Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘Corn Dogs’ Category

College Football Week 7 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 12, 2008

Chaos in the polls and I love it!!!! Yesterday was definitely the best slate of games this whole season and of course the best slate to surprising upsets.

Who is #1? It’s question that will be answered later today in the coaches poll and will be argued by everyone in the country.

I wonder who is feeling the heat more Tommy Bowden or Phillip Fulmer. Of course Tennessee lost because they suck no matter how hard I cheer for them. The full write up on the game verses Georgia will be tomorrow after I painstakingly watch a tape of the game later today.

Toledo’s record against Michigan improved to 1-0 yesterday which was a shocker.

I’m sure Arkansas is tanking Auburn for firing their offensive coordinator. You can the “inside” story of the firing right here.

All eyes were definitely on Texas yesterday as they upended Oklahoma.

“I’m 40! I’m a man! & I just beat Missouri bitches!” says Mike Gundy AKA America’s coach.

Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow can go back to circumcising kids now since Florida hands LSU an ugly loss. Hell Tennessee didn’t allow Florida to score that many points.

Penn St. makes an argument on why they should be considered #1. as they gave Wisconsin a second straight loss at Camp Randall.

The Texas Tech offense isn’t putting up the points it used to but manages to defeat Nebraska and avoid being upset.

USC rolled against a dead Arizona State team.

BYU won. Who cares?

What’s wrong with Ohio State’s offense? Sure they won but they only scored 16 at home.

I was one of the few people in my pick’em to pick Miss. State over Vandy. Bobby Johnson you just got Croomed!

Kansas proves that they are still a factor in the Big 12.

Everyone point and laugh at Notre Dame. OK that’s enough. I seriously wonder how much Charlie Weis weighs.

It took the G-Spot Stephen “I keyed a professor’s car” Garcia to allow South Carolina a victory or KY. Hey Brooks maybe they stole your plays as well…asshole.

Look out Virginia is 3-3.

Not only does Lou Holtz have a lisp, slobbers when he talks but he also looks like he has had a chemical peel that never healed.

Georgia Tech you barely defeated Gardner-Webb seriously WTF?

Show some love to Minnesota as they handed the Illinois Fighting Zookers a surprising loss at Illinois.

Wow Iowa actually won a game.

Dumb ass comment of the day goes to Lou Holtz when he mentioned comparing Colt McCoy’s stats to that of Vince Young’s the year Vince Young won the Heisman. The problem is Young never won the Heisman…what a dumb ass.

Advertisements

Posted in ACC Football, Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Corn Dogs, Croom, Florida Gators, gardner webb, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Iowa Hawkeyes, Joe Pa, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Gundy, Minnesota Gophers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rich Brooks, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Texas Longhorns, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, War Eagle, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Ryan Perrilloux says OCD Made him do some Crazy Sh*T that or he’s a Dumb Ass

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 30, 2008

In a way too long interview that was given “exclusively” to Yahoo! Sports, former LSU quarterback Ryan Perrilloux, states it was OCD that made him act like a moron and Coach Leslie “Big Hat Small Penis” Miles knew about it all along.

Perrilloux states he was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and was prescribed medication to control symptoms such as anxiety.

Perrilloux said he was experiencing ear aches last summer and, when LSU’s medical staff could find nothing wrong, he met with a psychiatrist who diagnosed his problem. The psychological disorder is commonly known as OCD and characterized by obsessive thoughts and rituals.

Other symptom of this disease- The belief that I can do anything I like at anytime I like and nobody will do anything about it because I’m good in sports.

Also in his case OCD also caused him to use drugs, berate a waiter with obscenities and racial slurs get mixed up in a scheme involving counterfeit money, skip practices & miss classes.

“The OCD made me do it.” If he were really “sick” he should be able to sue LSU using the Americans with Disabilities Act. Someone please explain to him that Paxil won’t cure stupidity.

“That’s what was wrong with me because I always used to pop my jaw and used to pick at my skin, bite my nails,” he said.

“That was the first time I knew I had Obsessive-Compulsive (disorder),” Perrilloux said. “Because I was always so busy, I didn’t know I had it. They said that’s a way to hide it.”

I don’t buy it. A very common symptom of having OCD is a strong sense to abide by the rules and not do something criminal or wrong. This is driven by fear of punishment or law enforcement.

Jack Crowe, head coach at Jacksonville State, said he learned about the diagnosis while doing a background check before he offered Perrilloux a scholarship. He also said he thought it helped explain Perrilloux’s troubled stay in Baton Rouge, La.

“I think what you have is a little bit of a compound effect of several different things there,” Crowe said. “Not the least of which is that he walked in there behind two pretty good quarterbacks and has been a guy that stood there and held the clipboard, and it’s about to kill him. That’ll change your character.

“Yeah, he ought to be able to handle that. He ought to be able to handle a lot of things. But you got all that compounded together.”

Perrilloux said he stopped taking medication with doctor’s approval and has the OCD symptoms under control. But his mother, a licensed practical nurse, said she and her son agreed he did not suffer from OCD and he never took the medication.

So is Perrilloux lying? Did take the meds and stop or is he using some lame excuse to justify he past bad behavior?

Perrilloux would neither confirm nor deny published reports that he failed a recent drug test, but his mother, Bobbie Breaux, told Yahoo! Sports that Perrilloux tested positive for a banned drug as a freshman and that a recent drug test detected “trace” amounts of a banned substance in her son. She said she did not know what the banned substances were even though she’s a licensed practical nurse and all…slacker.

“Is it true or is it not true?” Perrilloux said when asked about the drug tests. “I don’t want to say no and I don’t want to say yeah. I just want to say no comment and just move forward.”

“I’m excited to just kick the season off against Georgia Tech, to have an opportunity to just play my first game at my new school on ESPN,” he said. “… A lot of people want to see me do well, and I don’t want to let anybody down.”

To late…

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Coonass, Corn Dogs, Jackson State University, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, Ryan Perrilloux, SEC | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Where’s Perrilloux???

Posted by Joel Jackson on May 13, 2008

Ryan Perrilloux, he of the casino/weed smoking corndog sector of SEC country, is currently looking for a school to play ball since The Hat gave him the boot for inhaling some of the finest “Gator Green” or “Knoxville Recruiting Tool”. So far, Alabama A& M, Valdosta St., and Jacksonville St. are supposedly recruiting. Presumably Perrilloux will be attending a D-1AA or D-II school to play immediately.

Then I saw this story on ESPN about Jackson State University football coach Rick Comegy trying to recruit him. I then got a headache. Why???

Well being a proud alumnus of Tennessee State University, Jackson State is one of our biggest rivals. We are talking about a rivalry that goes back decades. Epic battles between beautiful Nashville and piss ant Jackson, MS have insured and now the rivalry game is held as the Southern Heritage Classic held in Memphis, one of the two times a year that the Liberty Bowl is actually full.

Tennessee State has been one of the top HBCU’s historically, both athletically and academically. The school has produced a 1st round pick in this year’s draft (Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie), can claim two guys that should be NFL Hall of Famers (Richard Dent and Ed “Too Tall” Jones), several Olympic gold medalists (Ralph Boston, Chandra Cheesborough, Wilma Rudolph), journalists (Carl Rowan, Tina Tyus-Shaw, niece of Wyomia Tyus, another TSU alum and 2 time gold medalist), and some lady named Oprah Winfrey. After Walter Payton and Morgan Freeman*, who are the rest of the famous alums from that hellhole???

Besides being part of a great tradition, Perrilloux will also benefit from playing in LP Field, an NFL stadium that is the home of the Tennessee Titans, and not some old crappy ass stadium in “glamorous” downtown Jackson. Perrilloux, if you are reading this (thank God you aren’t Jerrell Powe because I don’t want to get some neighborhood kids together to record a special “School House Rocks: Tennessee St. Edition”) check out the campus, check out the city, and come home.

Think of it this way: If Nashville was good enough for Pacman Jones then it is good enough for you…

*Editor’s Note: Upon further research, Morgan Freeman was offered a partial scholarship to Jackson State but turned it down to become an airplane mechanic.

Posted in Alabama State, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arizona Cardinals, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, College Football, College Gameday, Conspiracy Theory, Coonass, Corn Dogs, court tv, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, draft pick, drugs, ESPN, football, guilty, Internet Rumors, legal troubles, Les Miles, Liar, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, NCAA, NCAA Rules Violation, NFL, NFL Draft, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pot, Ryan Perrilloux, Sports | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Ryan Perrilloux’s Reefer Smells Like Corn Dogs & Coon Ass

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 3, 2008

Ryan Perrilloux’s never-ending troubles are once and for all over for LSU. About time Leslie!

Perrilloux was one of the most sought-after quarterback prospects in the country coming out of high school however his off the field escapades which gives me something to write about finally caught up with him. Les “Big Hat Little Penis” Miles booted the “troubled” duel threat quarterback off the team yesterday after failing a drug test. By “troubled” I mean a complete moron.

Wow Miles actually grew a set……He’s a man, He’s 40!!! Perrilloux is no man, he’ll be at La Tech in no time!!

Perrilloux said he hopes to transfer to a member of the former Division I-AA, where he could have two seasons of eligibility left. Besides the smaller schools party harder than the larger ones. Ask Appalachian State about that.

“Perrilloux didn’t fulfill his obligation as an LSU student-athlete,” Miles said in a statement. “Ryan was given every opportunity to be a part of this football team.”

Perrilloux’s lawyer, Nathan Fisher, declined to comment Friday. Reached at her home in LaPlace, Perrilloux’s mother, Bobbie Breaux, said she and her son preferred not to discuss the matter publicly at this time but may do so later after he runs through his stash.

Photo courtesy of the The Football Diet

Perrilloux was suspended last summer and during recent spring drills. He was on the fringe of a counterfeiting investigation and was caught trying to enter a Baton Rouge casino with false identification. He also was involved in a nightclub fight in November, causing him to miss a game at Alabama. He was cleared of wrongdoing.

Miles again suspended Perrilloux in mid-February after he missed a team meeting, skipped some classes and was late for conditioning workouts and now a failed drugs test. Hey Leslie try the police ride-a-long punishment next time.

Maybe he’ll be in the supplemental draft. The Bengals would probably beat Jerry Jones to the pick, seeing as how they drafted another kid with problems which reared its ugly head just this week, Ahmad Brooks.

How difficult is it to stay out of trouble? Every Athletic Department has one or two or ten who just can’t seem to help themselves. A message to all scholarship athletes….you have entered into a lease agreement which offers you a free education in return for playing a game as well as STAYING OUT OF TROUBLE!!!!!

Don’t worry Ryan, ‘Bama or South Carolina will take you in a heartbeat, neither King Liar nor The Ole Ball (sac) Coach cares so long as you’re not actually in prison.

Photo courtesy of the funny as shit Losers With Socks.

Posted in Coonass, Corn Dogs, legal troubles, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, Ryan Perrilloux, Sports | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »