Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘gardner webb’ Category

A Peek Inside of Billy Clyde’s World

Posted by Joel Jackson on November 17, 2008

Inside the Kentucky Wildcat Locker Room After Friday’s Loss To VMI

43870669_c_arkansas_v_kentucky

Wow!!! You fucktards really did it now. I cannot believe it. You are not about to embarrass me again. Wait, too late. You guys are really a group of fine individuals. 2 years in a row. I go to Sew Fine Tailors on Euclid Avenue & tell them to hook me up with the finest suit they have, so ol’ Billy Clyde can look sharp as a tack on opening night, and this is how you sissy merries repay me??? Jeremy, bring me my special Gardner-Webb flask…

flask-gascan

(Billy Clyde takes a swig)

You 22 mother fuckers are making me the fucking laughingstock of college basketball. You hear that??? That is ol’ Billy Donovon laughing his ass off. He turned down this job because their wasn’t enough hair gel in this barren wasteland of a state to last a year. He’s got his own personal Soul Glo guy just to style his hair. But not ol’ Billy Clyde. I don’t need gallons of Royal Crown Pomade in my contract. All I need is some of that Kentucky bourbon and some hot poon. Glynn, show these boys the action I got lined up after I leave here. Where’s that fancy iPhone??? Pass it around the locker room and show these sorry ass losers what they almost ruined for Billy Clyde.

l_a931d28b26c340b56edb98054cf9b6c9

This here is Becky. She is a Miller Lite girl. Now I don’t waste time on beer because it gets in the way. Now you boys might think ol’ Billy Clyde would be in hog heaven, with a hot piece of tail & massive quantities of beer. But that is why you boys are losers. You don’t think. See, ol’ Billy Clyde is warming up.

(Takes 3 more huge swigs out of G-W gas can flask)

Billy Clyde wants it all. That white suit wearing asshole in Louisville is laughing his ass off at ol’ Billy Clyde. I want it all. That piss ant is getting all the glory in this state. I want one of those fancy banners in the rooftops too, so I can use it as a blanket when I am bedding trim in my off time. Tracy, I need 3 tonight.

tn_picture-060

Damn Tracy, times must be hard. The economy is in the tank but I get a 4, 7, and 5??? I thought this was Lexington, not Morgantown??? What about the douchebag guys in the background??? Oh well. Bring them too. First time for everything, like you dipshits losing to a 6 win team. See boys, this is how ol’ Billy Clyde is rolling tonight, since you just ruined my season. Thanks. Career high my ass. There’s a reason I left College Station. That cow town had 3 hot chicks, and all of them were horrible in bed. If you are ever driving through Texas & wanna find College Station, let ol’ Billy Clyde tell you how to find it. You will know you are getting close when you start seeing the sheep back ass up to the fences.

Well, you sorry sacks of shit are excused. I will deal with you tomorrow after I give this poon some of Big Billy Clyde. Towelboy, I am taking some towels home. Gonna need that flask too.

Advertisements

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Adolph Rupp, Billy Clyde, Billy Donovan, Billy Gillispie, College Basketball, Condoms, Dead Drunk, Douche Bag, drunk, DUI, gardner webb, Kentucky Wildcats, NCAA, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Texas A&M, whiners | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

College Football Week 7 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 12, 2008

Chaos in the polls and I love it!!!! Yesterday was definitely the best slate of games this whole season and of course the best slate to surprising upsets.

Who is #1? It’s question that will be answered later today in the coaches poll and will be argued by everyone in the country.

I wonder who is feeling the heat more Tommy Bowden or Phillip Fulmer. Of course Tennessee lost because they suck no matter how hard I cheer for them. The full write up on the game verses Georgia will be tomorrow after I painstakingly watch a tape of the game later today.

Toledo’s record against Michigan improved to 1-0 yesterday which was a shocker.

I’m sure Arkansas is tanking Auburn for firing their offensive coordinator. You can the “inside” story of the firing right here.

All eyes were definitely on Texas yesterday as they upended Oklahoma.

“I’m 40! I’m a man! & I just beat Missouri bitches!” says Mike Gundy AKA America’s coach.

Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow can go back to circumcising kids now since Florida hands LSU an ugly loss. Hell Tennessee didn’t allow Florida to score that many points.

Penn St. makes an argument on why they should be considered #1. as they gave Wisconsin a second straight loss at Camp Randall.

The Texas Tech offense isn’t putting up the points it used to but manages to defeat Nebraska and avoid being upset.

USC rolled against a dead Arizona State team.

BYU won. Who cares?

What’s wrong with Ohio State’s offense? Sure they won but they only scored 16 at home.

I was one of the few people in my pick’em to pick Miss. State over Vandy. Bobby Johnson you just got Croomed!

Kansas proves that they are still a factor in the Big 12.

Everyone point and laugh at Notre Dame. OK that’s enough. I seriously wonder how much Charlie Weis weighs.

It took the G-Spot Stephen “I keyed a professor’s car” Garcia to allow South Carolina a victory or KY. Hey Brooks maybe they stole your plays as well…asshole.

Look out Virginia is 3-3.

Not only does Lou Holtz have a lisp, slobbers when he talks but he also looks like he has had a chemical peel that never healed.

Georgia Tech you barely defeated Gardner-Webb seriously WTF?

Show some love to Minnesota as they handed the Illinois Fighting Zookers a surprising loss at Illinois.

Wow Iowa actually won a game.

Dumb ass comment of the day goes to Lou Holtz when he mentioned comparing Colt McCoy’s stats to that of Vince Young’s the year Vince Young won the Heisman. The problem is Young never won the Heisman…what a dumb ass.

Posted in ACC Football, Arizona State Sundevils, Arkansas Razorbacks, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, BYU, Charlie Weis, Clemson Tigers, Corn Dogs, Croom, Florida Gators, gardner webb, Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets, Illinois Fighting Illini, Iowa Hawkeyes, Joe Pa, Lou Holtz, Lou Lisp, Michigan Wolverines, Mike Gundy, Minnesota Gophers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Oklahoma sooners, Oklahoma State Cowboys, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Rich Brooks, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Stephen Garcia, Texas Longhorns, upsets, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, War Eagle, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

CBS is Finding a New Way to Screw Over SEC B-Ball Fans Unless Your Team is Kentucky. Reposted

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 20, 2007

I originally posted this on 10/29/07. I received a lot of nasty e-mails from Kentucky basketball fans who are the equivalent to Alabama football fans. Now after an embarrassing four game skid maybe CBS will wake up. Then again watching Kentucky lose is rather entertaining. (Snicker Gardner Webb)

CBS or as I like to call it See BS, is the most watch network on Television. They have such riveting shows such as CSI (insert city name here), The Amazing Race & Survivor. While I detest all these shows it should be noted I detest most non-sports television with the exception of Hell’s Kitchen because Chef Ramsey rocks.

Being the sports programming president must a stressful job I’m sure, why else would they choose to air seven Kentucky games this season, which is at least four more times than any other SEC team and five more times than Tennessee.

If anyone should be upset about this, that someone should be Billy Donovan and his bad back. After all since Kentucky’s last trip to the final four, Florida has been to three final fours and captured back to back national titles as well. LSU has also been to a final four since the last time Kentucky has been there. Only Ashley Judd gives Kentucky more love than CBS and I would like to give something to Ashley Judd….but let’s stick to the topic.

This season, CBS is choosing to send crews to seven Kentucky games, three Florida games, two Tennessee games and one game each for Alabama, Auburn, Arkansas, Georgia, Mississippi State and Vanderbilt.

The Vanderbilt, Georgia and Arkansas appearances, as well as one Florida and one Tennessee appearance, come against – guess who? – uh huh that’s right Kentucky.

If memories earned you TV dates, more people would remember Florida’s national championships than Kentucky’s. If expectations sent the networks scrambling to video your bandwagon, Tennessee is the only SEC team that’s a consensus pre-season top-10 pick. Trouble is, Kentucky has another edge this season, a new UK coach and that means a renewed enthusiasm for Kentucky basketball.

What do you do? Pearl’s already done it.

You take off your shirt and paint your chest. You open your mouth and pour out your heart. You put out a must-see product that’s more than ready for its close-up, and then you call out the network that prefers to live in the past much like the Alabama fans. Pearl should just keep sweating and screaming and coaching his shirt off. If he does his job, CBS will have to add two more Tennessee games.

So go ahead CBS, air more Kentucky games, ESPN will pick up the others like they have in the past. Somewhere down the road, in between the making of the new show CSI Narnia & David Letterman’s top ten list of why CBS Sports sucks, a network official will start to wonder why viewers aren’t watching as much basketball on CBS as they are on ESPN. Maybe then they’ll get a clue.


GO VOLS!!!!!

So I profess on this day 12/20/07.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, Arkansas Razorbacks, Auburn, Bruce Pearl, ESPN, Florida Gators, gardner webb, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Rocky Top, SEC Basketball, Tennessee Volunteers, Uga, UT vols, Vanderbilt, vandy | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »