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Archive for the ‘dog fighting’ Category

In case you didn’t know…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 20, 2009

Michael Vick snuck out of prison this morning to avoid the onslaught of media that was awaiting for him. However YMSWWC’s super photographer did manage to snap this shot.

FreeVick

Posted in Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Douche Bag, Michael Vick, ookie | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Check out the big brain on Michael Vick…

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 6, 2009

There are things in this world that are guaranteed which can not be denied. For example, there will always be death and taxes, the sun will always rise and I will always hate the music of Nickelback no matter how much Holly likes them. There’s also one other thing in this life that is guaranteed and that is Michael Vick is an idiot. 

Last Friday Vick was bitch-slapped in a bankruptcy court. A Virginia judge rejected Vick’s complete and utter moronic bankruptcy plan. Apparently the judge didn’t think it was such a great idea for a convicted felon/ex-athlete, who is up to ears in debt, to claim he needs two houses and four cars. Hilarity did not ensue after this request. 

Reading over Lester Munson’s analysis of Michael Vick’s rejected bankruptcy plan, I can’t help but to wonder just how conscience-stricken the former Falcons QB and dog-fighting financer is. 

At one point during the bankruptcy hearing, Vick actually claimed he was “on lockdown” 23 hours a day, which is a complete lie since minimum-security Federal prisons have no lockdown. 

It was also revealed that Vick removed $150,000 illegally from a defined benefit pension fund, something Vick had already said he knows to be a no-no. Vick claims that he spent all the monies he obtained from Nike via endorsement deals, on life insurance on himself and his mother. I have a feeling that upon hearing this, Marcus probably sighed with relief because that means he will probably not be murdered for cash since no one really likes him anyway. 

So far Vick has spent a staggering $3.7 million for his crackerjack legal and accounting team. The judge pointed out to Vick’s team of legal eagles that he spending about $13,000 a day in litigation. Which I’m sure if this was pointed out privately by someone else would have caused high-fives between the attorneys. 

Maybe it’s time that Vick hires new help or go to Plan B which is where Marcus robs people at fast food joints in order to pay off Michael’s debts after he scrapes together enough money for a bus pass for his getaway first. 

Remember when Marcus said he was “taking his game to the next level” after he was kicked off the Hokies? I take that to mean that he only robs Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s now.

Posted in bad newz kennels, Bankruptcy, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Herpes, marcus vick, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Atlanta residents hide your pups. I have Bad Newz, your protocol son might be arriving anytime now

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 27, 2009

You might remember that back in December of 2008 I reported about how America’s favorite dog killing QB, Michael Vick, was getting set to be released to a halfway house. Well, there was a little problem with that idea; the halfway house in question apparently had no room to house Vick. So, being the ever brilliant public servants that they are, officials have decided to send Vick home as in Atlanta to old house.

Vick will be required to wear an ever fashionable electronic monitoring device (I’m hoping for a Shock Collar or an Invisible Fence Collar) and not leave the premises. Of course there is the chance that Vick won’t have a home too go to, which would really make thing interesting.

I wonder if Vick knows that he has been secretly replaced by a non name-brand ACC quarterback.

Vick’s official parole date is this coming July which means he start training for the 2009 season however the Falcons have been trying to trade him since Feb. 12, but not team is stupid enough to want him. Only a team with fans who are a bunch of crazy assholes would go for Vick. Wait, Favre just retired, right?

I, for one, think Cincinnati is a great destination for him. That way, when he comes to Cleveland, half of the Dawg Pound will have nooses on their necks, which would make any bore-fest between Cleveland and Cincinnati somewhat entertaining.

Pity the XFL didn’t last. Think the UFL might grab him a la Doug Flutie?

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, dog fighting, Michael Vick, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

First stop halfway house, next stop the football field for Vick

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 17, 2008

America’s favorite puppy killing football anti-hero, Michael Vick, is now one step closer to becoming the quarterback for the Detroit Lions.

According to his attorneys, Vick, could I mean COULD be released to a halfway house in the near future. While the attorneys are not giving a specific date of release or what area in the country the supposed halfway house is in, I for one welcome Mr. Vick into my community after all it’s not everyday that a former NFL QB is bagging my groceries at Kroger.

I will happily tip Mr. Vick my standard of three dollars and maybe that will relieve some of the expenses he has occurred in attorney fees since he decided to finance a dog fighting operation. It’s too bad he is being forced to sell his shit like boats and I mean really, really expensive boats at that.

Note the sarcasm in the above paragraph because I’m laying it on pretty freaking thick!

Of course maybe…just maybe Mr. Vick wouldn’t have to go through all this if he didn’t do something so stupid or at least spend $201K on the very day he went to jail. DUMBASS!

How much is a copy of “Making Toilet Wine For Dummies” anyway? That could have purchased a lot of soap-on-a-rope.

“The day he went to jail, Michael Vick bought a $99,000 Mercedes…He gave $28,000 to the mother of his oldest child. He paid a public relations firm $23,000 and gave a friend $16,000[…]

From Aug. 27, 2007, the day he pleaded guilty in a Richmond federal courthouse, until Nov. 19, the day he bought the new Mercedes before reporting to jail, Vick shelled out $3,627,291.”

To be fair, Vick can’t catch a break. The guy unselfishly does his part to stimulate the economy and all people (like me) does is shit on him. Even his cellmate. Especially his cellmate!!

I can’t wait to see him be less effective than Daunte Culpepper in the future or maybe he’ll be a Raider…that would almost be a perfect fit. That is of course he can convince Goodell to “misremember” the whole dog fighting thing.

sales-brisk

I'm getting Vick to sign his latest jersey for me

Posted in Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Vick, Vick Plea | Tagged: , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The PC Police Strike Again!

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 21, 2008

A minor league baseball team has dropped plans to hold a welcome party for Michael Vick thanks to the PC police.

The Kansas City T-Bones of the Northern League had planned to have a Michael Vick “Welcome to the Neighborhood” night May 28, complete with prison uniforms, spotlights and escape sirens. Other events promoting caring for animals also were planned.

After receiving complaints about the promotion, the club announced Friday that it will drop the Vick-related events and will focus only on events that promote animal safety and adoptions.

Oh come on! Man up and have the event. it would make for a great laugh. I would pay to go to that for sure. Of course this could open the door for “No Means No!, Kobe” night.

“It was not our intent to be culturally insensitive,” T-Bones general manager Rick Muntean said. “We simply wanted to raise awareness for what we think are great causes. We recognize that the health and well-being of animals is a widely-supported cause of our fan base, so we’re going to keep that our only focus.”

The night will include a dog parade, pregame dog adoptions and entertainment by Rockin’ Ray and the Sky Dogs and some other nobody bands.

Why is it that the free country that we live in is also the most uptight country. Doesn’t anyone have a sense of humor? Anyone with a brain knows that what Vick did was horrible, and this baseball team is just making fun of Vick and not what he did. LOOSEN UP A LITTLE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in dog fighting, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, MLB, moron, Prison for Vick | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

According to Prison Officials Either Arthur Blank or Vick is Lying about Playing Football (I’m Banking on the Latter)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 9, 2008

Just one day after the owner of the Atlanta Falcons Author Blank proclaimed in an interview with the New York Daily News that Vick is playing ball in prison to keep his body in shape, his arm limber and hoping to avoid rapists to pass the time, federal prison officials told the Journal-Constitution that Vick did not arrive at the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary Camp in time to participate in the facility’s football season.

Uh oh someone is fibbing…gee I wonder who it could be. ConVICK’ed felon Michael or billionaire Blank. Hmm…the mind ponders this.

“Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides,” Blank told the Daily News. He was referring to statements dog killer Vick said in letters he wrote to Blank.

When told of Blank’s account of Vick’s football activity at the prison, a spokesman for Leavenworth sounded “incredulous,” according to the Journal-Constitution.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kevin Johnson told the newspaper.

A spokesperson for the U.S. Bureau of Prisons told the Journal-Constitution, however, that Vick might be throwing a football in his free time but he also might be getting gang raped and making license plates to pass the time as well.

Then the spokesperson clarified and said “No wait he’s washing pots and pans so being gang raped is more the sure thing. Either way both are great at passing time. However, Vick is on my federal correctional facility fantasy team.”

I wonder if there is a salary cap involved here

“It’s not unheard of for inmates to toss around a football,” Tracy Billingsley another prison spokesperson told the newspaper. “But there just are no games until the fall.”

I think Billingsley meant to say Vick had not COMPLETED any passes in the prison football league.

She also clarified to the newspaper that the inmates play only flag football at the facility and that tackle football aroused the bitch inmates to much.

Wow, they have a deadline to sign up for football in jail? Do they have free agency in jail too? Are we going to be watching a televised Jail house Flag Football game in the Fall?

Blank, through a spokesperson of his own, declined to be interviewed by the Journal-Constitution.

If Blank could pull some strings to get Vick moved to Nash Correctional Institution, he could be tossing bombs to Rae Carruth. How cool would that be?

By the way, the prison checkers league kicks off in February 2009, and the season will last two weeks. The deadline for sign up was two years ago. They’re totally running out of time to get everything organized and set up.

Posted in Ass Whipping, Atlanta Falcons, conVick, court tv, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Michael Vick Supports Illegal Immigration

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 28, 2008

Michael Vick, the anti-hero for old and young alike, apparently doesn’t like prison as much as some thought. According to MediaTakeOut.com they spoke with a friend who has a friend, who is the mechanic of some dude that is the garbage man whose relative is currently incarcerated with Mike Vick in Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary – in the same cell block.

And that person claims:

“Michael Vick is not in [administrative segregation] – he’s right there with the rest of the inmates. A few [inmates] stepped to him when he first got there but everything is cool now … My [family member] says that he’s paying a Mexican gang to keep him safe.”

OK I admit I was wrong because I figured the Mexican Mafia would be pissed about him adopting their heritage, sue me. (Except for LawVol cause he would win) One thing is certain Vick getting better protection now than when he played for the Falcons.

With any luck we’ll see Clemens join him soon and at the rate the arrests are piling up in Knoxville…”The Longest Yard 2: Reality is a MoFo Bitch” will be coming soon to DVD everywhere.

Posted in classless, conVick, court tv, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Michael Vick | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008

dontdrop.jpg

Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Vick’s First Letter From Prison.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 11, 2007

Dear Moms,

Yo I know this being a hard time for you and all but dis shit ain‘t no walk in the motherfucking park either. I mean there’s no maids, ho’s or butlers. I gots to pee in front of everyone. Marcus and Pops never told me about this shit.

I met some dudes from the something called the Mexican Mafia, they be pissed at me for picking Ron Mexico as my alias. A lot of homies seem cool and shit they even gave me a nickname of Black Paris. Something about another rich bitch in jail except I’m black.Da man be being out to get me fo awhile and now he has.

Fuck dat cracker ass judge not letting me change into a five grand suit making me wear prison jumpsuit. I gots to look fly. And then he all talking about I made false statements to da feds and I wasn’t keeping it real wit him about my smoke habit. I don’t be deserving no 23 months for killing some dogs, some of those dogs deserved it and shit. And then he be saying I’m getting 3 years closely monitored probation afterwards. I guess I’ll make the best of it.

Yo dad be right about one thing yo, you can get some good shit in here. It’s high as fuck though! Thank God I’m still rich. Speaking of money Mom, I can’t be supporting you, Marcus and Pop and be paying protection money to. Think about how much the chronic will be once I’m transfered to the big house in 6 weeks. You just going to have to go back to working in a gas station with pops. Marcus I’m not sure what he be doing now.My cellmate is named Rocco and for 5 g’s a week he said he’ll protect me. When I ask from who he said from himself. He said won’t ass rape me 23 times, one for every month as long as I keep paying and shit. He also said to look up his big brother, Cletus at the fed pin. He said I can’t miss him he’s the leader of some gang called the Aryan Brotherhood. He said they might let me join so don’t be shy about asking. Other than the shakedown and cuddling wit me, he alright.

Moms I gots to go. But please do me one favor, try to sneak some metal hidden under one of your fat rolls, Rocco said he will teach me how to shank. Try to make all the court appearances concerning those law suits that are against me. There’s 3 onces of Mexican gold hash in the “waterbottle” give that to Marcus as a Christmas present.I love you moms, soon I’ll be free and I’m sure Mr. Goodell and Mr. Blank will allow me to play again. I’ll keep in shape with all the weights that here and constant running from the Crips.

PS Slap Marcus for me and tell him you still loves me more.

Posted in Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, bongs, Crime & Punishment, dog fighting, Goodell, guilty, marcus vick, Marijuana, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Prison for Vick, satire | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »