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Lance Armstrong has the Power to Turn You into a Crack Addict

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 20, 2008

Everyone knows the accomplishments of Lance Armstrong.

  • Testicular cancer survivor, a germ cell tumor that metastasized to his brain and lungs in 1996
  • Won the Tour de France seven consecutive times, from 1999 to 2005
  • The most hated man in France
  • Porked singer Sheryl Crow
  • Founder of Lance Armstrong Foundation
  • Currently porking Kate Hudson

Let’s add another accomplishment to the list. Armstrong is the reason “Chad” is a crack addict at least that’s the excuse he used on A&E’s Intervention.

One former teammate claims: Lance Armstrong was already a big star at that point. I think a lot of the young riders that were there were in awe of somebody like that. Chad wasn’t necessarily somebody in awe of anything.”

Some other former douche bag teammate: “Chad walked up to Lance and called him a ‘doughboy’ and pushed his belly in and Lance got really upset.”

Chad our heroic crack head: “Needless to say, the next morning I was asked to leave the Olympic Training Center.”

I’m glad there’s no such thing as personal responsibility anymore. Life’s unfair and it’s all Armstrong’s fault. Never mind the fact the guy poked Armstrong and called him a ‘doughboy’ it’s Armstrong’s fault that Chad is such a pompous asshole as well.

Does this mean the yellow Livestrong bracelet is now considered drug paraphernalia? “Chad” might be on to something here. My life sucks and I’ve turned to drugs to cope with it (caffeine & the new dark chocolate M&Ms) it must be Lance’s fault!! That bastard!

Posted in A&E's Intervention, Crack, drugs, Lance Armstrong, Livestrong | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »