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Archive for the ‘Jerry Jones’ Category

So you think you’re smarter than a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 29, 2009

In order to become a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader you to know how to dance, have a lot of enthusiasm and grace, have the ability to do high kicks and splits and have a bubbly personality. You should also look damn good skimpy dancewear. Oh yeah you better know a thing or two about the Middle East as well. 

Yes it’s that time of year again: Dallas Cowboy cheerleader tryouts season. The ladies trying out will have to pass a personal interview, prove that they were a snobby prom queen and pass an 80 question written test that ranges from the history of the Cowboys to the countries that border Iraq. 

Here are some sample questions. Some I might have add some for comedy reasons you should be able to pick those out. 

1. Where will the Cowboys play their final home game this season? 

2. Where will the Cowboys hold their 2009 summer training camp? 

3. Name the Cowboys legend who served as head coach for the team’s first 29 years. 

4. What year was the Cowboys’ first season in the NFL? 

(A) 1960

(B) 1962

(C) 1964

(D) 1965 

5. How many stars are on the Cowboys Cheerleaders’ uniform? 

6. Who is commissioner of the National Football League? 

7. How many yards are in an NFL end zone? 

(A) 10

(B) 20

(C) 30

(D) 50 

8. Name one country that borders Iraq. 

9. How many blunts have Michael Irvin smoked?

(A) 0

(B) 10

(C) 80

(D) 500

(E) Enough to be a Hall of Famer.

10. If you get within range during your sideline activities, would you be willing to kill Tony Siragusa? 

11. Would you be willing to join a dance team member for a “party” with owner Jerry Jones? 

12. What is your name?

13. What is your favorite color?

14. What is the terminal velocity of a coconut laden sallow? 

15. What is the sound a doggie makes? 

The answers will be revealed on next week’s episode of “So you think you’re smarter than a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.”


Posted in Cheerleaders, Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, NFL Football | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The T.O. experiment goes to Buffalo

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on March 9, 2009

Fresh off proving that Jerry Jones is a liar, T.O. has signed with the Buffalo Bills. This should help Buffalonians with their power bills in the winter time, considering Owens is full of hot air.

In his introductory press conference, T.O. claims that he “beat to his own beat.” which is one of the most retarded things I’ve heard from him. It’s also the slogan of teenage boys everywhere. So pretty much he just admitted to being a chronic masturbator, right?

With the signing of Owens, the Buffalo Bills go from being irreverent to “North America’s Team.” The Patriots: Haiti’s team, at least according to the amount of 19-0 apparel down there. I think he meant to say “South Canada’s Team”

Even though according to the very non-scientific (but more likely than not accurate) poll taken by ESPN, people across the world doesn’t want T.O. on their team. Regardless of the poll, the Bills are mavericks and signed him anyway.

Just a suggestion for ESPN… since you have at least 8 channels already (I know this because of that tournament on The Ocho) just please use one of them, and only one of them, for T.O., steroids, A-Rod, Barry Bonds, and all of the other bullshit that everyone is sick of yet you devote nearly every second to. Oh, and put Steven A. Smith on that list, too.

I would say that Owens will kill the Bills’ locker room however they really don’t have much of a locker room to kill at this point other than Trent Edwards. Then again Marshawn Lynch has one more gun-related incident left in him, he would be wise to turn in those “get out of jail free” cards and make it all worthwhile…

At this point the Bills and T.O. might very well be made for other. Let’s face it no one goes to Buffalo to play because they want to. Playoff caliber teams (and San Francisco) didn’t want Owens. Most were scared of his ability to disrupt team chemistry, no matter what his on-field numbers stated, and they’re wise to do it.

Posted in Buffalo Bills, Jerry Jones, NFL Football, T.O., Terrell Owens | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

More reasons as to why the 2008 Dallas Cowboys are genuinely failboats

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 21, 2009


As if we need to point out why the Dallas Cowboys are the most overpaid failboats in this year’s NFL, a new report has surfaced that points to one person and it isn’t TO (surprisingly).

According to the Dallas News there are reports of tardiness, lack of respect, crappy coaching and lastly there are Tony Romo’s horrible practice habits. I’m sure there are some Romosexuals that are in a tizzy now!

And I didn’t even mention that fact Tony Romo was continuing to be an industrial grade turnover machine.

According to five sources, several offensive players lost respect for [offensive coordinator Jason] Garrett for his failure to corral quarterback Tony Romo in practice. Romo, sources said, often forced throws in practice and often did not treat practice work consistently.

The quarterback’s practice habits were so bad, sources said, that they affected the way he played in games and could have factored into the offense’s problems.

Sources said Owens was upset that Romo directed more passes at tight end and close friend Jason Witten as opposed to the other receivers who he deemed open. Owens has declined to discuss that issue.

I for one, I am shocked. You’d never suspect discipline problems watching TO scream at Romo on the sidelines and the head coach looking like he just awoke from a coma.

However the last paragraph does indicate that maybe TO might have had a point a few months back. Of course this reports also states that well TO never really showed up on time to meetings so can you take him seriously?

Owens was a repeat offender in being late for team meetings, sources said. With the Cowboys needing to defeat Philadelphia to reach the playoffs in the season finale, Owens was late for a Dec. 23 meeting, citing traffic problems two days before Christmas. Owens declined comment on his tardiness.

Scrip clubs, Ed Werder, and Jessica Simpson obviously contributed quite a bit as well. There is only one move to make now Jerry Jones…Sign Michael Vick. He’s got the rap sheet you’re looking for AND the inflated ego, perfect.

Then again this Dallas Team reminds me of the 1995 Dallas Cowboys…oh wait they won the Super Bowl that year…never mind.


Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Evil Empire, failboats, Jerry Jones, NFL Football, T.O., Terrell Owens, Tony Romo | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Can someone please tell Roger Goodell that the NFL is facing larger issues than misbehaving mascots and the usage of the words “Ref you suck”?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 20, 2008

Wow that might be my longest title ever. The NFL is tons of image problems right now, from steroid usage, Spy-Gate, horrid officiating & Pac-Man Jones. Given all that Sheriff Goodell has deemed misbehaving mascots atop his priority list.

His first target is Rowdy who is the Dallas Cowboys’ answer to Nebraska’s Big Red that doubles as a mascot. Tim MacMahon of the Dallas Morning News warns that Rowdy is about get his ass handed to him for of all things, doing his job which is to have fun and entertain the crowd.

That darn rabble-rouser got himself on double-secret probation with the NFL. His trouble started when T.O. and Rowdy exchanged a chest bump after a touchdown in the Monday night game against the Eagles.

Some uptight NFL dudes got their britches in a bunch about prearranged celebrations involving mascots and threatened to slap the Cowboys with a five-figure fine. Jerry Jones … eventually decided that it’d be in the Cowboys’ best interests to minimize the mascot’s exposure during games.

Rowdy is banished to the locker room except for pregame and a brief third-quarter appearance to fire T-shirts into the crowd.

Please tell me this is some misunderstanding. Look, I hate Dallas (sorry Joel’s wife) but this issue goes way beyond Dallas. With all the problems the NFL is facing right now, one would tend to think that wasn’t a big deal and overlook the whole thing.

This is a complete joke. I remember that the whole point of mascots was supposed to get the crowd pumped up. Last I checked, college football teams often center around their mascots. It sounds like to me like Goodell just has a problem with Jerry Jones. He needs to focus on real issues.

Even though the officiating this season makes the SEC referee crew headed by Penn Wagers look like they never miss a call, don’t you dare yell that they suck.

Arlene Ryan-Veldhuis has been a Tampa Bay Bucs season ticket holder for more than 10 years. She sits in the third row behind the Bucs bench on the 32 yard line. She loves to cheer for her team. The problem is she has a loud booming voice, so of course she can be heard.

Although she cheers on her favorite team, Arlene gets perturbed (like most fans such as myself) when a NFL referee makes a call that she thinks is wrong. And this year there have been a lot of wrong calls.

She says that everlasting phrase that she screams when she thinks there has been a bad call. She yells, “Ref, you suck!” when she is upset with the so called “zebra on the field.”

Some uptight fans such as Sandy Schene take offense at the fact Arlene actually gets excited and into the game. So her solution was to tattle tell about Arlene to the Tampa Sports Authority.

The Tampa Sports Authority in turn says Arlene is violating the new NFL policy which says “Profanity (swearing/off color/offensive language) will not be tolerated on the Tampa Sports Authority property. Patrons will be ejected for using offensive language due to this rule that the NFL has implemented.

Arlene claims she was told by the TSA to please stop saying, “Ref, you suck.” The woman says she doesn’t understand why it is considered offensive. She states it is “not one of the seven words you can’t say on television” and she thinks she should be able to express herself.

Sure Arlene looks like a transvestite with a bad wig; I can see the shaved beard and Adam’s apple…sorry, maybe I need to update the prescription on my contacts…anyway that’s not the point. The point is you trying to tell me that the NFL will also regulate free speech?

Wow, have they not ever seen HBO sports, where you hear the coaches using curse words, you never new existed?

You suck isn’t profanity.

If the NFL is attempting to censor speech then they won’t be around much longer. That’s what makes the games fun. She has a right to her opinion. She thinks the ref sucks, thus, that is her right.

I would have caused a riot if I was there.

I do understand the other side from the other fan. I’ve been to events where there were drunk and loud idiots that just ruin it for everybody. Either way, nobody likes a snitch-bitch.

It is weird that the sport is so violent, yet they have a problem with “you suck.” Maybe they need to find another sport to follow.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Free Speech, Jerry Jones, NFL Football, Roger Goodell | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Broken Plays for 10/23/08

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 23, 2008

Broken plays is collection of crap that I didn’t have the time to write about but I wanted to write something and since I’m rather pressed for time this AM let’s get to it.

In case you didn’t know Jerry “Hair plugs” Jones says Adam Jones checked into a facility “in another part of the country” to deal with his alcohol issue. The treatment plan is overseen by the NFL.

I can see it now:

*PacMan stands up at his first meeting.*

“Hello. My name is Adam and I have a problem. I done been here 3 hours and none of you bitches has showed me where the bar is. And where da strippers at man???? Where da strippers??? Get Jerry on da’ phone. This resort he sent me too sucks man!!!”

Has anyone notice how Fox Sports Charissa Thompson has really let herself go? See the above photo for a clear example. I bet Freddie Prinze, Jr. is determined to make her prom queen.

Rich Brooks had some not so nice things to say about the Kentucky fans from his press conference after last Saturday’s game:

“After the last two years? No, I don’t (think fans should have left) but that’s their prerogative,” Brooks said. “I wasn’t very happy at that stage of the game either and I’m looking for everything I can on the sideline to get our players back into it mentally. That’s part of the cascading affect that can have a real negative attitude on your football team. When those things happen around you you have to be strong enough to not let them affect you.

“I find it interesting about the perception of Kentucky football. What’s the ‘Bluegrass Miracle’? Now, you would think the Arkansas game might be better termed the ‘Bluegrass Miracle’ on the positive side so our ‘Bluegrass Miracle’ is a negative thing with Kentucky football. I find that very interesting. I find it interesting that you get more phone calls after a loss on the call-in shows than you do after a win. You might call that negativity, you know, the old glass half full, glass have empty.”

Support your team, Kentuckians!

Jay Cutler has started a war of words with Philip Rivers by saying:

“I have a stronger arm than John, hands down. I’ll bet on it against anybody’s in the league. Brett Favre’s got a cannon. But on game days, there’s nobody in the league who’s going to throw it harder than I am at all.”

His cameo in a South Park episode has clearly gone to his head. Notice since he started talking, his numbers have gone down. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

The Browns have suspended Kellen “I’m a MF’ing Soldier” Winslow for “unwarranted, inappropriate, and unnecessarily disparaging” remarks about the organization, as they put it.

What at first was reported as an undisclosed illness, which was then soon rumored to be “swollen testicles,” medically known as hydrocele. The truth turned out to be that Winslow was suffering from a staph infection.

“Regardless of how this was released the information would still remain the same,” Winslow said. “I contracted staph, again. I spoke out on this because I felt it was the right thing to do and that is why I was so passionate about it. This has nothing to do with football and this has nothing to with my current contract situation. This is a health concern.

“I care deeply for my organization, my teammates, and the Browns fans. At no time was I ever trying to cause distress for the team or be a distraction but the fact remains there is a health issue that needs to be addressed further.”

You’d think he’d be used to being treated like a piece of meat after sharing a locker room with Brady Quinn for two years.

Just to let everyone know, all the troubles Vince Young is having is apparently the fault of the media.

“I feel like they’re writing my legacy,” Young said. “They’re writing my story. I’m a great guy, a great humble guy. I’ve done a whole lot in my career in just three years and for [the media] to do stuff like that to try to make me look bad for some reason – I don’t know why – but they’re just writing my legacy.”

I know who I am, everyone knows who I am as a person. They know good and well, I ain’t trying to commit suicide or all that kind of crap. It was just a story everybody wanted to write. It was hot and everybody need to make their money, feed their viewers. I always get the bad end but I just brush that off and use that as motivation for myself.”

You know someone is humble when they point out how humble they are. I bet Jerry Jones approves of this response.

Young then trailed off for a moment, before yelling…”I drive a Dodge Stratus!!”

What a shocker A-Rod and Ho-Rod Madonna are romantically involved.

This will throw the scent off the gay trail! Because nothing says “Not gay!” like an insatiable Madonna obsession.

+1 to A-Rod’s PR people.

Apparently New Berlin Eisenhower High School football program has given R. Kelly a new idea for a new song. Thinking the restrooms were locked during halftime at a recent game against (I swear I not making this name up) Pewaukee High, the visiting Eisenhower players relieved themselves on the outskirts of the playing field.

Superintendent Paul Kreutzer tells the Journal Sentinel he has spoken with the players and says they showed incredibly poor judgment during halftime of Monday night’s game. Parents of opposing players agree. “I was very mad and I thought it was completely rude and uncalled for,” said Michele Bellows, whose son plays for Pewaukee’s junior varsity team. “I thought that they were making a statement like ‘the heck with you guys.’ ” Pewaukee Athletic Director John Maltsch admonished the boys and their coach over the public address system, saying “Coach, we do have facilities for your players to use.”

Ooooh. Urine some trouble now boys. According to the Flomax commercial, not only did these kids disgrace themselves, they are going to miss a photo op with their buddies.

I have just one pressing question. WTF is TO wearing? He looks like big old pass dropping bumblebee. Normally, T.O.’s barbershop quartet, The Pill Poppin’ Pen Pullin’ Prim Donnas, elect not to wear the yellow sweater.

Posted in A-Fraud, Alex Rodriguez, cleveland browns, Cry Baby, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Jerry Jones, Kentucky Wildcats, Madonna, Pacman Jones, Rich Brooks, T.O., Tennessee Titans, Terrell Owens, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The day of the dark alliance occurred yesterday

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 21, 2008


Imagine what could happen if the two owners of the two biggest douche-bag teams have teamed up to form the biggest evil douche-bag company ever. Yes, you should be worried about this. Imagine the power that both Hal Steinbrenner (George would be involved but takes a silent stance in the process in order to pull the strings) & Jerry Jones can muster together. Are you scared? Yes? Then good you need to be because it’s happened.

Only appropriate that the two most evil empires in all of sports join forces. I was wondering who the villain would be in the new Justice League movie…

Daniel Kaplan and Don Muret of The SportsBusiness Journal are reporting that the two teams have gone in on a business venture together — a concessions company called Legends Hospitality Management. The Dark Alliance is formed.

Just from the name I can imagine a company that will be geared to help players like Pacman Adam Jones and Joba Chamberlin beat their alcohol problems. Actually I thought Legends Hospitality Management was the nursing home they put Steinbrenner in.

The Yankees and Cowboys each own a third of the company, with Goldman Sachs owning most of the rest for the first-of-its-kind venture.

Legends will manage regular concessions, suite catering and team stores at the new Yankees and Cowboys stadiums, which are set to open next year at a cost of more than $1 billion each. Legends also will pursue accounts in the major leagues, college sports and abroad, the sources said.

The first-of-its-kind initiative between two of pro sports’ star teams is the idea of Gerry Cardinale, the Goldman managing director who helped create the Yankees’ regional sports channel, the YES Network, and brokered the return of Alex Rodriguez to the team last year.

It’s funny how both these franchises are receiving new stadiums next season. Think about much an already overly priced hotdog will be now. I hope the Yankee and Cowboy fans enjoy their $10 hotdog and $18 beer because I imagine those items will be priced somewhere in that area.

So, I guess Cowboy and Yankee fans will have to overpay for big name but ultimately disappointing stadium fare.

It’s been said that the rich get richer and these two franchises somehow-someway manages to make money hand over fist even though they are failing in the win/loss columns.

Both Jones & Steinbrenner have spent a bunch of money on their current teams. And neither is getting much of a return on their investment. Just like the Yankees the Cowboys have the most inflated payroll in their respective league.

Yes, I’d like a RomoBurger, slightly overrated, with TOnions and hold the playoff wins.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, drunk, Evil Empire, Jerry Jones, new york yankees, Pacman Jones, yankees suck | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Nobody and I mean NOBODY makes Roger Goodell look like a fool. (Except Roger Goodell of course)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 15, 2008

Pacman in trouble? Stevie Wonder could have seen this coming but you couldn’t could you Roger? I know, I know but Jerry Jones told us (and you) that he didn’t do anything wrong, it was Donkey Kong…

Roger, Roger Roger…I can’t believe you actually fell for it, you actually believed the player formally known as Pacman Jones turned a corner in his life. You know you believed it Roger, don’t deny it. On October the 8th you were quoted as saying:

“Adam knows how much emphasis I put on making sure that he makes good choices going forward, that he avoids situations where he can reflect poorly on himself, the Cowboys or the NFL. So far he seems to have been able to do that very effectively.

“I am supportive of him and am hopeful that he will be able to do that for the rest of his life. I am hoping he will not only be a great NFL player but he will continue to do the right things so he can lead a productive life off the field as well.”

Now here it is a week later after you spoke those words and you have suspended Pacman Adam Jones for at least four games. Do you feel foolish Roger? Do you? Perhaps you should.

In your letter to Pacman Adam Jones that informed him of his latest and greatest suspension, you wrote that Jones’ “disturbing pattern of behavior was clearly inconsistent with the conditions I set for your continued participation in the NFL.”

When you reinstated Pacman Adam Jones from suspension before the regular season began, one of the your conditions for Jones to remain an active player was that he remain in compliance with all aspects of his three-year probation from when he pleaded no contest last February to a felony in Fayette County, Ga.

Now we know that you’re expecting to weigh whether Pacman Adam Jones was in potential violation of his probation, in which he was prohibited from alcohol-related incidents.

Are you feeling a tad bit stupid yet Roger?

You’re now reduced to saying that your decision on whether Pacman Adam Jones can return to play will be based on his strict compliance with the NFL and the Cowboys in relation to treatment plans and evaluations by clinical “experts.”

The Cowboys owner Jerry “Soulless” Jones said he does not regret making the trade that brought Adam Jones to Dallas.

“I don’t regret having been a part of helping him do better. I am sorry that we’ve had the negative publicity and that is the price that we pay for the team as well as the NFL.”

However I bet the Titians do regret making the trade, because according to the terms of the trade that sent Pacman Adam Jones to Dallas, they would have to give the Cowboys a fifth-round draft pick if Jones is suspended again by the NFL.

See folks Pacman can screw a team that he isn’t even playing for.

Of course I have to ask the following question:

Is it too late to get Pacman Adam Jones on one of those Guinness commercials? Punching out your own bodyguard while on probation? BRILLIANT!

Seriously this does offer hope that the Ron Mexico Revolution still can live on!

Roger…one more behavior issue with Pacman Adam Jones and he should be expelled from the NFL…wait didn’t you already say that once before?

Also Roger you’re setting a bad example. This seems more like a grudge than anything else. Larry Johnson has been charged with assault numerous times but has never been subject to your czar-like discipline. I really don’t care one way or another about the Cowboys, but I can’t help but look at the track record and see hypocrisy all over the place.

Pacman Adam Jones hasn’t learned that playing in the NFL is a special privilege, not a right. He knew he had no leeway, and even something that brought the cops out, regardless of charges being filed, would not sit well with the bosses.

However I imagine he’ll serve the 4 game suspension and be back, though, assuming there’s no “rain” of any kind in his or your forecast.

Posted in Adam Jones, Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, NFL, NFL Football, Pacman Jones, Roger Goodell, Ron Mexico | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m not done with Wednesday’s update yet quite yet….

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 1, 2008

This has been an extremely busy week for stories involving NFL players that aren’t necessarily related to the heroism players show each and every Sunday. In fact most of them are very un-hero like. There’s so many that I don’t possibly have the time to write about them all.

So instead of writing boring stories with humorous & snarky quips, I’m just going to write a few lines and link them. After all that’s better nothing right? Yeah…that’s what I thought.

As we know former Tennessee God and Denver running back Travis “I gots 9 Mf’ing 9 kids” Henry’s baby mommas gots to get paid! Now since he is technically unemployed he decided to the next best thing and that is set up a drug deal involving cocaine.

Problem is he was busted. His new teammates Malice and Pusha T are disapointed and are dropping him from the Re Up Gang. Hey Henry remember don’t get Mile High on your own supply.

Terrell Owens still ♥’s his QB but hates “Sheshawn” Johnson.

“Then, Owens turned his attention to Johnson, who he referred to as “Sheshawn” on three separate occasions, the Star-Telegram reported.

(As the No. 1 overall pick in the 1996 draft) he is the ultimate underachiever on that (ESPN) panel. I am the reason he is in the booth,” Owens said. “Everybody is aware when I was brought to Dallas, he was the one they let go to get me here.”

And Sheshawn’s in the booth to replace Michael Irvin. ‘Cause Michael’s a crack head.

When Terrell ever gets fed up with Romo, ooh, what a nickname he has in store. Here’s a hint:

Remember when Steve Smith whipped Ken Lucas’s ass? Well now they are BFF’s forever!

“Smith scored his first touchdown of the season on a 54-yard pass from Jake Delhomme late in the second quarter, then presented the ball to Lucas on the sideline.”

Apparently Plaxico Burress has some issues with being tardy and is paying the price with fines. Sarah Palin’s daughter had that ‘late’ problem too, but mom wouldn’t let her throw money at her problem to take care of it. (Oh no I didn’t)

Eli Manning should hook Plaxico up with one of his Citizen watches.

Some people took the Georgia loss real hard over the weekend. Danny Ware a former Georgia player and current New York Giants running back took it extremely hard by getting drunk and arrested.

Ware and a 24-year-old Dallas woman attracted a police officer’s attention at about 2:25 a.m. Sunday at East Clayton Street near North Jackson Street because they seemed oblivious to traffic that had to steer around them as they stood in the street talking, according to police.

Ware admitted that he’d been drinking, and a breath test showed he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.152 grams, police said.

Lovely he wasn’t even driving he was just trying to get a hook up for later. I wonder if he feels worse about Georgia losing or the fact he’s a drunken pedestrian that was busted while wearing temporary Bulldog tattoos stuck to his face (“cheek flair”) which adds another level of humiliation.

This one is a little old however I meant to write about it. Apparently even though Pacman Jones broke the law several times, players on the Titians still respected him more than they respect Vince Young…you know the “leader” of the team.

“Vince definitely is going to have to win the locker room back. As bad as Pacman was when he left the building or at 3 o’clock in the morning, it never interfered with his football. He loved football. Loved practice. The guys loved him. Players are going to be on your side if you show that you’re going to help them win. Vince has to prove that to this team.”

Further proof that football players care mostly about whether their teammates are helping them win, something Young was not doing.

Not only does he have to worry if Terrell Owens will finally blow his lid but Jerry Jones must pay $25,000 to NFL for flapping his mouth about Ed Hochuli. Terrell Owens just laughs and laughs.

I’ll show love to baseball as well.

Even though he no longer coaches the Dodgers some people in San Francisco harbor ill feelings towards Tommy Lasorda by getting all pissy because he’s the grand marshal in the Italian American parade.

Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier wants organizers of the San Francisco Italian American parade to boot Tommy Lasorda as grand marshal … He’s the former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, who’ve had “an intense rivalry” with our hometown Giants for years and “nobody embodies that more than Tommy Lasorda,” states the resolution … The Giants aren’t doing so great, it continues, and “Dodger fans are boastful and smug.”

For someone in San Francisco to call another person smug is rather hypocritical. Of course maybe they would prefer Joe Torre instead.

Everyone knows Eddie Vedder recorded a song for the Chicago Cubs right? Not to be left out the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have to have a song as well. However the best they could muster was Kevin Costner and his band “Modern West” penning them a diddy titled “It’s All Up To You.”

The song can be heard here, but be forewarned that one listen may cause cerebral hemorrhaging, blindness & the sudden love of shitty music.

Just in case you want to sing along, though:

“You got to swing for the fence, give a hundred percent,

“Dust yourself off, get up and do it again.

“You’re the only one that can make your dreams come true.

“You’re the only one, it’s all up to you.”

Posted in cocaine, Cry Baby, Dallas Cowboys, Danny Ware, Dawgs, Denver Broncos, drugs, drunk, Georgia Bulldogs, Jerry Jones, Major League Baseball, New York Giants, NFL Football, Pacman Jones, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Volunteers, Terrell Owens, Tommy Lasorda, Tony Romo, Vince Young | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pacman joins the Cowboys & Jessica Simpson starts stripping. Coincidence?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on August 5, 2008

According to the other “World Wide Leader in Sports” the Sun newspaper, Jessica Simpson has been giving Tony Homo Romo a strip show via a web-cam. She is doing it to keep the romance alive. But I think this is a way for the Cowboys to keep Pacman out of the strip clubs.Somehow T.O. is involved with this but I haven’t made that connection…yet.

The Shocking part: Jessica Simpson knows how to work a web cam.

A pal said: “Jess has no problem showing Tony her favourite ‘PUSSYCAT DOLLS‘ routine. She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy.”

Jessica makes sure her web cam shows are for Tony’s eyes only according to the paper.

The pal added: “Jess does get paranoid, making sure Tony doesn’t have any of his Cowboys buddies peeking in on the show.”

This can only end with videos winding up on the internet then again Peter King does the same thing for Brett Fa***.

Posted in Adam Jones, Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, Jessica Simpson, NFL Football, Pacman, T.O., Terrell Owens, Tony Romo, Web Cam Strippers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pacman Jones Wants to be Known as the Player Formally Known as Pacman

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 23, 2008

Pacman is dead according to Adam Jones AKA the player formally known as Pacman.

The still suspended Dallas Cowboys cornerback would like to be called by his given name and make “Pacman” a thing of the past.

“There’s really just a lot of negativity behind it,” Jones said. “It’s just time for a change, man. I’m doing everything to make sure that I’m all right as a person, mentally and emotionally.”

This is a good start for Adam Jones but not the answer to fixing his problems.

After speaking to about 60 kids at a basketball camp hosted by Dallas Mavericks forward Brandon Bass on Saturday, Jones expressed his desire to drop his nickname.

The kids at the camp called out “Pacman Jones! Pacman Jones!” after he spoke to them. But he signed autographs with his given name, not the nickname given to him by his mother when he was an infant.

“My mom is going to call me ‘Pacman.’ That is what it is. I can’t change that,” Jones said. “I’m not saying that my teammates won’t call me ‘Pacman’ on the field. But for the most part, I want to be Adam or Mr. Jones.”

This is called spin and damage control. This is why the NFL wants Jones to wear a suit and tie on the Dallas sidelines if he isn’t participating in play.

I bet Jerry Jonesis thinking

“As long as he helps me win a Super Bowl, I couldn’t care less if he murdered half of South America and supplied cocaine to the rest of the country outside of Texas… but at least let’s spin it to seem like we give a damn to these idiot sports fans.”

Rosters handed out by the Cowboys during their mandatory minicamp last week listed No. 21 as “Pacman Jones,” because that’s what he told team officials to do. Go figure…

Also when Jones conducted an interview at the Cowboys’ facility on June 4 he didn’t bother mentioning that he planned to forsake his nickname.

I will no longer call him Adam “Pacman” Jones. The new name is Adam “Rainman” Jones. Rainman always makes sure that the dollars rain down on the ladies at the club, even if it causes shootings, assaults, and other incidents beyond his simple mind’s control.

At the same time Pacman’s oops…Rainmans’ name has recently appeared in the news. A woman involved in the Las Vegas brawl was found dead last week behind a building in the Bronx. Officers found her unresponsive with injuries consistent with a fall.

The woman, 26-year-old Sadia Morrison, had pleaded no contest to a felony battery charge last year in Las Vegas. Jones pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge in Las Vegas after police said he incited the melee.

Back in Tennessee, a foreclosure sale was published involving Jones’ home and 30 acres in a Nashville suburb. The home and land are scheduled to be sold Friday on the courthouse steps. Tax records show Jones purchased the property in July 2006 for $1.5 million, but he defaulted on the terms and conditions of a mortgage.

I’ll give Adam “Rainman” Jones half a season until his entire name is permanently “a thing of the past”. . . . Except when people talk about how a 24 year old multi-millionaire got his home foreclosed on because he was taking his mortgage payments and making it rain.

Posted in Dallas Cowboys, Goodell, Jerry Jones, Las Vegas, NFL Football, Pacman, Pacman Jones, Rainman, WVU | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »