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Broken plays for the weekending 12/19/08

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 19, 2008

Well many have whispered it in the past and now it’s coming full circle. Dan Hawkins the head football coach for Colorado is officially delusional. Even though he has yet to post a winning season in the three years he’s been at Colorado, Hawkins predicts a 10 win season for 2009.

It’s division 1 football!!! Classic meltdown but now looking at the aftermath such as that prediction I pity him.

Nude cheerleaders + cell phone = the best paragraph ever written in The State Journal.

But first let me explain the situation: Apparently at Harding Middle School in Steubenville, Ohio, there are some nude photos of the school’s cheerleaders. Somehow…someway the perverted janitor, Mr. DeSimone, has them on his cell phone. Of course being a custodial engineer he shows great common sense and judgment by showing the photos to other students.

All that leads us to the funniest paragraph written in the history of mankind!!!

We are learning that all four of the pictures were naked cheerleaders exposing their tops. Detectives said that after confiscating his phone, it has been sent away and is under going testing to determine how the pictures got there. Decimone was suppose to be in court yesterday, but his attorney did not show up.

Things like this never happened when I was in school. For one, janitors couldn’t afford cell phones, and we liked it that way!

Tank top, necklace, backwards visor....so Hasselhoff is a Gators fan?

Are you getting all excited about the Las Vegas Bowl? No? Well if I told that David Hasselhoff will serenade the National Anthem to the Morons, would you be more enthusiastic?

It’s a step up for the Hoff, who is usually singing to Morons.

He really needs to be a spokesman for NutriSystem so he can loose some of that weight. Also, to punch Boomer in the face.

Good God Mike Tyson got fat!!!! He did it. He finally ate Lennox Lewis’s children.

Forget street cred, it's all about Cosmo cred now. Wait until Josh breaks out the old NBA short-shorts because they accentuate his calves more

Remember Josh Howard? Instead of being famous for his basketball skillz, he’s more famous for admitting he smoked pot in the off-season and then followed that up by saying negative things about the National Anthem last September.

Now however we can get to know the more gentle side of Josh as he explores his metrosexuality as he tells the Dallas Morning News about his favorite skin products.

  • “Nobody likes dry lips. To keep mine kissable, I use Aveeno Essential Moisture Lip Conditioner”
  • “To keep my cheeks kissable, too, I opt for Aloe Soothing Day Cream.”
  • “After running the court, it’s always nice to have a foot massage, then a little maintenance with Farmhouse Fresh Foot Scrubs in Sugared Maple. This stuff smells so good.”

ENOUGH ALREADY GO SMOKE A BLUNTG! Sheesh

Oh whatever, he was probably just stoned when he said that stuff….

Check the screen grab out. From Fox Sports, sure the headline is correct but read the article. The writer is clearly showing some Tebow love.

Click to read the story

Sam Bradford, who looks kind of like Luke Walton’s retarded younger brother, couldn’t hold Tebow’s scalpel. Foreskinless children everywhere are demanding both a recount and the return of their foreskins.

While Andy Kennedy may or may not have beaten a taxi driver, the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober clearly had the best headline about the story. Check out Kennedy’s mugshot, I swear he looks high.

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Posted in Big Twelve Football, Boise State, Colorado Buffalos, Dallas Mavericks, David Hasselhoff, fatass, Josh Howard, Mike Tyson, ole miss rebels, Tim Tebow | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s Awesome F**cking Guide to the 2008 Bowl Season! (With pictures this year)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008

cheerleaders

This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.

This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!

Non-BCS Bowls

EagleBank Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Where: Washington
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest

Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???

Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, Lou Lisp, LSU Tigers, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Navy, NC State Wolfpack, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, Satan, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Then there were 32…Alternate Title…My Brackets are Eff’ed Up

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 22, 2008

Upsets always happen in this tournament and round one proved no exception. My brackets are screwed up now. Sheesh.

My beloved Vols held their own and thwarted a late rally against the communist of American University.

Curry of Davidson became a legend as his team beat Gonzaga. I picked Davidson thank God.

Saint Mary’s was no match against Miami. Miami might be the most overlooked team in tourney.

Western Kentucky defeated America’s sweetheart team of Drake with a last second three pointer. Thanks Drake you screwed up my bracket.

South Alabama proved no match against Butler. The way Butler played I wouldn’t be surprised to see them defeat my beloved Vols.

Georgetown beat up on UMBC…yawn

Texas beat up Austin Peay…another yawn

But wait…on overtime game which saw UCONN get defeated by San Diego. Thanks UCONN you again proved you’re useless to me.

North Carolina looked like the number one should by scoring over a hundred against a hapless Mount St. Mary’s squad.

Oklahoma showed that people might have been overlooking them by defeated St. Joe’s handedly.

Vanderbilt embarrassed themselves and the SEC by losing to Siena. Thanks Vandy…you terds.

Miss. State rallied big time to defeat Oregon, another team the shouldn’t have been there.

Arkansas is jelling and Indiana is exited early so them can text Sampson whining.

Louisville attempts to make the case that for this year they are the best team out of Kentucky as they defeated Boise State.

Villanova defeated Clemson. Another five seed goes down to the twelve seed. Villanova’s tourney experience helped them mount a comeback. At one time Clemson led 32-18 in the first half. Nova won by six.

Memphis beat up on Texas-Arlington or as I have renamed them the University of Hank Hill.


Hank Hill with a young Billy Gillispie

Posted in Arkansas Razorbacks, Billy Gillispie, Boise State, Butler, Clemson Tigers, Davidson, Drake, Georgetown Hoyas, Go Vols, Gonzaga, Indiana Hoosiers, Louisville Cardinals, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, North Carolina Tarheels, Oklahoma sooners, Saint Mary's, Siena, South Alabama, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas Longhorns, Uconn, Vanderbilt, vandy, Villanova, Western Kentucky | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Fresh Off the Press YMSWWC’S 2007 Bowl Guide

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 7, 2007

Fresh off the presses and in time to call your bookie, here are mine and Joel’s bowl picks.

  • POINSETTIA BOWL San Diego
    Dec. 20, 9 p.m. (ESPN) Utah (8-4) vs. Navy (8-4)
  • Joel: Navy-Always gotta pick a Service Academy out of respect
  • Me: Navy-Because they beat Notre Dame, UCLA can’t say that
  • NEW ORLEANS BOWL New Orleans
    Dec. 21, 8 p.m. (ESPN2) Florida Atlantic (7-5) vs. Memphis (7-5)
  • Joel: Memphis-Total homer pick
  • Me: Florida-Atlantic because I hate Tommy West
  • PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL Birmingham, Ala.
  • Dec. 22, 1 p.m. (ESPN2) Cincinnati (9-3) vs. Southern Miss (7-5)
  • Joel: Cincinnati-Brett Favre ain’t walking through that door for Southern Miss
  • Me: Cincinnati -One of the Big Least teams has to win
  • NEW MEXICO BOWL Albuquerque, N.M.
    Dec. 22, 4:30 p.m. (ESPN) New Mexico (8-4) vs. Nevada (6-6)
  • Joel: New Mexico-I got nothing for New Mexico
  • Me: Honestly I could care less who ever Jol picked
  • LAS VEGAS BOWL Las Vegas
    Dec. 22, 8 p.m. (ESPN) BYU (10-2) vs. UCLA (6-6)
  • Joel: BYU-The Fightin’ Polygamists
  • Me: BYU- UCLA has no coach and Big Love is a good show
  • HAWAII BOWL Honolulu, Hawaii
    Dec. 23, 8 p.m. (ESPN) East Carolina (7-5) vs. Boise State (10-2)
  • Joel: Boise St.-Please not another cheerleader proposal
  • Me: East Carolina-Why?Who the hell knows
  • MOTOR CITY Detroit
    Dec. 26, 7:30 p.m. (ESPN) Central Michigan (8-5) vs. Purdue (7-5)
  • Joel: Central Michigan-Why is Joe Tiller still a coach???
  • Me: Purdue-Because Joe Tiller is the God of mediocre coaches.
  • HOLIDAY BOWL San Diego
    Dec. 27, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Arizona State (10-2) vs. Texas (9-3)
  • Joel: Texas-Longhorns returns to their San Diego winter home & I get to hear them bitch about it. I should pick against them
  • Me: Texas-ASU has shown me nothing and their coach is a douche.
  • CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL Orlando, Fla.
    Dec. 28, 5 p.m. (ESPN) Boston College (10-3) vs. Michigan State (7-5)
  • Joel: Boston College-The Spartans have broken my heart & bank account too many times over the years
  • Me: BC-Michigan State sucks
  • TEXAS BOWL Houston
    Dec. 28, 8 p.m. (NFL Network) TCU (7-5) vs. Houston (8-4)
  • Joel: TCU-Houston has no coach because Art Briles took the death sentence…I mean Baylor job…
  • Me: TCU-Coolest Mascot name “The Horny Toads”
  • EMERALD BOWL San Francisco
    Dec. 28, 8:30 p.m. (ESPN) Maryland (6-6) vs. Oregon State (8-4)
  • Joel: Oregon St.-Love the nickname “Beavers”, as in plural. Just keep the gay rams away
  • Me: Maryland-Fattie Ralph always wins these types of games
  • MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL Charlotte, N.C.
    Dec. 29, 1 p.m. (ESPN) UConn (9-3) vs. Wake Forest (8-4)
  • Joel: Wake Forest-In a battle of Dunkin Donuts (UConn) vs. Krispy Kremes (WF), gotta go with the Southern favorite
  • Me: Wake Forest-because they’re playing a Big Least team
  • LIBERTY BOWL Memphis, Tenn.
    Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m. (ESPN) Mississippi State (7-5) vs. UCF (10-3)
  • Joel: Miss. St-More Cowbell
  • Me: Miss State-Let the Crooming begin!
  • ALAMO BOWL San Antonio
    Dec. 29, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Penn State (8-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)
  • Joel: Penn St.-Does JoePa realize he is GREATLY overpaid???
  • Me: Penn St.-Texas A&M’s newest coach is to busy being an assistant for a losing NFL team.
  • INDEPENDENCE BOWL Shreveport, La.
  • Dec. 30, 8 p.m. (ESPN) Colorado (6-6) vs. Alabama (6-6)
  • Joel: Colorado-Alabama won’t be beaten by the Fightin Nutria of Louisiana-Monroe, but they can eat some in Shreveport. Nothin’ says luvin’ like nutria in the oven
  • Me: This is bullshit!!! Joel & I had a rock, paper, scissors contest. The winner got to choose Colorado. He cheated so I’m forced to pick Alabama.
  • ARMED FORCES BOWL Fort Worth, Texas
  • Dec. 31, 12:30 p.m. (ESPN) Cal (6-6) vs. Air Force (9-3)
  • Joel: Air Force-A motivated serviceman vs. an unmotivated hippie??? Gee, I wonder who to pick
  • Me: Air Force-Because Cal seems to be the South Carolina of the PAC 10. (snicker)
  • SUN BOWL El Paso, Texas
    Dec. 31, 2 p.m.(ESPN) USF (9-3) vs. Oregon (8-4)
  • Joel: South Florida-Which team is worse right now???
  • Me: Oregon-Ryan Leaf’s younger brother is playing well, making Ryan look less douche like.
  • HUMANITARIAN BOWL Boise, Idaho
    Dec. 31, 2 p.m. (ESPN2) Fresno State (8-4) vs. Georgia Tech (7-5)
  • Joel: Fresno St.-Love the Bulldogs coach Craig Stadler, I mean Paul Teutel, I mean Pat Hill. Has one man reminded you of so many???
  • Me: Fresno St-The only conference that is as bad as the Big Least is the ACC. And GT is coach-less. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bama Sucks, Big Orange, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Central Michigan, Cincinnati, Clemson Tigers, Colorado Buffalos, Croom, East Carolina, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, houston, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, kansas jayhawks, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Maryland, Mascots, Memphis Tigers, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Gundy, mississippi state bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, Navy, Nevada, New Mexico Lobos, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10, Penn State Nittany Lions, Purdue, Rocky Top, Rutgers, SEC Football, SEC Speed, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas A&M, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, ucf, UCLA, Uconn, Uga, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, USC, UT vols, Utah Utes, Virginia Cavaliers, Wake Forest, War Eagle, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, Wisconsin Badgers, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »