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Archive for the ‘Cal’ Category

There are lesbian teachers in San Francisco?!?! When did this happen?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 17, 2009

She doesn't need this, she inhaled her favorite whistle this morning.

Before I begin with this post I should warn you: Apparently there are gay & lesbian teachers within the San Francisco area. Don’t be alarmed from the intelligence I’ve gathered points to the fact they have been there awhile…cumulating in numbers…so please do not go all Rambo Red Alert on me.

Meet Megan Sainsbury, a 31-year-old PE teacher at Prospect High in Saratoga, she was arrested on suspicion of having an inappropriate relationship with a 17 year-old student. Sainsbury is also a girl’s field hockey coach. Gee…a lesbian field hockey coach, what are the odds of that? Some say field hockey is a sport that was invented to punish women for wanting to play sports.

“The misconduct alleged in the documents occurred from October 2007 to January 2009. According to court records, Sainsbury and the student kissed and touched, but there is no evidence they had sex. They allegedly exchanged text messages of a romantic nature. Sainsbury bought the teen gifts, including a cell phone, to entice the girl to continue their relationship, a Santa Clara County sheriff’s report contended.”

I wonder if School administrators began to become suspicious of Sainsbury when rumors swirled about her newest practice drill, “Flicking the Bean.” From the looks of her mug shot one would think she was arrested for dealing and/or doing Meth.

To make matters worse, Sainsbury is an assistant coach with the University of California field hockey team. She played for the Cal Hippies Bears and holds the school records for assists and points.

The arrest of Sainsbury is the third of such arrests of female PE teachers in the San Francisco area within the past two weeks. The other two are facing more serious charges. You might be wondering what the in world is going on in the extreme left coast. Well, this is one opinion:

“You probably noticed that several teachers have been arrested on these types of charges lately,” said Santa Clara County Supervising Deputy District Attorney Mike Fletcher, head of the sexual assault team. “But teachers are no more likely than doctors, lawyers or newspaper reporters to commit these crimes. Sex crimes affect a wide cross-section of demographics. I think it’s just a fluke.” That said, Fletcher added that he believes the use of technology, such as texting in particular, can intensify a relationship between a coach and student.”

There it is right there! It’s technology’s fault!!! Damn Steve Case for inventing AOL!!! Let’s burn him on the stake!

Let’s review one comment you made Mr. Fletcher:

But teachers are no more likely than doctors, lawyers or newspaper reporters to commit these crimes.”

Umm, except teachers are around kids all day.

By the way that might be the longest job title in the world. I can’t help but think “head of the sexual assault team” might be a little confusing to victims.

Sainsbury: “I’ve been around the world, from Berkeley to South Bay!”

Student: “You can’t touch this.”

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Posted in Cal, Lesbians, PE Teachers, San Francisco, Texting, University of California berkeley | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

YMSWWC’s Awesome F**cking Guide to the 2008 Bowl Season! (With pictures this year)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 18, 2008

cheerleaders

This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.

This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!

Non-BCS Bowls

EagleBank Bowl
When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN
Where: Washington
Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest

Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???

Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in ACC Football, Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arizona Wildcats, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Boise State, boston college, BYU, Cal, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Colorado State, Conference USA, Dabo Swinney, East Carolina Pirates, ESPN, Florida Atlantic, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Fresno State, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hawaii Warriors, Houston Cougars, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, Kentucky Wildcats, Lou Lisp, LSU Tigers, Memphis Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Mike Gundy, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Navy, NC State Wolfpack, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nevada, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Ole Miss, Oregon Ducks, Oregon State Beavers, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rutgers, Satan, SEC, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, southern cal, southern miss, Steve Spurrier, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Troy, Univeristy of Troy, University of California berkeley, University of Southern Cal, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Tech, Wake Forest, West Virginia Mountaineers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 10 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 2, 2008

Thank God there’s more chaos in the polls this week and here is a newsflash: Tennessee sucks really sucks. I’ll have a complete write up on their game tomorrow after I review the tape today.

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez will be home this holiday season because for the first time in 33 years the Michigan Wolverines will not be bowling. The last time that happened it was 1975.

Look for West Virginia to be ranked later today.

Central Michigan gets an upset victory over Indiana. Don’t worry Hoosier fans you have basketball season to look forward to. Oh wait no you don’t.

I feel your pain fan Wisconsin fans.

Minnesota gets upset by that smart Big 11 10 team known as Northwestern.

Miami is a dangerous team to play just ask Virginia.

Houston Nutt continues to impress as Ole Miss defeated Auburn.

Kansas opened a can of whip ass on K-State.

Arkansas gets an upset victory over Tulsa.

Way to go Pitt, you’re still relevant.

Miss State you’re not relevant.

Cal gets the upset win verses Oregon.

Georgia Tech continues to win.

Florida took revenge for the last year’s loss again Georgia & set themselves up to make a run.

It was the last game of Texas’s gauntlet but Texas Tech spoiled the party and remains undefeated. Now will Oklahoma be ranked above Texas Tech? That really wouldn’t be fair would it since they just defeated the team that handed Oklahoma their only loss of the season. This is why we need a playoff structure.

Duke was so close but yet so far away yesterday.

North Texas…what a week…12 players fail drug tests and yet they still managed a victory yesterday.

Oh my God Syracuse actually won a game yesterday.

Don’t look now but Oregon State is almost bowl eligible.

Utah continues it’s reign as a BCS buster.

Clemson wins a HUGE win against Boston College.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Cal, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, drugs, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Houston Nutt, Indiana Hoosiers, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Kentucky Wildcats, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Pitt Panthers, SEC Football, Tebow, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, University of California berkeley, upsets, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 3 is in the books & here’s what I learned + an update on Joel!!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 14, 2008

First off I have great news. Joel has more than survived his epic bout with Hurricane Ike. Joel suffered no damage however he does not power, but him and his family are safe & dry. He would like to thank all the people that were praying for him.

His next bout will be with the government over the fleecing of gas that has occurred with this hurricane. Did you know that oil prices actually dropped last Friday? Of course not because they spiked to a staggering amount. These refineries only produce 25% of this nation’s gas, and some of that is exported. Nevertheless gas should only go up by 25%, big government should step in but never will.

Ok I just had to get that off my chest. That will be one of few times you’ll see something political on this blog…unless I find some hot photos of Sarah Palin. Is so wrong to lust after a female running for vice president?

South Florida decided to show some Big East pride by beating Kansas. This was a great game. The Kansas QB is awesome. It would be foolish of teams in the NFL not to draft him. I don’t care how tall he is. Think how good Doug Flutie could have been. Trust me there are a lot of NFL teams kicking themselves for not drafting him because of his height.

The Kansas QB reminds me of Vince Young except not as tall, stronger, more accurate, and not suicidal and he isn’t whiner.

Hyped games like the Nuts verses the Contraceptives suck. The SoCal-Ohio State was b-o-r-i-n-g. Let’s face it. Right now SoCal is that good. I don’t care if Beanie Wells didn’t play. The score wouldn’t have changed that much.

Under hyped games rule!! Kansas-South Florida & Fresno State-Wisconsin were awesome games.

Georgia failed to impress. However some of you might remember back in August that I predicted that Garcia would make his debut in the Georgia game and I was right. Self ^5.

Oklahoma continues to impress as Ty Willingham might need to start packing his bags.

Missouri looks great!

LSU did what LSU was supposed to do and beat a nobody team convincingly.

Does Auburn have an offense or is the defense of Miss. State that good?

The Tide continues to roll and they will be rolling next week as they play the worst SEC team in Arkansas. And even though the Texas-Arkansas was postponed, Texas would have crushed them.

East Carolina pulls out a squeaker and the R-E-S-P-E-C-T factor is falling with them as it is with Georgia Tech as well.

People better watch out for Ole Miss and Nebraska.

Everyone point and laugh at the PAC 10 this week. Sure USC rolled and Oregon pulled out a miracle but Arizona State lost to UNLV, UCLA got ass raped by the Mormons of BYU, Cal lost to Maryland….that right there deserves a LOL.

The ACC isn’t fairing any better as well with Virginia losing to UCONN big. Remember UCONN struggled against Temple last week.

Cutcliff is winning at Duke though. Way to go Coach!

Oh La La almost pulled off another epic upset against Illinois yesterday.

Penn State looks impressive I mean very impressive.

Oklahoma State continues to roll and roll big.

OMG Kentucky is undefeated.

Utah continues to roll. How important will the Utah-BYU game this year?

The Notre Dame defense looks good then again it was against Michigan. However Charlie Weis is more man than Tom Brady by electing not to have surgery on his busted up leg. Get better Coach I hate to pick on gimps.

I have a post coming up about the Tennessee game.

Did anyone notice how Herbstreit finally admits Mark Sanchez will probably be a Heisman finalist after side stepping the question?

Finally has anyone noticed how eerily similar that USC QB Mark Sanchez resembles Richard Ramirez AKA the serial killer known as the Night Stalker? (Insert scary music here)

…………………………………..

 

Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Cal, Dawgs, East Carolina Pirates, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Jim Tressel, kansas jayhawks, Maryland, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, mississippi state bulldogs, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Roll Tide, SEC Football, SoCal, South Carolina Gamecocks, South Florida Bulls, Temple, Tennessee Volunteers, The Night Stalker, UCLA, University of California berkeley, University of South Florida, University of Southern Cal, USC, USF, Washington Huskies, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 2 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 7, 2008

First off everyone stop for a moment and point and laugh at the Big Least. The years of fooling the college football world with smoke and mirrors and weak scheduling are over.

WVU falls to East Carolina and it was never even close. Somewhere Rich Rodriguez is laughing because he never lost to East Carolina.

How hot is the name “Skip Holtz” right now? I’ve been to various teams message boards since yesterday and a lot teams whose coaches are in the hot seat want him. For example:…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………..

  • South Carolina
  • Clemson
  • Tennessee
  • Syracuse
  • Arkansas
  • Louisville
  • Washington
  • Pittsburgh
  • Notre Dame

Speaking of Syracuse how is it pathetic to lose to Akron. Other Big Least fail boats are Uconn & Pittsburgh. Sure Uconn won yesterday but it took an overtime to beat Temple. Are you kidding me? And Pitt struggled with Buffalo.

The best team in the Big Least is Cincinnati. Sure they lost yesterday but it’s difficult to go to Oklahoma and win.

Oh yeah you can continue pointing and laughing at the ACC. Way to go Maryland.

Ohio State should drop in the polls due to their dismal performance against Ohio.

Miami will be scary good by the middle of this season. And what a rank amateur move it was on Urban Meyer’s part to kick that last field goal. He could have let Miami have the ball on the 10 yard line. That was disgraceful.

Something else that is disgraceful is the PAC 10 refs. What an idiotic call yesterday involving Washington and BYU.

Arkansas better step it up or they will not win a conference game all year.

Notre Dame Football still sucks. If San Diego St. didn’t make some stupid mistakes they would have won that game.

Under the raider teams

  • Nebraska
  • Mississippi (I always knew Coach 0 could recruit now they have a coach.)
  • Clemson they will bounce back
  • Air Force
  • F$U
  • Cal
  • Georgia Tech
  • Iowa
  • Purdue
  • Oklahoma State
  • Vandy
  • TCU
  • Kansas St.
  • Arizona
  • Indiana

Teams that impressed

  • East Carolina
  • Wisconsin
  • Georgia
  • Oregon
  • Kentucky
  • Cal
  • Miami in a loss that game was closer than what the score dictates
  • Texas
  • Oklahoma
  • Missouri
  • TCU

Teams that failed to impress

  • Ohio State
  • Michigan
  • Illinois
  • Auburn
  • Texas A&M
  • Arkansas
  • Alabama
  • Kansas
  • South Florida
  • Utah
  • Texas Tech.
  • Texas

Schools that might be looking a new coach next year

  • Arkansas
  • Syracuse (that guy is a goner)
  • Pitt (him to)
  • Texas A&M
  • Tennessee (I had to)
  • Michigan
  • Washington
  • Colorado
  • Notre Dame
  • Virginia
  • Maryland
  • Memphis
  • Louisville

Even the water girls of Ole Miss are hotties much like their cheerleaders.

The Miami cheerleaders are hot in a soft-core porn sort of way

Georgia’s cheerleaders are so-so

Posted in Air Force, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, BCS, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Cal, Clemson Tigers, Colorado Buffalos, Conference USA, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, FSU, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Houston Nutt, Iowa Hawkeyes, K-State, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Kentucky Wildcats, Louisville Cardinals, Maryland, Memphis Tigers, Michigan Wolverines, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, ole miss rebels, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, refs, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers, Texas Christian, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, The Big East, tOSU, Uconn, Uga, University of California berkeley, University of South Florida, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, Virginia Cavaliers, Wake Forest, War Eagle, Washington Huskies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

1,2,3…Cut The F’n Tree!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on June 4, 2008

These days, there are a few things that are peeking my interest whenever time permits me (seeing as though this is Christmas time in the swimming pool industry). These things include the following: the R. Kelly Trial (click here for the Chicago Sun Times blog on the perv’s trial), Hell’s Kitchen (thank God that puss Matt finally got voted off), and Cal-Berkeley vs. the Tree People. These long days of summer where I am stuck dealing with jackass customers and stuck at work while others are enjoying vacation totally suck, but these are ample distractions. The R. Kelly Trial is interesting to me because this fool had everything but could not stay away from the girls with the Trapper Keepers, just like predecessors Gary Glitter, Michael Jackson, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Hell’s Kitchen is just funny because Gordon Ramsay has just become my favorite Brit. Actually, I watch BBC America whenever his Kitchen Nightmare shows are on and I discovered a show called Footballer’s Wives that had Playmaker’s and 1st and Ten beat by a long shot.

And then there is the loooooooooong drawn out court battle between the University of California vs. some coked out, tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing hippies. I still can’t believe that these godless pagans beat Tennessee last year, but I digress. I know this is about to piss of AB, but seeing as though the tree people can’t possibly be getting internet access, maybe she can send them a smoke signal from the backyard of her palatial estate.

I don’t see how this school is still participating in major D-1A sports. If I were the Pac-10, I would kick them out and bring in Fresno State. At least the football program would have more upsets against top competition and the cheerleaders would have a little more “urbanism” than the grandecafemochachocolatte $10 cups of coffee the prissy Blackberry toting chicas at Berkeley.

As a native Southerner, it amazes me that a few people are actually trying to save 100 year old trees. They are letting these trees get in the way of a perfectly good football stadium and practice facility. What good are some oak trees when your football team plays mediocre football??? Well then again, this is Cal football we are talking about. Don’t worry Cal: USC, Oregon, Arizona St., and Oregon St. will be dropping half a hundred a piece on you in no time. Keep the trees, and pray that you can keep your coach. Besides, surely the school could make use of some fresh cut trees. I mean, wood will still be needed for the new locker rooms, luxury suites, doors, and paper for the playbooks. Let’s just call it a recycling program.

You know, something looks familiar about that damn Cal bear…

Posted in Arizona State Sundevils, BCS, boosters, Cal, College Football, crazy, Fresno State, NCAA, Pac 10, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers, University of California berkeley | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

The Only Thing Worse Than ESPN TV Programming

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 28, 2008

I know, it’s a catchy title. Usually, I leave criticizing ESPN for other blogsites such as The Big Lead or Awful Announcing, but a network that I once could not live without has become the network that I cannot stand to watch. I would rather sit down with the misses and watch marathons of Extreme Makeover and Dancing With the Stars than sit through another segment of the (insert name here) heads at ESPN. At times, I would still rather mute the lovely Erin Andrews than listen to her ask an uncomfortable Kelvin Sampson about his job status, knowing that he can’t answer anything in the middle of an investigation. Why would she ask such questions??? Because her corporate bosses tell her to. While stuck in an office building the past few days with nothing but a radio and crappy internet access, I was forced to endure the impossible. It was during this time that I realized that there is something even worse than ESPN TV…

When was the last time any of you listened to ESPN Radio??? My God, the crap that comes out of one radio station is unbelievable. Let’s start off with Pussboy and Steroid (Mike & Mike). The past few days I was subjected to Eric Kuselias, who in the pillowfight between which one is worse between Pussboy and Kusey, there is no definitive winner. Why these two are still on the air I have no idea, except maybe to give soccer moms something to listen to so that their husbands seem more manly.

Then we go to everyone’s favorite douchebag, Colin Cowherd. I won’t spend too much time on him, because anyone who goes on any number of blogs will tell you without question Cowherd the one guy at ESPN that no one can exactly figure out why he has a job. I will say this: never have I seen a guy who really has done squat professionally be so much of an arrogant ass. He always is quick to bring up ratings, yet when noon eastern hits, his ratings drop. Why??? Jim Rome is on, and yes Rome is a love him or hate him guy, but at least he can make fun of himself every once in a while.

Next we have the slot formerly occupied by Dan Patrick but is now taken up by Mike Tirico and his band of merry men. I understand that Tirico has been with the company for a while, but it’s bad enough that I am subjected to him for Monday Night Football (I had at one point last season muted the broadcast in favor of Westwood One’s coverage with the silky smooth and back biting Marv Albert). He is also doing the occasional NBA game. Now he is on the radio. You know the saying of “Jack of All Trades, Master of None”??? That ought to be tattooed onto Tirico’s bald spot.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Cal, ESPN, Evil Empire, Notre Dame, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Rips Media, University of California berkeley | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Either Kevin Hart Attempted the Greatest Recruiting Scam Ever or a Number of D-I Schools have Recruiting Officials Impersonating Them.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 6, 2008

Meet Kevin Hart a 6-foot-5, 290-pound left guard — listed as a two-star prospect by Rivals.com in this years recruiting class. Fernley high school offensive lineman Kevin Hart was all set to commit to Oregon. But on Friday, during an assembly in front of the entire school, Hart chose California over the Pac-10 rival Ducks.

“They really won me over,” Hart, who will be the first Fernley athlete to receive a full scholarship to a Division I school directly out of high school, said of the Golden Bears. “Coach (Jeff) Tedford and I talked a lot, and the fact that the head coach did most of the recruiting of me kind of gave me the real personal experience.”

With Cal and Oregon hats sitting on a table in front of him on Friday, Hart explained what his decision came down to and then donned the Cal cap to cheers from classmates and his parents and grandparents sitting in the front row.

His parents and teachers were happy for him. They could not wait till he got out to Berkley to experience the college life, start smoking pot & and only call when money was needed.

Something strange happened. Less than 10 hours after Hart proclaimed Cal was his college of choice questions was raised. Questions like when are you leaving? Will you miss us? And since when did Cal even offer you a scholarship since they have never heard you? You know the basics.

By Sunday neither Hart’s father, Richard, nor Fernley Coach Mark Hodges would confirm the status of any offers. Oregon, Nevada, Illinois and Oklahoma State were said to be other finalists. Both men also declined to comment in depth on the entire situation because, as Hodges said, it is under “law enforcement investigation.”

Wait the Po Po was called? You mean Jeff Tedford has someone impersonating him? Maybe he “blacks out” and forget he recruits these kids.

“This is involving law enforcement and may involve other departments, other than the NCAA, that are bigger than local,” said Hodges, “I would love to tell you everything I know, but I can’t at this time and I’m not even sure what I know. Up until the other night I was a happy man.”

“The NCAA is involved because Cal and Oregon are involved,” said NIAA executive director Eddie Bonine, “It could be that someone was impersonating those schools.”

Un”fucking”believable!!! Remember according to Hart himself he and Jeff talked a lot. So it’s obvious Jeff Tedford was high from his players supply. Hart turned down offers from Oregon, Nevada, Illinois and Oklahoma State.

But both Oregon and Cal say Hart who? Who is this nut job?

“He was never in our system,” Dave Williford, Oregon assistant athletic director for media services, said.

Basically the kid is a pathological liar. In fact Hart’s school district can’t even find any school that offered him a scholarship.

This kid is psycho and apparently is doing everything to make himself look good in front of his peers and parents.

Phil Fulmer GO SIGN THIS BOY NOW. Our recruiting class is sad. We need someone this crazy. If he’s willing to attempt to pull this scam off then imagine how hard he could work to become a starter.

Of course you won’t be able to trust him but considering the 4 arrests lately it seems you can’t trust any of the players. Get him now before Nick Saban signs him, you fat non-recruiting bastard.

Posted in Big Orange, Cal, cheaters, Liar, Oregon Ducks, Phillip Fulmer, Rocky Top, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC Football, University of California berkeley | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Sermon On The Mount for Tennessee

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 28, 2007

4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…Psams 23:4-6

OK Big Orange, you have made it to the SEC Championship game. Congratulations for destroying the hopes and dreams of SEC East teams who thought they had a shot of making it to the Georgia Dome. Despite the fact that you are coached by a staff that some in the fan base do not want, your green pasture now resides in Atlanta. Despite embarrassing losses at Florida, where you were completely dominated all around, and being completely outcoached in Tuscaloosa by St. Nick, you have leaned on your resolve and faith to get to your goal. Your patience and virtue has been rewarded.

One can only think that the great football god has blessed you and found favor on you, because there is no way you should have defeated Georgia, South Carolina, Vandy, and Kentucky. Despite being surprised by scrappy Vandy and almost snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against KY, now here you stand. However, you did not fall to those who dared to travel from the Sun Belt Conference, avoiding the embarrassment of losing to the Fighting Nutria, Mean Green, the Magic Possums or whoever else they have as sports teams. All alone now facing your biggest test to date: How does one look a Tiger in the mouth and come out alive??? How does one stand against all odds, despite being decimated by Tebow’s Kids, going into Cal Ba’al Berkley and looking unlike an SEC team, and then, putting up as much fight against the Holy Tide as a thawed turkey meeting a hot vat of peanut oil???

I will tell you how. The blueprint has been laid, of your own doing. That same ferocious Tiger that you must now tame crushed your hopes and dreams back in 2001. Remember Matt Mauck coming in for an injured Rohan Davey??? All of the pre-game talk about you going to the Rose Bowl??? The big fat orange covered shepherd does not forget. He will probably remind you.

Miracles can happen. The table is set, and it is yours for the taking. You can feast with kings and dine like champions. Imagine a true Orange Bowl, or how about another Fiesta Bowl??? It is yours for the taking, and you can. Keep the faith and seize the opportunity. Do not believe in luck. Luck is for the pagans in South Bend, Indiana. Goodness and the riches thereof will follow you from Knoxville to Atlanta and then to BCS glory. The path of the righteous is paved with orange and the soundtrack for the trip is the familiar refrain of “Rocky Top”, played of course millions of times along the journey. This song annoys the unjust to no end, but for Volunteers, it is a Song of Solomon that will be sung by the just (even if people only know the last two lines of the song, waiting lustfully for the big “Woooo” as if channelling an inner “Nature Boy” Ric Flair). Volunteers everywhere are behind you on Saturday. Only the faith that you have in yourselves and each other will guide you to the ultimate victory, since no one else thinks that you have a shot…

flag-150.jpg

Posted in All SEC Teams Beware!!, BCS, Cal, College Football, Erik Ainge, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, football, Fulmer, fulmer sucks, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, moral victories, NCAA, Nick Saban, Old Ball Sack Coach, Phillip Fulmer, Police, Rocky Top, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, University of California berkeley, UT vols, Vanderbilt, vandy | Leave a Comment »

The Revelations After a Saturdays Worth of Football Week 12

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 18, 2007

Yesterday wasn’t as exciting as the previous past Saturdays have been, but still for the 11th time this season, a team in the top 5 lost to a non-ranked team.

Good job Texas Tech but I have a few points to make.

Mike Leach talks about how officials are against him but those officials robbed OU of a touchdown.

It’s commendable that you didn’t want to run up the score on your friend Bob Stoops, it almost cost you the game

The Texas Tech cheerleaders are hot.

The Oklahoma QB, Sam Bradford, looks like a retarded caveman. Moving on….

Coach 0 almost looked like a coach yesterday and you could understand what he was saying, OK Ole Miss where’s the real Coach 0 at?

West Virginia almost lost, damn it Cincinnati learn to finish the job.

If Georgia committed those four turn overs at Kentucky they might not have won.

BC didn’t beat Clemson, those receivers that can’t seem to catch a ball that is placed perfectly beat Clemson.

Who would have thought that one of the biggest games of the year would Missouri & Kansas.

Well Notre Dame can finally look away, your horrible season is over.

Fulmer is like a resilient cockroach, no matter how hard he tries to get fired he finds a way to win.

How Penn State could let Michigan State comeback like that is beyond me.

What ever to that team that hammered Tennessee without mercy? No not Alabama, the other one, no not Florida, that other one, yes Cal…maybe Aberclay will answer that one for me. 😉

With Houston Nutt rumors swirling around his retirement, I see….I see a a…Baylor job in his near future.

I’m sick and tired of seeing about every damn Chick-Fil-A commercial they run this year.

There’s a lot of big games coming up this week. I’ll try to preview some of them.

Finally Lloyd Carr…I said at the beginning of the season he was retiring, it appears I’m right. Ohio State will really miss him.

So I profess on this day 11/18/07

TtT

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