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Archive for the ‘basketball’ Category

Guess Who Is Lining Up For A #1 Seed???

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 3, 2009

memphis-hell-copy

(pic courtesy of Losers With Socks)

Sporting a 26-3 record, the Memphis Tigers are poised for a #1 seed. Realistically, this year’s edition of the Tigers is absent of the club hoppers, woman beaters, and scary thugs NBA type talent at every position when compared to last year’s team, but overall, this has been a better team.

Free throw shooting eventually was one of the things that caught up to them last year. Yes, the pain is still there in the hearts of Tiger fans, but this year, the Tigers are shooting almost 70% compared to 61% last year. The 9% difference overallmay not sound like much, but it is the difference between an NCAA Championship Banner hanging in the rafters of plush FedEx Forum instead of drafty and cramped Phog Allen Fieldhouse in Kansas (not that I am biased or still bitter). They are also allowing opponents 7 fewer points this year compared to last.

However, the Tigers still have one problem that reared its ugly head in the losses to Xavier and Syacuse this year, along with the final 3 minutes of last year’s title game: The lack of in-game coaching strategy of John Calipari. Don’t get me wrong, he is an excellent recruiter and can motivate his teams like no other. He is great for a college program. However, as a pure X’s and O’s coach, he has a tendency to get out coached. The talent that he amasses gets him out of a lot of situations. Either way, they should run through the rest of the Tiger High Invitational C-USA Tournament and land a #1 seed.

Then there is this pimp:

pitinox

Rick Pitino and Louisville, who until ESPN gave them a blow job put a spotlight on them, were quietly sneaking up on the competition, setting up a potential showdown in the Big East Tournament against Pitt or UConn. They are loaded and are clearly the best basketball team in the state of Kentucky. They do need to win the Big East to get a #1 seed, but with this team, it is very possible. Earl Clark should be a lottery pick and, wouldn’t it be sweet if the Tigers and Cardinals played for the national title???

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Posted in basketball, Big East, Big East Basketball, College Basketball, Conference USA, ESPN, Louisville, Louisville Cardinals, Memphis, Memphis Tigers, Rick Pitino | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Tracy McGrady: Bad Knee, Still No Heart

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 26, 2009

Here in Houston, the sport buzz has been on Tracy McGrady. McGrady has been a polarizing figure here. However, the way that this “surgery” has been handled, most Houston sports fans have been calling him “the worst Rocket ever”. I told the guys at the barber shop this when they first traded for him but I won’t say I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, word on the street is that microfracture surgery was not necessary, and he shopped around to find a doctor to agree that surgery was the best option. 4 other doctors told him to rehab and play through the pain. Doctor #5 was paid handsomely agreed with T-Mac’s assessment that surgery was required. I can see getting a second opinion, but four??? Wow.

Here are some nicknames for McGrady, some original, some not:

  • She-Mac
  • “Malibu” Stacy McGrady
  • T-Bag
  • Tin Man (for lack of heart and achy joints)
  • Penny Hardaway part II (no coincidence they both played for Orlando wearing #1)
  • The Human Injury Report

I think about Michael Jordan playing in the NBA Finals against the Jazz with the flu, lighting Utah up for 35 points while throwing up in buckets during time outs. I think about Allen Iverson playing through broken fingers, torn elbow ligaments and leading the league in scoring. I remember Jack Youngblood of the Rams playing through the NFL playoffs years ago with a broken leg, and playing quite frankly like it was not broken. But not McGrady, when she gets a hang nail there is no basketball being played. Yes, I am now referring to McGrady as she. Why not??? I don’t fear her. All I have to do is wear a Utah Jazz jersey in front of Stacy and I will always win.

The worst of all of this is She-Mac’s website. First of all, after surgery, McGrady immediately posted that the surgery was a success. So after the pain of getting a drill in the side of her fragile knee, homegirl had time to post about the surgery. Then, all of these nutjob “fans” wishing him luck and best wishes, saying to her that the doubters are just hating. Whatever, I just hope the knee scarring caan be covered up with some boots. You can’t even post a negative comment on the site. They filter it.

Oh well. Since her contract is up next year, and microfracture knee surgery takes at least a year to recover, McGrady probably won’t ever wear a Rocket uniform again. Since the WNBA’s Comets no longer play here in Houston, her playing choices remain very limited. Don’t feel sorry for her, McGrady is owed $44 million for this year and next year. Until then:

tracy-mcgrady

Posted in basketball, ESPN, Houston Rockets, NBA, NBA Draft, Toronto Raptors | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

Glocks & Athletes Are Not A Good Combination

Posted by Joel Jackson on December 1, 2008

I was well prepared to talk about Tennessee hiring Lane Kiffin and what I thought of it. I along with millions of other Volunteer fans have my opinion, but I want to spend this time to talk about a troubling trend the past, oh, 14 years or so. I am about to do my best Jason Whitlock impersonation, except I am not as big, well-known, or paid.

I have known and/or met quite a few pro athletes in my day. By and large, the ones that I have met are down to earth guys, trying to improve themselves in the sport that they play. They are trying to improve themselves so they can improve their bank accounts. For the athletes that have come from little to nothing growing up, they try to help out family and friends along their journey to fame and fortune. This cycle can lead to problems.

To the athletes reading this blog, please do the following couple of things for me:

*Leave the guns at home…

I am watching the Redskins vs. Giants game. Ironic because on this day, where the Redskins are honoring fallen teammate Sean Taylor, who was murdered in his home a year ago, Plaxico Burress is facing weapons charges because he decided to go “Cheddar Bob” on his thigh while carrying a handgun illegally (or he wanted to be on the next diss record of Eminem, 50 Cent, and Busta Rhymes). If the club was such a bad place to be, then why go??? He’s married (to a lawyer) and has a young son. Why put yourself through now facing jail time over seeing some ass shaking at the club, and get teammate Antonio Pierce involved??? Stephen Jackson, Jamaal Tinsley, and Marvin Harrison would agree. If you are about to go somewhere and you think that you need a gun, then don’t go. If I need a gun to go to my local Quickie Mart for a chocolate squishy, then I won’t be seeing Apu that night. Which leads me to the next point…

*Do not own more than 3 guns…

A wise man once told me that if you are gonna own a gun for home protection, get 3. One should be a handgun that you can grab quickly (Glock), one should be a rifle or shotgun, and one should be a small pistol that your woman could shoot in a pinch (.22 or .38). Whether this is wise or not, I think this is sound advice. In other words, do not be Tank Johnson. And if you wanna be a rapper, PLEASE do not be T.I.

ti_gun_collection_101707

*Last, everyone is not out to get you…

Unless you allow yourself to be associated with bad people, not everyone is out to get you. Yes, crime is everywhere, and what happened to Sean Taylor was a tragedy not of his doing, but of 4 kids who wanted to take a short cut at getting ahead. At the same time, you athletes for the most part have more money than I will ever see. Use some of that to invest in a security company and let bodyguards carry the weapons. Because if you pull a Plax and not have that concealed handgun license, you could shoot yourself at 3 a.m., or face jail time. And please don’t rob any convenience stores…

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adam Jones, armed robbery, Assault & Battery, Bail Bondsman, basketball, Brawls, Chicago Bears, classless, court tv, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, dumbass, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, football, Goodell, guilty, Jemele Hill, New York Giants, NFL, NFL Football, NRA, Police, Sports, Washington Redskins | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

The Spain Olympic basketball team could face a detention

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 12, 2008

Wait, why are my gardeners making fun of the ladies who do my dry-cleaning? JOKING relax people

The Guardian is reporting that Spain’s Basketball Federation had the nerve to  publish a good luck advertisement for their men’s team, the  Non-NBA “world” champions, and actually used the above photo

Of course you can see they are standing pulling at the sides of their eyes in a slit-eyed gesture.

Chinese!

Japanese!

Dirty Knees!

Look at these!!!!

(Makes fake boobies under shirt)

Give Spain credit for playing mind games with the Chinese albeit rather middle schoolish & gosh. Of course Team USA didn’t need mind games they just dominated the Chinese.

This should really help Spain’s quest to host the Olympics in 2016 and 2020 and erase those accusations of racism which have been leveled against the country in the past few years.

China will get the last laugh when the Spanish basketball team ingests the urine filled Coca-Cola.

Posted in basketball, China, classless, Spain, The Olympics | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Candace…Candace…Candace…

Posted by Joel Jackson on July 17, 2008

Pics from the ESPY’s:

Posted in basketball, Candace Parker, ESPN, Go Vols, Lady Vols, NCAA, Pat Summitt, SEC, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, UT vols | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Native American Basketball Player Proves she can Crossover Dribble while Shoplifting

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 16, 2008

I would personally like to thank Danometer for this story tip. And in the words of Dan:

“The OU Sooners used to be known as the Be$t Player$ Money ¢ould Buy, especially back under the Herr Switzer era. Did the pay-off cash dry up?”

Walmart must be beginning to hate University of Oklahoma athletes. It seems every few months an OU athlete is arrested in a Walmart which can be technically found every 2.5 square miles across this country.

Women’s basketball point guard Jenna Plumley sent a message out to the OU football players yesterday. The message was simple. If you can fail at shoplifting then so can I. I am woman hear roar!! (And cry when the cuffs are placed on my wrists)

According to an arrest report, Plumley was busted while trying to steal four cosmetics items valued at $34.65. She allegedly put a compact, eyeliner and two eye shadows in her purse after removing their bar codes and tried to leave the store without paying for them and by the looks of her she needs all the makeup she can get.

Officer Jennifer Newell said a Walmart theft prevention officer made the arrest.

This should be a lesson to all and any ugly women reading this. Save yourself some trouble by donning a paper bag with eyeholes. How embarrassing is it to be busted for shoplifting by what is essentially a rent-a-cop?

An OU athletics department spokesman said coach Sherri Coale is aware of the situation, but the department is making no comment and Coale would handle the matter internally.

Meaning the coach was looking into start selling Mary Kay cosmetics to supplement her income, but since her players can’t afford Walmart makeup how in the hell can they afford the expensive stuff?

Tony doesn’t love shoplifters

Posted in basketball, Big 12, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Oklahoma sooners, Shoplifting, Walmart, white trash | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

Good Lord Wildcat Fans, Cool Your Jets

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 29, 2008

When I wrote this article, I knew it would get a reaction. NEVER did I think it would get this type of reaction, although similar posts about Kentucky basketball have gotten much more traffic than anything else. With that said, instead of responding to every comment, I will post this and let the chips fall where they may…

Regarding my name and avatar, my real name is Joel. I chose to post under my own name because I am my own person. I understand why someone would want to have a different username, but not me. Nothing worng with it in my opinion, but that is how I roll. I chose to use The Pyramid Arena in Memphis because I am a proud native Memphian. I am also proud to be from the great state of Tennessee. Even though I attended Tennessee State University in Nashville (after deciding not to attend Columbia University, Brown University, Morehouse college, or the University of North Carolina, all offering academic scholarships while I was in high school), I still support all things Volunteer and all things regarding Memphis Tiger basketball. Equally, on this site, I have personally made fun of both. Examples of me making fun of Tiger basketball can be found here, here, and here. I do live and die Memphis Tiger basketball, despite the recent heartbreak of the title game and lack of national titles (unlike Kentucky). A few of my favorite posts of satire of Tennessee can be found here, here, and here. There have been other things that we have touched upon, including West Virginia football, Alabama, and the Miami Dolphins during their “run” to futility. Check out the “April Fool’s Day” page .The original and still current mantra of this blog is “A Sports Blog On Why ALL Teams Suck”. It just so happened that I did one on Kentucky, and things went bat shit. Of course, I was hoping people to understand sarcasm but I guess I expected too much.

First off, I do actually work during the day and I am not around a computer until I get home. So if you are pissy about anything I have written, cool it until later in the evening. I am not some snot nosed college kid or an unemployed bum watching Judge Judy and ESPN First Take all day.

Second, the only mistake I made (I feel) is making the title “Wanna be an NBA Player???” It was intended to sarcastically point out that Kentucky hasn’t had an NBA lottery player in a long time and a first round player drafted in a few years. That is a fact, as confirmed by John Clay of the Lexington Herald Ledger (he even called my work crude. I feel honored). But some of you Kentucky fans pointed out how Rajon Rondo just won an NBA championship with Boston and Tayshaun Prince has just been named to the Olympic team. Kudos. The fact of the matter is that Rondo was on a great team and while point guard is an important position, Paul Pierce handled the ball more than any other Celtic during the title run. Thomas the Terrible could have run point guard and the Celtics were still going to win it all. As for Prince, while he has been a valued member of the Pistons, there is no way I would have picked him over Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudamire, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, or even Paul Pierce. I am not the only one of this opinion.

Here is the bigger issue though: What is the real reason for the swarm of reaction??? Is it because the fanbase of Kentucky basketball is that fragile??? Or, did the truth really hurt??? Let’s look at these two questions.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boo birds, boosters, cat killer, classless, College Basketball, crazy, Cry Baby, ESPN, Fights, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , | 20 Comments »

Wanna Be An NBA Player??? Here Is NOT Where To Play

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 27, 2008

I finally get some time to put up a post and it just so happens to be right after the 1st round of the NBA Draft . Then something came over me: Our favorite overrated, elitist, ass backwards, and drunken coached team from the SEC didn’t have a player drafted in the 1st round. This makes the second year in a row that a Kentucky player was not drafted in the 1st round, and continues the 11 year streak since a Wildcat player was picked in the lottery.

Oh don’t worry Wildcat fan. I know where to place the blame. It was “10 Loss” Tubby’s fault. He was too busy making sure he ran a clean program, free of racism (unlike the arena named after the “great” Rupp), and made sure that he didn’t hit the Wild Turkey bottle and try to drive home from the bar. He just simply didn’t have time to recruit players who would be developed into NBA talent.

Leave it to Billy Clyde Gilispie to recruit like a mother. He has already scored top 10 talent of all ages. He will take Kentucky back to single digit losses in just a few short years, as soon as his 8th grade recruits start arriving to Lexington. Too bad he said he was gonna stop recruiting young kids. Rumor is that he had planned to recruit Chicago next week while school is out for the summer. R. Kelly was gonna show him where all the hot spots were to get top talent, before Mr. Kelly got some talent of his own. Of course, knowing Billy Clyde’s track record, he’ll be gone quicker than you can say “Nick Saban”. It’s all good anyway, the best coach in the state left you back in the 90’s and now coaches your in-state rival.

So, for all of the Derrick Jasper’s, Scotty Hopson’s, and (insert latest player’s name to leave the Kentucky program here) of the world, things will be ok. You will make it to the NBA Draft Lottery, because you never put on the Wildcat uniform.

Let’s hear Tim Brando spin another year of Kentucky mediocrity…

Posted in Adolph Rupp, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, bad drivers, basketball, Billy Clyde, Billy Gillispie, boosters, cat killer, College Basketball, Cry Baby, Dead Drunk, draft pick, drunk, DUI, ESPN, Evil Empire, Kentucky Wildcats, Liar, Louisville, Louisville Cardinals, NBA, NCAA, satire, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 110 Comments »

Not A Good Time For Pro Sports in Tennessee

Posted by Joel Jackson on April 28, 2008

So how did ol’ Bud Adams and the Titans do in this year’s draft??? Do the letters WTF mean anything???

One glaring need for QB Vince Young and the Titans offense was a wide receiver. Everyone from Mel “Royal Crown” Kiper to Helen Keller could see that the Titans needed a receiver. So with the #24 pick in the 1st round, and every receiver still available, the Titans draft RB Chris Johnson from East Carolina. That’s right, a running back from that football factory of East Carolina is who GM Mike Reinfeldt chose. Typical. But don’t worry, Tennessee did draft a wideout, Lavelle Hawkins from Cal. Yes they could have had DeSean Jackson from Cal, but apparently this group of so-called NFL “personnel experts” decided not to. Plus, the reviews on all of their draft picks haven’t been stellar. This guy wasn’t even the dreaded “best player available”. Plus the Titans have decided to “Go Green”. No, they are not gonna add barf bags to the seats and recycle the puke from whenever the offense stalls again. They are putting grass in one of the parking lots in LP Field. At least my uncle, a season ticket holder, will be able to drink his beer and eat his ribs in the shade with the rest of his friends instead of pissing on the concrete.

But at least the Titans made the playoffs last year, something the Memphis Grizzlies won’t do for at least another 4 years, if then. They completed yet another year in the toilet. The offense wasn’t bad, but the defense was like Michael Vick using Chicken George as his lawyer. Probably, just like last year, the Grizzlies will get a lottery pick that they will do nothing with and trade away another player in-season (see Mike Miller) for a complete set of “Charles in Charge” on DVD, just so the player can be treated to Willie Aames’ perm daily.

On a lighter note, if you really want to call it that, I got a survey from the Memphis Grizzlies wanting to know how I feel about the sponsors of the team??? How do I feel??? I feel sorry for the sponsors of this poor excuse of a professional franchise. You have a coaching staff and front office that have no clue how to get out of its own way. If I were a ticket salesman for this team, I would quit my job than try to lie to potential season ticket holders about the “game day experience” of seeing the Memphis Grizzlies. Keep in mind, for some reason, I am still one of the 287 fans of this pathetic franchise. What is gonna be the next great Grizzlies game day promotion, redneck tractor pull???

***Note: I did not include the Nashville Predators in this post. The only time hockey matters is when a fight breaks out. Maybe is someone made the rink into an octagon (UFC style) it would be more interesting…

Posted in basketball, boo birds, Memphis Tigers, moral victories, moron, mullets, NBA, NFL, NFL Draft, NFL Football, Tennessee | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel Jackson on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”

Joel,

I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???

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(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

Posted in Ass Whipping, basketball, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boosters, buckeyes, cheaters, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, Crack, crazy, dumbass, ESPN, Florida, Florida Gators, football, Football Poll, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Herban Meyer, Jim Tressel, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, NCAA, Ohio State, ohio state buckeyes, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »