Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘David Cutcliffe’ Category

College Football Week 9 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 26, 2008

It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.

There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.

UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.

Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.

Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.

Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.

Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.

The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.

Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.

The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?

Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.

Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.

Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.

Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.

The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)

Trends started at Rutgers…

1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)

For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.

Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.

Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.

Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.

Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!

JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.

Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2.  They could become ranked this week.

Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.

Posted in ACC Football, Arkansas Razorbacks, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, College Football, David Cutcliffe, Dirty Sanchez, Duke, Duke Blue Devils, Fighting Illini, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Florida Sucks, FSU, Georgia Bulldogs, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Hokies, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Indiana Hoosiers, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, kansas jayhawks, Kansas State Wildcats, Les Miles, Louisville Cardinals, LSU Tigers, mark richt, mike leach, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, ole miss rebels, Penn State Nittany Lions, Pitt Panthers, Rutgers, SEC Football, South Florida Bulls, Texas Longhorns, Texas Tech Red Raiders, tOSU, Uconn, Uga, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Virginia Cavaliers, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Proof that Coach Cutcliffe is Bringing “Big Boy” Football to Duke & the ACC

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 5, 2008

Thaddeus Lewis, left, and Leon Wright

Even though I still think it’s career suicide Coach Cut is bound and determined to make Duke into a powerhouse. Proof of this task was revealed yesterday morning when starting quarterback Thaddeus Lewis and starting cornerback Leon Wright were cited for underage possession of alcohol.

It’s obviously clear that Cutcliffe is starting with the basics first. The next thing you know the Duke players will do something crazy like throw a party, hire strippers and then be falsely accused of rape. Wait…my bad that already happened to the lacrosse team. Maybe Coach Cut needs to speed up this process and have the players start smoking pot.

Lewis and Wright, both 20, were given Breathalyzer tests after they were stopped at 1:51 a.m. Both registered a .03 blood alcohol level. The legal limit is .08 however because both players are under 21they were issued useless citations for underage drinking.

A Duke spokesman said the school would not comment on the citations, and Duke football coach David Cutcliffe would handle the matter internally.

Normally when an a situation like this is handled “internally” it means being suspended for the cupcake games…just one problem…Duke is everyones cupcake team. Can we say police ride-a-longs anyone?

Posted in ACC Football, Crime & Punishment, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

I’m Planning On Stopping Cutcliffe from Committing Suicide.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 14, 2007

Well, by now I’m sure most of the readers out there have heard Tennessee’s offensive coordinator David Cutcliffe was in Durham, N.C., interviewing for Duke’s head coaching job Wednesday. Sure I’ve had my problems with Cutcliffe’s style of play calling in the past. However, I can not sit ideally by and watch the man commit career suicide either. So I’ll bite the bullet and take the head coaching job at Duke.

The only football coaches that go to Duke seem to die, except for the one man whose visor was touched by the finger of Satan himself, Steve Spurrier. And by Satan I don’t mean Nick Saban either.

Below is the official job description of the head coaching job as the Duke Human Resources website had it. After you read it, you’ll see why I’m a shoe-in.

  • Position Title: HEAD FOOTBALL COACH
  • Requisition Number: 400160742
  • Auto req ID: 13326BR
  • Location: Durham
  • Duke Entity: UNIVERSITY
  • Department Name: Football
  • Shift: First/Day
  • Full Time / Part Time: FULL TIME

Job Description

Occupational Summary

Direct and coordinate the planning, organizing and coaching of the Duke University football team.

Work Performed

Provide leadership and instruction in the personal and athletic development of student athletes at Duke University. Direct and coordinate the activities of the Football Staff in the planning, organizing and coaching of the Duke University football team; ensure compliance with University, Conference and NCAA policies and regulations. Direct the Football Staff in the preparation of analyses of opponent teams; analyze game statistics and tactical data of opponents and prepare game plans accordingly. Counsel team members in academic, disciplinary and personal matters; consult with University administration and faculty for resolution of problems as required. Assign geographical areas to and supervise the Football Staff in the recruitment of new players; determine recipients of football scholarships in accordance with University admissions policies. Determine fiscal requirements and prepare budgetary recommendations; monitor, verify and reconcile expenditures of budgeted funds. Direct various personnel functions including, but not limited to, hiring, merit recommendations, promotions, transfers and vacation schedules. Study, evaluate and implement innovations in football strategy and equipment. Represent the Duke University Athletic Department in professional, civic, charity and alumni events. Perform other related duties incidental to the work described herein. The above statements describe the general nature and level of work being performed by individuals assigned to this classification. This is not intended to be an exhaustive list of all responsibilities and duties required of personnel so classified.




Prior collegiate football coaching experience required.


Notice anything missing from the description? I do. There’s nothing in the coach’s job description about winning. Sweet! I can do all the things that are listed in the description, especially discipline. God made cattle prods for a reason!

Duke has won 22 games in 13 years. They have had three losing streaks of 15 games or worse. Duke has three straight seasons with 10 or more defeats and is considered as one of the worst programs in 1-A history.

The main reason I feel qualified for this job is because I lead the Duke Blue Devils to the National Championship on my Xbox 360. Can Cutcliffe say that? Huh huh huh? No? I didn’t think so.

As for as experience, I was my middle school’s paper football champ back in the day, I ruled those desks. I believe I can take Duke to the top on that basis alone. All I have to do is win more than 6 games out of 45, I can do that.

So in order to save Coach Cutcliffe any embarrassment or worse another heart attack, pencil my name in that head coaches position. I will not beat Clemson, FSU or Wake Forest. However, I do believe I can beat any Big East team, Northwestern, Coach K & the players. So come on Duke take a chance. Go Blue Devils!!

So I profess on this day 12/14/07.


Posted in ACC Football, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »