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Archive for the ‘bongs’ Category

Gamecock football player arrested signifies that spring is officially here

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 23, 2009

Toke toke pass

You know it’s been awhile since I’ve had the pleasure of to write anything negative about a Gamecock football player. To be totally honest I was beginning to get worried. I mean spring just isn’t the same around here in Columbia unless you have pollen, thunderstorms in the afternoons and a Gamecock arrest. Luckily for Mother Nature 2 out of 3 ain’t too bad.

Last Tuesday it was announced that defensive tackle Ladi Ajiboye was suspended indefinitely which of course in Steve God Spurrier terms means a couple of practices. It has now been revealed that Ajiboye was arrested in February for being a participant in a drug deal. Somehow the Spurrier regimen somehow kept this hidden from the Gamecock hating liberal media of Columbia. This reason I say that is because all the Gamecock fans complain how only negative things are written about their team.

Within the past two seasons Ajiboye has started in 22 games and is considered a key to the defensive line. Don’t worry Gamecock fans this boy is a producer on the field and you know as well as I do that if the starting QB can key a professor’s car, be arrested multiple times within a year and set of fire extinguishers in the dorms for fun then Ajiboye will be back on the field by next week.

According to the Columbia Po Po, on the February 21st, they witnessed Ajiboye engage in a “hand-to-hand transaction” with another person. Ajiboye at the time was driving Terrence Campbell’s car. Campbell is an offensive lineman for the Gamecocks. Ajiboye just wanted to get his Phelps on!

The Po Po staked out the car and after Campbell like a moron failed to signal for a turn, he was promptly pulled over. There the Po Po found evidence of the sweet sticky icky weed that Ajiboye confessed was his. I will give credit to Ajiboye for manning up there.

“Our narcotic agents witnessed a drug transaction,” sheriff’s department spokesman Chris Cowan said. “They saw him get into the car. They made the stop. He was arrested.”

Campbell, a redshirt junior who started nine games at guard last season, was not charged in the incident.

Never fear Gamecock fans you have Neal “Johnie Cochran Jr.” Lourie. Believe me he could have gotten OJ off the last charges. Then again if Lourie can’t work his magic then there’s always pumping gas.

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Posted in bongs, Crime & Punishment, mary jane, Po Po, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Steve Spurrier, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Meet the Michael Phelps pot party participants

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 13, 2009

Yes now that Sheriff Lott is helping to save the word by rounding up party goers that were present during the infamous Michael Phelps bong hit that can mean one thing!

MUG SHOTS!!!

For the record smiling mug shots rule!

You would think that Sheriff Lott would have better thnigs to do. After all according to the Sheriff’s Department website there are 22 unsolved murders since 1996.

Maybe someday Phelps will appear on the Top 10 most wanted. 

As a residence of Richland County, I’m making it my mission to find the blond and nailing her.

sg1

Mug shot photographer to guy on right: Ummm, son, could you look at the cam...son, right he...no, don't wander away...and for the last time, I don't have any Funyans!! Ahhh, to hell with it...(click)...next!

sg2

This dude looks like the illegitimate child of Robert Smith, lead singer of the Cure.

sg3

The first one looks like a serial killer and the second one will never survive in the pen

 

 

 

Posted in bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Michael Phelps will help Leon Lott save America!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 11, 2009

In case you didn’t know or maybe you did and you forgot, I live in the same flipping county that Michael Phelps took the everlasting bong hit back in November. I have great respect for the sheriff of this county, a Mr. Leon Lott. I’ve met Lott on numerous occasions (without being arrested or in handcuffs ass-hats) and I find him to be approachable and genuinely concerned about crime in this state.  However that being said I have no damn clue as to why he’s gone all “Barney Fife” about this Phelps took a hit thing. 

Even this party was way back in November its aftereffects are still ringing loudly in Lott’s ears today. Last week he publicly stated that he wanted to arrest Phelps but since it’s doubtful that will ever happen, Lott has chosen to save this fair county by locking up one college stoner at a time including the eight that were arrested yesterday.

“We’ve now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they’ve made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff’s department served search warrants.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000. The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.”

Hurray for upcoming spring elections. I love grandstanding by law enforcement officials. 

Ok the idiot that was attempting to sell the bong on E-bay probably deserves to be arrested for being a complete moron. 

Don’t get me wrong folks I take great delight at poking fun of people who use illegal drugs and are busted but this as really gone to far. Right now I would think Lott should be more concerned with the recent rash of ATM robberies that are sill unsolved and other crimes such as car-jackings, murder and rape which I believe carry more importance than an Olympian who took a bong hit. 

The governor of this state stated on the Fox News Channel that he doesn’t see what good arresting Phelps would do at this point. 

So far we know that Phelps has lost sponsorship deals from Kellogs and Sub Way. He has been suspended by USA Swimming and he actually lost two grand in a game of beer pong. If all that isn’t punishment enough what is?

However this isn’t the lamest party in South Carolina history.

Now, I once stood next to Steve Tanneyhill’s glorious mullet while he got pulled out of a house party by Cola PD. Now that was lame.

Posted in Beer Pong, bongs, Leon Lott, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Phelps | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Fourteen gold medals, banging a USC coed and smoking pot, just one day in the life of Michael Phelps

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 2, 2009

My question is was he smoking Mellow Gold or Spanish Trampoline?

Usually when I write about the University of South Carolina and smoking pot in involves the school’s football players. I have more than once referred to USC as the University of Smoking Cannabis. This time is different. This time I’m not writing about some Shamecock football player, I’m writing about 14 gold medal Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps.

It seems this past November Phelps was in this fair town of Columbia where he attended a football game and apparently got high Even though I’m opposed to illegal drugs and take pleasure in making fun of those who use them this really isn’t as a big of a deal as the traditional media outlets are making it out to be. If you had gigantism of the ears and neck, you’d smoke too. However sometime ago The US Olympics Committee, who have pledged to clamp down on drug use, did announce some laws that could force Phelps to sit out the 2012 games in London because he took drugs.

News of the World, a British newspaper was the first to break this story.

One party-goer who witnessed the star’s behaviour told the News of the World: “He was out of control from the moment he got there.

“If he continues to party like that I’d be amazed if he ever won any more medals again.”

Phelps’ aides went into a panic over our story and offered us a raft of extraordinary incentives not to run the bong picture.

phelps-usc

Phelps apparently has been banging some USC chick named Jordan Matthews and decided to get wasted every night he was here in town. The source of the story states Phelps was rather obnoxious. With ears like his how can anyone be obnoxious?

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

Our source said: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.

Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to smoke dope does it? The source also states Phelps spent a lot of time at Pavlov’s bar. In my humble opinion I think that place is a freaking dump. This isn’t the first time Phelps has been in trouble either. In 2004 he served an 18 month long probation for a DUI.

Since this story has broken Phelps has acknowledge that the photo is real and is sorry.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said in the statement released by one of his agents. “I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Now we know how he consumed 12,000 calories a day. He’d eat cream and onion chips, with some dip, man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Some Hagen-Daz ice-cream bars. A whole lotta of chocolate. Gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. GRAHAM CRACKERS!!! Graham crackers with the marshmallows. Little marshmallows with little chocolate bars and he would make some smores. Celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch with the little crunch berries, pizzas, two big pizzas, man, everything on ’em, water, a whole lotta water and…….Funyuns.

It’s always interesting how celebrities show remarkable self-awareness about their mistakes after they get caught … and usually when millions of dollars in endorsements are on the line.

The U.S. Olympic Committee said it was “disappointed in the behavior recently exhibited by Michael Phelps,” who was selected the group’s sportsman of the year. He also was honored as AP male athlete of the year, and his feat in Beijing — breaking Mark Spitz’s 36-year-old record for most gold medals in an Olympics — was chosen as the top story of 2008.

Posted in bongs, drugs, DUI, dumbass, mary jane, Michael Phelps, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Have you ever orchestrated a ten game turn-around…ON WEED?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 31, 2008

Ricky Williams didn’t like my Christmas gift I got for him this year. That bastard! You know I decided to get Ricky a gift this year because he has been an outstanding player this year and to help celebrate the Fins incredible turn around, only to have it returned to me with a note saying “Not funny dude.”

Maybe this will help Trent Green forget all about those concussions.

What if, like, the dolphin’s helmet had another dolphin wearing a helmet…and that dolphin’s helmet had a dolphin wearing a helmet…and so on, and so on. Man, I feel so insignificant.

It’s funny, I don’t remember using that bong and yet I have visions of hearing “Chad Pennington” and “NFL MVP” in the same sentence, and not as a joke.

Posted in bongs, Chad Pennington, drugs, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, NFL Football, pot, Ricky Williams | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Howdy Doody Has A Doozy Deal

Posted by Joel Jackson on September 24, 2008

For the 2 regular readers of this blog (and the thousands of trolls), you may or may not know that West By God Virginia holds a special place in our hearts and minds. By no stretch are we Mountaineer fans. Our beloved orange warriors win championships (although none in football thanks to that fat, stubborn…sorry, wrong subject). All one has to do is type West Virginia in the search box to see plenty of Mountaineer fodder.

So whenever this fine institute of higher learning makes the news, we take special notice. I mean, why wouldn’t we??? The writers at The Young & The Restless couldn’t write more drama in the past year. Just Rich Rodriguez alone would be Victor Newman, and Michigan would be the new young and beautiful chick that stolls into Genoa City that he would bang instantly.

In Coach Bill Stewart’s contract, the signed deal includes 1 extra year that wasn’t on the original offer sheet. Also, if he is fired before January 3, 2009, the school must pay him $4.125 million. Former embattled school president Mike Garrison can’t be blamed for this one though, because he was gone by the time the contract was finalized and signed, which was on Sept. 10. The big deal was that a flat $1 million buyout clause was negotiated and agreed upon in the original offer sheet. In other words, now West Virginia can’t fire this guy until Jan. 4. By then, the Mountaineers could easily be 6-6. There is hope though, 6-6 could be good enough to win the Big East.

West Virginia is it’s own worst enemy. Shame too. The school could be great. Wait, let me re-phrase that. The school could be better than mediocre. Whenever the administration and athletics department decide to join 2008 and get out of 1972, please let me know. For all I know, they could still be playing John Denver in Mountaineer Field on an 8 track. Mountain momma, take me home…

Posted in BCS, Big East, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Football, Couch Burning, Crack, NCAA, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Where’s Perrilloux???

Posted by Joel Jackson on May 13, 2008

Ryan Perrilloux, he of the casino/weed smoking corndog sector of SEC country, is currently looking for a school to play ball since The Hat gave him the boot for inhaling some of the finest “Gator Green” or “Knoxville Recruiting Tool”. So far, Alabama A& M, Valdosta St., and Jacksonville St. are supposedly recruiting. Presumably Perrilloux will be attending a D-1AA or D-II school to play immediately.

Then I saw this story on ESPN about Jackson State University football coach Rick Comegy trying to recruit him. I then got a headache. Why???

Well being a proud alumnus of Tennessee State University, Jackson State is one of our biggest rivals. We are talking about a rivalry that goes back decades. Epic battles between beautiful Nashville and piss ant Jackson, MS have insured and now the rivalry game is held as the Southern Heritage Classic held in Memphis, one of the two times a year that the Liberty Bowl is actually full.

Tennessee State has been one of the top HBCU’s historically, both athletically and academically. The school has produced a 1st round pick in this year’s draft (Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie), can claim two guys that should be NFL Hall of Famers (Richard Dent and Ed “Too Tall” Jones), several Olympic gold medalists (Ralph Boston, Chandra Cheesborough, Wilma Rudolph), journalists (Carl Rowan, Tina Tyus-Shaw, niece of Wyomia Tyus, another TSU alum and 2 time gold medalist), and some lady named Oprah Winfrey. After Walter Payton and Morgan Freeman*, who are the rest of the famous alums from that hellhole???

Besides being part of a great tradition, Perrilloux will also benefit from playing in LP Field, an NFL stadium that is the home of the Tennessee Titans, and not some old crappy ass stadium in “glamorous” downtown Jackson. Perrilloux, if you are reading this (thank God you aren’t Jerrell Powe because I don’t want to get some neighborhood kids together to record a special “School House Rocks: Tennessee St. Edition”) check out the campus, check out the city, and come home.

Think of it this way: If Nashville was good enough for Pacman Jones then it is good enough for you…

*Editor’s Note: Upon further research, Morgan Freeman was offered a partial scholarship to Jackson State but turned it down to become an airplane mechanic.

Posted in Alabama State, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arizona Cardinals, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, College Football, College Gameday, Conspiracy Theory, Coonass, Corn Dogs, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, ESPN, football, guilty, Internet Rumors, legal troubles, Les Miles, Liar, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL, NFL Draft, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pot, Ryan Perrilloux, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Texas Shorthorns

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 30, 2008

2141462857_b058d9bc46.jpg

The stars at night-are small and light

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Longhorn shots-are high and wide

Deep in the heart of Texas.

D Rose in bloom-is like perfume

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Reminds me of-the Tiger Blue

Deep in the heart of Texas.

The cowboys cry-oh why oh why

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Shawn Taggart rush-and Dorsey must

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Augustin wails-along the trail

Deep in the heart of Texas.

The Longhorns bawl-and bawl and bawl

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Posted in aggies, Ass Whipping, basketball, Big 12, bongs, boo birds, boosters, College Basketball, Conference USA, drugs, dumbass, Memphis Tigers, NCAA, Texas Longhorns | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Uh Oh, Pacman Is “Gon Make It Rain”

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 25, 2008

pacmanparty.jpg

So Pacman just went on Michael Irvin’s show today saying how he needed to watch who he hangs out with, and now this. Pacman, along with his trusty sidekick “Spoaty” are having a sockhop in “da ATL” on Sunday. So if anyone is in the Atlanta area on Sunday and need some way to kill off a Sunday night, here ya go. Ladies get in free and Grey Goose is on the house. I guess this means that Dana Jacobsen won’t be there since she’s a Belvedere chick. Don’t worry, they can afford all of the free Grey Goose because they got the flyers printed at Cheap Ass Flyers…

0124jacobson.jpg

Posted in alcoholics, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Big East, bongs, boo birds, classless, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Dead Drunk, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, football, guilty, Hip Hop, ho, Jerry Jones, legal troubles, Liar, Little Bitch, Marijuana, mary jane, moron, NFL, NFL Football, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Spoaty, Sports, stupid, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, WVU | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

A Win Win for the Cowboys & Raiders

Posted by Joel Jackson on March 19, 2008

jerry-jones-704497.jpg al_davis.jpg

Yesterday, the Oakland Raiders acquired CB DeAngelo Hall from the Atlanta Falcons for a 2nd and 6th round pick i this year’s draft. The Raiders then gave Hall a 7 year, $70 million extension. This gives the Raiders an upgrade in the secondary, Hall a much needed break from getting burned twice a year by Panthers WR Steve Smith, and Atlanta 4 picks out of the first 40 selections in this year’s draft. So why could this mean a win win for the Cowboys and Raiders???

Oakland has this year’s #4 pick. Picking ahead of them are Miami, St. Louis, and Atlanta. The Cowboys have two 1st round picks this year, thanks to Cleveland giving them this year’s #1 pick so the Browns could trade for the new rainbow warrior, Brady Quinn.  Jerry Jones has stated that he wants some wow on Dallas’  offense this year. Jerry Jones should be on the phone with Raiders owner Al Davis now and offer both picks to the Raiders for the #4 overall pick. The Cowboys could then be in great position to take Darren McFadden. Jones would be happy to have an exciting fellow Razorback on his team, and the combination of Marion Barber and McFadden in the backfield would give the Cowboys that “wow” that Jones covets, and would instantly generate more of a buzz than the Cowboys already possess.

As for the Raiders, they would have 2 picks in the opening round, and since the picks would be lower than #4, they would not have to pay those selections as much money as if they kept the pick. They could then use those picks as trade bait, or use both to fill in holes on the offensive line, backfield, or linebacker.

Wait a minute, these are the Oakland Raiders we are talking about. Doing things that make sense are not what this franchise are about. Al Davis is as unpredictable as they come. They have a coach that really doesn’t wanna be there and is waiting to be fired, but Davis won’t because he would have to pay him a nice lump sum of money. Lane Kiffin wouldn’t even wear anything with the team logo on it at the Senior Bowl. Davis sues everyone that he can to prove his point. He has sued the league (and won), sued cities, and even sued the Tampa Bay Bucs a few years ago for copyright infringement (which the case was tossed out). Davis is 100 years old and looks every bit like Capt. Jack Sparrow after 90 years of hard sailing on the seven seas. Their fan base of bikers, dope heads, and Darth Vader fans are just as dysfunctional as the franchise is, and no one cares. Any Raider home game could also be substituted for the pep rally in the upcoming film “Doomsday”.

Maybe if Jones threw in a lifetime supply of white and black tracksuits and a rest of his life supply of Denny’s Grand Slam Breakfasts, then Davis would make the deal……………

Stay classy, Raider fan!!!

Posted in alcoholics, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, Arthur Blank, Asphyxiation, ass chewing, Atlanta Falcons, Bill Callahan, bongs, boo birds, Brady Quinn, cat killer, cheaters, classless, College Football, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, DUI, dumbass, ESPN, Evil Empire, Jerry Jones, NFL, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »