Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘gambling’ Category

Attorney for the Disgraced Ref say the Whole NBA is One Big Dirty Scam

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2008

John F. Lauro, the attorney for the gambling referee Tim Donaghy, stated in a letter that was filed in U.S. District Court in Brooklyn on Monday, that everyone in the NBA is dirty and he really hopes to land a job with Court TV.

The attorney also suggested that Donaghy told investigators about the gambling activities of other NBA officials and about a referee who passed “confidential” information to an unidentified coach. The confidential info is supposedly that Spud Webb was really 5’7 and not 5’6.

In a footnote, the attorney suggested that the NBA might have “pressured” the attorney’s office “into shutting down this prosecution to avoid the disclosure of information unrelated to Tim’s conduct.”

Wait, the National Basketball Association pressured the US Attorney’s Office??? Give me a break, what power does the NBA have legally? And what pressure could they assert? That’s just crazy.

“The letter filed today on Mr. Donaghy’s behalf contains an assortment of lies, unfounded allegations, and facts that have been previously acknowledged, such as the fact that certain NBA referees engaged in casino gambling in violation of NBA rules,” said Joel Litvin, the NBA president for league and basketball operations, in a statement. “The letter is the desperate act of a convicted felon who is hoping to avoid prison time.”

Of course Dirty Donaghy’s attorney had a response:

“The remarks by NBA president Joel Litvin were unfortunate and ill-advised,” Lauro said in a statement released Tuesday. “Rather than seeking to implement much-needed reforms, the NBA has chosen instead to attack the messenger. Following a thorough and exhaustive investigation, federal law enforcement officials have concluded that Tim provided honest and trustworthy assistance to them. If the NBA takes issue with any of Tim’s cooperation, then perhaps it should release the results of an internal investigation conducted by its counsel over the last year.”

Like most things, the truth is somewhere in the middle. Contrary to what Stern would have you believe, I’m sure there is more shady activities in the NBA beyond “one rogue official”. That said… and contrary to what Donaghy’s lawyer would have you believe… I highly doubt that Stern has any real power to pressure the feds. They certainly aren’t going to roll over just because Stern wants to avoid bad PR.

Donaghy is throwing everything against the wall, knowing that little or none of it will stick… but in the hope that he can save a little more of his behind from the treatment it will receive in prison.

Remember I still need “bail” money!!! Click here for details.

Posted in Crime & Punishment, DAvid Stern, gambling, NBA, refs, Tim Donaghy | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

YMSWWC’s “Official” NFL Draft Preview Picks 1-5

Posted by Joel Jackson on February 12, 2008

Well I am a little bit depressed because the TV will be polluted with coverage of Roger Clemens v. Brian MacNamee. How many times can one hear a variation of “It Wasn’t Me???” Examples: “I didn’t use steroids. Period.” “I did not have sexual relations with woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” “I didn’t kill my wife and her friend.” “I didn’t try to make it rain in the strip club.” “I am not a crook.” So with that said, let us instead focus on the future, where we can hope that this top rated prospect becomes either the next Dan Fouts or the next Tony Mandarich. This year, I think we might have both. Here are the official (unless Thomas says different) YMSWWC NFL Mock Draft Picks (1-5)

ani_mermaid2.gif Miami Dolphins: These heartbreakers have the distinct pleasure of picking first. Yes the needs are many. There is not a position on the field that they do not need any immediate help. Outside of Jason Taylor, you can pretty much trash the roster. In comes Bill Parcells. He will bring organization to a franchise that still is trying to recover from “Saban Nation”. I have heard that a certain billionaire wildcatter who is an Arkansas alum may be trying to trade up with a certain coach turned GM that used to sign that GM’s checks, and that would make sense. Dolphins could use 2 first round picks, but I don’t see that happening. With that said, they will take long hard look at Glenn Dorsey, Jake Long, and Chris Long. So the pick will be: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU.

a_sosheep_0205.jpgSt. Louis Rams-Yet another team that went through a hard season. These aren’t your 1999-2002 Rams anymore. They are more like the 1989-1998 Rams. Age, injuries, bad free agent signings have turned these rams into sheep (Quick Longhorn/Aggie joke: How do you know when you are getting close to AggieLand? When you start seeing the sheep back up to the fence). Defense is more of a need than offense at this point. Pick: Chris Long, DE, Virginia.

