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Archive for the ‘Bail Bondsman’ Category

Glocks & Athletes Are Not A Good Combination

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 1, 2008

I was well prepared to talk about Tennessee hiring Lane Kiffin and what I thought of it. I along with millions of other Volunteer fans have my opinion, but I want to spend this time to talk about a troubling trend the past, oh, 14 years or so. I am about to do my best Jason Whitlock impersonation, except I am not as big, well-known, or paid.

I have known and/or met quite a few pro athletes in my day. By and large, the ones that I have met are down to earth guys, trying to improve themselves in the sport that they play. They are trying to improve themselves so they can improve their bank accounts. For the athletes that have come from little to nothing growing up, they try to help out family and friends along their journey to fame and fortune. This cycle can lead to problems.

To the athletes reading this blog, please do the following couple of things for me:

*Leave the guns at home…

I am watching the Redskins vs. Giants game. Ironic because on this day, where the Redskins are honoring fallen teammate Sean Taylor, who was murdered in his home a year ago, Plaxico Burress is facing weapons charges because he decided to go “Cheddar Bob” on his thigh while carrying a handgun illegally (or he wanted to be on the next diss record of Eminem, 50 Cent, and Busta Rhymes). If the club was such a bad place to be, then why go??? He’s married (to a lawyer) and has a young son. Why put yourself through now facing jail time over seeing some ass shaking at the club, and get teammate Antonio Pierce involved??? Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, and Marvin Harrison would agree. If you are about to go somewhere and you think that you need a gun, then don’t go. If I need a gun to go to my local Quickie Mart for a chocolate squishy, then I won’t be seeing Apu that night. Which leads me to the next point…

*Do not own more than 3 guns…

A wise man once told me that if you are gonna own a gun for home protection, get 3. One should be a handgun that you can grab quickly (Glock), one should be a rifle or shotgun, and one should be a small pistol that your woman could shoot in a pinch (.22 or .38). Whether this is wise or not, I think this is sound advice. In other words, do not be Tank Johnson. And if you wanna be a rapper, PLEASE do not be T.I.

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*Last, everyone is not out to get you…

Unless you allow yourself to be associated with bad people, not everyone is out to get you. Yes, crime is everywhere, and what happened to Sean Taylor was a tragedy not of his doing, but of 4 kids who wanted to take a short cut at getting ahead. At the same time, you athletes for the most part have more money than I will ever see. Use some of that to invest in a security company and let bodyguards carry the weapons. Because if you pull a Plax and not have that concealed handgun license, you could shoot yourself at 3 a.m., or face jail time. And please don’t rob any convenience stores…

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Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adam Jones, armed robbery, Assault & Battery, Bail Bondsman, basketball, Brawls, Chicago Bears, classless, court tv, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, dumbass, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, football, Goodell, guilty, Jemele Hill, New York Giants, NFL, NFL Football, NRA, Police, Sports, Washington Redskins | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Get Your Popcorn Ready & Have Your Parents Keep a Bail Bondsman on Standby

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 18, 2008

TO’s newest BFF.

Kids it’s time for the Terrill Owens football camp. Owens will be hosting his third Youth Football Camp at Duncanville High School in Dallas, Texas, July 9-10 and he’s bringing in some special guests. So special you parents might want to have a bail bondsman there “just in case.”

“I am very excited for the third season of my youth football summer camp,” Owens said in a statement. “The camp is committed to teaching kids how to improve their football skills and increase their knowledge of the game. I’d also like them to understand that their activities off the field are just as important as scoring a touchdown. In past years, everyone has learned a lot and they’ve had a great time. I’m looking forward to another fun year.”

The camp is $195 per child and is open to children between the ages of seven and 17. Never mind the fact that Owens recently signed a four-year deal with the Cowboys worth $34 million making him one of the highest paid receivers in the league, so go in daddy’s wallet and steal borrow a credit card. (Don’t forget about the special 3 digit security code on the back.)

Guest number one will be former world record holder in the 100-meter dash, Maurice Greene. Who had this to say:

“All sports are turning to one thing – speed, running fast is all about the technique of how to do it. I have to look at the kids to see what they’re doing wrong.”

Greene might bring his buddy Mexican discus thrower Angel Guillermo Heredia. Greene paid Heredia $10,000, which Heredia claimed was in payment for performance enhancing drugs. Greene admitted meeting Heredia and making the payment, but claimed it was common for him to pay for “stuff” for other members of his training group,

With these two together you will be able to run faster and bulk up quickly. However TO & his “guests” are not responsible for any ball shrinkage that might occur.

Guest number two is Michael Irvin who will offer advice on how to avoid the mistakes he made like how not to get caught with cocaine or get how not to get caught with inflicting a two-inch cut like what was in the neck of Dallas guard Everett McIver while some team members were getting haircuts.

TO & his “guest” are not responsible for future arrests or getting fired from a job at ESPN.

Guest number three is none other than Adam “Pac Man” Jones. Of course you’ll be able to learn how to make rain, slap “scrippers”, vandalize nightclubs and withhold information from the police concerning small things like a shooting that might leave a bouncer paralyzed.

Hopefully more guests like Tank Johnson can come. Tank can show you how to build an illegal arsenal weapons.

If enough kids sign up maybe there can be a petting zoo provided by Bad Newz Kennels and a boat rides sponsored by Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinnie.

So get your popcorn ready and better make sure you have air-tight alibis.

Posted in bad newz kennels, Bail Bondsman, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Fred Smoot, Michael Irvin, Pacman Jones, T.O., Terrell Owens | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »