Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain

A Sports Blog on why ALL Teams Suck…Again!

Archive for the ‘Lane Kiffin’ Category

The 2009 Big Orange Roundtable. Vol III

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 27, 2009

It’s that time again…time for the Big Orange Roundtable and this week I get to be king! Now I know some of you readers have been e-mailing me and wanting me to behead the idiot coach who didn’t pick Tim Tebow as No. 1 Super Duper QB of the year that also walks on water and has a platinum halo, all because he can’t read and let someone else fill out his preseason ballot out, but there will be no bloodshed during this roundtable session. Let go straight to the questions! 

1. Now that we have covered the receivers & QB’s, let’s get to the running game. Just how much improved do you think the running game will be? 

Well considering Foster fumbled A LOT plus the fact he was slow you had to clock him using a sundial, I would say it be greatly improved. 

First off we have Montario Hardesty who was getting rave reviews throughout the spring practices, and then we have Tauren Poole from what I understand he might be the next starting running back this season when all is said and done. 

We did recruit some guy by the name Bryce Brown who happened to be the number No.1 overall prospect in the 2009 class by Rivals.com … Rated No. 1 at running back by Scout.com and No. 2 by ESPN. Oh yeah we also have David Oku the No. 1 overall all-purpose back and the No. 97 overall recruit in the 2009 class by Rivals.com. 

With an energized line and a simpler offense of play action pass and ramming down the other team’s throats, I believe the running game will have a huge impact on this upcoming season and rank somewhere in the top 20.    

Auburn-Playbook-R

We believe this was drawn up during last years game with Auburn...damn Clawson my head hurts trying to figure this out.

2. During the SEC media days, Kiffin made the comment “Do I love every single thing I’ve done my (first) seven months? No, I haven’t loved having to do it. But it needed to be done, in my opinion, for us to get where we needed to be.” What do you think he was talking about? 

I sincerely believe he was referring to the decisions he had to make about players and recruits. I believe he was referring too having to withdraw scholarships to those that were offered by the previous coaching staff and he was referring to letting some of the current roster go.  

3. Do you think giving Mike Hamilton a big raise and extension is a mistake before seeing how Kiffin performs as a head coach?

Yes! Let’s play what-if. What if Kiffin and this staff flops and everyone is canned, think about the money that will need to be paid out. If Kiffin does let go then surely Hamilton will need to be let go as well. You can’t the wave of the Bruce Pearl hiring forever. With this new raise then there’s even more money that will need to be paid out. It was a huge mistake on the university’s part in my opinion.  

4. What is the one game Tennessee needs to win this season? 

cry_cocky

I said it last year and I’ll say it again. Beat the Shamecocks of South Carolina. There is no excuse for not winning this game. Both teams have new assistant coaches and as of right now both teams have questions about their quarterbacks. 

South Carolina lost a lot on both sides of the ball especially the defensive side. If Kiffin and this staff want respect within this league then beating the ole ball (sac) coach is the way to go about it. 

Please remember to visit the sites of my fellow Big Orange Roundtable brethren and see their replies:

MoonDogSports.com 

3rd Saturday in Blogtober

Vol Junkies 

Pigskin Pathos 

Rocky Top Talk 

Bleeding Orange 

Gate 21

Losers With Socks

Advertisements

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, Tim Tebow | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

The 2009 Big Orange Roundtable. Vol II

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 22, 2009

This weeks host is the Third Saturday in Blogtober. As always the same rules apply. They ask some question and I and other blogs will answer them. So let’s go to the Roundtable!

1. We will start with an easy one.  Last week, our beloved Rock was relocated across the street to make room for a new building on campus.  What are your thoughts on the Rock’s relocation?

While I was sad the see the Rock was being moved I understand the reasons why. Tennessee needs the new student health center and it’s beneficial to everyone.

2(a).  Wednesday is the beginning of SEC Media Days in Birmingham, which usually signifies that the season is just around the corner.  What would you prefer that Coach Lane Kiffin do this week: Speak up or shut up?

STFU! Don’t say anything stupid be kind with your answers and say “No comment” a lot.

2(b).  If you could take back one thing that Coach Kiffin has done or said to this point, what would it be?

Wow that’s a hard on. Don’t get me wrong, I like Kiffin (and his hot wife) but damn. Anywho calling Urban Meyer was stupid. I realize that he said to fire up fan base but it was stupid nonetheless.

kiffin dumb

3.  The biggest news of last week on the football front was that seemingly our entire receiving corps is in the infirmary. Austin Rogers is lost for the year, Denarius Moore is going to miss several games at a minimum, and Gerald Jones has an injured wing that may cause him to miss some games.  Although it seems like it is time to hit the panic button, is there a way out of this for the Vols?

I’m not worried about it because even though I like Rogers he dropped more his share of passes. I know that’s a crappy thing it type but it’s true. I wish him the best and I do hope the NCAA grants him another year of eligibility. We have Nu’Keese Richardson, Quintin Hancock & Brandon Warren. All of whom I believe will be ready to play.

I also think we will get Gerald Jones by the second or third game of the season. Of course if Crompton is as bad as he was last year, will it really matter?

4. Basketball recruit Josh Selby decommitted from the Vols over the weekend, and many suspect it is because he wants to play for a Nike school.  Tennessee is an Adidas school, and there is speculation that future sponsorship money with Nike may be at stake if Selby doesn’t go to a Nike school like Kentucky.  This obviously has ramifications in all sports, so what do you make of all this? (NOTE: The NFL is a Reebok league, which is owned by Adidas.)

It’s funny that Selby is doing this because he was at the camp where LeBron was dunked on by a college player from Xavier University, who by the way is an Adidas school. Here is a link to a high def version of the video!!! Not the crappy cell phone version TMZ here.

LeBron gets dunked on.

Let’s look at one thing though. This kid committed when he was 16-years old. I’m not that surprised that he changed his mind…he’s 16 for goodness sakes. What is most disturbing is the fact he MIGHT feel pressured or “persuaded” by someone like “World Wide” William Wesley who as a rather public relationship with John Calipari. I think the bigger question should be: When will the NCAA ever investigate this guy?

Please remember to visit the sites of my fellow Big Orange Roundtable brethren and see their replys:

MoonDogSports.com

Vol Junkies

Pigskin Pathos

Rocky Top Talk

Bleeding Orange

Gate 21

Loser With Socks

Posted in Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, LeBron James, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable, Urban Meyer | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

It’s time to kick off the 2009 Big Orange Roundtable

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on July 14, 2009

2009-BORt-Banner-Light-1

What you think one bad season was going to break-up the mighty roundtable? To that I say HA! <flips you the bird>

Before we begin I would like to welcome out newest Big Orange Roundtable members to the brotherhood: Vol Junkies, Pigskin Pathos & Bleeding Orange welcome aboard!

For those that aren’t familiar with the Roundtable I’m going to quote Moondog because he’s cool like that.

For those of you not familiar with the roundtable, each week leading up to the start of the season one of the participating sites will serve as the host, asking questions for the other members of the roundtable to answer.

As the week progresses and the member web sites answer the questions, we’ll post a link to their responses. This year nine sites will be discussing every aspect of the upcoming season and for Volunteer fans, it’s a great opportunity to present your views.

In addition to MoonDog Sports, the Big Orange Roundtable consists of the 3rd Saturday in Blogtober, Your Mother Slept With Wilt Chamberlain, Vol Junkies, Pigskin Pathos, Rocky Top Talk, Bleeding Orange, Gate 21 and Losers With Socks.

At the end of the week after all of the sites have had a chance to respond, the host site will post a review with the best answers to the week’s questions.

We’re less than two months from Football Time in Tennessee so let’s get this year’s version of the Big Orange Roundtable kicked off.

Moondog and his awesome site, MoonDogSports.com, are the first blog to host the Big Orange Roundtable. Let’s see the questions he has for us.

  1. In my mind, this season’s success — or failure — centers around one man, Jonathan Crompton. What is your opinion of Crompton’s ability to run Lane Kiffin’s pro-style offense? Can Crompton overcome his miserable 2008 season and lead the Vols to a winning record?

If Crompton can be the Crompton who played extremely well while filling in for Erik Ainge a few years ago then he should fine. However that being said I’m not like some of us who believe he will have a breakout season because he won’t. Crompton is not smart enough to be a great QB. I’m sorry but it’s true, but he does have the tools physically.

Crompton09

Trust me the caveman might be smarter

The story is that last year the Clawson offense was confusing and the players were not the right fit for it. From what I saw in the spring game, King Kiffin® has simplified the offense and kept it simple. (I’m sure Crompton is thankful for that.) Crompton was productive in the spring game and Stephens was also productive.

I believe Crompton can lead the VOLS to a winning record but not by himself. There will have to be a lot of hand holding on Kiffin’s part for Crompton to succeed. If Crompton doesn’t succeed then for the love of God, yank him and put Stephens in.

  1. Last season, the kicking game was mediocre at best, and the special teams — especially the punt coverage unit — was a disaster. Daniel Lincoln returns as the kicker and Chad Cunningham will return as the punter. What are you thoughts about the Vols kicking game and special teams?

The main reason I believe the kicking game was in disarray is because some former coach <cough Phil Fulmer cough> didn’t believe in having a special teams coach. Well that’s been rectified. With the addition of Eddie Gran more time can be spent on special teams and with the kickers. I believe this to be a major factor and I believe that Lincoln Logs and Cunningham will be just fine this coming season.

  1. Tennessee’s offensive line was thought to be a strength in 2008, but like the rest of the offensive unit, didn’t perform well. What are your thoughts regarding the offensive line for 2009?

First let me start that last year our offensive line couldn’t block their way out of a Gymboree. I know this might sound like a cop out but again I think Clawson had something to do with this. I know offensive linemen are considered to be smarter than other players but after looking at some of the schemes from year I believe some bio chemists couldn’t figure what he wanted to run.

I believe this year the line should be much improved which will also help in other areas of the game such as QB and the running game.

  1. Tennessee finished 5-7 last season, a huge disappointment for a team expected to perform much better. How do you believe the Vols will finish in 2009?

Eight & four. We will lose to Bama, Florida, Ole Piss and Georgia. We should win the rest of our games hands down. For once we have an easy schedule with only four road games.

That’s it for this weeks Roundtable be sure to check the other blogs to see their answers to these questions.

3rd Saturday in Blogtober

MoonDogSports.com

Vol Junkies

Pigskin Pathos

Rocky Top Talk

Bleeding Orange

Gate 21

Loser With Socks

Posted in cromptonites, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Rocky Top, SEC, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Tennessee Volunteers, The Big Orange Roundtable | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

It’s the Lane Kiffin Show

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on June 24, 2009

I did not create this, however it’s funny as hell.

Posted in Alabama Crimson Tide, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Nick Saban, Tennessee Volunteers, The Lane Kiffin Show | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

The rise of King Kiffin on Twitter

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 21, 2009

TweeterKiffin

Now that Lane Kiffin has proven that either he or his staff will use any kind of technology to get him and the school in trouble, I’ve taken drastic measures and I’ve taken his Twitter privileges away. From here on out if he feels the need to twitter then he has to go through me and I’ll post it under the name King Kiffin.

I’ve actually been doing this for a couple of weeks because his 140 Twitters are extremely boring. (Watching game film.) Mine will be funnier and there won’t be some dumb ass assistant writing them. Personally I would like to see Layla register for a Twitter account.

I keep expecting to see something like this on Lane’s ramblings:

Got up this morning, got caught violating NCAA rules again. Caught wife in bed with Bruce Pearl.

Or this:

LaneKiffinUT@BrucePearl: LOL I Kno! Why do they call us the Volunteers if we get paid, right? g2g, don’t tell Pat about my twitter account! ROTFL!

I picture Kiffin being wheeled away from Knoxville, strapped down to a hand truck, with a mask over his face to prevent him talking.

Somewhere in a dark chamber Al Davis is laughing maniacally. And as soon as someone finds him, changes his soiled britches, brings him back upstairs and tells him about this he’ll laugh even harder.

So if want to start follow King Kiffin on Twitter feel free to if all else fails it will at least be funnier than Ron Zook’s babblings.

Posted in dumbass, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Ron Zook, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers, Twitter, Zooker | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

An open letter to Ariel Alejo

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on May 19, 2009

Dear Ariel Alejo

While I’ll openly admit that King Kiffin’s® comments that were made about the very school which you are the principal of, Pahokee High School, was stupid and wrong. Please understand that Kiffin is a dumbass at times but he’s our dumbass so we have to love him. (Unless he doesn’t win)

Now the comments were made on February 4th & King Kiffin® has long since apologized for them. Somehow you didn’t get the memo and ordered assistant coach Gran of the school property on May 4th during a recent recruiting visit. And then you removed that Gator logo from your gay website how convenient…

Well King Kiffin® used his political pull and Coach Gran will be at the practice today along with the assistant mayor of Pahokee. You see the assistant mayor is a man about things and realizes that King Kiffin® made an apology not once but twice and that is good enough for him. He also sees where this hurting the kids in your school.

“I don’t think the words were from the heart,” Crawford said of Kiffin’s comments from the recruiting celebration. “I think he was caught up in the minute and just said something. I don’t think it came from his heart. I really don’t. I’ve done things like that myself. After saying them, you find out what you said and how it affects the community or a person you either said them to or about.”

I realize this is probably embarrassing for you but remember King Kiffin® owns your school and you’re just his little bitch, so please get use to it. Learn from it and learn to love it. Fear the Kiffin.

So in closing think about these words and suck it.

Sincerely,

YMSWWC.com

Posted in Florida Sucks, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Pahokee High School, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Bruce Pearl attempts to sway Layla Kiffin?

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on April 29, 2009

We all know Bruce Pearl has a smoking hot girlfriend. But does he have his eyes set on smoking hot mother of three Layla Kiffin

Clay Travis reports that the energetic basketball coach was asked at a Tennessee alumni reception about how he was getting along with King Kiffin©, who was also in attendance, and Pearl had this to say: 

“I’m trying to date his wife. But that’s not working out too good.” 

God bless Pearl and his creepy advances. I like Bruce Pearl’s chances with Layla Kiffin better than Lane Kiffin’s chances against Florida this year.

Ordinarily an off the cuff remark such as this one should be taken as good nature ribbing. But remember King Kiffin© was annoyed when Layla was Google searched by professional internet masturbators. Will Pearl feel King Kiffin’s wrath via kick in his horny balls? Could we blame Kiffin if he did that? But they appear to be getting along just fine and received a standing ovation at the event. 

Another fun factoid: As a Florida Gator undergrad, Layla was a member of the notorious Zeta Tau Alpha sorority, which counts America’s Sideline Princess Erin Andrews as one of its members.

Honestly, if she had a Tom Selleck mustache, I’d still hit it.

Posted in Bruce Pearl, Erin Andrews, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Layla Kiffin, SEC Coaches, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Breaking down the 2009 Tennessee recruiting class

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on February 6, 2009

helmet

Well signing day has come and gone and of course most Tennessee fans are happy with this years results given that King Kiffin®  had a limited time getting them. Plus this class is ranked considerably ranked higher than last years.

With this class being ranked so much higher I found it more difficult to make fun of analyze them properly,  but I’ll give a try.

Since last year’s breakdown was such a success I’m here to breakdown this year’s recruiting class. Hopefully I’ll find another gem like Carson Anderson who is currently writing the “The Tao of Fat & Stupid Phil Fulmer” as I type.

askew1

Jerod Askew ****

Position:  Middle Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Virginia Tech
  • West Virginia
  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Maryland
  • Michigan
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Toughness
  • Hitting ability
  • 4.7 GPA
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • 4.7 GPA. He studies too much when he should be learning the playbook and breaking laws
  • Size

Prediction:

This is one that Saban wanted and the Bama nation (of trailers) is not happy to lose this one. He will apply that lofty GPA to graduate early, cure cancer, develop time traveling wormholes & prank call Saban every chance he gets. This will all be completed as he sits on the bench because he proved he was indeed smarter than the entire coaching put together.

edwards

Mike Edwards ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Cincinnati
  • Illinois
  • Indiana
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota

Strengths:

  • Great cover skills
  • Not afraid of contact

Weaknesses:

  • Wears funny looking hats

Prediction:

Will most likely lose an ear due to forgetting to take out the earring while he is being beaten down for wearing that funny hat.

gordon

Eric Gordon ****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Alabama
  • Oklahoma
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Speed
  • Natural athletic ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Dazed look on his face

Prediction:

There’s a reason as to why he face looks so dazed… Here’s a hint…he is clueless as to who Phelps is because if he knew…. Let’s leave it at that.

green1

James Green ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • Ole Miss
  • NC State
  • Ohio State
  • South Carolina
  • Syracuse

Strengths:

  • Great hands
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Speed
  • Looks like he can’t grow a full mustache

Prediction:

He will most likely injure his upper lip attempting to shave the mystery mustache over and over again. It’s a mystery because no one else can see it! ZING!

jackson

Janzen Jackson *****

Position: Cornerback

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas A&M
  • Alabama
  • LSU

Strengths:

  • Body Control
  • Burst out of breaks
  • Tackling ability
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs

Weaknesses:

  • Backpedal quickness
  • Coverage awareness
  • First name is to similar to cheesy designer Jantzen who makes the worse freaking backpacks ever!!!
  • Boy-band good looks
  • Rumored to have a huge crush on Latoya Jackson

Prediction:

Will most like start his own boy-band called the “U of Tees” and record a mega-hit titled I wish I was the one who knocked up Candice Parker. Eventually the money from that one hit will run out and become the next Ryan Seacrest.

jeffery

Arthur Jeffrey ****

Position: Defensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • F$U
  • Georgia
  • South Florida

Strengths:

  • Athleticism
  • Body control and balance
  • Size
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Looks mean

Weaknesses:

  • Strength
  • Technique

Prediction:

Will become the bodyguard for the “U of Tees”.

king

Greg King ***

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Arkansas
  • Auburn
  • Miami (FL)
  • Oklahoma State
  • Texas Tech

Strengths:

  • Looks mean
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Hitting ability
  • Size
  • Speed

Weaknesses:

  • Discipline
  • Tackling Technique

Prediction:

15-30 give or take time off for good behavior

thornton

Nigel Mitchell-Thornton ***

Position: Inside Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Wake Forest
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • Maryland
  • Miss. State
  • Nebraska
  • NC State
  • Oklahoma State
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Aggressiveness
  • Athleticism
  • Size
  • 3.4 GPA
  • 1320 SAT

Weaknesses:

  • Foot quickness
  • Pass coverage Skills
  • 1320 SAT. It’s obvious all his life has been football and books so it’s likely he’s still a virgin.
  • Smugness

Prediction

Great another smart one. Nigel will most likely realize that Wake Forest is the place for three star players. There he will realize that he studied so hard instead of dating because he’s gay. This will cause him to promptly flunk out of Wake Forest and settle with some special boy. All the while that smug look will not leave his face.

myles

Darren Myles ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky
  • LSU
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame

Strengths:

  • Closing speed
  • Coverage Awareness
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer
  • Did not want to be referred to as a “Coon-ass” or smell like corndogs
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis

Weaknesses:

  • Recover Ability
  • Gives the thumbs up
  • Smiles

Prediction:

It quickly becomes aware to Darren and those around him, that he just to darn happy to be a SEC football player. Ladies and gentlemen meet the manger of the “U of Tees”. Pssttt Darren give everyone the thumbs up sign.

nelson

Robert Nelson ***

Position: Inside linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Auburn
  • West Virginia
  • Miss State
  • NC State
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Attacks the line of scrimmage with reckless abandonment
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Coverage Skills

Prediction:

You might be asking yourself “Does he look high in that photo?” and the answer is YES! Robert will major in agriculture and develop a potent new pot plant and become famously rich from one customer alone, Michael Phelps.

oliver

Nyshier Oliver ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Boston College
  • Georgia
  • Michigan
  • Notre Dame
  • Penn State
  • Strengths:
  • Toughness
  • Found a way to beat the Jedi mindtricks of Charlie Weis
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Looks mean and is mean

Weaknesses:

  • I’m very frightened of this person so please don’t ask me.

Prediction:

Coming from the mean streets of New Jersey there are two things Oliver knows: football and pimpology. Oliver will be the meanest pimp in orange the world has ever seen. Does Nyshier have to choke a Bama fan?

Glamour Shots!

Glamour Shots!

Kevin Revis ***

Position: Offensive Guard

Other schools that offered:

  • Vandy
  • Wake Forest
  • Auburn
  • Duke
  • Georgia Tech
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • ACT score of 28
  • Body Control and balance
  • Feet
  • Quickness of the ball
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Pass protection
  • Looks incredibility gay in photos
  • Wannbe boy-band good looks

Prediction:

Kevin will fall into a deep depression after being rejected for the fifth member position of the “U of Tees” and will start drinking heavily. He will later be known as the “American Idol Mauler” for beating up and molesting Janzen Jackson during a taping in the last season of the show.

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Please quit calling me Meyer!

Nu’keese Richardson ****

Position: Wide Receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Miami (FL)
  • Michigan
  • South Carolina
  • So Cal.

Strengths:

  • Speed, speed and more speed
  • Explosiveness
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Once he publicly wore a Florida hat.

Prediction:

I hope he has blocking skills because…oh wait sorry I forget Fulmer was no longer the coach. After a much publicized comment King Kiffin® made about Meyer allegedly cheating to gain the services of Nu’keese, he goes on to have a wonderful career at some other school because he transfers out of Tennessee due to Florida scoring 80 on Tennessee. Way to go Kiffin…

rogers

Zach Rogers ***

Position: Wide receiver

Other schools that offered:

  • Texas Tech
  • Vandy
  • Alabama
  • Auburn
  • Colorado
  • North Carolina
  • Duke
  • South Carolina
  • Stanford

Strengths:

  • Relative of Austin Rogers
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Big Ears
  • Mr. Potato Head lips
  • Has that “Please punch me” look about him.

Prediction:

Zach will eclipse every receiving record that Austin Rogers set, which isn’t saying a lot. However he will also become to stand-in lip model for Steve Tyler’s life story as told by the Oxygen network.

Marlon Walls ****

Position: Linebacker

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • Ole Miss
  • Miami (FL)
  • Virginia Tech

Strengths:

  • Fools people by making them think he’s high all the time

Weakness:

  • He really is high all time.

Prediction:

He will be kicked off the team in his junior year for drug use. He’ll then go to some small school get an internship to the publication “High Times”. Twenty years later he’ll be the editor.

schofield

JerQuari Schofield ****

Position: Offensive tackle

Other schools that offered:

  • Clemson
  • South Carolina

Strengths:

  • Size
  • Resisted the bong hits with Michael Phelps that South Carolina had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Resembles what Gary Coleman would look like if he grew

Prediction:

Like most offensive tackles we will never hear from him again until he allows a sack.

sykes

Rae Sykes

Position: Strongside Defensive End

Other schools that offered:

  • Juco Transfer

Strengths:

  • None that I could find

Weaknesses:

  • See strengths

Prediction:

Sykes was part of the 2007 signing class. He was ranked as the #14 DE in the nation by Rivals that year. Is it me or does he look like a cocky smartass? I have a feeling he will remind Vol fans of another Juco transfer named Kenny O’Neil.

teague

Marsalis Teague ****

Position: Athlete

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Clemson
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Michigan
  • Ole Miss

Strengths:

  • Elusive
  • Playmaker
  • Speed
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Route running

Prediction:

This is another one that King Kiffin stole from Meyer.  Since Tennessee isn’t sponsored by Under Armor that means Teague will not get to wear that idiotic headgear. As a result Teague will transfer to another school that is sponsored by Under Armor, Hawaii.

williams

Toney Williams ****

Position: Fullback

Other schools that offered:

  • Alabama
  • Florida
  • Georgia Tech
  • Kentucky

Strengths:

  • Instincts
  • Power
  • Size
  • Resisted the bags of cash and Jimmy Johns brand of cocaine that Alabama had to offer
  • Resisted the guns, stinky weed and jorts that Florida had to offer

Weaknesses:

  • Smiles
  • Change of direction
  • Cutback ability

Prediction:

Will transfer to Georgia Tech after he realizes that Tennessee doesn’t really have the kind of running backs he wants to block for, the kind that actually like smiling.

Posted in College Football, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, NCAA Rules Violation, Rocky Top, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, Sports, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Broken Plays: Don’t expect too much from us this week

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 22, 2008

With this being the week of Christmas it’s just a fair warning of not to expect too much from us this week.

Joel has a family which comes first and I have to drink a lot of bourbon and play Santa and the mall. (I’m just kidding about the Santa part) HO HO Hell!

Another South Carolina coach says “Screw you guys I’m going to Tennessee!” South Carolina strength coach Mark Smith has accepted an offer to join new Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin’s staff in the same capacity. Smith is considered one the best in the business and here is a collection of before and after pictures of Smith’s work.

Eric Berry can potentially kill someone now; it’s scary to imagine that boy any bigger.

It’s King Kiffin’s Kourt and don’t you forget it! King Kiffin attended the Tennessee basketball game this past Saturday and was asked about upsetting God Spurrier and loser interim Raiders coach Tom Cable with the recent coaching hires.

“I don’t really care,” Kiffin said Saturday. “I got a job to do in our athletic department and that’s to put together the best staff we can put together and the best players we can put together. I’m not really concerned about that stuff.

“If Steve’s concerned about my test, I got 39 out of 40,” Kiffin said, responding to comments made by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier about whether Kiffin had passed the required NCAA recruiting test before contacting prospects. “I’d like to see what he got.”

Boom….headshot….I love it.

The photo above validates my desire to become a NFL referee. Garth DiFelice lays to wood on Saint Louis Rams Kenneth Darby with Tyson like precision. Who knew DiFelice vs. Darby would have more clean shots than Holyfield vs. Valuev?

Also Oakland showed that they have some life left in them. Not that I care but I wanted to use this picture.

Pacman makes it rain without showing remorse. This chick made it snow and is a crying mess, however she can sweep up the floor. She apparently set off the fire alarm during finals week at Okalahoma but I think she crying over the fear of Bob Stoops losing yet another BCS bowl game.

Don’t forget your dignity while you’re sweeping there, honey. I think I saw it over there by the dust bunnies.

Posted in big ten football, Fail, Fights, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, King Kiffin, Lane Kiffin, Oakland Raiders, Oklahoma sooners, SEC Coaches, Steve Spurrier | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Du(n)ce Staley shows ignorance while lambasting David Reaves

Posted by Thomas the Terrible on December 10, 2008

Du(n)ce Staley, I’m sure you have heard the name before. He is a former Gamecock and a failure of the NFL. Hey when you’re a third string back and the team you are playing for promotes some mope from the practice squad to starter when the first two backs are injured, you’re a failure. He now is a radio host of a local radio call-in show called  The Halftime Show, here in Columbia, SC.

The reason I’m bashing Du(n)ce is because of his non-stop whining about the newly hired recruiting coordinator David Reaves. For those that don’t know Reeves is Kiffin’s brother-in-law so when Kiffin was hired as head football coach at Tennessee he naturally offered Reaves a job. Before Reaves was hired at Tennessee he was the recruiting coordinator for the USC Gamecocks. Are we clear on that? Good.

Since that hiring has occurred there has been a lot of bashing by people like Du(n)ce and of course Gamecock fans.

Du(n)ce went on a seven minute tirade about Reaves’ leaving and accused Reaves of illegal recruiting and “turning his back on Steve Spurrier who treated him like a son” and so forth. Of course all the things Du(n)ce repeated were here-say taken from blogs with no actual proof. Du(n)ce then demanded that the shows producer Michael Haney call Reaves to get him on the phone live and on air so he can answer for these misgivings.

Michael Haney is the one in long sleeves, Jay Philips is the one that resembles a gay Mr. Spock and of course Du(n)ce is in the middle.

Well surprisingly Reaves did chat with Du(n)ce, live and on air and you can listen to phone conversation right here. In fact I implore you to listen to it before you continue reading.

Now going back to that conversation Reaves answers all of Du(n)ce’s questions with logical answers. Of course since Du(n)ce is so the man he claims to be I want to know why his comments after the phone call with Reaves aren’t available.

Du(n)ce claimed that Reaves was lying of course that doesn’t get published on the site so Reaves will not know. Du(n)ce also back traced when some Gamecock fans called in and told Du(n)ce to let it go and get over it. Du(n)ce then claimed he wasn’t questioning the recruiting tactics but instead he was upset that Reaves (supposedly) burned bridges with the coach. Of course that does not get on that joke of website either.

Du(n)ce, Reaves told you he had spoken to Spurrier about this why don’t you confirm this before shooting off your trap? Oh I know why, it’s because you don’t have the access to the Old Ball (Sac) Coach that you claim to right?

Here’s a better idea Du(n)ce why not let Spurrier handle his own business instead of making an ass out yourself on a regular basis?

One thing when dealing with Du(n)ce if you don’t agree with him or his stance 100% he always says things like “Did you play in the NFL?” or in this case he told a Gamecock fan “Have you ever been a part of the recruiting process, because I have so don’t tell me about it.” Nice listener relation skills Du(n)ce. If you ever wonder why you’re not on some national radio show or TV analysis, try listening to yourself and the asinine comments you make.

And yes I’m e-mailing a copy of this to Du(n)ce it won’t be the first or last time we have butted heads in the past.

Posted in David Reeves, Duce Staley, Go Big Orange, Go Vols, Lane Kiffin, SEC Coaches, SEC Football, South Carolina Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier, Tennessee Volunteers | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »