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Archive for the ‘baseball’ Category

I don’t care about steroids anymore

Posted by Ghetto_Philosopher on February 12, 2009


roger-clemensMuch has been made about the news that there is indeed evidence that A-rod tested positive for anabolic steroids some odd years ago. As can be expected in this media age of ours, it was plastered all over the newspapers, was the main focus of radio talk shows nationwide and was all over ESPN.com. This prompted ESPN to of course arrange an interview between Peter Gammons and Alex Rodriguez where A-rod came out of the closet about his use of performance enhancers (more about this interview in a bit).

I must confess that when I heard the news, I stood up in indifference. Why do we still care? Granted that I am not the biggest baseball fan out there but I am tired of all the moral outrage being shown by folks in the media. This had to have been the worst kept secret and it is amazing to me that all this stuff took this long to come to light. It definitely says a lot about us as the fans and the media types. We didn’t care about this stuff when we were gobbling up the offensive explosions that helped save the MLB. Lets not pretend that we care now. As for the whole “we are sending the wrong message to kids”, maybe we should stop expecting athletes to be role models and be role models to kids ourselves. Nobody cares about these athletes when they age and stop producing. They just get tossed aside for a younger and faster replacement, yet we are shocked when they try to get an edge and hang on to their glory years? Please.

Now I am not trying to excuse these guys for cheating, I am trying to point out that we were and are complicit in it. We created these monsters and now we have to live with them. On the interview between Gammons and Rodriguez, does anyone move faster to make a story their own than ESPN? Like Petros pointed out on PMS (the Petros and Money Show, KLAC 570 AM here in LA), this A-rod story was broken by Sports Illustrated but within two days, ESPN took over the story by saturating the air waves with everything A-rod and quickly arranging the interview. And now, no one even remembers SI broke the news. Evil genuises.

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Posted in A-Fraud, Alex Rodriguez, Arod, Barry Bonds, baseball, ESPN, Evil Empire | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Barry, Take A Deal

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 5, 2009

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Barry Lamar Bonds, baseball’s home run king*, is screwed. According to court documents, U.S. Attorneys have everything from positive tests for steroids to phone conversations by his equally genetically jacked up trainer Greg Anderson.

So the documents are available to the public, and as a warning, they are lengthy. Judge Susan Ilston is expected to rule on a defense motion to suppress evidence, such as the urine samples, or allow the evidence to stay when the case goes to trial next month. But in the court of public opinion, he is guilty.

But the rabbit hole goes deeper than just a few positive piss tests. Barroid also took clomid, which is a common masking agent for athletes using steroids. What is clomid you might ask??? Clomid is a female fertility drug, used to induce ovulation. Side effects (I love this part) include ovarian enlargement, breast discomfort, abnormal uterine bleeding, and multiple births. Translation: If you see this guy scratching his tit and his mid-section is bloody, we know why. I don’t even wanna know where those multiple births are gonna come out of.

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One of the steroids that he is accused of using is nandrolone, a common steroid. It is so common that some of the people who have failed steroid tests include C.J. Hunter (one of Marion Jones former lovers), Roger Clemens (another dumbass), UFC great Royce Gracie, Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman, and Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle, formerly of the WWE and now currently in TNA Wrestling.

Of course there is the expected testimony of former players that either played with Bonds or were also caught up in the whole BALCO scandal from the beginning. Also, there could also be the possible testimony of Kimberly Bell, former girlfriend (side action, one in the chamber, jump off, chick on the side, ace in the hole) of Bonds. She has said in the past that Bonds talked about his use of steroids, including seeing him inject himself. Oh, for you 3 pervs reading this, she posed for Playboy. You can see the censored pics here. In that Playboy article, she also talked about his inability to “get it up”. I guess Clomid & Cialis doesn’t mix well. Too bad, because I would like to see Barry throw a football through a tire like the commercial.

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I know that he is proud. It is that pride that got him in this mess. It is pure vanity that caused him to stick that syringe in his ass. He was a great player before all of this. Pride got the best of him. He better take a deal now, because he has been out of the hood too long. Once he gets behind bars, one drop of the soap and he will get his first prison style prostate exam…

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Barry Bonds, baseball, Major League Baseball, Mitchell Report, MLB, MLBPA, MMA, UFC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The Giving it 10% award of the week

Posted by Ghetto_Philosopher on July 2, 2008

I was sitting around last night watching a movie and having dinner wondering what my next piece would be when it hit me. You’ve heard of the tired sports cliche; giving it a 110 percent. What if I could do something where I picked somebody who only gave 10% as opposed to the proverbial 110?

This isn’t to be mistaken for folks who give a 110% but just aren’t as good, a la Mark “the Maddog” Madsen. Instead I am referring to people like Rasheed Wallace who mail in about 10 games per season. In other words, this here distinction is for those athletes who aren’t even trying. Those players who you wonder if they even have a pulse. I mean if basketball season weren’t over, I would have a wealth of culprits but it is baseball season and thats a bit more difficult to read. But just because I like challenges, I am going to try anyway.

Although the week isn’t over, my first pick for this distinguished award are the pinstriped boys from New York. After beating the Mets 9-0 last Friday, the Yanks scored just seven runs losing three of four. At this point they are third in the AL East, 7.5 games behind the Tampa Rays and five back of the Red Sox. All this prompted Hank Steinbrenner to go to the press again. According to the AP;

“We’ve got to start hitting,” he said Wednesday. “It’s getting ridiculous. They’ve got to start waking up. They’ve shown flashes what they can still do.”

Indeed.

Posted in baseball, MLB, Sports, sports & stuff, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

There’s An Axe Swinging At ESPN/ABC

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 11, 2008

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In today’s USA Today, it is reported that Michele Tafoya and Suzy Kolber will have reduced roles during their Monday Night Football telecasts. As of right now, there is no word as to what exactly their new roles will be. According to ESPN’s Mike Soltys, “There precise roles are yet to be determined.” Also, on the ABC Sports side, contracts of Dan Fouts and Tim Brandt will not be renewed. Fouts and Brandt mostly worked on Pac-10 games.

Tafoya and Kolber should not be the only changes on the Monday Night Football broadcast. Kornheiser needs to go. While I am not that familiar with his columns, I thought he did a great on the radio and works well with Mike Wilbon on PTI. In the broadcast booth, he is no better than Dennis Miller. At least he doesn’t try to use words from an SAT study guide like Miller commonly does. Personally, I would like to see Mike “Sexual Harassment” Tirico go too. Give some young and up and coming broadcaster the gig. Also, if they want to upgrade from Tafoya and Kolber, America’s Favorite Gator Erin Andrews is available.

As for Fouts and Brandt, I thought they were great on the telecast. Personally, I thought they made the best broadcast team that ABC/ESPN had for football coverage. I think the problem was that they focused on the details of the game. X’s and O’s were their thing. This is the ABC/ESPN mindset: Who needs X’s and O’s and who wants to learn more about the game, when Matthew McGodhesgay is down there in the student section??? Let’s put a shirt on that guy, take that Texas sized spliff out of his hands, and bring him up to the booth so he can talk about his Longhorns. After all, nothing says Longhorn football like a shirtless neo-conservative playing the bongos and having a case of the munchies.

Here is my personal list of people I think need to be let go by ESPN specifically:

*Stuart Scott-Can a man be so much of a walking cliche??? He was cool back in 1997 and has aged since.

*Colin Cowherd-Bring back Kornheiser on the radio. Cowherd belongs on Fox Sports Radio. Douchebag.

*Sean Salisbury-Do I honestly need a reason here???

*Kirk Herbstreit-Pretty boy QB with the analytical abilities of a 5 year old Madden gamer.

*Skip Bayless-He’s another guy that believes his own press clippings too much.

*Mike Lupica-Suffers from “Little Man Syndrome” and probably Erectile Dysfunction.

* Any of the Baseball Tonight Crew Not Named Karl Ravech, Peter Gammons, or Buster Olney.

*Rachel Nichols-I think she would be cool not in front of the camera. She doesn’t blink for God’s sake. Freaky…

*Mike & Mike-Insert gay & meathead joke here.

I know I left out the usual names like Berman, Musberger, Mike Patrick, Dana Jacobson. They always give us great YouTube clips, so I think they should stay. Plus, I heard Dana Jacobsen loves to party. Also, I left out overrated RB Emmitt Smith. I know he can’t talk, but if they send him to ESPN Deportes for about 3 months so he can learn Spanish, he just might do better. Just keep him away from Adriana Monsalve

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Posted in ACC, ACC Football, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, baseball, basketball, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Chris Berman, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, ESPN, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Gator mafia, Internet Rumors, legal troubles, Major League Baseball, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Sexual-Harassment Case, steroids, Stu Scott, stupid, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008

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Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Clemens & McNamee…On The Next Maury Povich Show

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 6, 2008

Maury: Everyone, meet Brian McNamee. This man is a former trainer for the New York Yankees and has admitted to giving baseball players steroids. Now backstage is the only man to deny ever taking steroids from McNamee, Roger Clemens. Now before we bring Roger out, Brian, what’s your story???

Brian: Well Maury, I met “Rocket” in 1998 and he said that he needed” an edge”. So I told him about what I called “Gushy”, which is Winstrol. I call it Gushy because it makes you feel a little funny. Clemens said that he wanted “some”, so I took his pants off, bent him over, rubbed his nice round milky white buttocks, and stuck him. We did this for a long time, and now he wants to deny me. He OWES ME Damnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crowd applause]

Maury: Before we bring Roger out, let’s see what he has to say:

[cue cheesy backstage video]

Roger: That boy is lyin’ through his meely mouth teeth, he didn’t shoot any (bleep) steroids in my ass!!! He did give me a shot, but it was B-12, just like my boy Tejada used. I’m the Rocket, I don’t need any mother (bleep) steroids. I can strike out the Tampa Bay Devil Rays when I turn 60. When this lie detector test comes back that I am not lying, I want you, Brian, that hasbeen political hack George Mitchell, the guy that always looks like a used car salesman Selig, to stay the hell away from me and kiss my scab filled ass when I go to Cooperstown…BITCH!!!

Maury: OK, so let’s bring him out. Here he is, Roger. Come on out Roger!!!

[Clemens comes out, security holds him and McNamee back. Crows goes nuts]

Maury: Now Roger, Brian says that he has seen your ass more times than Dakota’s nipples at the Bada Bing. You’re saying it’s not true???

Roger: (Bleep) no Maury it’s not true. He has never put any steroids in my ass or anything else in my ass. My ass is as firm and unblemished as the next 3rd world country baby that Madonna is gonna adopt. He maybe thinks he shot Connie Chung in the ass so she can grow taller!!!

[Audience groans. Maury has a pissed look on his face]

Maury: Let’s read these results!!!

[Applause]

Maury: We asked you Roger, if in 1998, you knowingly got a steroid shot from Brian. You said no, and the lie detector test determined that’s a lie.

Roger: BULL(BLEEP)!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brian does a stupid off rhythm dance. Think Carlton from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air]

Maury: Roger, you were asked at any point, if you EVER knowingly received steroids or HGH from Brian. You said no, and the lie detector test determined that’s a lie.

[Roger runs off stage and flops down on a couch. Brian gives the audience high 5’s and chest bumps. Maury goes backstage and comforts the crying Clemens]

Maury: Now Roger, the truth is out. We can help you with this. All you have to do is follow this man to a drug treatment boot camp. Roger, meet D. West!!!

D. West: Git yo punk ass up!!! Why are you polluting yourself with these drugs??? Your body is a temple, and you have been defiling it!!! But we are gonna change that TODAY!!! And to help you, we are gonna go on an all expense paid trip to Camp Tie Off in Butte, Montana. Don’t worry, you won’t be alone. Britney Spears is gonna be there too…probably permanently…

Posted in baseball, Major League Baseball, MLB, new york yankees, steroids, yankees suck | Leave a Comment »

Is the Bill Callahan Experiment Coming to a Close at Nebraska? Fans Certainly Hope So.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 16, 2007

I’m the president of my condos association board of directors. The vice president is a Nebraska alum, for the past couple weeks he hasn’t exactly been thrilled with Cornhusker football. He’s been rather polite under the circumstances saying kinds things such as “GD Motherf*cking Callahan” & “Callahan is a p*ssy coach and they gave him a contract extension, those motherf*ckers!!”.

Yesterday the Athletic Director of Nebraska, Steve Pederson, was fired. I called the VP to see what his thoughts were about this, unfortunately I got his answering machine. He called back about 20 minutes later ecstatic about the news, apparently the reason he couldn’t come to phone was he was busy masturbating to the ESPN clip about the story that he taped. That’s the way most of the Nebraska fans feeling about this, but there is a problem. Bill Callahan, the Rachel Ray of Big 12 football coaches, is still there. How long after the season will he be fired remains to be seen.

“Nebraska athletic director Steve Pederson was fired Monday, two days after the school’s once-mighty football team was rocked with its worst home loss in nearly a half-century.

Callahan’s job is apparently safe for now. Chancellor Harvey Perlman said the next athletic director would decide the fate of the football staff.

Over the past two weeks, the Huskers (4-3) have lost by a combined score of 86-20, dropping a 41-6 decision at Missouri two weeks ago.

“There is no joy in my heart for having to do this,” Perlman said. He said it would cost at least $2.2 million to buy Pederson out of his contract.”

Callahan needs to face facts, the new AD which most praying Nebraska fans hope will be Tom Osborne, will be ordered to give the boot to Callahan. I find it ironic how schools with dominate football programs like Notre Dame and Nebraska fire coaches after good years, now couldn’t beat the home town high school football teams.

“Every one of you thinks this is because of a football game that was played last Saturday,” Pederson said. “It may well be that the vulnerability of the football program encouraged people to come forward when prior to that they had not.”

A search for an interim athletic director has begun, with the next step to find a permanent replacement.

“It is not clear how long such a process will take or its precise form,” Perlman said. “It is important it be done expeditiously but thoughtfully.”

Perlman said he would consult with Osborne about the direction of the athletic program, but stopped short of saying he would offer Osborne the interim athletic director’s job. Osborne now teaches a business leadership course at the university and is a consultant to local college athletic programs.”

Perlman look if you have to consult with Osborne why don’t you offer the flipping job to him? It’s that simple. If you here’s what will happen:

  1. Donations and season ticket sales will be up.
  2. Callahan will be fired
  3. A quality coach will be hired
  4. You’ll look a genius.

“We’ve come under a steady stream of criticism,” Callahan said. “It’s important you stand tall. You’ll be the direct target of critics. I understand that. You’re in the public eye and in a high position in order to lead. We’re going to continue to lead in a very positive manner.”

The steady stream of criticism is called losing and being mediocre. The only positive leadership you have supplied is teaching your players to lose with their heads held high.

“In four seasons under Callahan, the Huskers are 26-18 overall, 14-14 against the Big 12, 3-8 against teams in the Top 25 and 0-6 against the top 10. They have given up 40 points or more nine times.

Pederson has been a polarizing figure in Nebraska, widely criticized for firing coach Frank Solich and then for conducting a protracted one-man search for a new coach.

“I refuse to let the program gravitate into mediocrity,” Pederson said the day he announced Solich’s firing. “We won’t surrender the Big 12 to Oklahoma and Texas.”


I believe the players are praying for a new coach.

Wow, for someone who refuses to allow a program to slip, you suck. Nebraska football used to mean something, now it’s a joke. Black shirt defense? More like pink shirts with lace. Can Callahan save his job? Maybe but he’ll have to win out, and win big. This week they play A&M. While I believe Coach Fran. will be fired regardless, Callahan might not. But as my VP says “Fuck Callahan and this spread option offense, just run with power boy.”, he’s essentially correct. I believe Callahan is a goner as well.

Possible future coaches candidates are the same as every year with names like Steve God Spurrier, Bob Stoops, Tedford from Cal & Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez. One coach that might be a real possibility is Brooks from Kentucky, but I hope Tennessee makes a run at him as well.

So I profess on this day 10/16/07.

TtT

Posted in aggies, baseball, Big 12, Big Twelve Football, Bill Callahan, boosters, Coach Fran, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Steve Pederson, Texas A&M, Tom Osborne | 2 Comments »

Ozzie Guillen is Clearly a Target of the Liberal Media.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 31, 2007

Ozzie Guillen who is perhaps the most politically correct person in sports, has been a target of the liberal media sports giants such as ESPN, Sports Illustrated, The Sporting News and many others for a few years now. Now the they have all decided to gang up on him yet again by claiming he has a potty mouth, and is questioning his teams commitment. Knowing the history of this fine and righteous man I’m sure the liberal media “paraphrased” his words. So I’m here to set the story straight.

“It’s embarrassing day in and day out to do the same stuff,” Guillen said. “People are blaming our pitching staff, but the offense comes along and puts more dirt on the grave. Everyone in that room should look in the mirror and be embarrassed.”

Less than two years after winning the World Series, the White Sox (57-76) are in last place in the AL Central.

“We’ve got a $100 million payroll and they don’t show it on the field,” Guillen said. “If this keeps up, bring on the Double-A kids. They’re killing me. They’re killing my family, my coaching staff and the White Sox fans. I hope they care the way we care. I’m tired of seeing this shit every day.”

What the Oz man was really saying was:

“I’m truly sorry in the team’s lack of success this season. People seem to think it’s all the pitching staffs fault. I’m here to say, though they have under performed, they are fine fellows. I believe the White Sox need to heal, not as a team but as a family. Then wait till next year.

We have been blessed with such great owners who pay us all well, but I believe as an organization it would only be fair to the Double A players, to give them a shot at the big league. Oh to see the joy on those youngsters faces. Myself and my loving family are hurt emotionally by our record, as the fans are hurt as well. The fan know we care and I’m going to take the proper steps to correct it.”

“I’m tired of seeing that shit, day in and day out. And I don’t want to spend a miserable September seeing the same shit. If I have to see the same shit, I told [team GM Kenny Williams], ‘Bring somebody up. Fuck it.’ If it’s my fault, I should be moving out of here then. If it’s my fault, fucking fire my ass and I’ll be fine. I have the job to do, and I get paid a lot of fucking money to make this club work, but it’s not easy to work with people like that. It’s not easy.”

What the Oz man really said was:

“Even with the mistakes my players make, I love watching them day in and day out. I think September would be a perfect time to bring up some farm league talent. I try to imagine how nonsupporting former managers of mine have been, and be the complete opposite. I’ll do some reflection later tonight, and if I see that our woeful record is actually a result of my actions, then I suggest I should be relieved of my duties. Don’t worry about me, even with all that I give to charity, I’m financially alright. Thank you for your time and attentiveness, now suck my cock and fuck off”

So I profess on this day 8/31/07.

rDSr

Posted in baseball, Chicago White Sox, MLB, Ozzie Guillen, Sports | 1 Comment »