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Archive for the ‘Auburn’ Category

Hey Auburn fans Tim Brando won’t take crap from anyone

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 9, 2009

I personally would have loved to have read a follow-up story about Brando getting his ass kicked in the parking lot.

Posted in Auburn, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tim Brando, War Eagle | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Good God Please Help Save the Lizards, Feed an Auburn Fan

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 5, 2009

This video is wrong on so many levels even without the lizard. Do you see what Auburn fans have been reduced to since the hiring of Gene Chizik? However eating a lizard is still smarter than firing Tubs for Chizik.

I always thought lizards were reasonably low-cal, but clearly Martha dump truck has downed quite a few.

Her New Year’s resolution is to switch to Diet Mountain Dew.

Billy Bob Bammer has responded to this video by saying “Oh yeah? Well, well, I can eat an Iguana! Wanna see? You just fucking wait!”

Posted in Auburn, Crazy Women, SEC, Skank, War Eagle | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Iowa State fondly remembers Gene Chizik

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 30, 2008

This was taken from Iowa State central campus web-cam. Charles Barkely would have written the message in yellow.

Posted in Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Charles Barkley, Gene Chizik, Iowa State Cyclones, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Joel’s Crappy Weekend

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 17, 2008


-Kid wakes up at 6:30 am, thus killing any dreams of having a lazy Saturday morning. A feeling suddenly comes over me, telling me that today will not be a good day for the home team.

-I almost lose my little girl at the park around 10:30 am. I now feel like a “Father of the Year” candidate. I took my eye off of her for 5.8 seconds to answer my cell phone & she was gone. Luckily, she walked over to the mounted cop’s horse. Instantly, I was relieved and told her not to give the horse candy. We didn’t want to end up like Kenny from Half Baked.

-Watch the Memphis Tigers give the game away to Georgetown in OT. They need a point guard in the worst way.

-Kentucky beat Indiana, thus killing my sweet Billy Clyde/Hoosiers I had thought about. Bastards.

-Got into it with the better half. Guys, always remember that women, although beautiful creatures, are mean and vicious when they choose to be. After arguing, it was couch duty for me. Life sucks.

-I found out Candace Parker married that monkey looking Duke boy, thus killing my dream of me and Candace…wait,I am already doing couch duty. Let me shut up.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Auburn, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, Candace Parker, Dallas Cowboys, Duke, Georgetown Hoyas, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, houston, Houston Texans, Kentucky Wildcats, Lady Vols, Love Sucks, Memphis Tigers, New York Giants, Sports, Tennessee Titans, Terrell Owens, War Eagle | Leave a Comment »

Welcome to the FAIL room bitches!

Posted by Billy Bob Bammer on December 16, 2008


That’s right! I is back! I’ve been silent this whole season while Saint Saban the Behr reincarnated racks up victory after victory. The reason for my silence is mainly because I’ve been doing a stretch in the state pen or as my fellow Bama boosters like to say: scouting for new football recruits. RTR!

First let’s talk about my bestest friend in the world Mr. James Fail, a fellow Bama booster. After all the millions of hard earned dollars that was earned through moonshine and cock-fighting that Mr. Fail has given to the BUSDGP (Buy us some damn good players) fund, Bama has officially named the visitors locker room “The Fail Room.” RTR! I also call my bedroom the fail room but for other reasons.

Strangely enough, another donor’s donation resulted in the renaming of Saban’s office. The Donor’s name is James J. HolyShitThat’sALotOfMoneyI’llTakeTheJob… Jr.

Hopefully someday I’ll get that outhouse in the west end zone named after me. Also this is coming just after Mississippi State renamed its stadium “LOL Field.”

Now on to the evil plan Auburn has that concerns assassinating Saint Saban.  Everyone knows this plan won’t work…but it almost did. Reports are flooding in that Saban’s ribs are sore from laughing at the fact that Gene Chizik has hired as the Auburn coach. RTR!

Nice try Auburn but it didn’t work.

Speaking of Auburn I see the services of former offensive line coach Hugh Nail are not wanted in college football. Hugh has taken a job with a trucking company. RTR good buddy! I’ll stop by later today and exchange some crystal meth for a hooker.

Congrats to Urban Meyer’s daughter, Nicki on receiving a scholarship from Ga. Tech. Here’s a piece from the Rivals write-up:

“Always being the new kid, Nicki often was asked to switch positions to fill whatever holes were left open.”

Well…alrighty then…

RTR Bitches!

Posted in Auburn, Bama Bangs, Bammers, Fail, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Nick Saban, SEC, SEC Football, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Something Tells Me that Iowa State Fans will be Rejoicing

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 15, 2008

Before I begin I feel the AD of my beloved VOLS, Mike Hamilton, needs to publicly thank Auburn for making the hiring of Lane Kiffin look brilliant.

Gene Chizik will be introduced later today as Auburn’s new head football coach as soon as that is done Iowa State fans will rejoice because they have a chance to hire a coach that can win more than 5 games in a two year span.

I seriously question this hire by Auburn and I’m not the only one. Below are comments taken from different Auburn message boards.

“Is this a fucking joke? I’m never going to another game!”

“Fire AD Jacobs!”

And Kevin Scarbinsky had some comments about Chizik as well.

One former SEC assistant heard the news and laughed out loud.

One former Auburn assistant who worked alongside Chizik reacted with stunned silence.

One college football insider who knows both the current Alabama boss and the man Auburn has chosen to battle him said Chizik is a good coach – but Nick Saban will eat him for breakfast.

I can fully understand all of these comments. Iowa State, who Chizik is leaving is in a current 10 game losing streak and among all 119 Division I FBS teams, the team ranked 111th in total defense, 115th in passing defense, and 95th in rushing defense.

ISU athletic director Jamie Pollard stated in a press release:

“I’m disappointed for our Iowa State fans and student-athletes that he has chosen to leave our program after only two seasons. I understand that (Auburn) is a dream job for him, but the timing and the way it played out has been hurtful and disappointing.”

Yeah right…that’s the PC way of saying “Woo Hoo now we don’t have to pay a buyout!”

“I know that we have found the right fit for Auburn,” Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said in a statement, describing Chizik as “a high-energy coach that is an outstanding motivator and demands a tough, physical style of football.”

Bob Lowder is the Auburn booster that runs the program (the AD is his hand puppet). All I can say is that Lowder’s hatred of Tuberville must be exponentially greater than his love for Auburn. This is a serious downgrade from Tuberville. I think this will keep them in the bottom half of the West. Bama, LSU, and Ole Miss will stay above them. With the improvement at the end of the year at Arkansas, Auburn could be battling Miss State for the cellar the next few years. If I were an Auburn season ticket holder, I wouldn’t renew. I don’t even have a dog in this fight, and I’m irked at a bad hire in the SEC.

Here’s a video of  Auburn fans heckling Jacobs over the Chizik hire…not a pleasant site but a funny one. From this day forward I’m calling Chizik, “Mean Gene the Losing Machine”, that’s right I’ve tagged it.

Posted in Auburn, Big Twelve Football, Gene Chizik, Iowa State Cyclones, SEC Coaches, SEC Football | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Something just isn’t quite right with the Tuberville departure from Auburn

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 5, 2008

Is something amiss on the plains of Auburn? After what seemed to be a never ending speculation on whether Tommy T would be fired we found out he “resigned.”

By most accounts this seems to be true. Auburn’s AD states he was “shocked” that Tubby resigned. Of course maybe after seeing what happened to Fulmer, Tubby took the high road.

If Tubby didn’t have the support from the Board of Trustees………he probably didn’t have it from the AD either, but that is only my opinion.

Of course Tubby’s mama is telling a newspaper that “He didn’t resign. He was fired.”

“He didn’t resign,” Olive Tuberville said. “He was fired.”

“He called and told me,” she said. “He made it through (the phone call to her) pretty good. He was dreading telling the players .This went on too long. They had their minds made up days ago, I imagine. It was tough. He didn’t know what to expect. All of his friends have stayed with him.”

For some strange reason I find this more factual. Let’s say Tubby did resign, one would think he would tell his assistant coaches ahead of time. At the time this all took place his assistants were out hitting the recruiting trails.

A couple of the assistant’s spouses were so enraged that they called a local sports show to vent publicly.  You can listen to the calls here.

Donna Dunn who is the spouse of the then D-line coach Don Dunn said her husband found out by a recruits coach when he was visiting him. She also states that her son, who is a student at Auburn, found out when a classmate interrupted a presentation he was giving to tell him his dad was unemployed.

That kid gets an A+ for his how-to presentation “On Being a Huge Asshole”

Amy Enzminger, the spouse of offensive coordinator Steve Enzminger, states he found out while out recruiting in Maryland. She also accuses Nick Satan I mean Saban of buying players. Well, duh everyone knows that. She also brings up Bobby Lowder, the Auburn trustee who got the president of the university fired in 2001 and tried to hire Bobby Petrino behind Tuberville’s back in 2003. Of course as everyone knows Auburn went 13-0 the following and was denied a shot at the National Championship.

Either it’s an interesting situation. You should listen to the calls. They’ll crack you up.

As far as the fark, Tommy Tuberville is a very good dancer. You ever see Tommy
Tuberville dancing? Tommy Tuberville is very tall. That helps. It makes him…lankier.

Posted in Auburn, Bobby Petrino, Nick Saban, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tommy Tuberville | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

More crappy Christmas Gifts

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 4, 2008

Yes this season looks bleak especially if you’re a sports fan. If you’re like me and is forced…FORCED damn it…to participate in the office “Secret Santa” then get them a crap-tastic sports gift.

What says “You’re a gold digging whore” to that slutty office person who is constantly raving on about how drinks she scored for free over the weekend by offering over hyped cleavage and a lack of substance better than an ESPN Monopoly game?

Is Erin Andrews on the community chest cards?

This ties into the biggest thing that bothers me about ESPN – they in large part dictate the sports narratives of the day. Public opinion regarding an issue, player, or team can literally be shaped by ESPN now. So when the BCS goes to ESPN, not only will ESPN’s tune change on the issue of a college football playoff, but you can bet that public opinion will as well.

Know anyone that ever wanted to smell like JoePa’s adult diapers? Then here’s your chance to make them happy while grossing out their cubical neighbors.

Masik is a company that “specializes” in collegiate fragrances.

They offer colognes in the following schools:

  • UNC: When Just Looking Like Stu Scott Ain’t Enough, Bro. WARNING: do not spray directly in eyes.
  • Penn State: Musk, passion, wrinkles…Joe Paterno Moth Balls fragrance

And coming soon!

  • Florida: When being a douche-bag isn’t enough and you can smell like one.
  • Georgia: Boone’s Farm and urinal cakes with subtle notes of denial.
  • Alabama: mixture of baby back ribs, dead Behr and bacon is tantalizing to the ladies.
  • Tennessee: concoction of whiskey in a jar and Lane Kiffin
  • Auburn: heady combination of sinsemilla and ass.
  • LSU: A subtle blend of coonass and corndogs.

To bad they don’t make one for Oregon St Beavers the women’s version could embody the true essence…

Of course if you have an asshole boss like me get them a Redsox coffin. The special edition Ted Williams model comes with built-in air conditioning.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Auburn, Bear is Dead, Boston Red Sox, Douche Bag, ESPN, Evil Empire, Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, LSU Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 14 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 30, 2008

Yes folks I decided to take some time away from writing and enjoy the Thanksgiving weekend, I hope you had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving.

I dub yesterday as disappointment day with the exception of Tennessee. I don’t mean to gloat, well…actually I do but this is the worst team that Tennessee has even placed on the field and yet Kentucky still couldn’t beat them. The streak lives on because Tennessee is Tennessee and Kentucky is Kentucky.

I’ll have a full write up on that game tomorrow.

Notre Dame put up a fight against USC at least until kickoff occurred. The Irish kept interrupting the Trojans’ pregame warmups which resulted in punches thrown and the Po Po intervening. Of course in the end Southern Cal proved what everyone knows and that is Notre Dame is a horrid team. Next stop on the Brian Kelly rumor-mill…why I’m betting Notre Dame.

Georgia seriously screws my picks up and loses to Georgia Tech.

Same old South Carolina, they still can’t beat their arch rivals the Clemson Tigers even though Clemson has an interim head coach. Hopefully this win will lead to Clemson offering the job to Dabo Swinney.

The Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is plenty mad after this embarrassment which lead Spurrier to degrade his players even further publicly. Honestly I’m wondering if he has lost this team. The reason I say that is because at the end of the game South Carolina tried to start a fight instead of shaking hands…classless.

Florida did what everyone thought they would do and beat up Florida State.

With Boston College and Virginia Tech both winning yesterday it looks like a rematch is set for the ACC title game. The same game that didn’t sell 50% of the tickets last year. Joy…

Alabama ends the Auburn winning streak they had against Bama…rather soundly at that. Time will tell if Auburn is foolish enough to fire Coach Turbeville.

No Rose bowl for you Oregon State, unless by some miracle UCLA can upset Southern Cal. Oregon State got hammered by the ugly uniform wearing Ducks of Oregon.

Oklahoma and Oklahoma State was a closer game than what the score indicates and it was a great game. Hats off to both teams.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Brian Kelly, classless, Clemson Tigers, Dabo Swinney, Fights, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fulmer, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Hokies, Kentucky Wildcats, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Old Ball Sack Coach, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, southern cal, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, USC, Virginia Tech | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Oh My God! The End Is Near! There Wasn’t an Update this Morning!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 18, 2008


That’s right people there certainly wasn’t an update this morning. You see I also serve on as the president of my condo association. Last night was a rather lengthy board meeting.

With that being said let me say this:

Carl you’re an asshole and you talk to much and Cindy if you wasn’t so slutty looking you could be doable.

People blame those two, I just mentioned because of them I over slept this morning leaving barely enough time to make it to work on time.

Now let’s get to business. I promise I’ll have a better update tomorrow morning unless Cindy cleans her self up and decides to blow me.

Has anyone notice just how frighteningly ugly the Oregon Ducks uniforms are getting? Are those wings made out of machetes? Are they some kind of mutant genetically modified super killing machine duck?

And WTF is this? This was taken in the stands of this weekend’s past Auburn game. And he’s the cutest girl at Auburn. (Sorry Auburn fans I had to) Are the pony tails real human hair taken from his victims?

Speaking of Auburn, Dennis Fran “The Fraud” Franchione is defending Tommy Tuberville.

“Tommy Tuberville is a great coach, and I don’t think anything should happen to him,” Franchione said. “He’s beaten Alabama six times in a row.”

Since this is a very short update I’ll let you know that Isaac Stockton will not be denied his ball!

Skip around to the 18 second mark to see what I call a “It’s concentration bitch!” catch. When he get hit you’re going to think “Why is Thomas posting a snuff film?”

It will shake your bowels.

Posted in Auburn, Dennis Franchione, Oregon Ducks, SEC Coaches | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »