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Atlanta residents hide your pups. I have Bad Newz, your protocol son might be arriving anytime now

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 27, 2009

You might remember that back in December of 2008 I reported about how America’s favorite dog killing QB, Michael Vick, was getting set to be released to a halfway house. Well, there was a little problem with that idea; the halfway house in question apparently had no room to house Vick. So, being the ever brilliant public servants that they are, officials have decided to send Vick home as in Atlanta to old house.

Vick will be required to wear an ever fashionable electronic monitoring device (I’m hoping for a Shock Collar or an Invisible Fence Collar) and not leave the premises. Of course there is the chance that Vick won’t have a home too go to, which would really make thing interesting.

I wonder if Vick knows that he has been secretly replaced by a non name-brand ACC quarterback.

Vick’s official parole date is this coming July which means he start training for the 2009 season however the Falcons have been trying to trade him since Feb. 12, but not team is stupid enough to want him. Only a team with fans who are a bunch of crazy assholes would go for Vick. Wait, Favre just retired, right?

I, for one, think Cincinnati is a great destination for him. That way, when he comes to Cleveland, half of the Dawg Pound will have nooses on their necks, which would make any bore-fest between Cleveland and Cincinnati somewhat entertaining.

Pity the XFL didn’t last. Think the UFL might grab him a la Doug Flutie?

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, dog fighting, Michael Vick, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Playoffs?!?! Playoffs?!?! You’re asking what our NFL playoff picks are?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 2, 2009

Yes it’s time for our NFL playoff picks. Let’s all hope they are more accurate than some of our college bowl picks….

Atlanta at Arizona

  • Joel says: In the Battle of the Pigeons, I like Atlanta. *No dogs were harmed in the making of this pick*
  • Thomas says: As much as I like what Atlanta was able to accomplish this year, but I think Arizona will get back to their winning ways.

Indianapolis at San Diego

  • Joel says: Indy but in a close game. The Colts are rolling now.
  • Thomas says: I love the Colts in this as well.

Baltimore at Miami

  • Joel says: Ray Lewis and his merry band of thugs will be a cut above the Dolphins.
  • Thomas says: Chad Pennington will continue to taunt fans of the Jets by leading the Fins to their first playoff victory in years.

Philadelphia at Minnesota

  • Joel says: Fly Eagles Fly, on the road to victory…
  • Thomas says: Even though the Eagles are coming off a fresh ass-raping of the Cowboys and their fans are scary at times…I believe Minnesota will prevail and the ramblings of getting rid of Andy Reid will be reborn.

Posted in Andy Reid, Arizona Cardinals, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Indiana Hoosiers, Indy Colts, miami dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, NFL Football, Philadelphia Eagles, San Diego Chargers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

A Win Win for the Cowboys & Raiders

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 19, 2008

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Yesterday, the Oakland Raiders acquired CB DeAngelo Hall from the Atlanta Falcons for a 2nd and 6th round pick i this year’s draft. The Raiders then gave Hall a 7 year, $70 million extension. This gives the Raiders an upgrade in the secondary, Hall a much needed break from getting burned twice a year by Panthers WR Steve Smith, and Atlanta 4 picks out of the first 40 selections in this year’s draft. So why could this mean a win win for the Cowboys and Raiders???

Oakland has this year’s #4 pick. Picking ahead of them are Miami, St. Louis, and Atlanta. The Cowboys have two 1st round picks this year, thanks to Cleveland giving them this year’s #1 pick so the Browns could trade for the new rainbow warrior, Brady Quinn.  Jerry Jones has stated that he wants some wow on Dallas’  offense this year. Jerry Jones should be on the phone with Raiders owner Al Davis now and offer both picks to the Raiders for the #4 overall pick. The Cowboys could then be in great position to take Darren McFadden. Jones would be happy to have an exciting fellow Razorback on his team, and the combination of Marion Barber and McFadden in the backfield would give the Cowboys that “wow” that Jones covets, and would instantly generate more of a buzz than the Cowboys already possess.

As for the Raiders, they would have 2 picks in the opening round, and since the picks would be lower than #4, they would not have to pay those selections as much money as if they kept the pick. They could then use those picks as trade bait, or use both to fill in holes on the offensive line, backfield, or linebacker.

Wait a minute, these are the Oakland Raiders we are talking about. Doing things that make sense are not what this franchise are about. Al Davis is as unpredictable as they come. They have a coach that really doesn’t wanna be there and is waiting to be fired, but Davis won’t because he would have to pay him a nice lump sum of money. Lane Kiffin wouldn’t even wear anything with the team logo on it at the Senior Bowl. Davis sues everyone that he can to prove his point. He has sued the league (and won), sued cities, and even sued the Tampa Bay Bucs a few years ago for copyright infringement (which the case was tossed out). Davis is 100 years old and looks every bit like Capt. Jack Sparrow after 90 years of hard sailing on the seven seas. Their fan base of bikers, dope heads, and Darth Vader fans are just as dysfunctional as the franchise is, and no one cares. Any Raider home game could also be substituted for the pep rally in the upcoming film “Doomsday”.

Maybe if Jones threw in a lifetime supply of white and black tracksuits and a rest of his life supply of Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfasts, then Davis would make the deal……………

Stay classy, Raider fan!!!

Posted in alcoholics, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, Arthur Blank, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Atlanta Falcons, Bill Callahan, bongs, boo birds, Brady Quinn, cat killer, cheaters, classless, College Football, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, Evil Empire, Jerry Jones, NFL, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Man With The Worst Luck In Sports This Year

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 20, 2007

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Look at this guy. Every time I see Arthur Blank, he just looks like a billion bucks. From all accounts, a pretty nice guy. So why have the football gods cursed him so much this year??? Let’s look at some of the things that have happened to him.

-First, he started 2007 by hiring capretbagging coach Bobby Petrino. Nevermind he just led Louisville to the Orange Bowl and told the Cardinal faithful that he would stay at Louisville, only to leave shortly for Atlanta.

-Then, his franchise QB (and the guy he famously wheeled around Texas Stadium) Michael “Ookie aka Ron Mexico aka Valtrex spokesman) Vick lied to his face about dog fighting charges.

-Vick’s VA house is raided by feds and mountains of evidence related to dogfighting is uncovered. Blank realizes that his guy Vick lied to him. This of course is after the NFL Draft, Free Agency, and trading away backup QB Matt Schaub, who could have easily started.

-The Falcon’s season starts, and they stink.

-A day after publicly praising Coach Bobby Petrino on national TV, carpetbagger Petrino leaves for Arkansas (for less money). Plus, “Ookie” goes to jail.

-He tried to get Bill Cowher to come out of semi-retirement, but couldn’t.

-He then was prepared to give Bill Parcells the keys to his Falcon kingdom, only to have Parcells go to Miami.

-I almost forgot, “Ron Mexico” was caught at the airport in Miami with am Aquafina bottle with a false bottom, with the contents inside “smelling like marijuana”.

Wow. what now??? Well, at least the Falcons should get a high round pick in next year’s draft. Plus, they still get an extra 2nd RD pick. But for a guy who Forbes estimates his net worth at $1.3 billion thanks to helping to found Home Depot, his life must really suck right now. Of course, he still is worth $1.3 billion, so maybe I shouldn’t feel so sorry for him…

***On a totally unrelated note, I will be attending this year’s “prestigious” Texas Bowl here in Houston, TX between Houston & TCU (don’t laugh, I actually have free tickets and nothing better to do). If anyone else will be going, drop an email at ymswwc@gmail.com

Posted in Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, boo birds, football, NFL, NFL Football, Sports | 2 Comments »

Razorbacks…Hope You Like Your Carpetbagger…

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 11, 2007

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Well, the looooooooooooong wait for a head coach for the University of Arkansas has ended…with Bobby Petrino. Don’t worry about his job with the Falcons, because he quit that…

This guy’s resume is filled with more short stays than skanks hanging at the Four Seasons for a celebrity sighting. He finally got a head coaching gig at Louisville, taking over for the funny yet incompetent John L. Smith, in 2003. Louisville was on the verge of greatness, and with Petrino, took the team to the Orange Bowl last year. Soon after that, he was playing footsies with Arthur Blank on a 5 year, $24.5 million a year contract. Somehow, I don’t think all the Quick-Crete he wanted was included in compensation.

Now, he is taking some more billionaire Walton money, as he is now gonna coach at Arkansas. If I were a Razorback fan, I would be nervous and pissed at the yahoos that made this job so unattractive. Let’s start off with nervousness. Petrino and zealous Auburn boosters and the school president tried to cut a midnight deal just 2 days before the “Iron Bowl”. Keep in mind that Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville was still employed at head football coach. Petrino has also talked to LSU and God only knows who else while employed at Louisville, all in the hopes of getting more dollar dollar bills y’all. Like puppets on a string, Louisville said “yes sir” and gave it to him…EVERY TIME!!! Of course, he still left. I would also be nervous because he left the Falcons because he couldn’t take a little losing and didn’t feel the need to rebuild, which you guessed, Arkansas very well may have to do with McFadden, Jones, and Monk possibly leaving for the NFL.

I would also be mad at the yahoo nut jobs that ran off Houston Nutt and made the Arkansas job highly unattractive. I know that every coach and anyone else in the public eye will face scrutiny, but the way they put Nutt’s business out in the open and on front street, made it almost Britney Spears like for him and his family. It was so bad that he left Arkansas, his home state and dream coaching job, for Ole Miss. That’s bad…

A carpetbagger originally was a Northerner who moved to the South during Reconstruction (Petrino is from Montana). The term was meant to be derogatory, meaning someone who exploits until all resources are used up, then moves on (see coaching resume). Arkansas, I hope that you enjoy your carpetbagger, because he won’t be there long…

Posted in Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, Auburn, BCS, Big East, Houston Nutt, karma, NFL, NFL Football, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | 11 Comments »

Vick’s First Letter From Prison.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 11, 2007

Dear Moms,

Yo I know this being a hard time for you and all but dis shit ain‘t no walk in the motherfucking park either. I mean there’s no maids, ho’s or butlers. I gots to pee in front of everyone. Marcus and Pops never told me about this shit.

I met some dudes from the something called the Mexican Mafia, they be pissed at me for picking Ron Mexico as my alias. A lot of homies seem cool and shit they even gave me a nickname of Black Paris. Something about another rich bitch in jail except I’m black.Da man be being out to get me fo awhile and now he has.

Fuck dat cracker ass judge not letting me change into a five grand suit making me wear prison jumpsuit. I gots to look fly. And then he all talking about I made false statements to da feds and I wasn’t keeping it real wit him about my smoke habit. I don’t be deserving no 23 months for killing some dogs, some of those dogs deserved it and shit. And then he be saying I’m getting 3 years closely monitored probation afterwards. I guess I’ll make the best of it.

Yo dad be right about one thing yo, you can get some good shit in here. It’s high as fuck though! Thank God I’m still rich. Speaking of money Mom, I can’t be supporting you, Marcus and Pop and be paying protection money to. Think about how much the chronic will be once I’m transfered to the big house in 6 weeks. You just going to have to go back to working in a gas station with pops. Marcus I’m not sure what he be doing now.My cellmate is named Rocco and for 5 g’s a week he said he’ll protect me. When I ask from who he said from himself. He said won’t ass rape me 23 times, one for every month as long as I keep paying and shit. He also said to look up his big brother, Cletus at the fed pin. He said I can’t miss him he’s the leader of some gang called the Aryan Brotherhood. He said they might let me join so don’t be shy about asking. Other than the shakedown and cuddling wit me, he alright.

Moms I gots to go. But please do me one favor, try to sneak some metal hidden under one of your fat rolls, Rocco said he will teach me how to shank. Try to make all the court appearances concerning those law suits that are against me. There’s 3 onces of Mexican gold hash in the “waterbottle” give that to Marcus as a Christmas present.I love you moms, soon I’ll be free and I’m sure Mr. Goodell and Mr. Blank will allow me to play again. I’ll keep in shape with all the weights that here and constant running from the Crips.

PS Slap Marcus for me and tell him you still loves me more.

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, bongs, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Goodell, guilty, marcus vick, Marijuana, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Prison for Vick, satire | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Michael Vick Takes the Plea, Secretly Marcus is Laughing Somewhere.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 20, 2007

Today “Ron Ookie Mexico” finally saw the light, and announced though his attorney that he in fact will plead guilty to the charges facing him, and will be getting prepared to get ass raped and shanked.

“Michael Vick’s lawyer said Monday the NFL star will plead guilty to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges, putting the Atlanta Falcons quarterback’s career in jeopardy and leaving him subject to a prison term.

Lead defense attorney Billy Martin said Vick reached an agreement with federal prosecutors after consulting with his family over the weekend.

“Mr. Vick has agreed to enter a plea of guilty to those charges and to accept full responsibility for his actions and the mistakes he has made,” Martin said in a statement. “Michael wishes to apologize again to everyone who has been hurt by this matter.”

The only career Ookie will left after this is starring in “The Longest Yard: A Reality Series”. Somewhere down a darkened alley, Marcus is laughing his ass off. I wish I was a fly on the wall when Vick was discussing this with his family, particularly Daddy Vick, it might have went something like this:

Vick: takes a long toke from the bong Shit…I don’t know what to do. Should I take the plea the five-o is offering? Any ideas pops.

DV: Let me hit that boy quit hogging it. Take the plea hell half the family is taking the plea to testify against you. Marcus said he would take the plea and begged the Feds to charge him something.

Vick: Man that’s fucked up yo! I’m so buzzing.

DV: Take the plea boy, you can get better shit than this in pen.

Vick: Oh shit you can? I’m taking the plea then and getting my smoke on. Word!

“We totally condemn the conduct outlined in the charges, which is inconsistent with what Michael Vick previously told both our office and the Falcons,” the league said in a statement. The NFL added that it has asked the Falcons “to continue to refrain from taking action pending a decision by the commissioner.”

The Falcons said they were “certainly troubled” by news of the plea but would withhold further comment in compliance with Goodell’s request. If the league suspends Vick, the Falcons could then seek to recoup part of his signing bonus of approximately $22 million, because if suspended, then Vick would be in default of his contract, team officials tell ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio. Martin said salvaging Vick’s NFL career was never part of the discussions.”

Oh man take money away? How will Ookie get his smoke on in the pen? You know the reason Goodell is waiting this long to take action, is because he’s formulating a plan that will really, really, I mean REALLY screw Vick worse than what he’ll receive in the pen from “Tiny” the 350 lbs. ax murderer. At least the league office didn’t drone on about how Vick lied to them like Blank did. Duh…criminals lie it’s that simple.

“There were some judgment issues in terms of people he was associating with,” Martin said. “He realized this is very serious, and he decided to plead so he can begin the healing process.”

The gambling allegations alone could trigger a lifetime ban under the NFL’s personal conduct policy.”

He deserves a brutal sentence in my opinion. But cut the shit about “the healing process” puh-leas. He’s taking the plea in order to avoid real jail time and to start training for the “Ron Mexico Revolution“.

“About a dozen bright red Vick jerseys have been donated — often accompanied by financial contributions — to the Atlanta Humane Society since he was indicted last month. The shelter uses them for dog blankets, and to clean up after the animals.

“Kind of appropriate,” said Wayne Pacelle, president of the Humane Society of the United States.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, conVick, dog fighting, legal troubles, michael vick pleads guilty, NFL, ookie, Prison for Vick, Sports | Leave a Comment »

I Believe Arthur Blank Is Either A Complete Moron Or Completely Gullible.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 19, 2007

Yeah that’s right, it’s time for more Ron Mexico Michael Vick news. I believed Friday was going to be the day that Vick was going to choose when to serve his time, but alas I was let down. That’s because Vick is still taking about going to trial…what moronic douche bag he has turned out to be.

“ATLANTA — Still heavy into negotiations and deliberations, embattled Atlanta FalconsMichael Vick continued on Saturday to mull his options in the dogfighting case he faces in federal court, and has still not completely ruled out the possibility of proceeding to trial on November 26.

Sources with knowledge of the ongoing negotiations with prosecutors, and also with the discussions within the Vick camp, said a plea agreement — if the quarterback decides to accept one — may not come now before Monday.

“At a key moment like this in anyone’s life, you want as much information as possible, and that’s what Michael is trying to get,” said one person close to the negotiations. “This is the biggest decision he’ll ever face. This isn’t like, ‘Well, do I pass it or run it?’ His [advisors] are trying to provide him with everything they can, every bit of information, so that he can then make the most informed decision possible.”

Vick, look at the cartoon in this posting…hello…everyone knows you’re not going to trial. This one “person close to the negotiations” needs to leave the football references out of his statements. Now if he said something like “This is a big decision because he’s wanting to go too that luxury spot federal prison in West Virgina that Martha Stewart went to because he rather not be sodomized by his cell mate”, then I would find that acceptable. However plea or no plea he still needs to worry about state charges.

“Virginia Commonwealth Attorney Gerald Poindexter told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Friday that “yes, indeed, we will prosecute” Vick and others on possible animal cruelty and dogfighting charges.

Poindexter said a grand jury is set to convene on Sept. 25 and the case would probably be submitted at that time.”

I know the Attorney general is begging for a plea deal, so it would be easier to prosecute him and in a way I am to. Because personally I think he needs to go too jail. We all know Author Blank isn’t happy with him.

“What’s suggested in those statements of fact don’t match up with what the league was told, even our organization and certainly not what was said to the commissioner,” Blank told The Associated Press before Atlanta’s preseason game against Buffalo.

“It’s sad that those allegations exist and now they are confirmed by others,” Blank said. “It’s sad that Michael has put himself into that kind of situation. It’s his responsibility for putting himself into that situation.”

“From a personal perspective, it’s just very sad,” Blank said. “It’s distressing after six years spending time with somebody, you think you know them and then there’s another side that is shocking to all of us.”

What? You mean he might have lied? No way, look just because he’s probably killed dogs, giving out STD’s under the name of Ron Mexico & flipped off other NFL teams and fans doesn’t mean he’ll lie about something. Good heavens Author look at all the moronic things he’s done within the past six years. I’m not going to say Arthur Blank is a stupid man, but sadly common sense is a commodity in this country. Cut him now, I’m sure Goodell will thank you for it.

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, conVick, dog fighting, Goodell, NFL, ookie, Sports, Vick, Virginia Tech | 1 Comment »