images.jpeg Atlanta Falcons-Wow. Holy weed smoking, dog fighting, carpet bagging, GM and Coach rejection Batman. What in the world is going on in the ATL??? Well this is actually an easy pick, just because they have one big black hole where the QB spot is (not the black hole that is being pounded in Leavenworth). I think this will be a bad pick, but somebody’s gotta overpay for an All-American QB, so it might as well be Arthur Blank. Pick: Matt Ryan (Leaf), QB, Boston College

soul-hc-c.jpg Kansas City Chiefs-Offensive Line, Offensive Line, Offensive Line. Yes, they need a QB and another WR, but what good is all of that if you have a revolving door for an offensive line??? It’s hard to think that the O-Line was just a few years ago spectacular. Even though I love Ryan Clady from Boise St., that makes too much sense, and the overlord team President known as Carl Petersen doesn’t make decisions that make sense. So: Jake Long, OT, Michigan

chibi-jack-sparrow-by-evilchibiminion.jpg Oakland Raiders-These are some of the most dedicated fans that I have seen, and yet, some of the scariest. I had a couple of friends that went to Whatevertheycallit Coliseum to see Oakland and the Titans play. They figured a nice trip to the Bay Area would be great. Let’s just say that it wasn’t a good trip. One word of advice: If making the trip to see a Raiders game, do NOT wear the other team’s colors unless your name is Kimbo Slice or you love the aroma of beer, weed, and middle aged biker chicks. Of course, this is Uncle Al’s team, and he LOVES offense. Guess who this pick will be??? Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas

Picks 6-10 will be coming soon…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, aggies, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, Arthur Blank, Atlanta Falcons, bad calls, bad newz kennels, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bobby Petrino, Boise State, bongs, boo birds, boosters, boston college, cheaters, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Dallas Cowboys, Discipline, dog fighting, draft pick, drugs, dumbass, ESPN, Feds, fired, football, Football Poll, gambling, Georgia, Goodell, Hip Hop, ho, Internet Rumors, Jerry Jones, killer, legal troubles, LSU Tigers, Marijuana, mary jane, miami dolphins, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, Michigan, Michigan Wolverines, NCAA, NFL, NFL Football, Nick Saban, notre dame sucks, OJ, OJ Simpson, Pac 10, Pacman, Pacman Jones, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, Ricky Williams, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed, secrets, Sports, steroids, stupid, The Big East, Vick, Vick Plea, Virginia Cavaliers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008


Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Gambling, Mob Bosses, & Poisoning…In TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 8, 2007

Yes, I wish I were making the title to this post up. In the last few months, the sporting world has been “rocked” by a scandal. Allegations yesterday of tennis player Tommy Haas, ranked 13th in the world, broke alleging that he was poisoned before his match with Mikhail Youzhny. During that match, Haas was forced to retire early during a Davis Cup semifinal match due to what was thought to be a stomach virus. Apparently a Russian manager said it was poisoning, not a stomach virus.

This latest allegation comes a couple of months after allegations of match-fixing broke. Belgian player Gilles Elseneer admitted that in 2005, he was offered $100,000 to lose a 1st round match at Wimbledon against Potito Starace but turned it down (honestly, I probably would have taken the money. It is $100K after all).

A popular online betting site back in August voided bets after noticing illegal betting patterns for a match pitting Nikolay Davydenko against 87th ranked Martin Vassallo Arguello. Davydenko, ranked 4th at the time, had to withdraw from the match due to a foot injury (allegedly).

There have also been “rumors” circulating throughout the tennis world that during matches overseas, “shady characters” can be seen hanging out by the locker rooms and in the stands. Tennis has been a target of “seedy characters” because matches can be manipulated without causing too much of an uproar.

So my take is this: There MUST be some truth to the match fixing going on. Even though Davydenko is ranked #4, he is not nearly as high profile as Federer, Nadal, Roddick, or Sharapova. If they can offer Gilles Elseneer $100K to lose a 1st round match at Wimbledon, imagine how deep that it goes. Unless you are a big tennis fan, you do not know who these guys are, it is an individual sport, unforced errors happen all the time, and because of the different amounts of prize money, a player may be able to be “convinced” to take a dive.

Sports betting is not a tennis exclusive, but it does happen in sports. My grandmother once said, “Things tend to get a lot worse before they get better”. I am thinking that this is the start of a bigger sports scandal. Maria, please provide me with a little comfort…

Posted in gambling, scandal, secrets, Sports, upsets | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Playoffs??? Are You Kidding Me???

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 2, 2007

What’s that you say??? There is no playoff system currently??? Now, it’s called the Football Bowl Subdivision??? I say, until SEC Commissioner Mike Slive and/or Big XII Commissioner Dan Beebe grow some balls…excuse me…decide to leave the BCS and throw the current system into a state of true chaos, this will do. Why these two conference commissioners??? Because the Pac-10 and Big 10 are in cahoots (I listened to a Sen. Robert Byrd clip on youtube and said I would use that word somehow) and the Big East and ACC don’t make nearly as much money as the Big XII or SEC when it comes to football. What do you call a 45,000 seat football stadium in the SEC??? You call it a practice field.

In this playoff system, 16 teams are chosen. Conference champions from the SEC, Big 10, Big XII, ACC, Big East, and Pac 10 automatically qualify, leaving 10 at large bids. Those 10 at large bids will be handed out by the Selection Committee, which will be made up of former head coaches, officials, players, and sports bloggers. Why not actual journalists??? Sports bloggers are real fans of the game and is ESPN was doing that stupid “Who’s Now?”, bloggers would win over magazine and paper scribes.

The playoff system will be composed of four rounds. A consolation game will be played before the title game. The first round sites will be permanent, which will consist of the following bowls:

Liberty Bowl (Memphis, TN)-So I am biased, plus the BBQ and Blues is a good way to wind down after a game.

Gator Bowl (Jacksonville, FL)-Good weather + hundreds of Waffle Houses = Good Times.

Alamo Bowl (San Antonio, TX)-This city has hosted Final Fours before so no problems with logistics.

Holiday Bowl (San Diego, CA)-Has anyone seen the women in the 619??? If you have, do you really need a reason???

Motor City Bowl (Detroit, MI)-Nice arena that needs some real football played inside at least once a year.

Insight Bowl (Phoenix, AZ)-Halfway decent sightlines for football in Chase Field. Maybe not, but the indoor pool is pretty cool.

Outback Bowl (Tampa, FL)-Maybe the Carolina Panther Cheerleaders can hang at Banana Joe’s again.

Sun Bowl (El Paso, TX)-Don’t know anything about El Paso, but the payout is nice.

*Seeds for the first round games will rotate sites from year to year.

The second through final round sites will consist of the following sites:

Peach Bowl (Atlanta, GA)-Oh the memories I have of Magic City…oops…I mean Coca-Cola World.

Capital One Bowl (Orlando, FL)-Catch “Pacman” Jones wrestling (allegedly) at TNA Wrestling filmed in Universal Studios.

Cotton Bowl (Dallas, TX)-Site will be improved once Uncle Jerry completes the $1 Billion small city he will call a stadium.

Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, NV)-The Strip, The Strip, The Strip…

The following four bowls will rotate between the 1-4 matchup in the second round, the third round games, and both the 3rd place and Championship Games:

Fiesta Bowl (Glendale, AZ)-Beautiful new arena.

Sugar Bowl (New Orleans, LA)-New Orleans needs to get a Super Bowl again sometime soon.

Rose Bowl (Pasadena, CA)-Hopefully someone can talk Keith Jackson to do the play by play to give it that traditional feel.

Orange Bowl (Miami, FL)-How more teams don’t get into any more trouble in South Beach is beyond me.

In one month, seeds will be in place. Who will survive??? The selection committee will be headed by Thomas the Terrible and will be comprised on whomever he pleases. Maybe abarclay can come up with some sort of Rachel Nichols type of report for the title game. She has a way with production…

Posted in ACC, ACC Football, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Auburn, BCS, big 10, Big 12, Big East, big ten, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Bob Stoops, Bobby Bowden, College Football, College Gameday, Conference USA, Dallas Cowboys, ESPN, football, Football Poll, gambling, Las Vegas, Mascots, NCAA, Pac 10, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, The Big East, TNA, upsets, USA Today, whiners | 1 Comment »

YMSWCC’S NBA (It’s Gambling Fan-Tastic) Season Preview

Posted by Joel Jackson on October 28, 2007

It’s me, Joel, for better or worse, posting about the NBA. Volunteer football depresses me and since Thomas is about to celebrate a Red Sox World Series ring, I’m posting about something that’s not long and drawn out, the NBA season!!! Yes that’s right, a league that is full of gamblers (refs), adulterers and snitches (Kobe), bloggers (Gilbert), best point guard who happens to not be American (Nash), Hasselhoff loving German (Dirk), guy who brags about not snitching (Carmelo), Frenchman married to an overexposed former Y&R actress (Parker), and owners who get more young ass than the toilets at The Clevelander on South Beach (Dr. Buss and Mickey Arison). The NBA, I LOVE this game!!!

This preview is fluid, to use the words of Herbal Essence spokesman Mel Kiper, Jr. What this means is that my “expert” (ok, I had to laugh at that one myself) analysis will change if/when Kobe Bryant is traded. I still believe that San Antonio will win the title this year, as hard as that was to type, but the path to them winning it all will change as the contenders will change. Can one player change the way I look at how the rest of the league will fare??? When that one player is Kobe Bryant, like him or not off the court, on the court he is amazing, and maybe the closest thing to #23 (whom I refer to as Jesus in a pair of Nikes) that we will see for a while…

Atlantic Division (in order of finish):
1. Boston
2. Toronto
3. New Jersey
4. New York
5. Philadelphia

I really like the move that former Celts Ainge and McHale engineered to bring Boston back to greatness. It was as smooth as the pick and roll game these two execs used to run when they were players. Garnett is a motor guy who has some help. Rajon Rondo needs to grow up quick at the point but Boston should have no problem winning the division.

Toronto will still make the playoffs but I am anxious to see how the young guys develop. New Jersey should be ok but they are not a title contender at this point. The Knicks have traded for a ball hogging post player to go along side another ball hogging post player to go along with a ball hogging 1 and 2 guard, with more ball hogs off the bench. I do like Renaldo Balkman and Wilson Chandler. Philly is a mess…

Central Division:
1. Chicago
2. Detroit
3. Cleveland
4. Milwaukee
5. Indiana

Chicago has all the pieces to make a run this year. If they can get Kobe without giving up the store, they could go to the Finals. What the hell has happened to Detroit??? They should be dominating the East in the regular season AND in the playoffs. LeBron still has no help in Cleveland. Imagine if he was in Chicago instead of Gordon or Deng??? Milwaukee should be interesting with Yi and his adjustment to the NBA. Hope he likes the taste of elbows while in the paint. Indiana has some good young players mixed in with Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy. Golden State got over on them…

Southeast Division:
1. Washington
2. Orlando
3. Miami
4. Charlotte
5. Atlanta

Washington needs a little more help off the bench, but Gilbert Arenas sure is fun (aka another players the damn Grizzlies could have drafted). Orlando should continue to make strides with Rashard Lewis. I would not be surprised if they won the division. Miami is getting older, shame with D-Wade still in his prime. Charlotte got a deal with Jason Richardson. He really emerged last year in the playoffs. They are probably 1 year away. Atlanta on the other hand is still several years away. Stop me if you haven’t heard that before.

Southwest Division:
1. San Antonio
2. Dallas
3. Houston
4. Memphis
5. New Orleans

This will be a very competitive division. Spurs will win, but any of these teams could be second. Dallas is #2 by default. I am anxious to see how Steve Francis will adjust to a new role. Yao will get posterized by the 15th game of the season. My Grizzlies still needs a low post rebounder. I am not sold on Darko. New Orleans could win big too. The Paul/West combo will be big.

Northwest Division:
1. Denver
2. Utah
3. Portland
4. Seattle
5. Minnesota

A.I and Melo together after a full pre-season should help out a lot as far as chemistry with the Nuggets. Utah will go as far as Williams will take them. Portland will be much improved, but losing Oden for the year will obviously hurt. The theme for Seattle this year should be “And a Child Shall Lead Them…to Oklahoma City”. Quick. Name me 5 players for Minnesota without looking it up on the web. Thought you couldn’t.

Pacific Division:
1. Phoenix
2. Golden State
3. Los Angeles
4. Los Angeles
5. Sacramento

Phoenix still needs a back up point guard and to use their bench more. This way they can be fresher for the playoff run. Golden State will be hurt a little without Jason Richardson, but Monta Ellis should make up for some loss of production. Keyword is SHOULD. Notice I didn’t separate the 2 LA teams. Doesn’t matter, they won’t do much this year anyway. Coaching will be a problem in Sac Town. I don’t know what kind of style Reggie Theus will run. He didn’t show us much when he was coaching in that NBC show “Hang Time”.

The one big question I have for this year, well 2 questions, is how will the league recover from gambling??? The words “one rogue official” has done nothing to satisfy me because of recent revelations that half of the league’s refs broke a gambling rule or 2. My next big question is how long until Madison Square Garden patrons begin the “Fire Isiah” chants??? Well they have started, but how long until people stop showing up and Spike Lee starts wearing a bag on his head???

Spike Lee predicting the Knicks up coming season

Posted in 76'ers, Anucha Browne Sanders, bad calls, basketball, Bobcats, boo birds, Bulls, Cavs, Celtics, Clippers, DAvid Stern, Detroit Pistons, gambling, Grizzlies, Hawks, Heat, Hornets, Isiah Thomas, Jazz, Kings, Kobe, Lakers, Magic, Mavs, Minnesota Timberwolves, NBA, Nets, New York Knicks, Nuggets, Pacers, raptors, refs, Rockets, Sexual-Harassment Case, Spurs, Suns, SuperSonics, Trail Blazers, Warriors, Wizards | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »