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Archive for the ‘Cocks’ Category

The Big Orange Roundtable Volume VIII

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 26, 2008

Sings “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” I hate that song but right now is the most wonderful time of the year because college football is about to kickoff. How fitting it is to have the craziest Big Orange Roundtablers, Losers with Socks, to be the host this week.

Now call your kids and/or significant other to the computer and STFU because we’re going to the Roundtable.

1. In a perfect world, what time would your UCLA Kick-off start?

For me the perfect time would be 7:00 PM EST. In my perfect world that would give me the time to get my exercise in by throwing unopened jars of baby food at the homeless AKA Bammers, leave plenty of time to blog about how much UCLA sucks ass & watch Judge Judy.

2. Sometimes doing the right thing is tough. Sometimes we have to choose between bad and worse.  I have known snipers that get bothered even though what they did was absolutely right. It seems being a coach would have some similar circumstances. Did you think that Coach Fulmer and staff ever lose any sleep over their choices?

I’m sure Coach Fulmer lost sleep over that embarrassing loss to Bama last year but not because of the choices he made but devising a way to enact full revenge for this years game.

I’m sure if we lose a game by three points the coaches will ponder about the choices they made during and before the game, but lose sleep completely….no.

Phil making it rain....

3. Nick Saban is going to start 10 freshmen against Clemson.  Why is he doing this and did he just buy another year of grace from the Red Elephant Club?

I’m going to allow Billy Bob Bammer to answer this question. After the 11 arrests unfortunate incidents this off-season, Lord Saban has no choice but to start the freshmen. I’m not sure that Saban will start 10 freshmen against Clemson. It is my belief that Saban is doing what he does best and that is lying through his teeth playing mind games.

If Lord Saban AKA the Behr Reincarnated doesn’t win against Tennessee, Auburn and gets Croomed again then I is sure the Red Elephant Club will be reluctant to give him a pass. Then again he is the most powerful man in football at least according to Forbes and A.I.L. magazine (Alabama Incest Love) so he might get a pass. I’m out of here I gots squirrels to hunt!

RTR Bitches!

4. Critique Lou Holtz as a ESPN “analyst”. Irish and Cock Homer or scripted live rassler?

I personally love Lou Holtz…when he’s not within earshot of me. Holtz is the evil moke announcer of ESPN. Someone says something intelligent Holtz is compelled to disagree. I would say that some of his spoken drivel is scripted but the “Lou Lisp” makes it impossible to tell.

The final analysis is he’s a criminally insane Irish Homer who loves the Cock. Funny thing is neither present day fan base can stand him now.

Oh yeah he sucks at everything he does.

Be sure to stop by all the Big Orange Roundtable members’ blogs for their answers.

Posted in Bama Cheats, Bama Sucks, Big Orange, Cocks, Fuck Bama, Fulmer, Go Vols, Holtz, Lord Saban, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Nick Saban, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

The Gamecocks Meet Technology

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 18, 2008

Yes this is a true story.

I was talking to a buddy at work yesterday about the difference between “replica” and “authentic” jerseys. Somehow the conversation veered towards how much would a South Carolina Gamecock jersey sold for. We had a standing bet of somewhere between $1.99 & someone paying you to take it as opposed to the “sale” price of a Tennessee jersey which the cheapest I found was $149.97.

So I typed in “authentic Gamecock football jersey” in the Google search box, without the quotation marks of course. And guess what the first store to pop up is? Gangstyle.com. And yes they are selling them. I wonder if I could order a Gamecock blood sect t-shirt as well.

With all the drug arrests, stabbings and gun charges the players rack up I found it rather fitting. The first store to pop up when you type “authentic Vols football jersey” is Football Jerseys & More.com.

Speaking of the Internet and the Gamecocks, Steve God Spurrier doesn’t take defeat well but he keeps trying. Last season he launched his own website at an astounding rate of $99.95 a year. Of course everyone realized that the athletic department needed to raise bail money someway so nobody questioned the price.

Needless to say the site flopped and within six months it was gone. I wonder if the 6 straight losses helped propel that in any way.

Well lucky for you Gamecock fans the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach is giving it another try, and this time the price seems a little more reasonable at $49.95 per year or $4.95 a month. Of course the other SEC coach’s websites are free…

The site will feature more inside looks at Gamecock football including the arrest and booking process. Plus it features having Spurrier miked up while playing a round of golf & construction updates on the expansion of the team’s crack house training room at Williams-Brice Stadium.

The site will feature a staple of last year’s site: the ‘Ask HB(S)C’ section, where fans type their questions and have them answered by Spurrier.

Imagine the questions that will be asked:

  • “Hey coach why didn’t you have the balls to kick Garcia off the team?”
  • “Hey coach will you suck against Vandy again?”
  • “Hey coach Gangstyle.com refuses to give me a refund. Will you have a player place a cap in their ass for me?”

Compared to paying $99.95 a year and getting to hear the Ole Ball (Sac) Coach wheeze his way through a round of golf, $49.95 might seem like better buy. According to my sources it be easier to navigate but the Gamecocks will still suck on field.

You can go see yourself SpurrierHB(S)C.com.

This moment was classic, it ran in the paper here.

Posted in Cocks, Gamecocks, Old Ball Sack Coach, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Once a Gamecock Always a Gamecock

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 14, 2008

Yesterday was my birthday. I hate it. I rarely acknowledge it but resistance is futile, I’m getting older. I need to accept that. Like every birthday I think back to the days of my youth. Thinking of all the good times I’ve had. Even though I don’t do the types of things that I did in my youth such as sleep around, drink and stay gone for days on end, it’s tempting to try and relive those days of blissful joy.

Apparently two former Gamecocks attempted to relive their college days recently. Judging by the outcome maybe I should be thankful I’m older and wiser, then again I never sold drugs, carried weapons illegally or ride around with open bottles of vodka either.

First on the list is former USC basketball standout Carlos Powell. Powell is the Gamecocks’ sixth all-time leading scorer. He scored 1,541 career points at USC from 2001-2005 and averaged 11.7 points a game for his career. He played in 132 games, third most in school history behind former teammates Brandon Wallace and Tre’ Kelley.

The 6-foot-7 Powell led the Gamecocks in scoring three consecutive seasons, and was their leading rebounder two of those years.

Powell with current USC basketball player Sam Muldrow who is also his cousin, was stopped by the Florence Po Po because of all things, the taillights on Powells’ Chevrolet Caprice were not illuminating. Since the Gamecock football team seems to be the only male players arrested Powell must have been “training” Muldrow on what it means to be a Cock.

Since these are Gamecocks of course you already know the officer noticed a strong odor of the sweet sticky weed that only Cocks can get. Surprisingly though Powell told “the man” that someone recently had been smoking pot in the car but there was no pot in the vehicle.

What “the man” found was a half-full bottle of Grey Goose vodka and a gun under the passenger seat instead. Go Cocks!!!

Powell was arrested and jailed on gun and alcohol charges in his Florence hometown which was a new experience for him since he was so familiar with the Richland County Detention Center or as the USC players call it, the Cocky Athletic Dorms.

Oddly though cousin Muldrow wasn’t charged even though he was the one driving the car, after all Powell is rather useless but Muldrow is the future of USC, if he can stay sober and not kill anyone.

This is another black eye for the USC basketball program since Darrin Horn has taken the coaching reigns. Last week Devan Downey the only player with any talent, was arrested on charges of simple assault.

Normally I would have written a post dedicated to Downeys’ arrest but a USC Athlete getting arrested…not exactly news any more.

To make matters worse for Coach “I Was Lucky To Even Make the Sweet 16 so Toot My” Horn guard Trevor Deloach, who was redshirted this past season, is transferring.

“We expressed to Trevor that he had a scholarship at the University of South Carolina, but he felt it was in his best interests to pursue other opportunities,” Horn said in a statement.

“We wish him the best in his future endeavors.”

Apparently Deloach has some character left or he thinks Coach Horn is a prick.

Next up on the reliving the Cock youth brigade is Troy Hambrick.

Hambrick played three seasons at South Carolina. As a freshman in 1996, Hambrick relieved Duce Staley vs. Clemson long enough to rush for 135 yards and two scores in a USC victory.

He even made it to the NFL.

Hambrick’s NFL career spanned five seasons. His best year was 2003 when he rushed for 972 yards and five touchdowns for Dallas.

Now he’s enjoying the lovely Tampa area for say…five years.

Hambrick pleaded guilty to one count of distributing 50 grams or more of crack cocaine.

Hambrick sold the drugs in 2007 to a confidential informant near his home in Lacoochee, which about 40 miles north of Tampa.

As much experience he has leaning about doing, stashing & selling drugs he obtained at USC, one would think he would know what a sting is…then again once a Cock always a Cock.

Posted in Cocks, Crime & Punishment, Darrin Horn, DUI, Gamecocks, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, USC | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »