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Archive for the ‘Herban Meyer’ Category

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

E-Mail From An Ohio State Fan

Posted by Joel Jackson on April 4, 2008

I have a friend named Peter who is a proud Buckeye. He graduates from Ohio State University, is a successful engineer, and is pretty well adjusted…

He is also a nutjob who is largely irrational when it comes to all things Ohio State. Trash talking is what he does, but I would not necessarily say it is the best thing he does. He actually sucks at it, as you will see from the following e-mail he sent me after the school’s triumph for winning the NIT last night. When I asked if he would not mind me sharing this e-mail with the rest of the free world, he said “Go for it, so the rest of the free world shall know the greatness that is being a Buckeye.”


I know it has been a while since I shot you a text or e-mail, but the wife and I are in New York now (ed. note: His wife Amanda is a Florida Gator). Anyway, we just left Madison Square Garden kickin the asses of those UMass flower children in the NIT championship game. So now you can’t talk trash on how we can’t win the big one.

The last decade has been a great time to be a Buckeye. After finally running off John Cooper, we finally have a coach that wins championships in Jim Tressel. Our football team is loaded and next year we will win it all, and bring home that crystal football back to it’s rightful place in Columbus.

In basketball, once we got another great coach in Thad Matta and got off of probation, we have been dominant in basketball too. We should have made the NCAA tournament this year, but we made lemonade out of lemons and won the NIT. Hey, a championship is still a championship, and I can look Amanda in the eye and say that Florida didn’t make it to the NIT championship this year. That would have been sweet redemption for last year, when we couldn’t get a foul call in the NCAA’s last year. I know if that game last year were played on a neutral court with better officials, we would have dominated. Oden and Conley were a dynamic duo.

Now we get Terrell Pryor coming. He can learn the Buckeye system under the great Todd Boeckman, who should win the Heisman trophy. Then he can step in like Troy Smith in a couple of years and win 3 Heismans. Keep in mind, the only player to win multiple Heismans is the great Archie Griffin. Either way, we will run through scUM and the rest of the Big Ten, and I pray to God we play another SEC team in the championship game so I can shut you and Amanda both up. I don’t see what the big deal is about the SEC. just because a few teams beat us due to home cooking (see this year’s BCS title game in New Orleans against LSU). Plus, we beat Ole Miss in the NIT semifinal, so we did beat an SEC team in something. Amanda tells me that beating Ole Miss in anything is like winning a foot race against a kid wearing special shoes, but I told her that eventually Forrest Gump broke free out of his.

Anyway, take care of the family and I will do better with e-mails,

Peter (GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Now do you see why I just had to share this???


(pic courtesy of the hard working guys at Losers With Socks)

Posted in Ass Whipping, basketball, BCS, big 10, big ten, big ten football, boosters, buckeyes, cheaters, College Basketball, College Football, College Gameday, Crack, crazy, dumbass, ESPN, Florida, Florida Gators, football, Football Poll, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Herban Meyer, Jim Tressel, Les Miles, LSU Tigers, NCAA, Ohio State, ohio state buckeyes, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, SEC, SEC Basketball, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, SEC Speed | Tagged: , , | 4 Comments »

For The Thug Who Has Everything

Posted by Joel Jackson on January 29, 2008


Now this is a present. This game is basically a Monopoly, but instead of “Go To Jail”, you try to break out of jail and/or get parole. This is a description of the game from the official website:

Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss’ lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse’s desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate.

Wow. What more can be said. Check out the game pieces. Who among us played Monopoly as a kid and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of a thimble I could use a Glock as my game piece???”

What’s the sports connection??? Well let’s see: The founder of the company and game is John Sebelius, son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius. Kansas is where America’s “favorite” marijuana smuggling (and smoking), lawsuit avoiding, Valtrex popping, inaccurate throwing, dog killing QB Michael Vick is currently doing his time. But let’s think of the endless possibilities..

How about a “Playmakers” Edition featuring O.J., his white Bronco, memorabilia, copy of “If I Did It”, and a Naked Gun DVD for playing pieces???

Or a “Ballers” Edition, with Kobe attached to a blonde female hotel clerk, Roy Tarpley, transcripts of Tim Donaghy’s gambling probe, Jack Sikma’s perm, and WNBA TV Ratings???

Lastly, what about a “Juiced” version, with Jose Canseco, Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, a syringe, and a torn record book???

If they market this game right, it could be a gold mine. Of course, someone needs to mail some of these games to all SEC schools, so they can play as part of the “Super Secret Double Probation”…

Posted in Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, All SEC Teams Beware!!, Arkansas, Arkansas Razorbacks, armed robbery, ass chewing, Ass Whipping, Auburn, bad calls, bad drivers, bad newz kennels, Bammers, baseball, basketball, BCS, bongs, boo birds, boosters, cheaters, classless, College Basketball, College Football, conVick, court tv, crazy, Crazy Women, Crime & Punishment, Crimson Tide, DAvid Stern, Dawgs, Dead Drunk, Discipline, divorce court, dog fighting, drugs, DUI, dumbass, Ed Orgeron, ESPN, FBI, Feds, Fines, fired, Florida, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, football, FSU, Fulmer, gambling, Gamecocks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Georgia, Georgia Bulldogs, Go Vols, God, Goodell, guilty, Herban, Herban Meyer, ho, hooker, Houston Nutt, Internet Rumors, Isiah Thomas, James Dolan, Johnnie Cochran, Judge Judy, killer, Kobe, legal troubles, Little Bitch, LSU Tigers, Major League Baseball, marcus vick, Marijuana, mary jane, Michael Vick, michael vick pleads guilty, mississippi state bulldogs, Mitchell Report, MLB, mobsters, moron, murderer, NBA, NCAA, New York Knicks, NFL, NFL Football, nickelback sucks, notre dame sucks, NRA, NWA, OJ, OJ Simpson, Ole Miss, ole miss rebels, oliver stone, ookie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Phillip Fulmer, pimps, pitbull, Po Po, Police, pot, Prison for Vick, refs, repo, Ricky Williams, riots, satire, Scams, scandal, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, secrets, Sports, Stephon Marbury, steroids, stupid, taser, taxes, team spirit, Tennessee, Tennessee Volunteers, The Juice, Touchdown Jesus, trader, trailer trash, ugly wives, upsets, Vick, Vick Plea, VIP Connection, vols, walk-on, West Virginia, West Virginia Mountaineers, whiners, white trash, whore, WVU, zeke | 1 Comment »

Finally, Some Good News for Tennessee and Meyer’s 1% of 1%

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 10, 2008

It’s rare when I actually find good things to report about my beloved Vols. It’s also rare that I report good things without sarcasm. Well, this will be good with sarcasm. Old Phil finally found a way to be more competitive with Florida, by stealing their running back coach Stan Drayton. To some it up in a nutshell Stan wasn’t happy at Florida but don’t my written words for it take his spoken instead.

“The offense we were running in Florida did not have much involvement with the running back,” he said during a news conference Wednesday night. “There was some frustration there, I must be honest with you.”

Florida had running backs this past year? Oh you mean Tebow, play action to himself, fakes pass, runs up the middle. That was Florida’s running game last year and it worked.

Drayton has been with the Gators since Herban Meyer took over the program, helping guide Florida to the 2006 SEC and national championships. While at Florida, Drayton developed a reputation for recruiting, and named him one of its top 25 recruiters for his role in the Gators’ 2007 signing class, which was ranked No. 1 in the nation by several services. Of course losing a bowl game to Michigan probably was a factor. I mean Tennessee did win their bowl game verses a Big Eleven Ten team.

So there Gators fans ppphhhpppttttt take that.

Drayton isn’t the only Gator abandoning Meyer. Bo Williams, Trent Pupello (a player they initially compared to Jeremy Shockey) and several other players are looking to transfer to other programs.

Meyers top 1% of the 1% of players across the nation, as he likes to call them will still be there if they don’t bolt to the NFL or wind up in jail first.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Meyer’s players.

  • Marcus Thomas failed numerous drug tests for marijuana and GHB, yet miraculously was cleared to play during a stretch run that aided the Gators to the title.
  • Brandon James was busted with marijuana during a drug bust, where he had less than 20 grams of marijuana. His indefinite suspension lasted one game versus Western Kentucky.
  • Dorian Monroe decided that he was above the law, removing a parking boot from his car and putting it in his trunk. Remember, Florida was thin at defensive back, thus it was swept away, and how in the hell do you remove a parking boot anyway?
  • Ronnie “AK-47” Wilson, was held out this season. But, it wasn’t due to the harsh penalties from Coach Meyer, it was the state law enforcement. Firing automatic weapons at people often leads to that.

Maybe Steve God Spurrier can learn a thing about discipline from Herban.

Other good news concerning Tennessee is the fact they handed Ole Miss their first loss of the season tonight, while winning their SEC opening game. Also rumors are circulating about Ryan Mallett leaving the Michigan football program and is strongly looking at Tennessee, but somehow I think Phil will fuck that up.

Posted in Big Orange, bongs, Bruce Pearl, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, fulmer sucks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Go Vols, Herban Meyer, jorts, Rocky Top, satire, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, trailer trash, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Well, Gee Look The Charges Against Tony Joiner Are “Dismissed” in Time for the LSU Game

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 5, 2007

The message was sent out Friday by the Florida Mafia known only known as the Gators. That message: You can arrest us but we’re the mafia we will NOT be prosecuted unless Godfather Meyer says so.

“Florida head coach Urban Meyer said today that Tony Joiner will travel with the team for its game at LSU on Saturday.

All charges against Joiner were dropped this morning by state prosecutors after the senior safety was arrested earlier this week on a felony burglary charge for breaking into a Gainesville tow lot and trying to retrieve his girlfriend’s impounded car. The owner of the lot called it a misunderstanding and didn’t wish to pursue charges.

Meyer stripped Joiner of his captaincy. The Gators’ head coach didn’t specify how much Joiner would play, if he would be suspended for any part of the LSU game or if he would start. Florida co-defensive coordinator Greg Mattison said the Gators were preparing to go with Dorian Munroe at strong safety if Joiner couldn’t play.

“Tony being out late on Monday is not consistent with the expectations of a leader and a team captain of our football program,” Meyer said in a statement. “Tony is no longer a captain of the Gator football team and he will pay a heavy price for his behavior internally for the next four weeks. He will travel with the team for our game vs. LSU.”

Of course he will travel, he has to play duh. Please someone define “heavy price internally” with Meyer’s track record that could simply mean no kissing Tebow in public.

“Spencer Mann, chief investigator for the State Attorney’s Office, said the charge was dropped because the towing company “believes it’s a big misunderstanding.”

“The victim is adamant that he sustained no loss or damage and does not wish to pursue criminal charges,” Mann said. “Based on that information, we cannot sustain a criminal charge. Without a victim, I have no crime.”

The Florida mafia must have really leaned on Mann hard. After all just yesterday Mann said it would take weeks to investigate and now like magic the charges are dropped. For the record when it comes to felonies you can sustain a criminal charge even if the “victim” doesn’t want to prosecute. A lot of time when a Florida fan man batters his wife and the wife doesn’t want to press charges, the police can still arrest him and the case brought to trial.

What really amazes me is how effortlessly the Gator Mafia does this with the liberal media watching every move. Has anyone heard the 911 recordings? Well, now you can right here. You’ll notice it sounds like a lot more than a “misunderstanding”.

In the second of two phone calls made from Watson’s Towing to Gainesville Police Department dispatchers early Tuesday morning, a tow company employee said he blocked in University of Florida safety Tony Joiner as Joiner tried to remove his girlfriend’s car without permission from an impound lot. In the same call, Joiner, a team captain who was arrested on a burglary charge, can be heard yelling while the employee asks police to respond faster.

According to the calls, obtained Wednesday by The Tampa Tribune, a man identifying himself as Watson’s employee Travis Watkins made the first call to GPD at 4:32 a.m.

A partial transcript of the call follows:

Watkins: “I need GPD down here now.”

Dispatcher: “At Watson’s?”

Watkins: “Yes ma’am.”

Dispatcher: “What’s going on there?”

Watkins: “Well, I had somebody trying to break into the yard trying to steal their car.”

Less than five minutes later, Watkins called again. A partial transcript follows:

Watkins: “Could I have GPD step it up please?”

Dispatcher: “OK. What’s going on now?”

Watkins: “They’re getting a little hasty with us.”

Dispatcher: “OK. What are they doing?”

Watkins: “They’re getting up in our face and [expletive]. They’ve already broken into the yard and tried to take the car, and I blocked them in.”

Dispatcher: “OK. Do they have any weapons?”

Watkins: “No. Not that I know of.”

Dispatcher: “I’m showing [an officer] on the scene right now. Do you see him yet?”

Watkins: “Yep. He’s there.”

Dispatcher: “All right. Go ahead and speak with him.”

“Stan Forron, the owner of the impound lot, said Tuesday that the incident was “a miscommunication” and that Joiner should not have been arrested. Forron told several media outlets, including The Tampa Tribune, that he wasn’t present for the incident. He told the Miami Herald, however, that he was on premises unbeknownst to his employees.

An employee who answered the phone at Watson’s on Wednesday said Forron would not return to work until Monday and declined to provide an alternate phone number. Forron did not respond immediately to a voice mail left on his office line.”

Wow, that sounds like a brilliant CYA move, or he is sequestered somewhere in witness protection. Hats off to the Florida Mafia, but let’s not forget that in reality they owe it all to Steve God Spurrier, since he in amazing fashion, single handedly had the felony charge of gun possession that Cook was facing dropped.

So I profess on this day 10/05/07.


Posted in ass chewing, bongs, Emanuel Cook, Florida Gators, Herban Meyer, jorts, LSU Tigers, mullets, Police, repo, SEC Coaches, Steve Spurrier, tony joiner, Urban Meyer | Leave a Comment »

An Update on Florida’s Newest Mafia Member Tony “Hotlips For Tebow” Joiner.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 3, 2007

If you recall yesterday around lunchtime I posted a story about Tebows make-out buddy during the UT-Florida game and roommate Tony Joiner, who was arrested and charged with felony burglary Tuesday. Apparently the story is changing faster than Meyer can roll a Sweet Stinky Weed “cigarette” after a victory. I believe someone from the Florida Mafia is influencing some witnesses with bribes of full bongs and promises to have dinner at the Meyer house for a discounted rate of $500,000.

“Florida senior captain Tony Joiner was arrested early Tuesday for removing his girlfriend’s car from the property of Watson’s Towing in Gainesville. But the property owner is upset he was detained and says the whole thing was a misunderstanding more than a crime.

Stan Forron told Florida Today that if it was his decision, Joiner would just pay him the $76 he was owed for the towing and charges would be dropped. If State Attorney Bill Cervone agrees, that’s exactly what could happen.

“I don’t think (Gator athletes) should be treated any differently, better or worse,” Forron said. “The towing company just wants their money, not anything else. This kid should not have been arrested for what he did. To me, that’s just crazy.”

You’re right removing a car from impound isn’t a big deal when the tow bill is paid for, but this isn’t just any car, it’s his “girlfriend’s” car which means must be Tebows.

Cervone has the discretion to drop the charges, if he doesn’t see reason to continue. The fact that Forron doesn’t want Joiner to be charged could increase the chance the Gator star’s legal issues will not end up in court.

“I will consider the victim’s wishes and make the decision as to what to do based on that and all other factors involved,” Cervone said told Florida Today.

Florida coach Urban Meyer said after practice Tuesday night he was “still evaluating” the situation and hadn’t made a decision on Joiner’s status for Saturday’s 8:28 p.m. game at top-ranked LSU on CBS, which could have major implications both in the SEC and nationally. Joiner will not practice with the team until a decision is made, however.

“I think in his head he wasn’t trying to do anything wrong,” said Gators quarterback Tim Tebow, who is also Joiner’s roommate. “Yes, I think he should (play).”

Well of course you think he should play, you’re his room mate and team mate. I’m pretty sure Meyer will let him play, we all know how he is the strict disciplinarian. Strict meaning suspended for 10 minutes one game.

According to a Gainesville Police Department incident report, teammate and fellow senior safety Kyle Jackson drove Joiner to the towing company but never entered the gate.

Forron says that Joiner had actually talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and had made arrangements to pick up the car. The employee left to get some food and the gate to the company was left open. Joiner showed up to pay the towing bill, waited for some time and got impatient and decided to go ahead and take the car and worry about the bill later.

But another employee noticed the car being removed and called the police. Forron claims a worker at Watson’s Towing told the Gainesville Police not to charge Joiner, that the company just wanted the money Joiner was supposed to pay.”

Uh huh rrriiiggghhhtttt. Around 90% of the time, if that was true of course, that’s what would have happen. I have a feeling it didn’t exactly happen like that.

Forron said he was preparing to go out of town so he was at the towing company early Tuesday morning and left the gate unlocked when he left. Around 4:30 a.m., Joiner was spotted removing the car and stopped by an employee.”

Wait, in one statement the owner said Joiner talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and another employee left the gate open while on a food errand, and now it was the owner who conveniently “left” the gate unlocked. Which is which? The Florida Mafia has this poor man so shaken up even he can’t get the story he was told to say straight.

In the GPD arrest report obtained by Florida Today, Officer Robert Concannon wrote: “According to witnesses, the defendant did commit a burglary by forcibly (pushing an electric gate open) entering a fenced compound with the intent to commit an offense therein. The compound was not open to the public and the defendant was not licensed or invited to enter.”

Nah can’t be the gate was left “open” by the owner or someone…

The statement also reads that Joiner was attempting to pull the gate shut when he was stopped by a witness. Joiner then drove the car back inside the gate and waited for the police to arrive.”

The GPD arrest report also states that Joiner was talking on a cell phone when Concannon arrived and said, “I am probably about to go to jail ‘cuz I did push the gate open.”

Well, this is great now Joiner is contradicting what the owner claims happened. Meyer better get a handle on this, no Mafia of the Gators should look this dysfunctional.

Joiner also told Concannon on the way to jail that he intended to pay the bill but got impatient.

As far as Forron is concerned, he’s angry Joiner was arrested.

“What he did was wrong,” Forron said. “We’re not saying he’s an angel and shouldn’t pay. But why all of a sudden is he being arrested for something that happened numerous times throughout the years and nobody else has been arrested?”

So you mean to tell me that for numerous times over the years you’ve had people come and break in and take cars? Have you ever reported this to the Gunsville Gainesville police department? Or was this some scam concocted by a Florida booster to funnel money into the “Gator Football Herb Garden”?

Joiner, from Haines City, was released on his own recognizance on Tuesday afternoon. Under the conditions he cannot have any contact with Watson’s Towing and he has a curfew from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. except for school or work.”

I love this response by King Meyer, it’s bongoliciously great.

“I know college kids do stuff,” Meyer said. “I’d rather not (have them go out) after games but I’m not a police officer either. So I can’t lock them down completely, I just lecture and teach. There are a lot of people out at 2 a.m. I’d rather our guys not be out.”

Here’s an idea Meyer try FUCKING DISCIPLINING them!!!! For Spurrier’s God’s sake, you’re the coach, try putting the bong down and acting like one off the field for a change. No wonder the following incidences have happened under your regime:

  • Offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson was charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor in April following a gun incident near campus. Wilson pleaded no contest to battery and discharging a firearm and was suspended indefinitely from the team.
  • Linebacker Dustin Doe was charged in April with fighting in public after a brawl at a downtown parking garage. The misdemeanor charge was later dismissed.
  • Safety Jamar Hornsby had a sworn complaint filed against him in April after he allegedly tossed a man onto the hood of a woman’s car in a parking lot.
  • Safety Dorian Munroe was charged with felony theft in May when he removed a University Police boot from his car and put it in his trunk. The charge was later dropped.
  • Safety John Curtis was arrested in May on a probation violation stemming from his failure to complete five days of community service for an alcohol possession charge.
  • Cornerback Jacques Rickerson was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession in May. His case was resolved without legal punishment. Running back Brandon James faced a similar charge in June. He was sentenced to six months’ probation and community service.
  • Rickerson and James were suspended for Florida’s season opener.
  • In February 2006, wide receiver Kenneth Tookes accidentally fired a gun into an occupied apartment, while receiver Andre Caldwell and cornerbacks Reggie Lewis and Dee Webb stood nearby. And defensive tackle Marcus Thomas was dismissed from the team last season after failing three drug tests.

Now maybe someone at Florida should teach Meyer that no matter how brilliant of a coach you are on the field, the players still need guidance off the field as well.

So I profess on this day 10/03/07.


Posted in bongs, boosters, Discipline, drugs, Fines, Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Herban Meyer, jorts, satire, SEC Coaches, Urban Meyer | 1 Comment »

The Florida Gators Continue the Crime Spree.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 2, 2007

The Florida players are really taking this loss Auburn hard. By everyone knows about the “incident” the Gator Mafia might or might not have been involved with. Now a Gator Mafia member has slipped up and gotten himself arrested in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, so much for enforcing a curfew…

“Florida safety Tony Joiner, a starter on the Gators’ defending national champion football team, was arrested by Gainesville Police and charged with burglary on Tuesday, according to the Gainesville Sun.

Joiner is accused of going into an impound lot to retrieve his girlfriend’s car at approximately 4:30 a.m. Tuesday. His girlfriend’s car was being held at Watson’s Towing, the Sun reported, in lieu of a $76 towing bill, according to the police report.”

No girlfriend of Gator shall have to pay any towing bills, that’s stated in Urban Meyer’s 10 Commandments. Of course everyone knows that this business with the girlfriend is code because Joiner was the one making out with Tebo during the ass-raping of Tennessee. I’m surprised a Gunsville Gainesville police officer would even arrest a Gator player. Oh wait they lost to Auburn that explains it, or it’s a setup and this is how King Meyer punishes his players.

“The police report said witnesses saw a man push open the gates of the towing service and drive a car out. As he was trying to close the gates, one of the witnesses confronted the man, who then drove the car back in the lot.

Police arrived and arrested Joiner, who has 17 tackles and an interception for the Gators, who travel to face No. 1 LSU on Saturday night. Florida lost to Auburn last weekend.”

What was Joiner thinking, just beat up the witness, a true Gator Mafia member would have. King Meyer can not be happy right now. Joiner will be punished I’m sure, Meyer will force him to sit out the last 30 seconds of the LSU game, that’ll teach him a lesson about getting caught and kissing prince Tebo in public.

So I profess on this day 10/02/07.


Posted in Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Herban Meyer, jorts, LSU Tigers, mullets, Police, SEC, SEC Coaches, secrets, Tennessee Volunteers, tony joiner, Urban Meyer, whiners | 1 Comment »

The Gator Mafia Strikes Again

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 2, 2007

*Disclaimer this a parody of a true a story, not all comments are true, I’ve link to the actual story.

How does Urban Meyer shake off his first home loss? By sending the elite Gator AK-47 hit squad out to handle some business, that’s how. Urban might have lost on the field but the streets of Gunsville Gainesville belong to him by Spurrier God.

“Jacksonville Jaguars safety Reggie Nelson and three Florida football players have been questioned about a shooting outside a Gainesville nightclub following the Gators’ loss to Auburn, police said Monday.

Nelson’s agent, Hadley Engelhard, confirmed that Nelson was at The Venue on Saturday night but said he left three hours before the shooting.

“He wasn’t even there,” Engelhard said. “He knows nothing. He’s not a witness. He wasn’t involved in any altercation. It’s much ado about nothing, and it will stay that way if he keeps his trap shut! ”

Gainesville police spokesman Sgt. Keith Kameg said Nelson is “not a suspect. He’s just a guy we wanted to talk to and make sure he didn’t see anything. Like the three Gator football players that King Meyer sent to handle business. It makes our job easier and he don’t have to kill anyone, just look the other way”

A number of people who witnessed the shooting told officers Nelson was “around the victims throughout the night, we figured he was fingering them for King Meyer’s plan, and conveniently left before the action took place. That Meyer is one smart dude.” Kameg said.”

“I know my name has been mentioned in the media today concerning an unfortunate incident that took place this weekend in Gainesville,” Nelson said in a statement released by the Jaguars. “I want to make it clear that I was not involved with this incident. I did not furnish any guns though I did clean and load several 9mms and 45s that are kept in what King Urban calls “the other trophy room”.

Kameg said three Florida players also were questioned, but he declined to release their names.

“Their names came up from people in a crowd,” Kameg said. “We wanted to verify some stories, and make sure there are no witnesses that can finger any Gator starters at the scene. If there were then I’m afraid something might happen to them something tragic. I hope everyone listening or reading this understands. We know who you are, and we’re watching you.”

According to police, 28-year-old Corey Smith and 19-year-old Justin Glass were driving in traffic around 2:30 a.m. when a man, wearing a full Gator uniform pads and all, walked up to their car and started shooting.

Smith was shot in the upper body. Glass was shot in the arm. Their conditions were not immediately available Monday, but it is learned that both were wearing Auburn apparel.

Nelson, meanwhile, spoke to the Jaguars about the incident Monday in hopes of setting the record straight. The Jaguars were off Sunday, which allowed Nelson to attend the game in nearby Gainesville.

“Based on the information we have gathered from King Meyer, authorities, Reggie and others, we’re confident that Reggie was not involved in the unfortunate incident, and if he was then like King Meyer says “that’s our problem stay out of my business” Jaguars team spokesman Dan Edwards said. Edwards also stated “The Florida Gators are the best team in this state, college or pro, and if anyone disagrees with him, then you to might have a cap busted in your ass. Go Gators!”

So I profess on this day 10/02/07.


Posted in Auburn, Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Herban Meyer, jorts, mullets, SEC Coaches, Urban Meyer | Leave a Comment »

Michael Vick Must Have a Burning Desire too go to Prison or he’s an Idiot.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 27, 2007

In this the latest chapter of Michael “Ron Ookie Mexico” Vick’s screwed up life, we find Vick curled into fetal position sobbing while on the phone with Marcus the loser little brother. The date is Sept. 12th
Michael: (sobs) Yo Marcus I can’t….can’t go on man.

Marcus: Yo big bro what are talking about what I think you’re talking about?

Michael: Yeah little not as talented as me brother…it’s time I end it. (breaks down crying Hysterically)

Marcus: Oh snap that means I’m going to the favorite son!

Michael: (Blows nose) Wha…what the fuck are you talking about?

Marcus: Well ain’t going to…you know off yourself? I mean you’re crying and all

Michael: I’m chopping onions I had to fire my chef. I was talking about ripping into this sweet herb I picked up in Miami.

Marcus: Oh snap I got ya. Light the shit up! Go Michael Go Michael. Toke toke toke

Michael: (sound of bong being hit) This is some good stuff. Man I wish you was here to enjoy this with me.

Marcus: Really?

Michael: No. (Laughes)

Marcus: Asshole I hope you get drug tested.

Michael: The man has already fucked with me enough they won’t do that.

Marcus: Well, I hope you get ass raped in prison then & mom loves me more (hangs up)

Apparently Michael was wrong because guess what, that’s right Vick failed a drug test. I wonder if Marcus tipped his pretrial services officer about that.

“Michael Vick is now likely one misstep from jail.

The disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback tested positive for marijuana earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing in federal court on a dogfighting charge that already jeopardizes his freedom and career.

Now, he’s incurred the ire of the judge who could sentence him to up to five years in prison in the dogfighting case. On the day of Vick’s guilty plea, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson warned that he wouldn’t be amused by any additional trouble.

Hudson, who will sentence Vick on Dec. 10, on Wednesday ordered him confined to his Virginia home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. with electronic monitoring. He also must submit to random drug testing.

If Vick fails another drug test, he likely will wind up like co-defendant Quanis Phillips — incarcerated since his Aug. 17 plea hearing. Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and random drug testing requirements.”

Quick someone call Vick and tempt him. It would be rather funny to see Vick take to express tour to prison. Great way to show you have “changed your ways” Michael, I see you “really learned your lesson”. I see where the actual notes that you used to make your apology went for over ten grand on E-bay, thus proving there’s a douche-bag moron born every minute.

“Vick’s positive urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.

Because Vick violated the conditions of his release, Hudson could take that into consideration during sentencing, said Linda Malone, a criminal procedure expert and Marshall-Wythe Foundation professor of law at the College of William and Mary.

“Every judge considers pretty seriously if they feel that the defendant has flaunted the conditions for release,” she said.

“It’s certainly not a smart thing to do.”

Especially not when his behavior is being watched so closely, not only by the court that allowed him to remain free, but by the public whose forgiveness he’s seeking.”

I have feeling that 18 month sentence that Vick is banking on just got extended and he’s to stupid to realize it.

“In Atlanta, Vick’s one-time teammates tried to distances themselves from his latest troubles.

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” linebacker Keith Brooking said at the Falcons’ suburban practice facility. “We’re 0-3. We’re trying to get a win.”

Safety Lawyer Milloy agreed.

“I just want to play ball,” he said. “I’m so tired of talking about everything else, stuff we can’t control that has nothing to do with us.”

Finally someone from the Falcons organization that has the intestinal fortitude to be honest about this situation.

“The former Virginia Tech star was placed under pretrial release supervision by U.S. Magistrate Dennis Dohnal in July. The restrictions included refraining from use or unlawful possession of narcotic drugs or other controlled substances.

The random drug testing ordered Wednesday could include urine testing, the wearing of a sweat patch, a remote alcohol testing system or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing. Hudson’s order also requires Vick to participate in inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate. Vick must pay for the treatment.

Vick’s lead attorney, Billy Martin, also is representing Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty in an airport sex sting. During a press conference about Craig, Martin was asked to comment on Vick. He deflected the question, saying only, “I’m sure that in the future we’ll have something to say regarding Mr. Vick, but not now.”

Whoa Billy you basically have two losing cases on your hands. Now if you was to also take the latest OJ case will you get a set of steak knives from the American Bar Association? Vick should be lucky I’m not his pretrial officer, I would deem it appropriate for him to attend every 12 step program I could find. I would also deem it appropriate to have Vick get kicked in the nuts by every PETA member I could find as well.

In January, Vick was cleared by police of any wrongdoing after his water bottle was seized by security at Miami International Airport. Police said it smelled of marijuana and had a hidden compartment that contained a “small amount of dark particulate.”

Lab tests found no evidence of drugs, and Vick explained that he used the secret compartment to carry jewelry.

Jewelry doesn’t leave a dark particulate behind, unless Vick brought the jewelry from QVC. That may be the case, a birthday present of Marcus. The sad thing is Vick could probably get better weed in prison, ask any Florida Gator they could tell you that. I can’t wait to see what Michael does next as he draws ever closer to earning the douche-bag of decade award. Anyone hear from Marcus lately?

So I profess on this day 9/27/07.


Posted in Atlanta Falcons, bad newz kennels, conVick, dog fighting, drugs, Goodell, guilty, Herban Meyer, marcus vick, Michael Vick, NFL, pitbull, pot, Prison for Vick, PTI, Sports | 6 Comments »

Urban Meyer is Pissed About the Cheap Shot on Tebow.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 4, 2007

Herban Urban Meyer the leader of the Florida Gators sweet stinky weed cartel is upset that because he thinks teams will take cheap shots at home-schooled, home-grown prodigy QB Tim Tevo Tebow, and he isn’t afraid to whine about it.

“Ultra-competitive quarterback Tim Tebow showed in the opener that he’s learned to do the right thing by running about of bounds to protect himself. Now, the Gators have to worry about players on the opposing sideline doing the right thing.

UF coach Urban Meyer said Monday he was upset that a Western Kentucky player took a shot at Tebow with an elbow after Tebow scooted out of bounds in Saturday’s game.

“I was surprised by the guy standing on the bench taking a little shot (at Tebow),” Meyer said. “I was disappointed in that. I thought (Tebow) did a hell of a job getting out of bounds (instead of taking on tacklers as he’s done in the past). He’s doing exactly what we taught him to do.

“I’m really disappointed that happened. You can see it on film. The guy on the bench took a shot at him, the starting quarterback running out of bounds.”

Meyer said he expects other teams to take shots a Tebow this season. “Absolutely,” he said.”

I would have loved to see that myself. Whining, complaining whatever you call it. Herban is already planting the “our QB is cheap shotted every play of the game, even the plays that he isn’t in” seed in the referees mind. Simply brilliant. The Old Ball Sack Coach Steve God Spurrier, can learn a thing or two from Herban.

Why is Leak needing a hug? Well, him & several gators are packing their things to see what Canadian football is all about. Granted Leak will most likely be earning a new nickname, CCC, for Carrying a Clipboard in Calgary. or OOO, for Oh Shit Outplayed in Ottawa. Of all the Gators that bolted early or finished school only three are on NFL rosters. Herban’s comments on this.

“I’m not the NFL, so I don’t know what they’re looking for. If they’re looking for high character guys that believe in an unselfish approach to football, then I’m surprised.

“It’s disappointing. I hope those guys can back train and get another opportunity. I wouldn’t give up on those guys. Don’t give up on those guys yet. It says a lot about what kind of team we had last year.”

Considering all the arrests Gators players have since the NC game, high character & Florida usually do not go hand in hand.

So I profess on this day 9/4/07.


Posted in Canada Football, Chris Leak, Florida Gators, Herban, Herban Meyer, jorts, SEC, SEC Coaches, Sports, Steve Spurrier, Tebow, Urban Meyer | 18 Comments »