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Archive for the ‘jorts’ Category

Isiah Thomas is employed again no really he is

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 15, 2009

In a state known more for hurricanes, mullets and jorts comes one man to turn the college basketball scene upside down and that is Isiah Thomas. 

Now history tells us that Isiah Thomas as a coach is well…dreadful but that was at the pro level. There is no telling what he will or can do at a college level. However I believe that Thomas’ qualifications to coach a college team are nil. 

Let’s run review his qualifications and I’ll you decide: 

  • 30 years ago he played 2 years for Bobby Knight
  • He took a conference champion to a .500 record and three straight first-round playoff defeats. 
  • He bankrupted the entire ABA league.
  • He ruined the New York Knicks who at the time was a historically proud NBA franchise. 

Those things alone should bring fear to any athlete director but then there are these things that took place when he was in charge of the Knicks to consider: 

  • An $11 million sexual harassment suit
  • Accusations of racism
  • Stephan Marbury
  • OD’ing on sleeping pills to only blame the daughter
  • He’s an asshole 

It would be hard for Florida International not to get better considering their record this past season and the antics of Thomas’ past might even land them some games on ESPN but did they sell their soul in order to obtain Thomas? We see what a disaster he was at the Knicks so you should wonder if he is even capable at reading an NCAA rulebook. However you can look at it like this: If Isiah can find another job; the economy must finally be on the mend. 

Rumor has it that the students have already petitioned to change the school’s abbreviation:




In a related story, Flip Saunders has agreed to coach the Wizards. 

This is the man that FIU should have hired!

Posted in Bob Knight, Florida International University, Isiah Thomas, jorts, Kige Ramsey, NBA, NCAA Basketball, NCAA Rules Violation, New York Knicks, scandal, Sexual-Harassment Case, suicide attempt, zeke | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m betting Tim Tebow is not aroused

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 15, 2009

Nothing says Florida Football like jorts, sticky icky weed, guns and an in-home pole dance. I haven’t seen a Pole handled so expertly since the September Campaign however maybe next time she can wash her feet before filming begins. Like Tebow, she’ll never make it at the next level.

The more pressing question here is: how easy is it to get a stripper pole installed in a one-bedroom studio apartment, and how much will it cost?

Posted in Crazy Women, Florida Gators, Gator Bait Babe, jorts, Role Model, SEC Football, Strippers, Tim Tebow | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

College Football Week 12 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on November 16, 2008


Let’s be honest. Yesterday offered a plethora of crappy games. On the bright side my beloved VOLS didn’t lose, of course they didn’t play but that’s not the point.

Clemson light Duke up. One more win and they’re bowl eligible.

Will Ron Zook be asked to step down after losing yet another game?

Look out Notre Dame is now bowl eligible even though Navy had a chance to win it in the end. Charles Weis really needs to look into doing some push-ups.

Georgia and the penalties they accrue almost cost them the game against Auburn.

chompFlorida hammered South Carolina which is absolutely hilarious to me. Living in Columbia you should have heard all the things the Cock fans were saying. Deuce Staley actually said on his weekly radio talk show, “Carolina’s defense can match up with anyone’s speed in the country.” Really Deuce? You couldn’t tell from their performance yesterday.

I continuously laugh when I watch TV ads for other schools. And then a Florida ad comes on. “Go Gators. Go cure cancer.” Oh, that seems pretty simple. Tebow will take care of that in between circumcisions this off-season.

Does anyone really want to win the ACC?

Miami should be thanking Maryland for beating North Carolina.

Wisconsin discovered something called a forward pass and beat Minnesota with it.

Has anyone noticed that Nebraska is bowl eligible yet?

Missouri wins the Big 12 North…yes people that still exists.

Florida State couldn’t control penalties & Boston College’s running game at the same time.

It can be said: Vandy is bowl eligible. Kentucky might have been still mourning the humiliating loss the basketball received at the hands of VMI the night before.

Washington is still winless go figure.

Houston doesn’t have a problem as they rack up 70 points against Tulsa.

LSU almost embarrassed themselves and the SEC yesterday.

Michigan endures their first 8 loss season ever. I’m sure they’re glad they hired Rich Rodriguez now.

Posted in ACC Football, Auburn, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, boston college, Clemson Tigers, Coach Rich Rodriguez, Duke Blue Devils, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Houston Cougars, jorts, Kentucky Wildcats, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan Wolverines, Minnesota Gophers, Missouri Tigers, Nebraska Cornhuskers, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, ohio state buckeyes, Old Ball Sack Coach, Pac 10 football, Ron Zook, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Tebow, Tennessee Volunteers, Tommy Tuberville, Uga, Univeristy of Troy, Urban Meyer, Vanderbilt Commodores, vandy, Washington Huskies, Wisconsin Badgers, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

College Football Week 5 is in the books & here’s what I learned

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 28, 2008

Ah how I love upsets and there were plenty for this week.

Well the Fulmer death clock continues to tick…as always be expecting a full game grade tomorrow after I watch a tape of the game today.

Don’t look now but UCONN is 5-0, you should expect them to be ranked.

Michigan State is a contender for now…but for some reason they always implode mid season.

Speaking of imploding, Syracuse actually led Pittsburgh but ultimately lost. There’s internet chatter about Lloyd Carr becoming the next Orangemen coach.

Clemson…WTF? Oh, wait my mistake…the annual Tommy Bowden fail is occurring.

Northwestern is 5-0 and Iowa still sucks.

The miracle that occurred in the Miami-North Carolina game was amazing to watch.

Gee. Urban…is fourth down and one yard to go. You trail by one with time quickly ticking away. Why didn’t you try the 49 yard field goal? Was it arrogance? At least update the play book and run something other than a Tebow keeper. Great win for Ole Miss and the Rev. Nutt.

Fresno state continues to win and I love it.

I’m getting sick and damn tired of seeing that stupid Olive Garden commercial that they were over playing last year.

I hate F$U when I pick them to win, they let down. Win I pick to lose they win. Bastards!

Look out Notre Dame is 3-1 let’s place them in the Top 5 stat!

Rich “Dirty Sanchez” Rodriguez gets a huge…huge win against a top 10 Wisconsin team.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to the top 25 East Carolina because it is officially over.

Wow…Navy beats Wake Forest…just how bad does the ACC suck?

Oklahoma should have scored more points than they did.

South Carolina struggled against a UAB team that Tennessee blew out…interesting.

Wow Miss. State does have an offense after all, to bad they lost though.

Look for South Florida to enter the top 10 this week.

Welcome back Virginia Tech. however the first year Nebraska coach actually helped your cause by getting a 15 yard penalty for “debating” a call with the ref.

I hope Ty Willingham has called North American Moving by now.

What can I say about Alabama…other than they cheat, but they laid it on Georgia. Anyone else notice that Nick Saban is sporting the Behr Bryant alcoholism red nose?

Don’t look now but Duke is 3-1 and the Virginia coach is probably and should be suicidal at this point.

Joe Pa rules bitches but give the fighting Zookers credit for keeping it respectable.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, alcoholics, Bama Cheats, Big East, big ten football, Big Twelve Football, Clemson Tigers, Crimson Tide, David Cutcliffe, Duke Blue Devils, East Carolina Pirates, fire philip fulmer, Florida Gators, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Herban Meyer, Houston Nutt, Illinois Fighting Illini, Internet Rumors, Joe Pa, Joe Paterno, jorts, Lloyd Carr, LSU Tigers, Miami hurricanes, Michigan State Spartons, Michigan Wolverines, Nebraska Cornhuskers, Nick Saban, North Carolina Tarheels, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, notre dame sucks, Oklahoma sooners, Pac 10 football, Penn State Nittany Lions, Roll Tide, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Skip Holtz, South Florida Bulls, suicide, Tennessee Volunteers, UCLA, Uga, upsets, Urban Meyer, Virginia Tech, Wisconsin Badgers, WTF, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Warren Sapp has some choice words for Urban Meyer (Don’t we all?)

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on September 11, 2008

Yesterday America’s favorite jort wearing, Heisman trophy winning, midget porn watching and Godliest College QB, Tim “TiVo the Teabag” Tebow, stated to the Orlando Sentinel that he gets upset when someone comments on the debauchery of Meyer’s choice to kick a field goal  with 25 seconds even though the game was over about five minutes prior to that.

“I’ll have Coach Meyer’s back on anything. To say something like that about Coach Meyer isn’t true at all,” Tebow said after Monday’s practice. “If you want to talk about him, you should definitely talk about a lot of other coaches before Coach Meyer. You can talk about running the score up, I don’t care. They are paid to stop us; [offensive coordinator Dan] Mullen is paid to score. They don’t do that, oh well. But you don’t have to talk about Coach Meyer as a person and getting into recruits and all that stuff. That’s not necessary.”

“What did Coach Meyer do besides recruit good guys, try to keep guys out of jail, doing the right thing, try to work guys into being better people on the field and off the field?” Tebow said. “[He] never says anything bad about anybody, always tries to do the right thing, tries to take young boys and make them into men. We play with character, strength and honor on the field and off. I don’t think you usually see many cheap shots or anything wrong that we do. Yeah, we’re going to try to score through the whole game. That’s our job. We like playing football.”

Yes there is so much honor firing an AK-47 “to scare someone” like Ronnie Wilson did and then allowed back on the team.  (The link provides the actual 911 call)

I’m sure Jamar Hornsby is honorable after all he used a dead woman’s credit card.

Jarvis Moss & Marcus Thomas both failed multiple drugs tests.

Dee Webb, Andre Caldwell and Reggie Lewis had a $60,000 SUV stockpiled with improperly registered AK’s and guns… and they decided to shoot at apartment windows for shit and giggles.

Yes those are all honorable people under the Meyer regime.

For some reason Warren Sapp disagrees in fact he had some choice words for Meyer and his field goal team.

Ex-Canes star Warren Sapp, on a Showtime conference call Tuesday for Inside the NFL, called UF coach Urban Meyer ”a classless dirtbag” for kicking a field goal late in Florida‘s 26-3 win against UM. ”But it’s coming back in a big way” when the teams meet in 2013, he said.

This is why I think Florida and Miami should play every year. Not only will it eliminate threats made about games that are five years in the future but when you 50 people arrested & 121 people ejected there is defiantly some bad blood there.

Posted in ACC Football, Florida Gators, jorts, Miami hurricanes, mullets, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tebow, Urban Meyer, Warren Sapp | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Finally, Some Good News for Tennessee and Meyer’s 1% of 1%

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on January 10, 2008

It’s rare when I actually find good things to report about my beloved Vols. It’s also rare that I report good things without sarcasm. Well, this will be good with sarcasm. Old Phil finally found a way to be more competitive with Florida, by stealing their running back coach Stan Drayton. To some it up in a nutshell Stan wasn’t happy at Florida but don’t my written words for it take his spoken instead.

“The offense we were running in Florida did not have much involvement with the running back,” he said during a news conference Wednesday night. “There was some frustration there, I must be honest with you.”

Florida had running backs this past year? Oh you mean Tebow, play action to himself, fakes pass, runs up the middle. That was Florida’s running game last year and it worked.

Drayton has been with the Gators since Herban Meyer took over the program, helping guide Florida to the 2006 SEC and national championships. While at Florida, Drayton developed a reputation for recruiting, and named him one of its top 25 recruiters for his role in the Gators’ 2007 signing class, which was ranked No. 1 in the nation by several services. Of course losing a bowl game to Michigan probably was a factor. I mean Tennessee did win their bowl game verses a Big Eleven Ten team.

So there Gators fans ppphhhpppttttt take that.

Drayton isn’t the only Gator abandoning Meyer. Bo Williams, Trent Pupello (a player they initially compared to Jeremy Shockey) and several other players are looking to transfer to other programs.

Meyers top 1% of the 1% of players across the nation, as he likes to call them will still be there if they don’t bolt to the NFL or wind up in jail first.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of Meyer’s players.

  • Marcus Thomas failed numerous drug tests for marijuana and GHB, yet miraculously was cleared to play during a stretch run that aided the Gators to the title.
  • Brandon James was busted with marijuana during a drug bust, where he had less than 20 grams of marijuana. His indefinite suspension lasted one game versus Western Kentucky.
  • Dorian Monroe decided that he was above the law, removing a parking boot from his car and putting it in his trunk. Remember, Florida was thin at defensive back, thus it was swept away, and how in the hell do you remove a parking boot anyway?
  • Ronnie “AK-47” Wilson, was held out this season. But, it wasn’t due to the harsh penalties from Coach Meyer, it was the state law enforcement. Firing automatic weapons at people often leads to that.

Maybe Steve God Spurrier can learn a thing about discipline from Herban.

Other good news concerning Tennessee is the fact they handed Ole Miss their first loss of the season tonight, while winning their SEC opening game. Also rumors are circulating about Ryan Mallett leaving the Michigan football program and is strongly looking at Tennessee, but somehow I think Phil will fuck that up.

Posted in Big Orange, bongs, Bruce Pearl, Crime & Punishment, Florida Gators, fulmer sucks, Gator Gangsters, Gator mafia, Go Vols, Herban Meyer, jorts, Rocky Top, satire, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, trailer trash, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I dedicate this to all the Georgia fans that read this blog.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 29, 2007


Vodpod videos no longer available.

Posted in Florida Gators, Georgia Bulldogs, jorts, mark richt, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Well, Gee Look The Charges Against Tony Joiner Are “Dismissed” in Time for the LSU Game

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 5, 2007

The message was sent out Friday by the Florida Mafia known only known as the Gators. That message: You can arrest us but we’re the mafia we will NOT be prosecuted unless Godfather Meyer says so.

“Florida head coach Urban Meyer said today that Tony Joiner will travel with the team for its game at LSU on Saturday.

All charges against Joiner were dropped this morning by state prosecutors after the senior safety was arrested earlier this week on a felony burglary charge for breaking into a Gainesville tow lot and trying to retrieve his girlfriend’s impounded car. The owner of the lot called it a misunderstanding and didn’t wish to pursue charges.

Meyer stripped Joiner of his captaincy. The Gators’ head coach didn’t specify how much Joiner would play, if he would be suspended for any part of the LSU game or if he would start. Florida co-defensive coordinator Greg Mattison said the Gators were preparing to go with Dorian Munroe at strong safety if Joiner couldn’t play.

“Tony being out late on Monday is not consistent with the expectations of a leader and a team captain of our football program,” Meyer said in a statement. “Tony is no longer a captain of the Gator football team and he will pay a heavy price for his behavior internally for the next four weeks. He will travel with the team for our game vs. LSU.”

Of course he will travel, he has to play duh. Please someone define “heavy price internally” with Meyer’s track record that could simply mean no kissing Tebow in public.

“Spencer Mann, chief investigator for the State Attorney’s Office, said the charge was dropped because the towing company “believes it’s a big misunderstanding.”

“The victim is adamant that he sustained no loss or damage and does not wish to pursue criminal charges,” Mann said. “Based on that information, we cannot sustain a criminal charge. Without a victim, I have no crime.”

The Florida mafia must have really leaned on Mann hard. After all just yesterday Mann said it would take weeks to investigate and now like magic the charges are dropped. For the record when it comes to felonies you can sustain a criminal charge even if the “victim” doesn’t want to prosecute. A lot of time when a Florida fan man batters his wife and the wife doesn’t want to press charges, the police can still arrest him and the case brought to trial.

What really amazes me is how effortlessly the Gator Mafia does this with the liberal media watching every move. Has anyone heard the 911 recordings? Well, now you can right here. You’ll notice it sounds like a lot more than a “misunderstanding”.

In the second of two phone calls made from Watson’s Towing to Gainesville Police Department dispatchers early Tuesday morning, a tow company employee said he blocked in University of Florida safety Tony Joiner as Joiner tried to remove his girlfriend’s car without permission from an impound lot. In the same call, Joiner, a team captain who was arrested on a burglary charge, can be heard yelling while the employee asks police to respond faster.

According to the calls, obtained Wednesday by The Tampa Tribune, a man identifying himself as Watson’s employee Travis Watkins made the first call to GPD at 4:32 a.m.

A partial transcript of the call follows:

Watkins: “I need GPD down here now.”

Dispatcher: “At Watson’s?”

Watkins: “Yes ma’am.”

Dispatcher: “What’s going on there?”

Watkins: “Well, I had somebody trying to break into the yard trying to steal their car.”

Less than five minutes later, Watkins called again. A partial transcript follows:

Watkins: “Could I have GPD step it up please?”

Dispatcher: “OK. What’s going on now?”

Watkins: “They’re getting a little hasty with us.”

Dispatcher: “OK. What are they doing?”

Watkins: “They’re getting up in our face and [expletive]. They’ve already broken into the yard and tried to take the car, and I blocked them in.”

Dispatcher: “OK. Do they have any weapons?”

Watkins: “No. Not that I know of.”

Dispatcher: “I’m showing [an officer] on the scene right now. Do you see him yet?”

Watkins: “Yep. He’s there.”

Dispatcher: “All right. Go ahead and speak with him.”

“Stan Forron, the owner of the impound lot, said Tuesday that the incident was “a miscommunication” and that Joiner should not have been arrested. Forron told several media outlets, including The Tampa Tribune, that he wasn’t present for the incident. He told the Miami Herald, however, that he was on premises unbeknownst to his employees.

An employee who answered the phone at Watson’s on Wednesday said Forron would not return to work until Monday and declined to provide an alternate phone number. Forron did not respond immediately to a voice mail left on his office line.”

Wow, that sounds like a brilliant CYA move, or he is sequestered somewhere in witness protection. Hats off to the Florida Mafia, but let’s not forget that in reality they owe it all to Steve God Spurrier, since he in amazing fashion, single handedly had the felony charge of gun possession that Cook was facing dropped.

So I profess on this day 10/05/07.


Posted in ass chewing, bongs, Emanuel Cook, Florida Gators, Herban Meyer, jorts, LSU Tigers, mullets, Police, repo, SEC Coaches, Steve Spurrier, tony joiner, Urban Meyer | Leave a Comment »

An Update on Florida’s Newest Mafia Member Tony “Hotlips For Tebow” Joiner.

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 3, 2007

If you recall yesterday around lunchtime I posted a story about Tebows make-out buddy during the UT-Florida game and roommate Tony Joiner, who was arrested and charged with felony burglary Tuesday. Apparently the story is changing faster than Meyer can roll a Sweet Stinky Weed “cigarette” after a victory. I believe someone from the Florida Mafia is influencing some witnesses with bribes of full bongs and promises to have dinner at the Meyer house for a discounted rate of $500,000.

“Florida senior captain Tony Joiner was arrested early Tuesday for removing his girlfriend’s car from the property of Watson’s Towing in Gainesville. But the property owner is upset he was detained and says the whole thing was a misunderstanding more than a crime.

Stan Forron told Florida Today that if it was his decision, Joiner would just pay him the $76 he was owed for the towing and charges would be dropped. If State Attorney Bill Cervone agrees, that’s exactly what could happen.

“I don’t think (Gator athletes) should be treated any differently, better or worse,” Forron said. “The towing company just wants their money, not anything else. This kid should not have been arrested for what he did. To me, that’s just crazy.”

You’re right removing a car from impound isn’t a big deal when the tow bill is paid for, but this isn’t just any car, it’s his “girlfriend’s” car which means must be Tebows.

Cervone has the discretion to drop the charges, if he doesn’t see reason to continue. The fact that Forron doesn’t want Joiner to be charged could increase the chance the Gator star’s legal issues will not end up in court.

“I will consider the victim’s wishes and make the decision as to what to do based on that and all other factors involved,” Cervone said told Florida Today.

Florida coach Urban Meyer said after practice Tuesday night he was “still evaluating” the situation and hadn’t made a decision on Joiner’s status for Saturday’s 8:28 p.m. game at top-ranked LSU on CBS, which could have major implications both in the SEC and nationally. Joiner will not practice with the team until a decision is made, however.

“I think in his head he wasn’t trying to do anything wrong,” said Gators quarterback Tim Tebow, who is also Joiner’s roommate. “Yes, I think he should (play).”

Well of course you think he should play, you’re his room mate and team mate. I’m pretty sure Meyer will let him play, we all know how he is the strict disciplinarian. Strict meaning suspended for 10 minutes one game.

According to a Gainesville Police Department incident report, teammate and fellow senior safety Kyle Jackson drove Joiner to the towing company but never entered the gate.

Forron says that Joiner had actually talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and had made arrangements to pick up the car. The employee left to get some food and the gate to the company was left open. Joiner showed up to pay the towing bill, waited for some time and got impatient and decided to go ahead and take the car and worry about the bill later.

But another employee noticed the car being removed and called the police. Forron claims a worker at Watson’s Towing told the Gainesville Police not to charge Joiner, that the company just wanted the money Joiner was supposed to pay.”

Uh huh rrriiiggghhhtttt. Around 90% of the time, if that was true of course, that’s what would have happen. I have a feeling it didn’t exactly happen like that.

Forron said he was preparing to go out of town so he was at the towing company early Tuesday morning and left the gate unlocked when he left. Around 4:30 a.m., Joiner was spotted removing the car and stopped by an employee.”

Wait, in one statement the owner said Joiner talked to the dispatcher who was working early Tuesday morning and another employee left the gate open while on a food errand, and now it was the owner who conveniently “left” the gate unlocked. Which is which? The Florida Mafia has this poor man so shaken up even he can’t get the story he was told to say straight.

In the GPD arrest report obtained by Florida Today, Officer Robert Concannon wrote: “According to witnesses, the defendant did commit a burglary by forcibly (pushing an electric gate open) entering a fenced compound with the intent to commit an offense therein. The compound was not open to the public and the defendant was not licensed or invited to enter.”

Nah can’t be the gate was left “open” by the owner or someone…

The statement also reads that Joiner was attempting to pull the gate shut when he was stopped by a witness. Joiner then drove the car back inside the gate and waited for the police to arrive.”

The GPD arrest report also states that Joiner was talking on a cell phone when Concannon arrived and said, “I am probably about to go to jail ‘cuz I did push the gate open.”

Well, this is great now Joiner is contradicting what the owner claims happened. Meyer better get a handle on this, no Mafia of the Gators should look this dysfunctional.

Joiner also told Concannon on the way to jail that he intended to pay the bill but got impatient.

As far as Forron is concerned, he’s angry Joiner was arrested.

“What he did was wrong,” Forron said. “We’re not saying he’s an angel and shouldn’t pay. But why all of a sudden is he being arrested for something that happened numerous times throughout the years and nobody else has been arrested?”

So you mean to tell me that for numerous times over the years you’ve had people come and break in and take cars? Have you ever reported this to the Gunsville Gainesville police department? Or was this some scam concocted by a Florida booster to funnel money into the “Gator Football Herb Garden”?

Joiner, from Haines City, was released on his own recognizance on Tuesday afternoon. Under the conditions he cannot have any contact with Watson’s Towing and he has a curfew from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. except for school or work.”

I love this response by King Meyer, it’s bongoliciously great.

“I know college kids do stuff,” Meyer said. “I’d rather not (have them go out) after games but I’m not a police officer either. So I can’t lock them down completely, I just lecture and teach. There are a lot of people out at 2 a.m. I’d rather our guys not be out.”

Here’s an idea Meyer try FUCKING DISCIPLINING them!!!! For Spurrier’s God’s sake, you’re the coach, try putting the bong down and acting like one off the field for a change. No wonder the following incidences have happened under your regime:

  • Offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson was charged with two felonies and a misdemeanor in April following a gun incident near campus. Wilson pleaded no contest to battery and discharging a firearm and was suspended indefinitely from the team.
  • Linebacker Dustin Doe was charged in April with fighting in public after a brawl at a downtown parking garage. The misdemeanor charge was later dismissed.
  • Safety Jamar Hornsby had a sworn complaint filed against him in April after he allegedly tossed a man onto the hood of a woman’s car in a parking lot.
  • Safety Dorian Munroe was charged with felony theft in May when he removed a University Police boot from his car and put it in his trunk. The charge was later dropped.
  • Safety John Curtis was arrested in May on a probation violation stemming from his failure to complete five days of community service for an alcohol possession charge.
  • Cornerback Jacques Rickerson was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession in May. His case was resolved without legal punishment. Running back Brandon James faced a similar charge in June. He was sentenced to six months’ probation and community service.
  • Rickerson and James were suspended for Florida’s season opener.
  • In February 2006, wide receiver Kenneth Tookes accidentally fired a gun into an occupied apartment, while receiver Andre Caldwell and cornerbacks Reggie Lewis and Dee Webb stood nearby. And defensive tackle Marcus Thomas was dismissed from the team last season after failing three drug tests.

Now maybe someone at Florida should teach Meyer that no matter how brilliant of a coach you are on the field, the players still need guidance off the field as well.

So I profess on this day 10/03/07.


Posted in bongs, boosters, Discipline, drugs, Fines, Florida Gators, Florida Sucks, Herban Meyer, jorts, satire, SEC Coaches, Urban Meyer | 1 Comment »

SEC Beattitudes

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on October 2, 2007

Joel the resident guest writer has written this next piece.

*Blessed be Alabama, for they are stuck in the ‘70’s. Blessed be Alabama fans, keep them patient when a coach goes 11-1 and be with their brown paper sacks, so they not be “holey”, so the money doesn’t fall out on the way to a recruit’s house.

*Blessed be Kentucky and its basketball program, for ensuring that a delusional fan base doesn’t just include Alabama. Blessed be Kentucky for giving us the 50 shots of Ashley Judd during national televised basketball games (bless her indeed)

*Blessed be Arkansas, for thou has taken advantage of the Freedom of Information Act. Blessed be Coach Houston Nutt, for he knows how to recruit and maintain a top notch QB and WR recruit, and he also knows how to call offensive plays (RB left, RB right, RB middle, just like 10 Yard Fight on NES)

*Blessed be South Carolina, for having little to no football tradition, if you consider years of mediocrity tradition. Blessed be Steve Spurrier, for he is part of the Holy Trinity. If you don’t believe him, ask him. Click Clack.

*Blessed be Auburn, for their Gulfstream is filled with gas and ready to get a football coach at the drop of the hat. Blessed be Tuberville, for I have a protective hedge around him. When the chips are down, I bless him with an upset win, and the annual Bama win.

*Blessed be Ole Miss, for while there sports on a whole suck, I have populated “The Grove” with a factory of beautiful young ladies that all can enjoy when visiting Oxford. Blessed be their fan base for thinking Coach O will lead them to 4 wins this year.

*Blessed be Miss. State, for Croom cleaning up a cluster—fu—mess and motivating the players, but having no talent. I will be with him when he gets fired, but not before I give him another upset win (I’m thinking Tennessee or Arkansas).

*Blessed be Tennessee, for mediocrity has set in its football program. Blessed be the basketball season upcoming, for both teams shall at least be in the Elite 8, and make Vol fans forget about the orange colored Stay Puft Marshmallow Man coaching football.

*Blessed be Florida, for being not only the kings of college sports for the moment, but also for drug running and gun toting. Your athletes shall do their best “Tony Montana” impression with the big guns and your fans will watch with mullets feathered.

*Blessed be LSU, for winning the National Championship this year despite the head coach. Blessed be night games at “Death Valley”, for the smell of alcohol and boudin prevail. Blessed be Pokey Chatman, for at least being a cute “sinner”…

*Blessed be Georgia, for having coaches with perfect hair (Richt, Landers) and for giving the Big Least Conference hope that they can win a BCS bowl and having Mountaineer fans bring up your Sugar Bowl loss on a regular basis. Thank you…

*Blessed be Vanderbilt, for we all need, lawyers, accountants, sports agents, wirters, doctors, neurosurgeons, college professors, chemists, physicists, and all around Mensa members.

The Saban one is gold.

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