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Writers Wanted
If you would like to be a writer for this blog, guest blogger or have an opposing view point in the form of a story to balance things out, e-mail it in. And yes you can make fun of Tennessee.
This would have been posted earlier but I kinda sorted screwed up and forgot to send Joel the bowl schedule. Yeah, my bad, I’m a dick. Whatever. Anywho let’s go over this year bowl schedule and mine and Joel’s picks and then you call your bookie.
This year there is a smorgasbord of crap-tastic games to choose from! Yay!
Non-BCS Bowls
EagleBank Bowl When: Dec. 20, 11 a.m., ESPN Where: Washington Who: Navy vs. Wake Forest
Joel says: Anchors aweigh. I really wish Navy would have beat Notre Dame again this year. Wait, this is a real bowl game???
Thomas says: I pick Navy because I’m sick and damn tired of hearing how the Wake Forest is so good. Blah blah blah. Is this bowl game being funded by any of the bailout money by the way? Read the rest of this entry »
Yes this season looks bleak especially if you’re a sports fan. If you’re like me and is forced…FORCED damn it…to participate in the office “Secret Santa” then get them a crap-tastic sports gift.
What says “You’re a gold digging whore” to that slutty office person who is constantly raving on about how drinks she scored for free over the weekend by offering over hyped cleavage and a lack of substance better than an ESPN Monopoly game?
Is Erin Andrews on the community chest cards?
This ties into the biggest thing that bothers me about ESPN – they in large part dictate the sports narratives of the day. Public opinion regarding an issue, player, or team can literally be shaped by ESPN now. So when the BCS goes to ESPN, not only will ESPN’s tune change on the issue of a college football playoff, but you can bet that public opinion will as well.
Know anyone that ever wanted to smell like JoePa’s adult diapers? Then here’s your chance to make them happy while grossing out their cubical neighbors.
Masik is a company that “specializes” in collegiate fragrances.
They offer colognes in the following schools:
UNC: When Just Looking Like Stu Scott Ain’t Enough, Bro. WARNING: do not spray directly in eyes.
Penn State: Musk, passion, wrinkles…Joe Paterno Moth Balls fragrance
And coming soon!
Florida: When being a douche-bag isn’t enough and you can smell like one.
Georgia: Boone’s Farm and urinal cakes with subtle notes of denial.
Alabama: mixture of baby back ribs, dead Behr and bacon is tantalizing to the ladies.
Tennessee: concoction of whiskey in a jar and Lane Kiffin
Auburn: heady combination of sinsemilla and ass.
LSU: A subtle blend of coonass and corndogs.
To bad they don’t make one for Oregon St Beavers the women’s version could embody the true essence…
Of course if you have an asshole boss like me get them a Redsox coffin. The special edition Ted Williams model comes with built-in air conditioning.
It’s been a rough couple of years for the Penn State football team, at least when the subject of arrests is brought up.
James Sheep is a senior at Penn State and is also the Nittany Lion mascot. Last Saturday Sheep proved he can be a member of the football team by getting arrested for driving under the influence.
Maybe the Sheep was a little too excited about winning the Land Grant Trophy and going to the Rose Bowl, but that doesn’t explain why not only he chose to be an idiot and drive while intoxicated but also he was playing overcrowded taxi as well.
The officer who made the stop saw that the vehicle was overloaded, with passengers piled onto each other and blocking the driver’s view.
Now I’m sure the other passengers were perfectly alright to drive. *Sarcasm*
He was arrested at 3:15 AM on Saturday morning, leaving plenty of time to go through the booking process and make bail. Didn’t anyone notice he had a hangover for the game?
It will be up to JoePa on whether Sheep travels to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl. No word of ESPN’s Outside the Lines is planning a follow-up.
In fairness to the Lion, the final home football game means now he has to pull duty at PSU basketball games. I’d be drinking too.
It sucks to be a Tennessee fan this season however I’ll still support them no matter what. As always a complete write up on the Tennessee/Alabama game will be tomorrow after I torture myself by watching a replay of the game.
There were other teams in action yesterday. Let’s look and see what we have learned from yesterday.
UCONN got back on the Big Least track by hammering Cincinnati.
Indiana upset the smarties of Northwestern.
Apparently Boston College doesn’t want too go to the ACC championship game.
Wisconsin finally won a game by beating the fighting Zookers of Illinois.
Here’s a piece of advice: never schedule Texas Tech as a homecoming game. Just ask the Kansas Jayhawks.
The fall of Wake Forest and the rise of Miami as begun.
Minnesota is 7-1 and for real.
The gaytors of Florida hammered Kentucky by blowing them out by 58 points. Hey did they steal your plays as well?
Oklahoma scored 55 points in the 1st half against Kansas State but only 3 in the 2nd half. Oklahoma still handily won the game.
Vandy is still not bowl eligible and Couch Cut picks up another win for Duke.
Florida State beat Virginia Tech, that and the fact Virginia beat Georgia Tech means Virginia of all ACC teams is on top of the Coastal division in the ACC.
Look out folks Louisville might be back, they upset South Florida yesterday.
The beast known as Georgia reared its head yesterday by hanging 52 points at LSU. As you can see from the photo LSU fans is thrilled at all. (Click on it)
Trends started at Rutgers…
1. College football (1866)
2. Giving the finger to hovering HD cameras at college football games (2008)
For the first time in 10 years Michigan State beat Michigan at Michigan. I’m sure things are getting hot for Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez.
Texas barely wins against Oklahoma State. Folks this Oklahoma State is for real just America’s coach, Mike Gundy.
Pittsburgh was doing well but they regressed yesterday while Rutgers beat them.
Missouri took some frustration out on Colorado yesterday.
Texas A&M beat Iowa State. Check this video out. You have to love fans whose team is not performing well talking shit about the other teams. This video is hilarious!!!
JoePa gets his first win at the horseshoe since 1978 as Penn State beats Ohio State officially knocking them from playing in this year’s title game.
Washington is still winless and Notre Dame is 5-2. They could become ranked this week.
Houston Nutt took Ole Miss in to Arkansas handed them another loss. I’m he is savoring that one.
Yesterday I was listening to the Dan Patrick show on the radio. One of Patrick’s guests for the day was ABC sports caster Brent Musburger. He was on the show to discuss college football. Now personally I’m not a fan of Musburger or Patrick for that matter but it beats listening to Top 40 crap and the local Gamecock homers that are on the other stations here in Columbia.
Musburger decided to depress the listening audience. While admitting to having a personal friendship with JoePa and through the power of “candid” conversations Musburger offered the following glimpse inside the mind and life of JoePa:
“This is a tough one for me because I have to say up front that JoePa is a dear friend of mine…I’ll tell your listeners the truth as to why he still does it. He is fearful – and he looks back at Bear Bryant as the example – he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn’t fish, doesn’t play golf…he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he’s just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it.”
Remember this isn’t Musburger analyzing but rather JoePa admitting he fears dieing once he retires. It should be noted that while I’m not a fan of Penn State I am a fan of JoePa. This could be a brilliant negotiation ploy by JoePa’s agent. Get that man a raise.
If you think about it JoePa might be on to something here. After all Behr Bryant died just 28 days after announcing his retirement from Alabama.
So it’s understandable. If I gave up writing, I’m pretty sure I’d die or, even worse, get some work done. Charlie Weis feels the same way about that fourth whole turkey that JoPa feels about football.
If Brent Musburger walked away from announcing, I think some of us would live longer, or just breathe easier.
Chaos in the polls and I love it!!!! Yesterday was definitely the best slate of games this whole season and of course the best slate to surprising upsets.
Who is #1? It’s question that will be answered later today in the coaches poll and will be argued by everyone in the country.
I wonder who is feeling the heat more Tommy Bowden or Phillip Fulmer. Of course Tennessee lost because they suck no matter how hard I cheer for them. The full write up on the game verses Georgia will be tomorrow after I painstakingly watch a tape of the game later today.
Toledo’s record against Michigan improved to 1-0 yesterday which was a shocker.
I’m sure Arkansas is tanking Auburn for firing their offensive coordinator. You can the “inside” story of the firing right here.
All eyes were definitely on Texas yesterday as they upended Oklahoma.
“I’m 40! I’m a man! & I just beat Missouri bitches!” says Mike Gundy AKA America’s coach.
Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow can go back to circumcising kids now since Florida hands LSU an ugly loss. Hell Tennessee didn’t allow Florida to score that many points.
Penn St. makes an argument on why they should be considered #1. as they gave Wisconsin a second straight loss at Camp Randall.
The Texas Tech offense isn’t putting up the points it used to but manages to defeat Nebraska and avoid being upset.
USC rolled against a dead Arizona State team.
BYU won. Who cares?
What’s wrong with Ohio State’s offense? Sure they won but they only scored 16 at home.
I was one of the few people in my pick’em to pick Miss. State over Vandy. Bobby Johnson you just got Croomed!
Kansas proves that they are still a factor in the Big 12.
Everyone point and laugh at Notre Dame. OK that’s enough. I seriously wonder how much Charlie Weis weighs.
It took the G-Spot Stephen “I keyed a professor’s car” Garcia to allow South Carolina a victory or KY. Hey Brooks maybe they stole your plays as well…asshole.
Look out Virginia is 3-3.
Not only does Lou Holtz have a lisp, slobbers when he talks but he also looks like he has had a chemical peel that never healed.
Georgia Tech you barely defeated Gardner-Webb seriously WTF?
Show some love to Minnesota as they handed the Illinois Fighting Zookers a surprising loss at Illinois.
Wow Iowa actually won a game.
Dumb ass comment of the day goes to Lou Holtz when he mentioned comparing Colt McCoy’s stats to that of Vince Young’s the year Vince Young won the Heisman. The problem is Young never won the Heisman…what a dumb ass.
Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.
Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.
Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.
Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.
Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.
Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.
Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.
The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.
Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.
Fresno state continues to win and I love it.
I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.
I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!
Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!
Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.
I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.
Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?
Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.
South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.
Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.
Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.
Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.
I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.
What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?
Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.
Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.
Not so long ago Penn State was the subject of Outside the Lines a television show produced and aired by ESPN. According to the research ESPN conducted since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have faced 163 criminal charges & 27 players have been convicted of or have pleaded guilty to a combined 45 counts.
This caused uproar among Penn State fans and blogs. Several Penn State fan that I know on a personal level stated that ESPN was picking on their football program and that there was a conspiracy to sullen the name of Penn State.
Let’s get one thing straight before we continue. Tennessee has the whole ESPN conspiracy angle locked up, it’s even copy written. Maybe since Tennessee sucks now ESPN has targeted Penn State with the case of yesterday’s discovery of a “small amount” of Mary Jane in the apartment of Penn State football players by planting the weed there.
Police said a small amount of marijuana was found in a Nittany Apartments residence whose most current residents, according to university housing records, are football players AJ Wallace, Andrew Quarless, Maurice Evans and Abe Koroma.
At eight o’clock the Po Po was responding was responding to a noise complaint and smell the sweet sticky icky weed reminding them of fun times they spend at a police seminar that was held at the university of Florida two summers ago.
Knowing that smell way to well the police asked to search the premises but were denied entrance by the players. So the Po Po obtained a warrant and returned at 11:00 PM where the cannabis was promptly found. I’m sure it was in a baggy that said “Property of Stu Scott” on it.
The warrant only listed Nova, Wallace and Quarless as being at the apartment Tuesday night. Neither Evans nor Koroma was listed as being at the apartment Tuesday night, with the warrant only listing them as two of the most current tenants.
Police could not provide details on the exact amount of marijuana found because it had yet to be officially tested because the official Penn State police bong was presently missing.
Penn State quarterback Daryll Clark said he was “shocked” when he found out about the incident.
“I don’t even know what happened,” he said. “All I know is police was out at someone’s apartment. I really don’t know why. … I really don’t know what’s going on right now. I have to look into it to see what’s going on right now.”
They had THREE hours to get rid of the weed and they couldn’t figure it out? Godspeed, Penn State, Godspeed.
It must be hard to make a good plan to get rid of your dope when you are all high and shit. See that’s what weed does to you. You are rendered unable to hide weed.
I can hear the conversation right now.
“What should we do?…do we flush it?”
“Man, I paid $50 for that! Hide it somewhere!”
“Under the couch cushion?”
“Great idea”
In the player’s defense, when Joe Pa told them to stay off the grass, they thought he meant his lawn.
Well well well…today is the day that EA sports NCAA 2009 is released. There are many new features that aren’t gathering the attention they deserve, let’s go over some.
When you’re playing as Tennessee the more you lose the more stress is placed on the Great Battle Captain Phil Fulmer thus resulting in weight loss. Go for the male swimsuit model look! There’s also a special code that allows to take a virtual tour of Knoxville via police ride-a-longs. Sweet!
If you’re playing as Ohio State & make it to the BCS championship game but you’re paired against a SEC team…go ahead and press reset, you’ve automatically lost. Another note when you’re playing as Ohio State you can bypass playing Michigan game, you’ll win it every time so why waste your time.
There’s a secret Jimmy Johns mode when playing as Alabama where you can snort some of the end zone chalk.
While playing as Michigan if any opposing team makes fun of the fact you lost to Appy State you’re allowed to kick their mascot.
If you’re playing as Penn State and Joe Pa breaks his leg you can have him shot & put him out of his misery.
If you’re playing as Oklahoma and make it to a BCS bowl game just press reset you can’t win.
If you lose a game while playing as South Carolina you’re allowed to try and decapitate the opposing coach with Spurrier’s visor.
If you defeat Texas for the national championship you can kill and grill Bevo the Texas mascot or Matthew Mcconaughey your choice.
While playing as Alabama, Florida or South Carolina you’re allowed to comment crimes as players and then bail them out, supply them a lawyer and attend the trials as a spectator. There are also special codes of all three schools that allow you to use bongs, guns and stolen merchandise as “recruiting tools”.
While playing as Georgia you can have Uga defecate on any opposing coach’s shoe.
While playing against Michigan you can have the INS arrest and detain Rich Rodriguez for not having a green card on his person at the time.
If you lose to Louisiana-Monroe while playing as Alabama, you can send EA Sports a screen shot of the final score and they will ship you a loaded gun to kill yourself with, because no one should lose to them in real life much less during a freaking video game.
While playing as West Virginia you have a secret weapon in using the enormously ugly chicks as cheerleaders like the Angry Err posted here at LWS.
When playing as Ole Miss you can send dirty and obscene text messages to blond female members of press. Much like Houston Nutt did while at Arkansas.
When playing against Auburn at Auburn you have a brief window of opportunity to shoot down the eagle mascot in mid flight.
Speaking of Arkansas when you’re in coach mode you can up and quit without notice.
While playing as LSU, the more you win the bigger Les Miles’ hat gets.
Joe Pa, the underpaid coach of Penn State, is a noted Republican. PSU President Graham Spanier doesn’t pay Joe Pa enough to deal with coaching football or curtailing former presidents. That’s why Joe Pa decided against greeting Bill Clinton when the former president visited campus on behalf of his wife’s presidential campaign.
Clinton pitched the Penn State ties of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Thursday during a stop in State College, reminding the mostly youthful audience that her father and brother both played football at Penn State. In fact, brother Hugh Rodham, a 1972 graduate, was a backup quarterback under Paterno. Of course he was a backup for reason…Democrats run the practice squad & Republicans play at Penn State.
“I had a little bit of soul search I had to do when President Clinton was here the other day,” Paterno said Saturday. He said he felt that perhaps he should welcome Clinton out of respect for his status as a former president.
.
But in the end, Paterno said, “I didn’t want to get into that because of my situation, because I couldn’t vote for either one of them because I’m a Republican.”
However Paterno’s degenerate son and quarterbacks coach, Jay Paterno, supports Clinton’s rival, Sen. Barack Obama, who is scheduled to make a campaign stop at Penn State on Sunday. The younger Paterno said at the opening of Obama’s campaign office in State College that his choice was rooted in what’s best for his five children.
“The only thing I have for Jay is admiration for him because he’s willing to do what he thinks is right,” Paterno said. “He’s sticking his neck out for Obama.”
Have any questions, hate mail, private comments, cease and desist letters, story ideas, death threats (that will be published) or tips? Then drop us a line at
ymswwc@gmail.com
Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.
Not so long ago Penn State was the subject of Outside the Lines a television show produced and aired by ESPN. According to the research ESPN conducted since 2002, 46 Penn State football players have faced 163 criminal charges & 27 players have been convicted of or have pleaded guilty to a combined 45 counts.
