar, Louisville, Louisville Cardinals, NBA, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 110 Comments »

Racism in NASCAR??? Really??? You Don’t Say…

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 11, 2008

I have always been a casual NASCAR fan. I have been fortunate to see a few of the Winston/Nextel/Sprint Cup events in person, as well as a Busch Series race. I have been to Memphis, Bristol, and Talladega a few times over the years and I enjoyed the events a lot. So when this story broke, I chuckled a little bit, was slightly disturbed, and in the end, not surprised.

Mauricia Grant, a former technical inspector for NASCAR, is suing the organization for $225 million. I guess $226 million was asking for too much. Anyway, the suit is claiming racial discrimination, sexual harassment, and wrongful termination. Some of the things that were said include:

*Nappy Headed Mo

*Al-Qaeda

*Black Sisters Revenge

*How come the palms of your hands are white???

*I don’t want to start a riot when these fans see a black woman in my race car.

*Just get over the whole slavery thing.

And my personal favorite:

*Does your workout include an urban obstacle course with a flat-screen TV on your back.

I mean the guy could have said carrying a watermelon on your back while running in between buckets of KFC. Damn, be original. (For more racial taunts, here is The Smoking Gun’s post).

Back to my experiences at NASCAR races. Generally, I had a great time. True, I went with a bunch of buddies who were somewhat stereotypical of NASCAR fans, but for the most part, I had few problems…Except when I went to Talladega. What a surprise, a black man in Alabama getting harassed. I think they were upset that Logan Young didn’t have me paid for with his platinum Visa card. I did hear some comments not fit to be published on this blog, but I took it as though they were some liquored up nutjobs that were the obvious exception. Plus, they were probably there for the 5 cartons of smokes that used to be given out at the Winston Cup events.

It is times like these where I realize that as many strides that we have made as a country, we still have a looooooooong way to go. This puts bad press on NASCAR as a sport and maybe alienates us few minority fans, but at least homegirl is gonna get paid…….

If you ask NASCAR, they will tell you she has enough money to get her 8 kids by 10 different baby daddys off of welfare, and she doesn’t have to go on Maury Povich to pay for the DNA tests…

Posted in Alabama, alcoholics | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Cedric Benson can Still Achieve the Triple Crown

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 9, 2008

Now that Big Brown has failed to capture horse racing’s triple crown, attention is now turned to a triple crown chase of another kind: the idiotic dumb ass triple crown. Cedric Benson has established himself as the front runner.

Benson was charged with drunk driving in Austin, Texas, his second arrest in little more than a month.

Let’s see first it’s drinking while operating a boat and now this. If Benson can get caught driving a lawnmower, bicycle or motorcycle then he was achieved the Triple Crown.

What is it with Texas RB’s and getting arrested? Watch out Jamaal Charles…..you’re next

Benson’s attorney said the former Texas star had a few drinks with dinner but didn’t think he was intoxicated, and cooperated with police.

Still, attorney Sam Bassett acknowledged:

“He’s probably in trouble with his team for breaking curfew and having anything to drink under the circumstances.”

Authorities said Benson was arrested early Saturday after he failed a field sobriety test. The former first-round draft pick was charged with driving while intoxicated and released on bond.

The arrest comes a month after Benson was charged with boating while intoxicated and resisting arrest. He has said neither charge is true, and those cases are pending.

This pretty much invalidates the whole “I did nothing wrong on that boat and the cops are out to get me” defense.

At a fan event at Soldier Field in Chicago on Saturday, Bears general manager Jerry Angelo said he’d not spoken to Benson but called the situation unfortunate.

“Disappointment is too much an often-used word when we’re talking about Cedric, and the number one lesson for every player is protect your job,” Angelo said. “So we’re all held accountable for our actions.”

Asked if the new arrest will weigh against Benson, Angelo said:

“Well, it doesn’t weigh very well. And it’s unfortunate. We will deal with it when we know everything.”

Austin police spokeswoman Veneza Aguinaga said Benson, who was pulled over for running a red light, refused to take a breath test or provide blood samples Saturday. Because innocent people always refuse a breathalyzer.

For the record no one should ever refuse to consent to a breathalyzer. The breathalyzer will not lie. There is no way for a person to alter it to set you up. If you are not drunk or have not been drinking it is very ridiculous to not consent unless you’re drunk.

Benson “NO officer *hiccup* I’m not as think as you drunk I am!!!”

Bassett said Benson thought the light was yellow when he went through around 2 a.m., though he stopped immediately when police appeared. Bassett said Benson told him he wasn’t speeding or driving recklessly.

“He doesn’t feel like he was intoxicated,” Bassett said. “He said he had two or three drinks the whole night with dinner.”

Bassett said Benson’s girlfriend was with him at the time. The two had dined at a Japanese restaurant earlier. The running back was in Austin for his mother’s birthday this weekend, Bassett said.

Coach Lovie Smith said he was inclined to give Benson the benefit of the doubt “like everyone else in society gets.”

“That’s what we’ll do with this thing,” Smith said.

It’s only a matter of time until Benson tries to make it rain in a strip club.

The boat incident was not enough reason to cut him, but now it’s time. Bears fans are not going to accept this guy any more.

All I can say is: What an idiot.

Posted in alcoholics, Cedric Benson, Chicago Bears, drunk, DUI | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »